INFLUENCE OF PARENTAL ATTITUDES

FOR CHILDREN'S DEVELOPMENT

The mental life of a person is extremely complex, since the psyche consists of two mutually defining components: the conscious and unconscious - consciousness and subconscious.

In the unconscious sphere, a fixed attitude towards oneself, towards others and towards life in general is important. This is determined by attitudes and psychological defense: It is especially important for parents to understand what role parental attitudes play in the emotional and personal development of the child. Undoubtedly, parents are the most significant and beloved people for a child. Authority, especially in the early stages of psycho-emotional development, is indisputable and absolute. Children's faith in the infallibility, correctness and justice of parents is unshakable: “Mom said...”, “Dad ordered,” etc.

Unlike a mature personality, a child does not possess psycho-ecological defense mechanisms and is not able to be guided by conscious motives and desires. Parents should be careful and attentive to their verbal appeals to the child, assessments of their actions and avoid attitudes that may subsequently manifest themselves negatively in the child’s behavior, making his life stereotypical and emotionally limited.

Attitudes arise every day. Some are random and weak, others are fundamental, constant and strong, formed with early childhood, and the earlier they are learned, the stronger their effect. Once it has arisen, an attitude does not disappear and, at a favorable moment in the child’s life, it affects his behavior and feelings. Only a counter-attitude can become a weapon against a negative attitude, and it is constantly reinforced by positive manifestations from parents and others. For example, the counter-installation “You can do anything!” The attitude “You're incompetent, you can't do anything!” will win, but only if the child actually receives confirmation of his abilities in real activities (drawing, modeling, singing, etc.).

Undoubtedly, most parental attitudes are positive and contribute to the favorable development of the child's personal path. And since they help and do not interfere, then it is not necessary to be aware of them. These are unique psychological protection tools that help the child preserve himself and survive in the world around him. An example of historically established and passed down from generation to generation positive attitudes that protect a person are proverbs and sayings, fairy tales and fables with a wise adaptation meaning, where good triumphs over evil, and wisdom defeats stupidity, where perseverance, self-confidence and one’s strength are important.

Carefully consider the table of common negative parental attitudes, pay attention to the consequences that they can have on the child’s personality, and learn to put forward counter-attitudes. Remember if you heard something similar from your parents? Have some of them become inhibitory signposts on your life path?

Analyze what directives, assessments, and attitudes you give to your children. Make sure that there are very few negative ones, learn to transform them into positive ones, developing in the child faith in you, the richness and brightness of the emotional world.

Naturally, the list of settings can be much larger. Make up your own and try to find counter-settings, this is a very useful activity, because what is said, seemingly by chance and not out of malice, can “resurface” in the future and negatively affect the child’s psycho-emotional well-being, his behavior, and often his life scenario.

How often do you tell your children:

• I'm busy right now)…
• Look what you've done!!!
• Wrong as always!
• When will you learn!
• How many times can I tell you!
• You'll drive me crazy!
• What would you do without me!
• You're always getting into everything!
• Go away from me!
• Stand in the corner!

All these “words” are firmly hooked in the child’s subconscious, and then don’t be surprised if you don’t like that the child has moved away from you, has become secretive, lazy, distrustful, and unsure of himself.

And these words caress the child’s soul:

• You're the most loved one!
• You can do a lot!
• What would we do without you?!
• Come to me!
• Sit down with us...!
• I will help you…
• I rejoice at your success!
• No matter what happens, our home is our fortress.
• Tell me what's wrong with you...

Feelings of guilt and shame will in no way help a child become healthy and happy. You shouldn’t make his life dull, sometimes a child doesn’t need an assessment of his behavior and actions at all, he just needs to be reassured. The child himself is not a helpless “straw in the wind”, not a timid blade of grass on the asphalt that is afraid of being stepped on. Children are naturally endowed with a huge supply of instincts, feelings and behaviors that will help them be active, energetic and resilient. Much in the process of raising children depends not only on the experience and knowledge of parents, but also on their ability to feel and guess!

My tongue is my enemy.

Our parents dreamed of seeing us healthy, happy, successful. We want the same for our children. However, thoughtless statements from adults can plant a program in a child’s subconscious that prevents the child from growing into a full-fledged individual.

How often did you hear as a child, “You’re my dear,” “My eyes wouldn’t see you,” “Why am I being punished like that...”, “It’s time to become independent, why are you acting like a little kid”?
It is possible that you will not remember such words.
However... it happens that you have an important task in front of you, but you want to do anything else (eat, watch TV, clean the room or wash the dishes), just not deal with the task set for yourself...
As a result, the completion of an important task is postponed until a critical point, and in order to do it, you have to commit violence against yourself.
Or maybe it’s easier for you to do anything for others, but you just can’t help but ask for yourself?
You happily buy gifts for your loved ones and pamper them with delicious dinners, but you just can’t find the time to make morning exercises or take vitamins?
The root of the problem is not character traits at all.
Most likely, it is much deeper: as a child, your parents constantly put you in a situation where you felt guilty for your “selfishness.”
As an adult, you continue to experience the same feeling, but without outside help.

Why does something like this happen to us?
American psychologists have come to the conclusion that in this form, an adult lives with dependence on one of the parents, who at one time supplied their child with code phrases.
In psychology, this phenomenon is called “parental directives,” which are implanted in the child’s subconscious before the age of six.
Having started researching parental directives, experts identified twelve main, most common hidden attitudes.
They are formulated by very specific words and actions of parents.
Failure to follow these instructions entails a feeling of guilt towards our parents, which even now, as adults, we cannot explain.
For our part, knowing these attitudes, we can try to rid our children of the oppressive feeling of their own imperfection.

Installation "Don't live"

Sounds very scary and even unnatural?
Haven’t you ever heard parents (not necessarily yours) say in their hearts: “My eyes wouldn’t see you!”, “I don’t need such a bad boy,” and even “Lord, I’m so tired of you!”
Some “restrained” parents simply have conversations with their child about how difficult it is to raise children, how much trouble, anxiety and hardship the parental lot entails.
The hidden meaning of this attitude is to manipulate the child by instilling in him a constant feeling of guilt before his parents.
The confidence is born in the child (and many years later in the adult) that he is an eternal debtor to his father and mother.
Meanwhile, the decision to have a child belongs exclusively to the parents. If they did not know that this path is difficult and thorny, they should not shift responsibility for their mistakes onto the child.
Now try to imagine the thoughts and feelings of a child who hears something like this...
He may well conclude that it would be better for mom or dad if he were not in the world.
The child most likely will not commit suicide.
But don’t be surprised if, having been fully imbued with the “don’t live” attitude, he will receive frequent injuries in early childhood, and later find another way to destroy his health - alcoholism, drug addiction, gluttony...
Another option for reacting to the “don’t live” attitude is the child’s deliberately hooligan behavior.
It’s easier to feel guilty for something than to feel a constant feeling of guilt for unknown reasons.
In adult life a person with a firmly internalized “don’t live” attitude will feel worthless and believe that there is nothing to love or respect him for. Perhaps he will spend his life trying to prove his own worth.
But most likely you will live like this with a constant feeling of “badness” - even if there are no objective reasons for this.

"Don't be a child" attitude

Even the most best parents It is rarely possible to avoid the phrases: “Well, how little you are!”, “It’s time to grow up,” “You are no longer a child to whine about trifles.”
The subconscious message is this: being a child is bad, being an adult is good.
We (at least the majority) have internalized this message.
As a result, we are afraid or do not know how to communicate with children.
We have nothing to talk about with them, it is easy for us to teach and instruct them, but it is infinitely difficult to share their interests and live their lives.
If you feel guilty when you want to pamper yourself or carry out some childish madness, the attitude of not being a child at all costs sits in your mind and poisons your life.
Therefore, try not to encourage your children to “be an adult” before they are at least 8-10 years old.

"Don't grow" attitude

Practice shows that many parents take pleasure in instilling in their children a sense of their own indispensability.
“I will never leave you!”, “I will always help my little baby”...
A child’s thinking can decipher this concern as: “If I grow up and become independent, I will lose the most important thing in life - parental support.”
Growing up, a person with such a directive feels guilty for allowing himself to fall in love.
These are very devoted children who agree to live with mom and dad even at the cost of refusing to start their own family.
If such a person does get married, family life turns into a nightmare for his chosen one.
Often, even after getting married, ungrown adult children refuse to live separately from their parents, and in any case cannot imagine life without devoting their mother (father) to all the vicissitudes of their marital relationship.

"Don't think" attitude

Does this sound familiar: “Are you the smartest?”, “Stop talking, get busy,” “I’m older, I know better, listen to me - that’s all!”
Indeed, adults understand life better.
They have more experience.
It is much easier to shift the solution of all issues to them.
Moreover, they themselves want it. Result?
A person who received such an attitude in early childhood often experiences helplessness and a complete lack of ideas when it comes to solving the problem that has arisen.
They are often plagued by excruciating headaches, making the very process of thinking impossible.
They experience a subconscious distrust of the results of their thoughts, often commit rash actions that leave a feeling of bewilderment: “How could I do this?”

"Don't feel" attitude

In fact, this prohibition can be divided into two parts - it is a shame to experience pain, discomfort, and it is a shame to experience emotions.
Most often, the emotions of anger and fear are prohibited: “Such a big boy, but you’re afraid of a small fish!”, “It’s a shame to cry!”, “Stop stomping immediately, why are you shouting!” Result?
A person experiences negative emotions, but does not know how to release them.
Cannot admit that someone or something has made him angry.
He accumulates negativity inside, lashes out at loved ones, and feels “basically irritated.”
The ban on experiencing unpleasant physical sensations also sounds very familiar: “Be patient and it will pass”, “If you don’t have sugar, you won’t melt”...
Adults who have adopted this attitude often suffer from psychosomatic diseases - allergies, asthma, migraines, inexplicable pain.

"Don't succeed" attitude

Those who received this attitude in childhood are usually very hardworking and diligent.
But they are definitely haunted through life by an evil fate: at the very last moment, a business into which a lot of effort was invested “bursts” for reasons beyond their control.
They do not realize that the subconscious is to blame for the failure, which did not allow them to secure themselves, which prevented them from creating a backup option.
What statements form the “failure” mindset?
Oddly enough, the most innocent ones: “You should appreciate our efforts, we denied ourselves everything so that you could go to this club, take English lessons, go to university.”
Such instructions are often based on parents’ unconscious envy of their child’s success, although consciously they just want their children to achieve more than themselves.

"Don't be a leader" attitude

Have you ever heard: “Keep your head down,” “Be like everyone else,” “What do you need more than anyone else?”
Parents can be understood: they want to protect their child from feelings of envy and other negative emotions that bright personality evokes in strangers.
But if, as a result, grown-up children are doomed to live their lives at home and in the service as eternal subordinates...
There is something else unpleasant consequence– a person who is afraid of leadership, even having reached some heights, is afraid of panic or is simply unable to take responsibility.

"Don't join others" attitude

This attitude is often instilled by parents who have problems communicating with other people.
They emphasize in every possible way that their child is the only joy of life, the only relative, the only friend.
In communicating with their “one,” they in every possible way emphasize his exclusivity, his difference from others, and always in a positive sense. Many people heard in childhood: “You’re not like everyone else.” Result?
WITH early years the child gets used to feeling like a separate being.
He does not blend into the team, rarely has close friends, although he may have a bunch of superficial contacts.
Over time, this begins to get in the way.
And even an adult cannot understand the reasons for this feeling, because he does the same as others and tries to be like everyone else...

"Don't" attitude

“It’s dangerous, I’ll do it for you,” “Leave everything to mommy, you can’t handle it yourself”—have you heard, I suppose?
If the attitude has been repeated often enough and has been learned well, a person experiences excruciating difficulties at the beginning of every new task, even well-known ones - be it writing a novel, preparing an annual balance sheet, or washing clothes.
These people are painfully short of time, they never learn how to plan things, they always fall short and live in a “deadline” mode, although in fact they could do everything on time.

"Don't covet" attitude

“It’s not harmful to want!”, “You need something again!”, “How much can you want and ask for!?”
These words inspire the little person that having desires is bad. Growing up, he will happily please others and satisfy their needs, but he will not be able to ask for something for himself, much less insist on the legitimacy of his desires.
The internal barrier will not allow it.
It is those who have fully internalized the “Do not covet” attitude who are ashamed to defend their interests in court and endlessly give in family life and at work.

"Don't be yourself" attitude

This attitude is especially often given by parents who wanted a child of the same gender, appearance or character, but got something exactly the opposite.
If in a family one of the children is “better” (more comfortable and better meets the parents’ requirements), the second one can also be told: “Be like your brother (sister)”, “Why can your brother do it, but you can’t!” and so on.
The most common phrase that everyone without exception has ever heard is: “Well, why don’t you... (fill in what you need yourself).”
If such comparisons and reproaches are repeated too often, an adult may grow up who is constantly dissatisfied with himself, lives in a state of painful internal conflict which leads to prolonged depression.

"Don't enjoy your health" attitude

In many families, coping is highly valued.
A child who goes to school with a fever deserves every encouragement.
Anyone who allows himself to relax and rest during illness is perceived with some condemnation.
“You shouldn’t be sick, you are the mother of children!”, “It’s okay that you don’t feel well, no one has canceled your responsibilities” - common phrases in such families.
A child, and then an adult, hearing such a message, is accustomed, on the one hand, to the idea that illness attracts everyone's attention to him, and on the other, to the expectation that poor health will increase the value of any of his actions.
As a result, such people join the army of poor souls who stubbornly sit at work, even if they have a cold.
And they are saddened to learn that their labor feat does not deserve any praise. This becomes a reason for feeling undervalued, low self-esteem or resentment.

They say that forewarned is forearmed.

After reading this article, you can consciously avoid words that can ruin your child's future.
However, what to do if you unexpectedly discovered these settings in yourself?
Trying to change your parents or sort things out with them about the mistakes of your upbringing is completely futile.
At one time, following parental guidelines allowed you, a child dependent on adults, to adapt to the demands of powerful, big people.
But now the situation has changed.
The adult is you.
This means that you have every right to consciously change the unconscious decisions that our own childhood imposes on us.”

Consultation for parents “The influence of parental attitudes on children’s development”

The mental life of a person is extremely complex, because... The psyche consists of two mutually defining components: the conscious and the unconscious - consciousness and subconscious.

In the unconscious sphere, a fixed attitude towards oneself, towards others and towards life in general is very important. This is determined by attitudes and psychological defense. It is especially important for parents to understand what role parental attitudes play in the child’s emotional and personal development. Undoubtedly, parents are the most significant and beloved people for a child. Authority, especially in the earliest stages of psycho-emotional development, is indisputable and absolute. The child’s faith in the infallibility, correctness and justice of the parents is unshakable: “Mom said...”, “Dad ordered...”, etc.

Unlike a mature personality, a 3-4 year old child does not have psychological defense mechanisms and is not able to be guided by conscious motives and desires. Parents should be careful and attentive to their verbal appeals to the child, assessments of the child’s actions, and avoid attitudes that may subsequently manifest negatively in the child’s behavior, making his life stereotypical and emotionally limited.

Attitudes arise every day. They are random, weak, others are fundamental, constant and strong, formed from early childhood, and the earlier they are learned, the stronger their effect. Once it has arisen, an attitude does not disappear and, at a favorable moment in the child’s life, it affects his behavior and feelings. Only a counter-attitude can become a weapon against a negative attitude, and it is constantly reinforced by positive manifestations from parents and others. For example, the counter-installation “You can do anything” will defeat the installation “You are incompetent, you can’t do anything,” but only if the child actually receives confirmation of his abilities in real activities (drawing, modeling, singing, etc.).

Undoubtedly, most parental attitudes are positive and contribute to the favorable development of the child’s personal path. And since they help and do not interfere, then it is not necessary to be aware of them. These are unique psychological defense tools that help the child preserve himself and survive in the world around him. An example of historically established and passed down from generation to generation positive attitudes that protect a person are proverbs and sayings, fairy tales and fables with a wise adaptive meaning, where good triumphs over evil, where perseverance, self-confidence and one’s strength are important.

Below is a table of the most common negative parental attitudes. Pay attention to the consequences that they may have on the child’s personality, and learn to put forward counterpoints. Remember if you heard something similar from your parents? Have some of them become inhibitory signposts on your life path?

Analyze what directives, assessments and guidelines you give to your children. Make sure that there are very few negative ones, learn to transform them into positive ones, developing in the child self-confidence, richness and brightness of the emotional world.

Naturally, the list of settings can be much larger. Make up your own and try to find counter-settings, this is a very useful activity, because what is said, seemingly by chance and not out of malice, can “resurface” in the future and negatively affect the child’s psycho-emotional well-being, his behavior, and often his life scenario.

How often do you tell your children:

• I'm busy right now)…
• Look what you've done!!!
• Wrong as always!
• When will you learn!
• How many times can I tell you!
• You'll drive me crazy!
• What would you do without me!
• You're always getting into everything!
• Go away from me!
• Stand in the corner!

All these “words” are firmly hooked in the child’s subconscious, and then don’t be surprised if you don’t like that the child has moved away from you, has become secretive, lazy, distrustful, and unsure of himself.

And these words caress the child’s soul:

• You're the most loved one!
• You can do a lot!
• What would we do without you?!
• Come to me!
• Sit down with us...!
• I will help you…
• I rejoice at your success!
• No matter what happens, our home is our fortress.
• Tell me what's wrong with you...

Feelings of guilt and shame will in no way help a child become healthy and happy. You shouldn’t make his life dull, sometimes a child doesn’t need an assessment of his behavior and actions at all, he just needs to be reassured. The child himself is not a helpless “straw in the wind”, not a timid blade of grass on the asphalt that is afraid of being stepped on. Children are naturally endowed with a huge supply of instincts, feelings and behaviors that will help them be active, energetic and resilient. Much in the process of raising children depends not only on the experience and knowledge of parents, but also on their ability to feel and guess!

Consultation for parents

“Parental attitudes and their influence on development

child's personality"

The human psyche consists of two mutually defining components: the conscious and the unconscious - consciousness and subconscious.

We sometimes don’t think about the actions we take, about our attitude towards certain life processes, towards the people around us. This happens as if unconsciously. In the unconscious sphere, the attitude towards oneself, towards others and towards life in general is important. This is determined by our existing attitudes and psychological defenses. It is especially important for parents to understand what role they play in the emotional and personal development of the child. parental settings. Undoubtedly, parents are the most significant and beloved people for a child. Authority, especially at the earliest stages of psycho-emotional development, is too high, one might say, absolute. The child’s faith in the infallibility, correctness and justice of the parents is unshakable: “Mom said...”, “Dad ordered...”, etc.

Unlike a mature personality, a 3-4 year old child does not have psychological defense mechanisms and is not able to be guided by conscious motives and desires. Parents should be careful and attentive to their verbal appeals to the child, assessments of the child’s actions, and avoid attitudes that may subsequently manifest negatively in the child’s behavior, making his life stereotypical and emotionally limited.

Attitudes arise every day; parents, sometimes not on purpose, pronounce to their children statements they have heard from others. Some attitudes are random and weak, others are fundamental, constant and strong, formed from early childhood, and the earlier they are learned, the stronger their effect. Once it has arisen, an attitude does not disappear and, at a favorable moment in the child’s life, it affects his behavior and feelings. An action against a negative attitude can only be a counter-attitude, which is constantly reinforced by positive manifestations from parents and others. For example, the counter-installation “You can do anything” will defeat the installation “You are incompetent, you can’t do anything,” but only if the child actually receives confirmation of his abilities in real activities (drawing, modeling, singing, etc.).

Undoubtedly most parental attitudes are positive and contributes to the favorable development of the child’s personal path. An example of historically established and passed down from generation to generation positive attitudes that protect a person are proverbs and sayings, fairy tales and fables with a wise adaptive meaning, where good triumphs over evil, where perseverance, self-confidence and one’s strength are important.

Below is a table of the most common negative parental attitudes. Pay attention to the consequences that they may have on the child’s personality, and learn to put forward counterpoints. Remember if you heard something similar from your parents? Have some of them become inhibitory signposts on your life path?

Analyze what instructions, assessments and attitudes you give to your children. Try to make sure there are very few negative ones; learn to transform them into positive ones, developing in the child self-confidence, richness and brightness of the emotional world.

Naturally, the list of settings can be much larger. Make up your own and try to find counter-settings, this is a very useful activity, because what is said, seemingly by chance and not out of malice, can “resurface” in the future and negatively affect the child’s psycho-emotional well-being, his behavior, and often his life scenario.

How often do you tell your children:

· I'm busy right now)…

· Look what you did!!!

· Wrong as always!

· When will you learn!

· How many times can I repeat this to you?

· You're driving me crazy!

· What would you do without me?

· You always get into everything!

· Go away from me!

· Stand in the corner!

All these “words” are firmly hooked in the child’s subconscious, and then don’t be surprised if you don’t like that the child has moved away from you, has become secretive, lazy, distrustful, and unsure of himself.

And these words caress the child’s soul:

· You're the most loved one!

· You can do a lot!

· What would we do without you?!

· Come to me!

· Sit down with us...!

· I will help you…

· I rejoice at your success!

· No matter what happens, our home is our fortress.

· Tell me what's wrong with you...

Feelings of guilt and shame will in no way help a child become healthy and happy. You shouldn’t make his life dull, sometimes a child doesn’t need an assessment of his behavior and actions at all, he just needs to be reassured. Children are naturally endowed with a huge supply of instincts, feelings and behaviors that will help them be active, energetic and resilient. Much in the process of raising children depends not only on the experience and knowledge of parents, but also on their ability to feel and guess!

Educational psychologist

TSVETKOVA ALENA ALEKSANDROVNA
Consultation for parents “Parental Attitudes”

"About how they influence parental attitudes towards children's development. "

The mental life of a person is extremely complex, because the psyche consists of two mutually defining composite: conscious and unconscious - consciousness and subconscious.

In the unconscious sphere, a fixed attitude towards oneself, towards others and towards life in general is very important. Define it installations and psychological protection. Parents It is especially important to understand what role they play in the emotional and personal development of a child. parental settings. Undoubtedly parents- the most significant and beloved people for a child. Authority, especially in the earliest stages of psycho-emotional development, is indisputable and absolute. Belief in infallibility, rightness and justice parents The child has unshakable: “Mom said...”, “Dad ordered...”, etc.

Unlike a mature personality, a 3-4 year old child does not have psychological defense mechanisms and is not able to be guided by conscious motives and desires. Parents You should be careful and attentive to your verbal addresses to the child, assessments of the child’s actions, and avoid installations which can subsequently manifest negatively in the child’s behavior, making his life stereotypical and emotionally limited.

Settings arise every day. They are random, weak, others are fundamental, constant and strong, formed from early childhood, and the earlier they are learned, the stronger their effect. Once having arisen, installation does not disappear and at a favorable moment in the child’s life affects his behavior and feelings. Weapons against negativity installation can only become counter-installation, and constantly reinforced by positive manifestations from the outside parents and others. For example, counter-installation"You can do anything" will win installation“You’re incompetent, you can’t do anything,” but only if the child actually receives confirmation of his abilities in real activities (drawing, sculpting, singing, etc.).

Undoubtedly, most parental settings is positive and contributes to the favorable development of the child’s personal path. And since they help and do not interfere, then it is not necessary to be aware of them. These are unique psychological defense tools that help the child preserve himself and survive in the world around him. An example of historically established and passed down from generation to generation positive installations that protect people are proverbs and sayings, fairy tales and fables with a wise adaptive meaning, where good triumphs over evil, where perseverance, self-confidence and one’s strength are important.

Below is a table of the most common negative parental settings. Pay attention to the consequences that they may have on the child's personality, and learn to put forward counter-installations. Remember if you have heard something similar from your parents? Have some of them become inhibitory signposts on your life path?

Analyze which directives, assessments and installations you give to your children. Make sure that there are very few negative ones, learn to transform them into positive ones, developing in the child self-confidence, richness and brightness of the emotional world.

NEGATIVE ATTITUDES AND POSITIVE ATTITUDES

Having said this: think about the consequences and correct yourself in time

“If you don’t obey, no one will be friends with you...” entails

(Seclusion, aloofness, obsequiousness, lack of initiative, subordination, adherence to stereotypical behavior.) Positive installation -“Be yourself, everyone will have friends in life!”

"My woe!" entails (Guilt, low self-esteem, hostility towards others, alienation, conflicts with parents.) Positive installation -"You are my happiness, my joy!"

"Crybaby-Waxa, whiny, squeaky!" attracts (Restraint of emotions, internal anger, anxiety, deep experience of even minor problems, fears, increased emotional stress.) Positive installation -“Cry, it will be easier...”

“What a fool, I’m ready to give everything away...” attracts (Low self-esteem, greed, hoarding, difficulties communicating with peers, selfishness.) Positive installation -“Well done for sharing with others!”

"It's none of your business!" entails (Low self-esteem, delays in mental development, lack of opinion, timidity, aloofness, conflicts with parents.) Positive installation -"What do you think?".

“You’re just like your dad (mom...”) attracts (Difficulties in communicating with parents, identification with parental behavior, inadequate self-esteem, stubbornness, repetition of behavior parent.) Positive installation -“Our dad is a wonderful person!” “Our mom is smart!”

“You don’t know how to do anything, you incompetent!” attracts (Lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, fears, mental retardation, lack of initiative, low motivation to achieve.) Positive installation -“Try again, you will definitely succeed!”

“Don’t shout like that, you’ll go deaf!” attracts (Hidden aggressiveness, increased psycho-emotional stress, throat and ear diseases, conflict.) Positive installation -“Tell me in my ear, let’s whisper!”

"Slob, dirty!" attracts (Feelings of guilt, fears, absent-mindedness, inattention to oneself and one’s appearance, indiscriminate choice of friends.) Positive installation -“How nice it is to look at you when you are clean and neat!”

"Nasty girl, they're all capricious!" (to a boy about a girl). “You scoundrel, all boys are bullies and brawlers!” (to a girl about a boy). entails (Impairments in psychosexual development, complications in intersexual communication, difficulties in choosing a friend of the opposite sex.) Positive installation -“All people are equal, but at the same time, no one is like the other.”

“You are bad, you offend your mother, I will leave you for another child!” entails (Feelings of guilt, fears, anxiety, feelings of loneliness, sleep disturbance, alienation from parents, "withdrawal" into oneself or "withdrawal" from parents.)Positive installation -“I will never leave you, you are the most beloved!”

"Life is very difficult: “When you grow up, you’ll know!” entails (Mistrust, cowardice, lack of will, submission to fate, inability to overcome obstacles, tendency to accidents, suspicion, pessimism.) Positive installation-"Life is interesting and beautiful! Everything will be fine!"

"Get out of my sight, stand in the corner!" entails (Violations of relationships with parents, “escape” from them, secrecy, distrust, anger, aggressiveness.) Positive installation -“Come to me, let’s figure it out together!”

“Don’t eat a lot of sweets, otherwise your teeth will hurt and you’ll be so-o-ol-flocked!” attracts (Problems with excess weight, bad teeth, self-restraint, low self-esteem, self-rejection.) Positive installation -"Let's leave some for dad (to mom) it. d. "

“Everyone around you is a liar, rely only on yourself!” attracts (Difficulties in communication, suspicion, high self-esteem, fears, problems of overcontrol, feelings of loneliness and anxiety.) Positive installation -“There are many kind people in the world who are ready to help you...”

“Oh, you ugly duckling! And why are you so ugly!” entails (Dissatisfaction with one's appearance, shyness, communication problems, feelings of defenselessness, problems with parents, low self-esteem, lack of confidence in one’s strengths and capabilities.) Positive installation -"I like you so much!"

“You can’t do anything yourself, ask your elders for permission!” attracts (Shyness, fears, lack of self-confidence, lack of initiative, fear of elders, indecisiveness, dependence on other people’s opinions, anxiety.) Positive installation -“Be brave, you can do everything yourself!”

“You always wait at the wrong time...” attracts (Alienation, secrecy, excessive independence, feeling of defenselessness, uselessness, “withdrawal” into oneself,” increased psycho-emotional stress.) Positive installation -"Let me help you!"

“Don’t be afraid of anyone, don’t give in to anyone, give change to everyone!” entails (Lack of self-control, aggressiveness, lack of behavioral flexibility, difficulties in communication, problems with peers, a feeling of permissiveness.) Positive installation -"Control yourself, respect people!"

Naturally, the list installations may be significantly more. Make up your own and try to find counter-installations, this is a very useful activity, because what is said, seemingly by chance and not out of malice, can “resurface” in the future and negatively affect the psycho-emotional well-being of the child, his behavior, and often his life scenario.

How often do you speak children:

I'm busy right now…

Look what you've done!

As always - wrong!

When will you learn!

How many times can I tell you!

You'll drive me crazy!

What would you do without me!

You're always getting into everything!

Go away from me!

Stand in the corner!

All these “words” are firmly hooked in the child’s subconscious, and then don’t be surprised if you don’t like that the child has moved away from you, has become secretive, lazy, distrustful, and unsure of himself.

And these words caress the child’s soul nka:

You're the most loved one!

You can do a lot!

What would we do without you!

Come to me!

Sit down with us!

I will help you…

I rejoice at your success!

No matter what happens, our home is our fortress.

Tell me what's wrong with you...

Feelings of guilt and shame will in no way help a child become healthy and happy. You shouldn’t make his life dull, sometimes a child doesn’t need an assessment of his behavior and actions at all, he just needs to be reassured. The child himself is not a helpless “straw in the wind”, not a timid blade of grass on the asphalt that is afraid of being stepped on. Children are naturally endowed with a huge supply of instincts, feelings and behaviors that will help them be active, energetic and resilient. Much in the process of raising children depends not only on experience and knowledge parents, but also from their ability to feel and guess!