3 12898

My tongue is my enemy. You may have certainly noticed that I am a social person. I'm a talker)I’ll say more, I love to talk so much and learn more interesting things from a new interlocutor that sometimes I don’t control the conversation. No, don’t think, I don’t engage in foul language) I just say a lot of unnecessary things, things that shouldn’t be said. Well, here we go again... A few weeks ago, one very influential person in our circles, in a confidential conversation, advised me to tell my relatives, friends, and acquaintances less about what is happening to me. I countered that my upbringing required me to be completely honest and open with people. I’m just curious about who what happened to, and I won’t hesitate to tell you about myself. So...I'm leading to the fact that I consider talkativeness to be my vice. And now I’ll tell you how to deal with it. This is what I've been living with lately))

Motivation:

• Every woman should have her own zest, a mystery, and what kind of mystery can you have if you tell everything: how you woke up in the morning, who you met on the way to work, and what you thought about in this situation...
• chatty a person is never taken seriously - you understand the difference between “chattering” and “uttering”, it’s as if someone invented the words.
• and if they don’t take you seriously, then you won’t get any respect, even less so.
• We continue the logical chain: they don’t respect me, which means it will be very difficult for me to achieve influence and, as a result of power. What did you think? I pursue only mercantile goals and want to enslave the universe at all costs))) If you join my sect, you are welcome!
• here an argument may arise: if I have a good appearance, then no one pays attention to what and how I say. The whole point is that I adhere to the principle “If you’re going to build, then build it thoroughly,” yes, at first everyone looks at your eyes, legs, smile, etc., but then everyone gets tired of everything and people want more, they try you on fortress. Let's not disappoint them and ourselves, because we are not lazy to become better every day.

Psychological techniques that will help in this difficult matter " don't talk too much«:

• The most important thing is to remember that you have decided to watch your speech. sometimes it’s very difficult, but what’s easy is to “break loose” and again say unnecessary things about yourself to people who don’t need to know it.
• remember that by giving information about yourself to others, you become weaker and more defenseless. After all, none of us likes to be at the center of gossip and gossip, but there will always be well-wishers.
• listen more - it would be good to show interest in the person you are interlocutor - two birds with one stone (see 2 previous points)
• answer direct questions about yourself vaguely)) Don’t say everything as best you can, choose your words more carefully. These are your cards in the game of life and you don’t have to open them)

One little girl I know, when asked a question that she doesn’t want to answer, says: “The wind is blowing” (pausing while exposing her face to the wind))))) How simple it is for children, but how brilliant, damn take it!

• I also like the concept of the Japanese “culture of silence.” It implies control, conveying information to the interlocutor without words. You don’t say anything, but people listen to you with their mouths open)) That’s it!

How to stop telling everything about yourself

If someone talks too much about themselves, it will lead to self-centeredness. Because frequent use of the phrase “I” will be a clear cause of self-centered behavior. And some psychologists note this behavior of people as simply a childish character trait, which it is high time to get rid of. Because, usually, children intend to be in the center of attention of adults and they really like to talk about themselves and their actions. And adults, even if they are not interested, will listen to the child with the thoughts on their heads “after all, he has not grown up yet.” In such circumstances, it is enough for an adult to understand that he has already grown up and no one is interested in listening to his monologue with the more frequently repeated phrase “I”.

In addition, an endless story about one’s troubles, failures or achievements leads to the dissemination of personal information between people, which may include enemies who are ready to use the received data for evil purposes. Therefore, it is better to introduce a diary and write down thoughts there that should not be shared with others.

Silence is golden

Mindless chatter has more than once deprived people of friends, acquaintances and a significant other (+ reputation). Therefore, before you start talking, you need to count to 10 and this time will be enough to determine whether it is worth talking about it or not?

Of course, silence is good. But it shouldn’t be too long so that the interlocutor doesn’t get bored.

Also, you need to learn to spend a short time in a quiet place and alone. In this way, you can understand your feelings, listen to your thoughts and change character traits that confuse you when communicating with others.

I’ll also hang up such a reminder picture in my place so that I can be less frank with customers, otherwise everyone will be so close at once...)))

We were taught from childhood: “Silence is golden.” But not everyone has this wisdom in their heads. And only in maturity, having gained life experience, do we understand the true meaning of these words and try to solve the problem of how to learn not to say too much.

Each of us knows that in some cases our words can hurt someone. In addition, there are people who react extremely sharply to criticism. For example, any kind of remarks will clearly not please your boss or a sneaky colleague who is used to discussing others. Naturally, your word will immediately turn into a problem.
Or imagine that you are talking with an incorrigible stubborn person who categorically does not want to consider your point of view. Moreover, he does not even understand that all people have different opinions. Is there any point in having a conversation with him? Of course not. You'll just be wasting your time.

How to learn to keep your mouth shut and not talk too much

Those who are able to immediately think everything over and calculate ahead take the situation into their own hands. And those who do not yet possess such a skill gain bitter experience. And it’s very good if a person can learn from his mistakes.

In what cases should you close your mouth so as not to say too much?

The issue being discussed does not concern you

The company started talking about one person with a “vibrant life.” You are intrigued and eager for details. I really want to ask you to tell me more, and it seems that the narrator is ready to provide you with all the comprehensive information. But is it worth asking?

Advice. Stop and shut up! You are not a gossip or a grandmother from a bench at the entrance, right? Keep listening and don't get involved in the conversation. This will be much better than participating in a conversation and ironically commenting on every remark. Unless, of course, you want to get the status of a “tongue scratcher.” Remember that your curiosity can lead to awkward moments.

Personal matter

Close relationships, correspondence, secrets, feelings for a partner, various actions - all this should be kept only to oneself and not spread among others. No stranger should know about your personal life. If something is tormenting you, then you need to talk about it directly with your partner or go to a psychologist. Moreover, the latter option will be much more effective than the first. A qualified specialist will give you truly wise advice, and most importantly, keep everything secret, unlike curious “well-wishers.”
But, unfortunately, many ladies like to discuss their personal lives with their friends, among whom there is hardly a real psychologist or wise woman. And, alas and ah, most of their advice will turn out to be wrong (and maybe even harmful). And you don’t have to exclude the fact that people are talking about you around every corner. Some people simply feel sorry, others scoff. But this is not so important. It's high time to understand that people love to gossip and live someone else's life, and nothing can be done about it. Therefore, the personal should always remain personal.

Advice. If something doesn’t allow you to live in peace, and you don’t have money for a psychologist, you can create an anonymous account on a psychological forum and simply talk it out. But remember that this is not a very reliable option.

Happiness loves silence

Advice. Some people believe that sharing good news with someone increases happiness. But, alas, this is not entirely true. Even if you don’t believe in various evil eyes, damage and curses, this is not excluded. And the point here is completely different. Just because of your boasting, a person’s self-esteem may decrease, and he will fall into a depressed state. It’s stupid, of course, but it happens. Always try to manage your emotions and keep your secrets to yourself.

Strange companion

In each of our lives there have been people who turn our words inside out. They say about such people: “If he doesn’t hear it, he’ll make it up.” This “eccentric” may not understand the essence of the conversation one bit, but still insert his comments. Or a story may happen that he will completely change your words and turn them against you. Then it won’t seem like enough.

Advice. Avoid such people. You can't expect anything good from them. Communication with them is the same as playing with a grenade. Don't you regret the time spent on them?

Phrases are out of place

There are times when you are not in the topic of conversation, but you want to talk. Here, too, you should deliberately remain silent, since people will most likely accuse you of wanting to be clever. And to some extent they will be right. For example, there is a conversation about blue whales. Without knowing anything about them, you give out some kind of nonsense that lowers you in the eyes of others.

Advice. For the love of God, just stay quiet if you don't know anything about the topic being discussed. And if you were asked about this, then do not be afraid to admit that you simply do not know the matter.

Argument

Anger clouds your eyes, your mind fades for a moment... The unfortunate interlocutor irritates you, infuriates you even more, and you are about to break loose and attack him with your fists. Or, on the contrary, say everything you think about him, and then don’t care about his further actions. Let him cry or drown himself out of grief. What's wrong with that? You're right. Stop! Pull yourself together and stop the quarrel. Politely apologize and get out of sight.

Advice. Criticism is not needed unless it is urgently needed. If a person turns out to be wrong, he will still find a thousand arguments that will make him seem absolutely fair. This is an elementary psychological defense. Or maybe he will act differently altogether: he will do something stupid that will harm either him or you. Or both of you.

Remember: you should never give advice if you are not obligated to do so as part of your job. Of course, it’s hard to resist commenting when you’re being pestered with questions like, “What would you do in this situation?” or “What do you think about this?”, but nothing can be done. You don’t know how it will be better, which means, without meaning to, you can give bad advice.
If you begin to express an opinion, you will automatically take responsibility for a person’s fate. Because it is possible that the interlocutor, having heard your opinion, will take it as a guide to action.

Advice. If you are simply required to listen to the person, that is a different matter. Put down your phone (or remove anything that will distract you from your interlocutor) and just become a “vest” for this person for a while. This way you will help him without imposing your opinion and without inducing him to act as you yourself consider necessary. It will be just great if at the same time you can refrain from condemnation, praise and all kinds of recommendations. If you succeed, you can consider your action a feat, which is not a sin and to be proud of.

We talk, but carefully

Always avoid topics such as politics, religion, finance. It is forbidden to talk about this in polite society. Therefore, conversations on these topics should not be started at all, especially in unfamiliar companies.
Do you believe in God? Great! But you shouldn’t encourage others to share your opinion; your outlook on life may not coincide with someone. And if you start a discussion, conflict cannot be avoided.
Do you think we should vote for Grushin? So vote! But don’t throw mud at Yablokov and don’t agitate to exclude him from the list of candidates. All this can again create a conflict situation.

Advice. In principle, it is possible to talk about these topics, but only in those moments when there is absolutely nothing to fill a long pause, and the silence looks awkward.

The ability not to say too much can significantly increase your authority in society. Isn't this a reason to seriously master the art of keeping your mouth shut?

Remember how many times you scolded yourself:

“What a fool! Well, why not keep your mouth shut?! My tongue is my enemy?! How to learn to be silent until my life is completely ruined?!” and further in the same spirit.

Surely - countless numbers, especially if you generally like to chat and the tongue is the most trained organ in your body.

It is language incontinence that harms many people, turns others against them and even destroys lives.

Today I will teach you how to avoid this.

How can I learn to be silent, after all?!

People are creatures different from each other.

And, if you need to extract at least some articulate sounds from someone with pincers, others ventilate their mouths with enviable regularity.

“A chatterbox and a gossip!” - that’s how they characterized my cousin many acquaintances.

Moreover, she was not a gossip in the classical sense of the word.

She never discussed people in a negative way, did not say nasty things about them, and did not even condemn them for bad actions.

Lena is generally the kindest creature.

Her whole sin was that she passionately and ardently loved to talk.

She didn’t care what it was about, the main thing was not to remain silent.

It always seemed to us that if Lena had been, for example, an intelligence officer, she would have endured physical torture steadfastly, but she would never have been forbidden to talk.

After 10 minutes of silence, she would have betrayed all her secrets to the enemy.

Her shortcoming was quite annoying, but her family tolerated it, and Lena herself didn’t think it was time for her to think about it. how to learn to be silent until one bad thing happened.

Her fiancé was getting a promotion at work.

In order to get a leadership position, he needed to successfully carry out one advertising campaign.

He created a magnificent project, but, unfortunately, he shared it with Lena.

She, despite the promise “Don’t talk about it!”, unnoticed to herself, shared what she heard with her colleague.

“It is better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to speak up and dispel all doubts.”
Mark Twain

And the colleague was dating a guy who was competing with Lena’s fiancé for the position. I think you understand what happened next? Both the customer and the director liked the project, but it was not Lena’s fiancé who presented it, but his rival, and he was the one who received the promotion.

The upset and angry groom left Lena.

The girl suffered, but decided to fight her shortcoming, which was destroying her life.

Learning to remain silent is a vital necessity

To many chatterboxes, who were not thrown out of the saddle by a sharp turn of fate, as happened with my Lena, it seems that their shortcoming is a mere trifle, with which there is no need to fight at all.

Well, there are people who gesticulate, there are those who snore in their sleep or slurp while eating, but you never know the number of people who feel great with their vices. “Someone is slurping, but we love to talk,” they exclaim, “and we don’t need to tell at all, how to learn to be silent!».

I am convinced that the position “love me as I am” is the lot of the weak, who are simply incapable of change and cover up their deformities with imaginary confidence.

If I still haven’t convinced you that silence is golden, let’s see what you say to the following arguments:

1. Sooner or later people start to shy away from those who talk too much.
   Think about how long it will take to lose your friends and soulmate.
2. Chatterboxes are a synonym for the word gossip.
   Do you want to live with such a reputation?
3. If you tell everyone around about your plans, then the possibility of their implementation is reduced by at least 50%.
4. Do you know how many people suffer from verbal diarrhea?
   Not at all!
5. The quality of your life directly depends on the quality of your speech.
   If you unleash streams of creation on those around you every day, how successful can your existence be?

Do you still think that your talkativeness is not a vice, but a character trait?

Then think about the people who have been hurt by your “specialness”!

How angry Masha was with you when you blabbed about her secret, or how offended brother Sasha was for a long time when you shared information about his secret love with your parents, or what an unpleasant quarrel you had with Natasha because you told your whole company about their problems with Petya.

If you're still not ashamed, then you're a lost man, go talk to someone.

For those who are ready to change, I want to offer a few effective recommendations.

Actually, it takes willpower to shut up. Therefore, start by training this most useful quality.

Experts also advise:

Spend more time alone.

I hope you're not talking to yourself yet? No?

Then the lack of interlocutors will wean you from chatting all day long.

Use your breath.

Whenever you feel like opening your mouth to spew unnecessary words at your interlocutor, take a few deep breaths. This should be enough time for you to change your mind about talking nonsense.

This may not teach you to keep your mouth shut, but you will be telling people something useful and interesting, and not all sorts of nonsense.

Give your mouth something to do.

No! This advice is not permission to overeat.
Fill your mouth not with food, but with chewing gum, water, tea.

Don't be selfish.

Namely, they are talkers who harass everyone around them with their conversations.

It is likely that during this time you will change your mind about saying something unnecessary or will completely forget what you wanted to say.

1. Switch energy, which you spend on unnecessary conversations, on something useful: career, social activities, sports, etc.
2. , who will tell you more often: “Shut your mouth!”
3. Buy a player with headphones, which will not allow you to hear conversations around you, and therefore not to participate in them.
4. Start living your life rather than discussing the problems of others.

A few facts about silence

why is it sometimes important to remain silent, and when is it not worth remaining silent,

watch in the following video:

If you really can't do it learn to be silent, then try to turn your disadvantage into an advantage.

Find a field of activity in which your communication skills will be useful: journalist, advertising agent, salesperson, administrator, etc.

During the day you will talk so much with your clients that you simply won’t have the energy left for empty chatter about anything.

Useful article? Don't miss new ones!
Enter your email and receive new articles by email

A person's talkativeness is considered one of the characteristics of his character. Sometimes useful, and sometimes not so much. It is believed that it is easier for a sociable person to make new acquaintances and find a common language with different people, such people quickly find a compromise and are often the life of the party. However, an outgoing person may seem intrusive and self-centered. Some time after the start of communication, the interlocutor may have a desire to get rid of the annoying friend. A talkative person can create a problem out of nowhere, so even close people try to refrain from communicating with him. Over time, someone who likes to talk may end up completely alone.

Awareness of the problem

Everyone knows that in order to solve any problem in yourself, first of all, you need to understand what its cause is. You should be wary if you spend everything on talking free time, if a conversation on the phone can last for an hour and, most importantly, if only you take an active part in the conversation. Friends, relatives and colleagues may hint about your shortcoming, in which case you should listen to them. If, when meeting an acquaintance on the street, you quickly move on to a lengthy discussion, then this is already a problem.

One day rule

Choose one day a week that will be spent in silence and conversations on this day will be short. On such a day, it is good to do meditation or yoga, activities that are aimed at developing the inner world. It’s good to spend the evening of such a day reading your favorite book, and during the day you can take a walk in the park. By establishing such a rule, you can learn to conduct an internal dialogue with yourself. By listening to your inner feelings it is easy to find answers to complex questions. Gradually, restraint will appear in behavior, which talkative people so lack.

Listening skills

Give the other person the right to speak. Sometimes you need to listen to other people and listen to other people's opinions. By listening to your interlocutor, you can gain new information and create a pleasant impression. When talking, you should ask questions and be interested in the other person’s opinion, and not just express your point of view. With this behavior you make it clear that you are interested in the interlocutor and the topic of conversation.

Brevity makes people beautiful

Express your thoughts in multiples. There is no need to talk about something you saw or heard in all the small details. It is enough to convey what happened in two or three short sentences that will convey the main idea to the interlocutor.

Pay attention to your interlocutor

The conversation should be ended if the other person stops listening or loses interest in the conversation. In this case, the interlocutor can send you small signals, for example, by yawning or short answers to questions. It's best to end the conversation and move on to other things.

Don't go to extremes

Identifying and eliminating your own character flaws is never easy. But it should be remembered that a person, having overcome one or another shortcoming, becomes wiser and smarter. Of course, you shouldn’t go to extremes and become a gloomy and withdrawn person either.

Excessive talkativeness can become a real problem both for the person who has this trait and for everyone around him. People, for the most part, try to reduce their time communicating with chatterboxes to a minimum, without telling them any secrets, secrets, or any other important information. This is not surprising, because someone who likes to talk a lot can spill the beans even without meaning to. In addition, verbose people are often considered arrogant and annoying, which negatively affects their reputation. Fortunately, there is a solution to the problem of talkativeness. To do this, you just need to find out how to stop talking too much.

The “first sign” that the problem of talkativeness is relevant for you is that if, during a conversation with someone, they make a remark to you that you have gone away from the essence of the conversation, started telling something that is not relevant, or the interlocutor does not understand what you want to tell him. If such comments are being made to you more and more often, it’s time for you to take your communication style seriously and make an effort to stop being talkative.

How to stop talking too much? To do this, you need to learn to express your thoughts briefly and concisely. You must learn to formulate short, but succinct and informative phrases in your mind without delay. If you do it slowly, then your friend may think that you are simply ignoring him, that you do not understand the question, or, even worse, that you are slow-witted.

Learn to speak less not only during a direct conversation with a person, but also during telephone conversations. Set a hard limit for yourself that cannot be violated under any circumstances. In some cases, e-mail can be a good helper, since when composing any letter, you can always carefully consider each of your phrases and leave only the best of them.

In those cases when you need to make a speech, no matter whether at a team meeting or congratulations on an anniversary, be sure to think about its content in advance. This doesn't mean you have to memorize it, just remember its structure and what needs to be said first. Having such “beacons” you can stay on track with the main topic without going into the jungle of verbiage.

To stop talking too much, remember that you don't have to take part in every conversation you hear, especially if those conversations have nothing to do with you. If you are talking with someone and suddenly notice that they have already stopped listening to you or are listening, but are doing it only out of politeness, immediately stop speaking.

Try to do a simple exercise every day, the essence of which is to retell a read passage from a book as concisely and informatively as possible. You should only use a few sentences for this. The fewer there are, the better. This will teach you to be concise and tell your interlocutor only the information that is actually important.

Do not forget that in the eyes of others, chatterboxes seem to them to be stupid, narrow-minded and uninteresting people.

To be fair, it is worth saying that talkativeness can be not only a negative quality, but also a positive one. For example, those people who love to talk easily expand the scope of their communication, they do not have difficulty choosing the right words, and most of them are wonderful storytellers. Moreover, by communicating with those who have no one else to turn to, talkers take on a role and save people from loneliness, melancholy and stress.

If you love and enjoy the process of communication, you should not completely eradicate this quality in yourself. Just know when to stop everything, and also learn to choose the time and place for your conversations. Don't forget that your talkativeness can cause harm to someone.