"Loves!" - the answer suggests itself, but... Perhaps you would like to think so, to revel in his dependence on your feelings, to please a woman’s pride, but the guy’s motives may be different, less pleasant. Let's think together, why is a guy interested in you if he already has another girl?

Banal boredom

Really - banal. Let's call boredom nostalgia, and your soul will feel warmer. The young man is not bored, but nostalgic. The new girl prepared his favorite pancakes, but the guy remembered that only for yours he was ready to give his soul to the devil. On TV, the guy is watching your favorite series with him, which your friends called stupid, and only you two understood this subtle humor. Snow is falling outside the window, and the guy thought it was greetings from you.

This nostalgia is beautiful... But, again, is the guy nostalgic or is he just bored, because his current crush is hanging out in the kitchen and preparing him a mind-blowing culinary masterpiece, the TV is playing tired series, and the weather outside is bad? So he wanders the Internet in the hope of killing boredom. And here is your page on social networks with new photos, posts, comments. He comes in without fear of detection. And since he’s not afraid to shine, it means he doesn’t care whether it seems to you that he’s not languishing out of boredom, but misses you.

Curiosity

Of course, you can also see soul-warming motives in a guy’s curiosity: he doesn’t care what happens to you, he’s worried and still loves you. This is also possible. But! Again, this nasty “but”... A guy may simply be curious about your existence outside of his life, as he would be interested in a sold car: whether it broke down without him, whether it obeys the other owner and whether he is going to return it because he disappointed him. The guy has fears that you too will be “returned” or that you will return yourself, call, look for a reason to meet, and he wants to be ready for this.

The guy’s curiosity may have another selfish goal. He needs to know to what extent your suffering has reached without him. Are you tearing your hair out, have you lost weight or, on the contrary, have you gained weight by eating/drinking away your grief? Or maybe you changed hands out of boredom, and now everyone will understand that you were good only while you were with him. a real man? Or he sincerely worries about you and is interested in your life, because he still feels responsible and is waiting for the moment when another man will “pick you up”, and the guy will be able to shift moral responsibility onto him with relief.

Boasting

An ex-boyfriend may periodically flash into your life so that you bite your elbows, seeing that he has blossomed without you like a May daffodil: a new girl, a new car, new house, new job etc. This is especially common among guys whose break-ups were initiated by girls. Men's pride is very vulnerable, and after such abuse it requires rehabilitation. And nothing restores self-esteem better than wiping your ex’s nose. Let her envy and gnaw not only her elbows, but also her knees and heels, realizing what a cool pepper she threw.

Revenge is a cold dish, so the guy will serve it in doses, especially since great success is not a quick thing. He may disappear, appear, and disappear again, only to reappear in your life with new victories. A guy will tease you about his success, get close to you so you can touch them and feel how much you've missed. Then he will leave again for a long time, leaving you with the hope that perhaps, when you earn his affection and love, he will think about taking you in as a yard dog. Why yard? Yes, because you ruined your breed when you abandoned him.

Had a fight with my wife (girlfriend)

In this case, he also takes revenge, but not on you, his ex, but on his present one. God knows why she didn’t please the guy, but she urgently needs to be punished so that it doesn’t happen like with you: they climbed out on their heads and dangled their legs, took advantage of his kindness, pushed him around like a hornless goat. So he decided to become... a goat, and still hornless, because he urgently needed to give horns to his new passion. And who better to deal with this than the ex. And it will be more painful for the current friend to learn that this honorable mission went to her ex.

The new young lady will begin to think that you are still significant to him, he remembers, misses you and perhaps even wants you back. You can think the same thing, but don’t rush. Of course, no one denies such a prospect, but this could also be stupid revenge, when he immediately kills two birds with one stone, or rather hares. One feels that she can lose him and become a new ex, so she begins to value him more and please him, while the other consoles herself with the hope that love is still possible, and also jumps out of... jeans so that the guy remains both satisfied and with her. As an option. But maybe not everything is so simple. The guy just needs a temporary shelter, although in any case you have already passed the stage. It will simply migrate, but it’s up to you to decide whether you want to be a transit station for it or an alternate airfield.

Loves

This is the very option that lovers are waiting for ex-boyfriend The girls and those who abandoned him are afraid, but they regret that they did not bury him. A guy madly in love is capable of a lot. Of course, it’s nice if he appears in your life unobtrusively, and then only to give you a million red roses, shower you with diamonds, and arrange a concert of your favorite artist in your honor. But even such attention can turn out to be extremely unpleasant and disgusting if the guy was abandoned as unnecessary or he has already begun to make you pretty sick.

It’s another matter if the guy is dearly loved, left on his own, or circumstances were such that you had to break up. Then, of course, his behavior demonstrating love for you will be a holiday, happiness, new life. But before you rejoice, know that you must believe not the words, likes and comments under your posts, but real actions. And second: exclude all the reasons described above that motivate a guy to get closer, and if you succeed honestly, reciprocate his feelings. However, remember: giving a second chance to a person who has already betrayed you once is the same as giving a bullet to someone who missed you the first time.

Most people reading this have exes. I would like to think that everyone has, because this is the experience of love and feelings (sometimes negative).

And probably many people have one in their “memory cabinet” that is not gathering dust. The relationship has ended or faded away, and he appears periodically.

The formats of “phenomena” are different. One writes nightly messages: “How are you? Just wanted to know if you were okay.” Another calls during lunch break: “Did you bother me?” The third sits on a bench at the entrance: “This life is complicated... I was waiting to just talk to you...” And the fourth is interested in your personal life.

In general, they remind us of themselves as best they can. The stated reasons for calls, SMS and sudden likes are banal and stupid. Well, who will believe that he is interested in your affairs? Or did you happen to pass by? Nobody!

Because such comebacks are not accidental, you think. This is a sacred encrypted message from the universe: “Baby, this is your destiny, isn’t it clear?!”

And you sit with him at night, texting. Or you drop what you’re doing and listen to the details of his faded life. In general, you are falling for provocations. Not the universe, but him.

The Universe is tired of teaching you and showing you what this relationship leads to. Because every time it’s the same thing – it shows up and goes off into the night again. And it hurts, but you don’t lose hope. “This time it will certainly be different!” It’s not in vain that it doesn’t disappear forever. So it's fate.

Exactly. There is essentially no love or relationship, but yes there is a mystical connection.

If I were wise, I would listen to the universe and read the signs correctly - “I decided to leave, so it’s goodbye!”

But you don't want to see the truth. You want it your way. So that his returns would mean something. Important. Love, for example. Or the desire to get married. And don't lie to yourself! If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t pick up the phone, I wouldn’t answer messages, I would block in social networks 2 years ago.

Is it sad to hear this? It's hard without hope. And he gives it occasionally, this is his advantage.

This is how we live - he gives you hope, and you give him yourself and dignity: “I’m still waiting for you, you are dear to me, I remember everything...”.

Periodic returns of a man and reminders of himself are not love. This is disrespect for a woman!

Love is when you haven't left. And an episodic comeback is: “Does she still remember me? Maybe he loves? I am cool! So what if I can’t act like a man and stop asserting myself at the expense of the one I loved. I will appear in her life as much as I want, because only against the backdrop of women suffering for me do I feel like a man!”

And yes, you chose this one. Moreover, you continue to do this, reacting to it. Stop it immediately! You deserve not an alpha, but a Man. You know how to love, give a second chance, forgive, remember the good and hope for the best. Don't waste such precious and rare qualities on someone who doesn't need it.

“Eternal return...” You broke up with a man, but he periodically reminds you of himself. Why? updated: April 20, 2019 by: Tatiana Belokonskaya

Good evening. I have this situation. We haven’t been living with our ex-husband for about three months, we divorced even earlier for a year, but we got together because we wanted to fix everything, our daughter is growing up. Did not work out. Now he has another girl, he seems to be dating her, but at the same time he is an eyesore for me. How? Well, first of all, it appeared in the agent, although before that it was always invisible to me, now it hangs again in my list of online contacts, I deleted it from there. Further it cousin who is on the list of my friends on the social network, posts a photo of them together with a new passion on his home page. I probably wouldn’t have paid attention to this photo if it had been somewhere in his albums and not on his profile picture. Going to his page on the social network, I saw all the videos from my page on his list, I realized that he often dives into my profile out of curiosity. And in conclusion he introduces all our family friends to new girl without much shame for the fact that they will tell me about it anyway and I will find out about it. Does a person really care so much that it would be at least unpleasant for me to know all this? Or is this being done with some hidden intent???

Answers from psychologists

Aliya, hello!

There is always a motive behind the actions that a person performs. And only the person himself knows about it.

The impression is that there is some kind of incompleteness and unsaidness left in your relationship, and, in connection with this, your husband, in this way, expresses his feelings (it’s just not clear whether this is a feeling of anger, resentment or some other).

Try to ignore all this. Accordingly, for this to work, do not raise this topic with any of your mutual acquaintances; accept it with a condescending smile if someone brings it up. Thus, you will show that he will not be able to achieve the goal that he has.

Any of your reactions that he learns about will give him a reason to consider himself to have achieved his goal.

But your indifference will give a different result. And for your internal state - this will only bring benefits.

If necessary, please contact us personally for advice.

All the best to you!

Best regards, Inna.

Hello Aliya! Very often, former married couples, while officially divorced, continue to actively meddle in each other’s lives. Someone wants to “annoy”, hurt their ex-spouse, show or prove that at this moment in their life everything is fine, etc. and so on. Something similar is happening in your situation. You will not be able to change your ex-spouse, but you will certainly change your attitude towards everything that is happening and as regards him. within my power. It may not be so easy to do this on your own, but you can contact a qualified specialist in your city. I think after such work, you will be able to live a full life, calmly reacting to everything that your ex-husband. “Forget and ignore” is impossible, and even useless, since he was part of your life. You need to understand, accept and say goodbye. The past must remain in the past, making room for a new present and future. Think about it. Good luck to you!

Hello, my name is Anya, I’m 20 years old, at the age of 16-17 I had my first love with a very handsome and charming martyr, he was 18-19 then, we dated for 6 months, then, due to my youthful stupidity, we ran away! He quickly got new girlfriend with whom he is still together to this day, although I had a relationship after him for 2 years, now it’s new and I seem to love it, everything is wonderful, but there is one thing... for some reason he reminds me of himself every year or year and a half, maybe he’ll come , saying that he misses her and even loves her, but he won’t leave her and disappears again! WHAT IS THIS? Why? I don’t know... the thing is that he REALLY loves himself, he loved to show off himself in front of the mirror, and he himself is one hundred percent sure that I don’t miss him and he brazenly tells me this himself, now I went to work in another city with my boyfriend, but because of his visit to me before leaving (I arrived at night, stumbled into the entrance drunk and started saying that I always missed him) he can’t get out of my head now... because of this quarrels with mine, breakdowns:(I, of course, heard that it is difficult to forget your first love, but the hope that he still has feelings does not leave my bad head...:(And the constant irresistible desire to write is stopped only by the fact that I have him on VK on the black list (How to stop remembering the past(?

Hello, Sasha! To keep the past out of your head and into the present, you need to leave it behind. Those. emotionally end the relationship with your ex-boyfriend - he comes every six months, a year, BUT you accept him, open the door for him, listen to him - what did you tell him? Did they say that you have another life and that he is just a ghost of the past for you? did you tell him that you do NOT need him to come? Have you put all the dots with him? For yourself, first of all, you need to decide - do you WANT to leave him in your past or do you still continue to hope for something? After all, even his arrival consoles only himself - he is not ready for a relationship anymore, he constantly runs away, he is used to the fact that, if necessary, he can come to you, show himself that he HAS love, that HE CAN love - but can he? If you decide to leave him in your past, then you need to end the relationship, talk through everything once (write a letter to him, call him) and voice everything - voice that you are letting him go into your past, that you will not accept his calls and visits, that he is now and the child will go his own way, and you will not wait for him, you are building your own life. And be consistent - do not answer his calls, do not open the door for him - because every time you accept him, hope begins to be born in you, illusions begin to be born, all this destroys your present. And it is NOT HE who does this, but you yourself - no matter what motivates HIM! What matters is what YOU want - hope or leave in the past!

Sasha, if you decide to figure out what’s going on, feel free to contact me - call me - I’ll be glad to help you!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

Sasha! A lot depends on you. You need to understand what you are ready for.. You yourself need to unravel this tangle, because this is your life, and you are the mistress here. It is impossible to get into his thoughts, we can only assume something, and again this will not be reliable, maybe he has completely different thoughts and plans. Therefore, in this situation, it is better to focus on yourself and do what is comfortable for you. I can only tell you that I conduct *Psychotherapy* trainings and regularly work on similar problems for those present. The description of the training is on my website. If ours is perceived as a problem, then we can leave the relationship by making a module of falling out of love, and begin to treat it neutrally, or other options are possible, it’s all up to you. In addition, you can go to my website in the *articles* and *trainings* sections, there is a lot of material on relationships there. If you think that all this can be leveled out, then it is worth working on the technique of resolving relationships. You live for yourself, live your life yourself, and are free to do as you see fit. It is likely that he really loves you, but often men behave very contradictory, he may be afraid of you, afraid of relationships, afraid that you will refuse him a relationship and etc. often this fear turns out to be higher than love. So it's all up to you. Good luck!

Afanasyeva Liliya Veniaminovna, psychologist Voronezh