How to lose and grieve, how to die and still continue to live, how to find the strength to support those who may be even worse off than you? All this is not taught in any school in the world, so KYKY met with oncologist Dmitry Litsov and asked him to answer why death is not a tragedy, but a reason for life.

Initially, the topic of this interview was supposed to be “fear of death,” but during a conversation with Dmitry Litsov, the picture took on completely different shapes. Dmitry, an oncopsychologist, psychotherapist, head of the VITALITY psychological center, told us why you shouldn’t be afraid of death, even if it’s in your immediate future, and why you shouldn’t reassure sick people with the terrible phrase “everything will be fine.” Dmitry works with people with cancer; he himself experienced the death of two of his closest relatives. “What should I ask him?” – I thought. But while preparing for the interview, I came across Irvin Yalom’s book “Peering into the Sun. Life without the fear of death,” I wrote out a quote from there, with which we began our conversation: “Personally, I have often found solace in the thought that the two states of non-existence - before our birth and after death - are exactly the same, but we are nevertheless so afraid the second black eternity and there we think little about the first..."

“By defending ourselves from death, we begin to defend ourselves from life”

Dmitry Litsov

Dmitry Litsov: I once conducted a seminar in Moscow for a group of 15 people. As the action progressed, it turned out that 5-6 people present now have cancer, 2-3 people are in remission, the rest have lost loved ones or are living next to him in the stages of accepting and fighting the disease. At that time, this had not yet affected me personally in my life. You know, they say we will all die from cancer, but not all of us will live to see it.

It is very difficult to be among so many suffering people; it is such an intense experience of pain. After the first day of work, I left the seminar completely devastated: I did not understand how I would work tomorrow, I knew that the coming night would be difficult for all of us. It was October or November, VDNKh station, I was wandering wherever my eyes were looking, and came across an old cemetery. As psychotherapists say, “I suddenly found myself” standing near the grave. Some artist was buried there - unfortunately, I don’t remember his last name, but it was Armenian. On a tombstone as tall as me, I read the inscription: “The living close the eyes of the dead, the dead open the eyes of the living.” I stood, thought, and there, probably, I realized the main phrase of all my activities, the main idea that guides me in my profession: death is a reason to live.

In the morning I came to the seminar surprisingly alive. So “alive” that the group members later told me: “Dima, you infected us with life.” Such a paradox when the grave is not just breathing down your back, but is staring you in the face right now. And suddenly - infection with life. How? Some of the smart and great people said: those who have seen death need not be afraid of life.

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The main problem associated with oncology is not the fear of death, as many people think, it is the fear of life. The whole point of neurosis is a way to escape from life. Some people run away into alcohol, drugs, others run into work, destructive relationships or illnesses, others into social media. But life has so many questions, so many nuances, you know? Protecting himself from death, a person begins to protect himself from life. Life narrows down to one path, a tunnel, a basement. The breadth of perception of the world is lost. They can’t put me in jail, I’m my own prison,” Vysotsky sings.

So, a person receives a diagnosis of cancer. He has some unclear prospects, there is a month left (a year, two - unknown), despair, powerlessness for both him and his loved ones. Oncology is a disease of powerlessness.

Everything that was previously quietly snoring inside rises up: all the fears, all the phobias. That's horrible. But all this horror does not push me away from life, but on the contrary, it invigorates me. Not in the sense of an adrenaline rush, but in the sense that it is the awareness of my own finitude that allows me to feel the fullness of being. A person, fearing death, tries to control his own life, control tomorrow and other things that cannot be controlled. Tomorrow causes anxiety, because we do not know what and how it will happen there. Control is an illusory way in which we often escape from real life into virtual life. We are afraid of what is not there, and we try to “spread the straw” without knowing where we will fall. We are very sophisticated in how not to live.

Before meeting you, I looked in the mirror and discovered that my head was gray. All. I think this is the main fear of a person. He feels the presence of an aunt with a scythe in his life and, wanting to hide from death, begins to hide from life. And then he gets clever: to be or not to be - that is the question... But it’s not a question. To be, of course. The real question is what to do.

About this theme: How to stay alive if your loved one is heading towards death

Remember the film “Beloved Mother-in-Law” with Catherine Deneuve: a good comedy, many parallels, several planes. A simple story, mother-in-law and son-in-law fall in love. One day they accidentally cross paths at the airport, and to avoid an awkward situation, she offers to eat ice cream. And here's the question she asks: How do you eat ice cream? Do you eat the best food first or vice versa? What if you die before reaching the tastiest part? How offensive it is to die on your lips with the taste of something you don’t like.

“The death of a son is such a grief that it is better to die yourself”

KYKY: I know that you still had to survive the death of your mother. Is there a difference between theory and practice? Did you stick to a professional framework when it became personal?

D.L.: I discovered that there really is no theory. Colleagues can argue with me, but I don’t work with oncology as a disease, I work with a living person. When my mother was dying, I instinctively realized what “be yourself” means: you have tears - cry, take your mother’s hand, if you want to say: “Mom don’t leave, I need you,” say so. She wants to talk about death - don't avoid it, talk about it. I managed to be close to my mother in a very natural way: like myself - with pain, fear, hope. Without any “psychological things” from the series “what is right and what is wrong.”

It is important to honestly answer the question: who is in front of you? Is it an object or a subject? If it’s an object, then I give some instructions, techniques, and do something with it. I offer art therapy or something else. And if it’s a subject, then I simply approach him at the “person-to-person” level. In the first case, I do something with him, and in the second, I’m just nearby. Working with cancer patients is considered one of the most difficult. Probably because it requires "turning on". After all, if it is difficult for me as a psychotherapist to work with a client, it means that I could not resolve the issue of the finitude of life for myself, I could not resolve the issue of fear of death. With a person suffering or dying, you feel your own boundless powerlessness. You need to learn to deal with this.

It is easier for a psychologist to hide behind techniques: art therapy, NLP, whatever - and at the same time you can avoid “contact”, “meeting”. This is not a condemnation. This is the reality. The lack of prospects for cure is a situation in which a person becomes completely alone. After receiving the diagnosis, he becomes isolated and his connections with people are severed. It won’t be like before, it won’t be like before, it’s unknown how it will be, everyone around is scared: a person moves away from his environment, goes deep into himself. When my mother was brought home after the hospital, she asked me to take a pen and paper and began dictating the first and last names of her friends, about 5-10 people. I wrote it down, and my mother said to me: “These guys will call, tell them that I’m not here. I’m anywhere: in a store, at the cinema, on a date...” At that time, my mother practically didn’t go anymore. I asked, “Why?” This seems strange, but only at first glance. Mom replied: “They will tell me all sorts of bullshit.” And it’s true - they will, they always say. Out of fear and anxiety, people simply give positive instructions: hold on, everything will be fine, relax, don’t force yourself, or pray. But a person has completely different problems, and he is alone with them: illness and the unknown are his present, his “today.”

KYKY: And does it need to be lived somehow?

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D.L.: Absolutely true, and for the first time people “learn” to live in the present. Because it is impossible to hide from pain in the past or future. The soul hurts right now, the body hurts right now. And we have to do something about it. Be right now. When we don't know what to do, we start to worry - and this is the hardest thing to deal with. The dumbest thing you can do is call and say: “Everything will work out, don’t be nervous, don’t cry!” But the person is a bit of a sucker, and not without reason.

KYKY: What would be appropriate to say?

D.L.: Something real, something like: “I’m with you, and I’m scared too.” But most often we cannot say this. A sick person touches us with his suffering, and we unconsciously try to avoid it. Hide behind a positive attitude - good way"avoidance".

In 1999, my son died; he was 10 years old. I know what hell is, I've been to hell.

The moment that I remember most vividly: we are at the funeral service in the church, I look into the coffin where my son lies - and from there the abyss looks at me. It is impossible to describe how you feel when you bury your child. Try to imagine that you are standing on the edge of an abyss, an abyss, ice blocks are flying past you, and you are waiting for one of them to hit you on the head and take you with it into the abyss. You are waiting for salvation.

I look up and see the smile of the priest, who is also looking at the child in the coffin. He looks at my son and smiles, such peace, such calmness emanates from him. I was struck by the thought that the priest, a young guy, might know or see something that I don’t see or understand. In the next moment, I felt something like a hug, a touch of something most important that could possibly exist. Despite all the horror and despair that befell me, I felt incredible love. Although I am more of a believer than a religious person. Six years later I went to study to become a psychologist. I was in hell, I was at the bottom, and I know for sure that it is at this bottom that life is born.

KYKY: What is inherently more terrible: dying or losing?

D.L.: I have lost and seen others die. Losing hurts, but dying is probably worse. Although, if you dive into my personal experiences, what I experienced with the death of my son (not with my mother, but with my son) is such grief that it is better to die myself. There is nothing worse than losing children - it is contrary to the normal course of events, it is against our nature. Mom was dying in my arms, at some point her look became like this... It was the look of the abyss that I saw when I buried the child. I saw horror in her eyes, but I had no horror. It sounds crazy, but I understood that what was happening was the fulfillment of the inevitable, that this was how it should be, this was how it should be. A few seconds before her death, my mother’s gaze cleared, and she looked over me. Her face brightened as if someone had illuminated it on purpose, and she caught my gaze, smiled, shook her head, as if she wanted to say: “No, dear, you won’t see, it’s just for me.” This was the last breath.

“It’s a shame to have cancer”

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A person usually needs someone to let him go. Someone makes a decision themselves and leaves, someone expects to be released, and can live in agony for a long time. We won four months. My mother lived exactly this long after her diagnosis. I deceived her. The doctors told me that my mother had cancer, but I didn’t tell her. Reported that it was either an ulcer or benign tumor, or malignant. I knew the truth. But this lie allowed my mother to gather her courage and fight. When it became clear that she was fading away, my mother asked: “Let me go, I’m very tired.” I asked: “Mom, what did you want to do for me, but didn’t do in your whole life?” Then she says: “I wanted to hit you in the head many times.” Close to the 40th day, I left a cafe, got into the car and broke my eyebrow - there was a huge bump and bruise. At two o’clock in the morning I heard a voice: “Did you get it?” Was this a dream? Got it, mom.

KYKY: You deceived your mother. Let's talk about this: a person has the right to know the diagnosis, but does he have the right “not to know”?

D.L.: Answer this question for yourself: would you like to know? In Russia it happens differently; often the diagnosis is communicated to relatives and not to the patient. In Latvia, where I live, the practice is different. The person is informed of the diagnosis and suggested treatment tactics. But all people are different, and not every psyche is ready for adequate perception. We had one woman in our support group; metastases were discovered in her lungs. My colleague and I knew about this.

She comes to the next meeting and says: “You know, they found some nodules in my lungs.” This woman is holding in her hands an extract where it is written in black and white - metastases.

But her psyche does not perceive this word; she has nodules in her lungs, which probably remained there after pneumonia suffered in childhood. My colleague and I look at each other and don’t mind. I ask: “Are you going to be treated for these nodules?” She answers in the affirmative and says that she has been prescribed a treatment regimen and will take medication. Six months later, the “nodules” resolve, she comes to the group and says: “You know, it turns out I had metastases, and they went away.” What should I have done? I did not admit that I knew about metastases, I supported her, and sincerely (I want to emphasize this word) was glad that the nodules had disappeared. As for my mother, if she had known that she had cancer, we would not have those four months, which we both needed to accept. Sometimes, the patient has the right not to know.

KYKY: I have a story for you too. Young man with inoperable stomach cancer. Doctors “open” it and understand that surgery is impossible due to multiple metallic lesions of organs abdominal cavity. Chemotherapy is prescribed and the information is shared only with the wife. This man has months left, but he doesn’t know it. His son, who is not so small as to not understand what is happening, does not know about this. A man lives and thinks that he has received a second chance, but in reality he is dying. The last Friday comes, his temperature rises, which is not brought down by antipyretics, and the person thinks that he has caught the flu. In fact, this is the end. A man learns that this is agony three days before death. He leaves in pain, anger, his wife cannot understand his aggression. It’s frosty outside, the windows are open, the room is nightmarishly cold - and he screams that he’s hot. This is how he meets death.

D.L.: This is a terrible story. This person left betrayed, and it will be difficult for loved ones to cope with feelings of guilt. But neither you, nor I, nor his relatives know the answer to the question of what would have happened if he had known that he was dying. Maybe he wouldn't have lived through these months? In this story, the wife and relatives, in addition to feelings of guilt, will probably also experience anger. Anger towards someone who is dying is also understandable; people often feel this way towards someone who is dying. After all, when he died, he gave it up. It sounds terrible, but it's true. Not everyone voices this or even recognizes it in themselves. And also shame. Both the sick person and the family are equally ashamed.

KYKY: Shame?

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D.L.: Yes. There is a lot of shame among those who are sick. It's a shame to have cancer. My client, a 40-year-old woman, is hiding from her parents that she has cancer. She comes up with fantastic stories about business trips, from which she calls them on Skype and writes SMS. The woman already wears a wig and has no eyebrows. In her situation, everything is very ambiguous. Will she tell them? How? When? I don't know. She does this for two reasons: shame and fear of hurting them. But it’s normal to worry about the one you love. The feelings that her parents might experience are natural. It hurts, but it's natural and very human. Unfortunately, in modern society people consider it necessary to hide their inner world, their experiences, behind this lies the fear of being rejected and shame. In fact, it's easier to get through all this when someone is nearby. I believe that “to help you survive” is “to help you suffer.” The feelings experienced by the sick person do not need to be diluted with optimism. Any emotions have a finite volume, their own measure. Suffering is always replaced by the next phase. Always.

Just to be there, to help you cry - that’s all. All this “don’t be afraid” type is bullshit. How not to be afraid? “Be afraid if you are afraid. I’m scared too, but I’ll be there.” We do not attach importance to intimacy, but one of the main functions of close relationships is psychotherapeutic. Being close is already a colossal support for the patient.

But being around is also scary because of myths, because of cancer phobia. People often ask me: “You communicate with cancer patients, and aren’t you afraid of getting infected?” No comments.

“Cancer be caused by eating meat?” - No. One client tells me: “But I was a vegetarian most of my life! How is that?" It sounds like “I turned to the green light.” Jerzy Lec, it seems, said that each of us could be sent to prison for five years, and deep down we would know why. Is cancer a punishment? You can search endlessly for the reason. Cancer destroys illusions, guarantees, our supports break. It seems like there's nothing left. But this is not true. What remains is faith and love, faith not in the religious sense. We have this sign hanging in the kitchen in our office: “Psychologist, I don’t need your help today. God".

"Life is what's happening right now"

KYKY: Is it difficult to accept the inevitability of death?

D.L.: Death is simple. We complicate it, invent it - and at the moment when it is convenient for her, she will come and take hers. One of my favorite films is Bergman's The Seventh Seal - if you remember, a knight plays chess with death, and he knows that he will lose, and death knows that he will win. But the death of the game lies in the game itself. Accepting the terrible reality is difficult, yes. But without this acceptance it is impossible to be reborn to life, no matter how much of it remains.

People are always looking for a way to hide from life and not live. For example, they come to church to hide. A priest I know says that 75 percent of parishioners are neurotic, and 25 percent are those who are really looking for an answer.

KYKY: Do you believe in life after death?

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D.L.: I have no answer. One day I was on the radio, we were talking about oncology, about group therapy - and then the call came. A man calls and in some kind of hysterics shouts: “How can you talk about such trifles! There is corruption all around, there are crooks in power, elections are being rigged!” I'm sitting there in the studio and I understand that it's like a breakthrough from another reality. This doesn't affect me at all. The crooks in power have no influence on my daily life. It's the same with life after death. It doesn't affect me at all. I am independent of this.

When a cancer patient comes to me, I not only help them survive the problem, I help them come to life. A person begins to get angry or feel tenderness or joy. Life is what is happening right now. You and I are talking about the past, about mother, about son, but we do it “in the now, in today.” You and I live, we experience this moment together. The main question of psychoanalysis is: “Why?” This is a question about the past. And I want to ask: “Why not?” It's about the present.

KYKY: What is it like to “live”?

D.L.: Very simple. Say yes when you want to say yes; “no” when you want to say “no”; “fuck you to a well-known address” when it’s in your soul. Don't get stuck in the past, don't invent the future. Do now, change what can be changed, accept what cannot be changed. Accept that we are absolutely all mortal, and drink life to the last sip, like a cup of cocoa, where all the chocolate is always at the bottom. I think he who lives is not afraid of death.

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“Everything is permissible for me!” - the evil slave arrogantly proves to himself and the whole world. “But not everything is useful to me,” adds the prudent and faithful servant. His prudence is manifested not in exemplary behavior or special appearance, but in the constant preservation of mortal memory. During any activity, he tries to remember that death awaits him ahead, which cannot be canceled by medical procedures, miracle drugs or any other means.

A prudent person regards preparation for death as the main activity of his life. He strives to correlate all his actions, words and thoughts with this event. In the language of the Gospel, a person accustoms himself to “keep awake” (see Matt. 24:42). This distinguishes a prudent servant from an evil one, who drinks and has fun with drunkards and does not expect the coming of his Master. The evil slave also understands that death is inevitable, but for now, as they say, “we will drink, we will walk, and when death comes, we will die.” Why does he need negative thoughts that cause depression, why the painful fear of death that poisons his already short life?

Surprisingly, even the saints urge us not to be afraid of death, albeit in a completely different way. St. Anthony the Great argues that one must fear not physical death, but the destruction of the soul, which is ignorance of God. This saint speaks of death as a process of transition from temporary existence to eternal life, which should not be feared if a person is with God.

The same idea is repeated many times in the Gospel. The Lord says that he who believes in the Only Begotten Son of God “is not condemned, but he who does not believe is already condemned” (John 3:18). He calls people who do not care about knowing God spiritual dead (see Matt. 8:22). Those who believe in Christ the Savior will not perish, but will have eternal life (see John 3:15), for such have already passed “from death to life” (John 5:24). That is, for a person already here living a single life with Christ and for Christ, the transition to another world is not scary, because even there his connection with the Lord is preserved. On earth, the one who has acquired God remains with Him even after death, therefore death is not afraid of him.

St. Anthony’s definition of the destruction of the soul as ignorance of God follows from the words of Christ: “This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent” (John 17:3). The knowledge of the eternal God and the God-man Jesus Christ incarnate for the salvation of people is imperishable life, and ignorance, on the contrary, is its negation: destruction, demise, death. Saint Anthony the Great, in fact, refers to the Gospel, but speaks in slightly different words.

From this definition it follows that the main activity in a person’s life is the knowledge of God. To know God, it is not enough to perform a prayer rule in the mornings and evenings, study books on theology, and even read patristic literature. Knowing God is the experience of living in God. For example, if it is not possible to read the full rule, you can pray briefly: “Lord, have mercy” or “God, be merciful to me, a sinner,” read the “Our Father” or the Jesus Prayer. We must turn to God in every place: while cleaning the apartment, while preparing food, while doing any everyday, household chores, on the road, at work.

Life in God is achieved through constant internal work, which is aimed at learning to always remember the presence of God and turn to the Lord, at least in few words, but at any moment in time. So gradually, day by day, we will strengthen mortal memory - the memory of the coming meeting with Christ, that the Lord will ask each of us questions, and we will have to answer them, and not stand before Him like idols, at a loss or fright.

There is such an episode in the life of St. Sisoy the Great. When he was dying and already saw the bright angels who had come for his soul, the saint began to beg the Lord to postpone his death at least for a day. At this moment, it was not the biological fear of death that tormented the saint, but the thought that he would appear before God unprepared, not purified by repentant tears. Lying on his deathbed, he said: “Truly I don’t know, brothers, whether I have even made the beginning of my repentance,” while the brethren did not even dare to look at his face, which exuded the radiance of purity and holiness, readiness for eternal life.

The Monk Sisoi was not worried about how his earthly life would now end, but how he would appear before God. This is important for a holy person. We are not as afraid of our unpreparedness to meet the Lord as the process of death itself - what it will be: painless or painful, instant or long, whether it will find us alone or surrounded by loved ones, and so on. But among saints, such thoughts fade into the background, if not into the tenth place. They take care to bring repentance to Christ and meet Him as prepared as possible. For them, the main thing is the cleansing of their souls from sins, and not how many years they will live and whether they will suffer physically at the moment of death.

We need, if possible, to acquire that readiness for death that the saints had, who sincerely believed: “When, Lord, You need it, then it will happen. I have no business here except You.” This does not mean that a person can not carry out his daily chores, not take care of cleanliness, wear sloppy clothes, live in an untidy room, and the like. On the contrary, mortal memory teaches a full life. A person should make every effort to make his life worthy. He must serve himself and his household, provide for his family and help those in need, do everything that is necessary in his position. But at the same time, he, like a faithful slave, understands that all this is a kind of tribute to his dilapidation, which must be paid, paid and left from the hotel to his own, beautifully equipped home - eternal life.

Such a stern ascetic as Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov, in one of his letters, reproaches his sister for wearing tasteless, inelegant things and going to church only in a black dress. The saint advises a woman living in the world to dress with taste, according to the standards that are accepted in her environment. A believer does not need to pretend to be something, stand out by behavior or appearance. We must follow the path of internal changes, try to accustom ourselves to mortal memory. But this does not mean walking around gloomy and sad, dressed in deliberately “ascetic” clothes, but trying to bring yourself and your life in accordance with the Gospel. Then faith will be perceived by us correctly - not as a system of prohibitions and restrictions, but as a way to get closer to God, Who is love (see 1 John 4:16), as freedom to live in unity with the God who created us, Who does everything to keep us from evil and save us for eternal life.

Death awaits us at every step. But if you constantly think about it, and even more so fear it, then life becomes unbearable. Let me remind you once again of my lines: Death in itself is not terrible. Thoughts about death are scary.

The anticipation of death is more terrible than death itself. 94% of respondents, answering the question “would you like to know the day of your death,” answered negatively.

In the world, every 40 seconds one person commits suicide, every 28 seconds one person dies in a car accident, every 15 seconds one person dies from alcohol.

We know that death will come to each of us. Her arrival is the most definite thing in this world. But when this will happen is the big question. The hour of her arrival is the most uncertain on earth. Therefore, you must live every moment as if it were your last. By and large, we are not so afraid of the coming of death itself, but of the “non-existence” itself after it.

In Rus', people treated death more calmly. For them, it was a natural transition from life to unlife. They have been preparing for this transition all their lives. Having a coffin standing in Grandma Grunya’s entryway for decades while Grandma was still alive was not something shameful.

The ancient Egyptians considered earthly life to be a preparation for eternal life.

Christianity and Islam believe that each of us is given one life on earth. But after death, resurrection awaits us, and through God’s Judgment, eternal life in Heaven or Hell.

Judaism teaches that after death we pass into either " future world"(Garden of Eden), "Heavenly Academy", or to Gehenna but only for a while. Then the Messiah will come, and the dead will become alive.

If a person does not believe in immortality, then there is no morality and no rules other than their own desires.

I think that no rationalistic arguments, no materialistic logic can comprehend what comes first in our consciousness: the fear of death or the fear of the unknown. That is why Death, like God, must remain a Mystery. I suppose that for many, the most terrible discovery may be precisely that there is no death.

“In reality, people are not afraid of death, but long for it, because for them it is the end of everything, torment, doubt, anxiety, lies and even ... freedom,” said Robert Horwitz.

I have already said earlier that my current existence on earth is not unique, that I have already visited people more than once. Now a completely logical question arises: how many times do we live, how many times are we given life?

Someone says 9, someone 47, and the treatise “The Chalice of the East” claims 350, and someone counted 777 earthly incarnations from lower beings to humans.

Judaism and Buddhism believe that life on our earth is given to a person countless times and each new incarnation occurs according to the law of karma, i.e. depending on how you lived your previous life. And therefore the goal is to get rid of this endless life (“bad infinity” - Hegel), eliminating the very desire to live.

It turns out that many people voluntarily give up life, preferring death to immortality? Yes, yes. And here it doesn’t matter at all whether death occurs consciously or not. The very fact of voluntary departure is important. According to official statistics, 1 million 100 thousand people commit suicide every year in the world. In reality, more than 4 million people commit suicide. And 19 million people make unsuccessful suicide attempts every year.

But life is a gift from God and ending it at your own discretion is a betrayal of God. And here it does not matter at all what considerations a person was guided by. The fact itself is important.

Another thing is whether a person should be afraid or not afraid of death? As soon as a person ceases to be afraid of death, the purpose of being on earth immediately opens up before him.

Death is the lens through which truth is seen. The main thing is not to cloud the surface of this lens with your daily lusts in pursuit of material and other unworthy benefits. Only death allows us to be honest and frank with ourselves to the end. Death, like X-rays, illuminates everything hidden, making it obvious what you really are. This is why people need death. We need to care about living not as long as possible, but as correctly as possible.

Following Franz Kafka, I can say with confidence that the fear of death is only the result of an unfulfilled life.

Bertolt Brecht believed that one should be afraid not of death, but of an empty life. And Leo Tolstoy confessed: the better you live your life, the less fear of death.

And yet many argue that being immortal is boring. What to do every day if you are eternal? A simple and good answer to this question is given in the movie "Groundhog Day": help people, do good, create love!

So why do we come into this world? In order to fulfill your destiny to be

HUMAN. Some do it, others don’t. Therefore, they are forced to return in order to fully fulfill what they were born for in this world. It is logical to ask yourself: can he fully fulfill his destiny, and is there such an end? Don't know. Now I am not ready to answer this complex question comprehensively.

The famous psychoanalyst Carl Jung wrote: “I can easily imagine that I could live in previous centuries and be faced with questions that I was not yet able to answer, that I had to be born again, because I had not yet completed the task entrusted to me.” .

Goethe said: “I am sure that, just as now, I have already been to this world a thousand times, and I hope to return a thousand more times.”

If people knew that after death life does not end and there will be retribution for everything they have done, perhaps they would be more responsible for every action and every word they say.

However, many people prefer not to believe in reincarnation, God, or the devil. Because they don’t want to admit responsibility for their every action, every word, and even thought. They want to believe that nothing will happen to them for their sins. Meanwhile, every action gives rise to a consequence. Popular wisdom says, “What goes around comes around.”

I am convinced that a metaphysical turn awaits us ahead after recognizing the fact that there is no death, that we are essentially immortal.

But will people want to live forever?

It's not scary to die. It's scary not to die!

Perhaps, thanks to immortality, people will finally understand the meaning and significance of death not as an absolute end, but only as the next transition to their new state? Only death is the price for immortality!

Death is the last mystery that will change our understanding of life, change our attitude towards life. Anyone who has looked into the face of death at least once, felt its breath on himself, will understand me. I have been on the edge of life more than once. I know what I am saying!

To live a full life, enjoying every new achievement, you do not need to be afraid of death, even in the face of serious danger. How to translate this simple truth into everyday life, because on the one hand, fear plays a vital role for every person, but at the same time, if you often think about the negative, it prevents you from enjoying life to the fullest. What do you need to do to overcome the overwhelming feeling of fear?

Why are people afraid of death?

Almost every person is sure that he will live happily ever after, but it is obvious that those living on earth will sooner or later die. This is the sad ending of all life, but nevertheless, there is something inside everyone that cannot believe it. It’s just that a person is unable to believe in the reality of death, even if he claims to be fearless of it. Of course, it is very difficult to fully understand that one day a person will die and will never exist again.
Why is inevitability so terrifying to the human essence? It's all about the psychological factor. The human psyche is designed in such a way that it identifies itself with its body and mind. This creates a certain framework within which the personality develops and lives. To destroy these frameworks is tantamount to losing control over your perception of reality. At this moment, the fear of losing oneself appears.

Religion – salvation or deception?

If you believe the Bible, after death a sinless person awaits “Paradise” with its many blessings, and a sinner – the cauldron and torment of “Hell”. The Church, instilling hope in eternal life, but in return demanding selfless faith, ruled people for many millennia and pacified the fear of death in souls.
Since ancient times, not every person was ready to believe in this state of affairs, because many questions immediately arise. For example, if a child dies immediately after birth, is he also doomed to terrible torment? After all, original sin, as the Bible describes, was not atoned for, which means that Paradise is closed to it. But what did the baby do wrong before God? Why doesn’t religion give clear answers, but instead only cites individual chapters from old parables known to everyone? In connection with this and many other controversial nuances, people stop trusting religion with the most valuable thing - their life. However, some of them go further and devote their entire lives to faith until death, and are not afraid to die and accept this gift with joy. Who are the saints and how can a sinner become such an immortal spirit? Everyone chooses for themselves what they believe in.

How to overcome fear?

A person clings to life most acutely when he realizes that the body can no longer resist death. The last seconds of life are filled with a clear insight that this is the end and collapse of everything. It is at this moment that a person realizes how much that needed to be done was not done during life, and how much time was wasted.
To prevent this from happening, you need to realize a simple fundamental truth - you should not be afraid of death, but of an empty life. But what does an empty life mean? Rather, it is an ordinary existence in fear of doing what you really want. In order for life not to be empty, it must be constantly filled. It doesn’t really matter what, the main thing is that they are useful actions, good ones, and most importantly - positive emotions. However, sometimes it is negative emotions that control people’s lives, directing them in the direction that is most beneficial for them. Fear comes from various reasons, but the most important thing is that it does not become a stumbling block to the most important goals.

What prevents a person from boldly pursuing his goal?

1. Public opinion. This applies to your immediate environment: parents, friends, neighbors, teachers, and all people who condemn the designated goals and dreams.
2. Fear of failure. Even a strong personality periodically experiences anxiety, because the unknown is alarming, and the possibility of losing a large number of time and money often slows a person down.
3. Lack of self-confidence. This feeling is inherent not only to weak individuals, but also to people who have achieved great heights. The truth is that in the face of life's biggest challenges, uncertainty comes into full force. Men and women are equally susceptible to this feeling.
4. Laziness. The most common laziness becomes an obstacle to the goal even for the talented, but weak people. On the one hand, this may be a weak character trait, and on the other, health problems.
5. External and internal interference. Even the smallest obstacles and excuses, such as illness, bad weather, anxiety, pain, and prejudice, prevent you from filling your life with meaning.

All sorts of factors that indirectly or directly influence the achievement of goals set barriers that only strong, mature and conscious individuals can overcome. Only peace of mind, combined with self-confidence, makes it possible to boldly walk through obstacles, gradually completing task after task.

How to learn not to be afraid of death?

When a person believes that death is the end, he experiences insane animal fear. He does not look forward, but only back, as if frozen in the past, afraid to step into the future. It's like he's dying before his time. But if he is not afraid to boldly look into the future, expecting only joy, happiness and a great adventure ahead, then we can consider that he really lives and does not exist.
Awareness of death gives an incentive to change oneself and the reality around. Only understanding one’s non-eternal nature brings meaning, especially in the last minutes of life. Faith in one's own strength makes a person's life full of meaning, goodness and satisfaction. If you simply go towards your goal without obstacles, you can achieve, realize and fulfill a lot.
You can learn fearlessness before death from children who still know nothing about it. They take everything from life without thinking about the consequences and the future. Turning away from death is the same as turning away from life, making it aimless. Existence here acts precisely as the goal through which a person strives to fulfill his dreams throughout his life.
Despite the fact that not a single person in the world has yet escaped death, everyone has managed to make a certain contribution to the perception of death as improbability and impossibility. Why this happens, you can understand from your own experience - if you don’t push the personality from time to time, it relaxes, but it is death that becomes the catalyst for existence, determining the human essence and intentions.