The relationship between a man and a woman is one of the foundations of any person’s life. We can have a favorite and well-paid job, true friends, hobbies... But if there is no soul mate, then all the other delights of life are not pleasing. Or there is a relationship, but with the note “everything is complicated.” Quarrels, misunderstandings, conflicts out of the blue. It's better to be alone!

The lives of many of us revolve in this vicious circle - crowded together, boring apart. Hence, betrayal, separation, pain, another experience of unsuccessful relationships. Vadim Kurkin is a successful psychologist, author of articles and lectures, who undertakes to teach anyone the secrets of happiness in relationships.

There are only two ways in a relationship

What does the Vadim Kurkin Center do? The secrets of happy relationships - this is what visitors to his trainings and lectures will learn. Without satisfaction in love, it is impossible to become happy in other areas of life.

Look at your relationship with your partner from the outside. Where are you moving and are you moving at all? Vadim Kurkin claims that there are only two ways to develop any relationship. This is either development and growth, or joint degradation.

Why did I meet the wrong person again?

“And again I was disappointed in her, she turned out to be the same as all the previous ones.” Surely you have heard similar phrases from others, if you have not said such things yourself. We often blame our loneliness on the world, which stubbornly gives us unsuitable partners.

Vadim Kurkin's training will reveal to you the hard truth - we meet only those people who are worthy at a given level of development and whom we attract ourselves. Any woman is a mirror image of the man next to her, and vice versa. Not satisfied with your partner? Stop looking for reasons for failure in him, and pay attention to yourself. Give up the relationship for a while, engage in self-improvement and return to the search after some time, renewed.

About the importance of choice

Vadim Kurkin believes that relationships often don’t work out only because the man or woman is afraid to make a choice. Choice is the beginning of the journey, the recognition that this is “my man” or “my woman.” It is the choice that is considered the starting point of your relationship.

But keep in mind that making a choice is difficult, since it means accepting responsibility, and not only for your decision, but also for the specific person chosen, says Vadim Kurkin.

The psychologist claims that, on the other hand, after a conscious choice, relationships become simpler. A man's role is that of a breadwinner. Having chosen a woman, he can begin to give her gifts and invest money in the development of “we are together.” Without a choice made, it’s hard for a woman too. She cannot love a man, look after him and take care of him while he is not “hers.”

There is one “but” in the matter of choice. You cannot accept any person who comes into your life. Like, well, I choose it, I’ll try with it, and if something happens, I’ll re-select it. When choosing a partner, you should imagine that he will be with you forever, and experience joy from this. If the thought of a long-term relationship with a specific person does not make you enthusiastic, then you should hold off and wait for a more suitable match for you.

What if this is not my person?

Another reason that makes us delay making a choice is the fear of making a mistake. You will waste time, effort and money, but this is simply not your person, but he just passed by. What does Vadim Kurkin say about this?

The reviews from those who attended his training are enthusiastic - the psychologist calls not for philosophical research, but for action. Your fears will go away when you make a choice. Take a risk, and time will tell.

Or this situation - for some reason you choose from two potential partners and mark time. Until you do anything, says Vadim Kurkin, nothing good will happen in your life. Choose, even if it’s not yours, and then you’ll figure it out. After all, experience is the consequences of actions, not thoughts.

Floors of the house called "relationships"

The Vadim Kurkin Center in its lectures states the following: relationships are not a haphazard, chaotic movement from quarrels to truce, but a structure that can be successfully managed and improved. Everyone in a relationship has their own role, and if you follow it and “play fairly,” there is a chance to build a strong “home” in which the two of you will be comfortable and cozy.

Floor called "security"

Take it as an axiom that a man leads, he is first, and a woman follows him, she is second - this is what Vadim Kurkin says.

Reviews from psychologists vary, but this assumption makes sense. On the first floor of relationships, the basis for life is built. The man is the breadwinner. The responsibility for food, life and the security of relationships falls on his shoulders. At this stage of building relationships, it is important for a woman to learn to be weak and be able to ask for help. Even if you can do everything yourself, allow yourself to accept help from your partner.

No one owes nothing to nobody

Second floor - wishes

On this “floor” of relationships the woman is in charge. A healthy, beautiful woman should have desires, and that's wonderful. But there is a huge difference between a capricious beggar and a wise woman who knows how to correctly present her desires. Imagine a girl who is always capricious and whines that she needs this and that. “I want a new dress, like Katya’s! Let's go to the restaurant! And Masha gave her a new phone, but you gave me nothing.”

And imagine a girl who, hugging her beloved, talks about her dreams of how they will move from a rented one-room apartment to her own apartment, where she will restore order and comfort. Or about how irresistible she will be in a new dress on a walk with her beloved.

The first girl causes annoyance, while the second encourages action and the search for means to realize desires. A woman can want anything, the only difference is how it is presented. If you know how to wish and ask correctly, then your man will happily do it.

Of course, there should be common sense in requests and in what a woman wants. For example, it’s stupid to describe how much you want a mink coat worth 100 thousand rubles if your total monthly income is only 40.

Third floor - goals

A man, fueled by the desires of his beloved, will be able not only to set goals, but also to achieve them, while earning money. It’s good if a woman has a favorite business that generates income, but if she “runs” or earns more than a man, then building a relationship will be more difficult. It is better for a woman to stimulate and motivate her lover, while not forgetting about the desires from the second floor.

Fourth floor - delight

This is the women's floor, says Vadim Kurkin. In this part of the relationship, a woman should admire her man and inspire him to action with her words. When a woman believes in her man, even if he fails, he will not give up.

How should a woman behave if a man has become a victim of circumstances? Don’t set yourself the goal of “pulling” him out of a depressed state, you are not a mother, you are an ally. Your man is strong. Leave him alone with himself, give him the opportunity to concentrate and think about everything himself. But at the stage of life where everything is going well, be there and share the joy of success.

Creativity lives on the fifth floor

On this floor, the man should be in charge of the relationship. Ideas for spending time together, relaxing, what to do together on the upcoming day off. Every man has enormous creative potential, which should be expressed in the form of hobbies - sports, fishing, creating something with his own hands or digging in the garage. If a man does not give an outlet to this energy, quarrels are inevitable, where creative energy will be transformed into destructive energy.

Sixth floor - intuition

Any woman, no matter who she is by profession or role in life, has a deep internal connection with the cosmos. A woman’s intuition is not a fiction, but a real “sixth sense” that will work especially well if you are not afraid to trust it.

A man should listen to the advice of his beloved if she says “I feel”, “I have a presentiment”. A woman should not remain silent about her feelings about future events, any upcoming plans or work affairs of a man.

Everyone’s place in the “house” of relationships

Now think about where you and your partner belong in the built house. Are you not encroaching on the territory where your significant other should lead, are you taking on too much? Or, conversely, are you refusing to dominate where you should?

Refuse to control floors that are not yours, to restore order there. Take care of your part of the responsibilities so that everything is good and smooth on your “field”. I want to be in harmoniously arranged relationships, since they do not burden, but inspire and push both partners to develop, as Vadim Kurkin believes.

The educational center named after him encourages everyone to analyze the state of their own “home.” If you understand that not everything is going smoothly, then do not rush to destroy it, and hastily build a new one with the next partner. It is easier to make repairs than to build a building from scratch. Use the work of Vadim Kurkin to realize all your plans for a happy relationship.

What woman doesn’t want to learn the secrets of a happy relationship with a man and live in harmony with her chosen one, herself and the world? Do they exist?

Psychologist from St. Petersburg Vadim Kurkin is sure that there are secrets, and everyone can master the art of happy relationships. To do this, you need to learn about some laws of psychology.

Vadim Kurkin sees his mission as improving the psychological literacy of women and making them happy.

His course on happy relationships has become the most popular - for its simplicity and benefits.

Vadim Kurkin also runs a magazine about relationships and life. On his blog, he generously shares his knowledge as a successful man who knows what he's talking about.

“As a psychologist, I not only work in my specialty, but have established myself in the profession. The topics of self-esteem and the secrets of happy relationships are my main directions,” says Vadim Kurkin.

Source: Vadim Kurkin / Facebook

The psychology of relationships is often of interest to women, so Growth Phase recorded his special lecture.

In the given female types, everyone will be able to recognize themselves and try to answer the question: do I like my life and what to do about it?

The Tale of a Girl Who Lives Later

Vadim Kurkin first tells his students of the “Secrets of Happy Relationships” course a motivating tale. Isn't this a familiar story to everyone?

Once upon a time there was a girl who dreamed of a good life. She knew that happiness would come someday later. And now she needs to go to school and do homework.

Then, when I go to college, I will have the most wonderful life in the world! But now I need to prepare for exams, the girl thought.

She entered university and was overwhelmed by routine and all sorts of disappointments. And what was she thinking about? I’ll get a job and then I’ll live! Then, when I make a career... I will have a lot of happiness!

Well, now I will do routine and unenjoyable activities.

The girl started working, got married, gave birth to two children... Then it will become easier for me, the woman thought. Then, when my husband starts earning more, we can go on a trip...

Retirement has arrived. In front of the TV, the woman dreamed that someday later... The end of the fairy tale.

5 relationship levels

According to Vadim Kurkin, our relationship as a couple and with the world is a house with five floors. And the quality of our life depends on whether order is brought to each of them.

1. Security level

The first floor includes meeting our basic needs. This includes more than just the physical needs of eating and sleeping. This means a roof over your head and money for education for children.

“Ideally, a man provides a woman’s security. The normal female position is to live for pleasure,” says the author of the marathon.

In a harmonious relationship in a couple, the woman does not think about the base. She wakes up in the morning with a smile and thinks: wow, what new will this day bring me? She thinks about the future and the future, but with joy, absolutely without tension.

What to do if there is no man yet? If a woman knows how to live relaxed, without tension, the role of a man takes on the world around her. The world feels your condition, and it wants to please you!

2. Level of desires, sex and pleasure

If the first level, the “center,” is closed, the woman gains access to her desires. Otherwise, all the energy will be spent on safety, the tension in the “base” will not allow new energy to manifest itself.

With a closed level of security, desires appear freely and spontaneously.Here it is important to learn to distinguish your true “wants” from those imposed. It also matters whether a woman knows how to broadcast her desires to the world without shame and false modesty.

“A man can feel like a hero who enjoys satisfying her. If there is no partner, but you know how to freely want, connected with your desires, the world itself will begin to throw up opportunities,” continues Vadim Kurkin.

3. Money level

The flow of money into our lives grows in proportion to our needs. With the third level pumped up, the necessary finances come either before the desire or need arises, or at the same time.

But never after! With a closed level of money, there is no need to frantically search for finance.

Kurkin argues that our well-being does not depend either on the political situation or on evil authorities.

What does this level mean in the context of male-female relationships? A woman who knows the secrets of handling finances knows how to influence her husband’s income and motivate him.

He must want to become a breadwinner and a hero, climb the career ladder in order to set ambitious financial goals for himself!

According to Kurkin, it happens that one man is “rushing”, while others are still unlucky. And the only difference is in what state these people and their women are in.

4. Level of love and emotional involvement

Vadim Kurkin believes that love should only be mutual. It should make our chosen ones strong.

It happens that a woman loves a man, but he only becomes weaker with her. “You already love him so much, he received so much from you that he has no need to become a hero,” says the presenter.

It is important for such women to learn not only to give, but also to receive. The coach believes that love between a man and a woman is like a child. It is born, grows, evolves and only becomes deeper over time.

5. Level of intuition and sensitivity

At this level, a woman connects with her inner nature. If there is tension at the basic level of survival, intuition is not available.

The ideal picture is this: you become a sensitive woman who is able to sense herself and the world, opportunities and prospects for a couple, family.

“Then you are a special woman. Intuition seems to move you forward, and consciousness and mind help. This is the top floor of the relationship, the cherry on the cake,” sums up the coach.

5 female scenarios

Why does our house with five floors not stand firmly on the ground, but regularly shakes and is filled with tension at one level or another? Vadim Kurkin believes that it’s all about our life scenario. What it is?

This is an unconscious life plan - a decision that a child makes unconsciously in childhood under the influence of his parents.

How does this happen? For example, a girl sees that her dad is talking aggressively to her mom. And she makes an unconscious decision - all men are evil. What will be the girl's scenario? Don't trust men!

At the same time, she will attract evil and aggressive men into her life.

Even if trials appear on our way, fate prepares a reward for us for them.

Another thing is the script. Its only function is to preserve itself and make us function at the survival level. If we live according to a script, we cannot access our true destiny.

The psychologist identifies five female scenario types to which certain male types are drawn.

1. Thoughtful woman

She is strong-willed and internally very strong. This is a locomotive woman who loves to be in the front row. This woman is prone to analysis, she is careful, slow and likes to stick to her usual routine.

She always finishes what she starts, but it is difficult for her to make decisions. Because of this, it is extremely difficult for such a woman to change anything in her life, for example, to leave an unloved job that has not brought any joy for 10 years.

It is important for her to reach the end in everything, so she gets emotionally stuck at the stage of the struggle of motives, as if she is sitting on two chairs. She quickly gets tired of people.

But when getting close to someone, it quickly becomes dependent - people begin to use it.

In a relationship with a man, she can be described as a soft, understanding woman. She will not force her partner to do anything - everything herself! And the man next to her ceases to be active.

This woman attracts weak men. And the strong themselves become weak next to her. Its script function is to grow its partner. But as soon as he gets to his feet, she breaks up with him. Her script is to not accept the results.

She knows how to promote, but does not know how to receive and take. In this woman's scenario, there is no permission to live in luxury and pleasure.

As soon as a relaxed and prosperous period looms in her world, she will feel shame and fear. She is embarrassed to live better than others! And she unconsciously merges her successes so as not to experience these feelings.

2. Woman with a sparkle

She seems strong to those around her, but this is just appearance. Inside, she can barely hold on because of accumulated fears, pain and disappointments.

This is an incredibly emotional woman! She is cheerful, bright, jokes a lot, easily adapts to new things and suffers from constant mood swings.

He makes decisions quickly and on emotions. Did you like the team? Got a job. Did you dislike it? Two months later I fell out of love and left. There is constant news around this woman.

In her script there is no way to follow through, and because of this she does not get the desired result. But others enjoy the fruits of her labors!

She finds loneliness difficult. In relationships with men, she gets drunk, there are many fans around her, but relationships with just one do not work out. It happens that she attracts strong men with character.

But what's going on? She resists restrictions, resists his power. She constantly needs emotions, and she gets them through conflicts.

The partner feels “out of balance”, and the successful man leaves her.

In relationships, she quickly gets bored with routine, she wants an eternal holiday and news. She is thrown from side to side. And by the age of 35, it is completely exhausted.

3. Woman leader

Such a woman loves order and justice in everything, and is incredibly demanding of both herself and others. She controls those around her. And then she wonders why they resist her “doing good?”

Recognition and respect are important to her, but she forcibly invades the lives of others, so she does not get what she wants. She doesn’t feel her boundaries, and therefore other people don’t feel them either.

She is quarrelsome and conflicted. It is important for her to always remain right! But in a relationship with a man, this is a dead end. Her way of expressing love is criticism. She constantly re-educates her loved ones and gives unsolicited advice.

At the same time, he works a lot, but absolutely does not know the value of his work. For one salary she can do the work of five employees.

Men around her quickly become weak, even if they were strong. She does not give her strength any chance to manifest itself, as she constantly competes with men.

4. Shy woman

She is reserved and sensitive, focused on her inner world. She is very easy to offend! Anything that goes wrong, she immediately hides in her shell.

At the same time, any hint of protest, of defending boundaries on her part, is perceived extremely negatively by those around her - they are accustomed to using her.

This woman is very talented and creative, but does not believe in herself at all. She is addicted to praise and criticism.

In relationships, he does not show his needs, endures silently and for a long time, and then quietly leaves.

She is drawn to the smallest signs of strength in men, but does not know how to distinguish the real from deception, so she regularly gets into unpleasant situations. She doesn't understand and doesn't know how to evaluate people!

The story about taking out several loans in your name for your favorite handsome guy is about her. She cherishes and cherishes her love for a man, and he takes advantage of her.

Her fetish is non-conflict. And she achieves it at the cost of concessions and self-denial. Often finds himself in the role of a scapegoat. She can sacrifice everything and spoils both men and children. At the same time, he takes all the blame for breakups and quarrels upon himself.

He is saved by his job, where he also does not know how to say “no.”

5. "Miss Instability"

She is the only one of all female types who knows how to put herself first. She realizes her worth, is drawn to beauty, always takes care of herself, and looks like a star.

This female type is closest to the state of a female queen, but she is always half a step short of full realization.

There are many men around her. But she considers them all lustful! She constantly has to prove that she is not only beautiful, but also smart. She constantly proves, argues, disagrees! He says: you don’t need to teach me, I’m not a fool! And it destroys relationships.

Another problem is non-reciprocity. She is not liked by those who like her, and those who find her attractive are not attracted to her in any way.

Her usual way of getting what she wants is insult or blackmail. Did the man not do something? She was offended. Didn't do it again? She threatens to leave

A successful man tries to appease her with gifts, but sooner or later he gets tired of it all. She is perceived as a superficial woman, and it is important for her to constantly prove the opposite.

She is unstable, always unsatisfied. Sometimes she feels like a star, sometimes like a sweet, quiet, shy girl. It’s difficult for those around her to be around her! And the woman herself has a hard time because of constant emotional stress.

She knows how to want, but does not know how to receive. Because of this, psychosomatic diseases can flourish in her. Her script is to always stop before the very last step. In achieving success, she slows herself down.

How to go beyond the script?

The secrets to a perfect relationship with a successful man are to go beyond the script and access your true feminine purpose.

Vadim Kurkin believes that it is almost impossible to calculate your script on your own, without outside help in an educational or psychological center, because it is located in the unconscious layers of the psyche.

However, everyone can help themselves “come to life” a little.

Practice for revival “Like the first time”

Take the mirror. Most women will say that they look tired. This is the fatigue that has accumulated due to the script.

The trainer asks you to close your eyes and mentally send a pleasant wave of relaxation through your body.

“Imagine a child inside you. Remember this little girl, how does she look at the world? There will be the surprise of the discoverer, the exclamation “Wow”, sincere joy,” says the coach.

The presenter suggests opening your eyes and looking at yourself in the mirror again, only with the “gaze of a discoverer.”

“Constantly use a lively gaze throughout the day. Explore your condition and other people’s reactions to it,” the psychologist asks. This practice will help you go a little off-script, he says.

It is dangerous to do deeper exercises without preparation; Kurkin talks about them at the end of his marathon, as well as to the students of his educational center. His online relationship magazine also contains a lot of practical tips.

Don't wait for magic

The script is often formed as a result of the child’s identification with a hero from fairy tales.

“Take any fairy tale and remove the magic from it. What will the hero's life be like then? The secrets to a happy relationship are to stop waiting for magic, the good witch. There is no such thing in life! And it starts right now,” sums up the author of the marathon.

Vadim Kurkin is today known as an effective coach on business sales and relationships between people. His activities are aimed at revealing the deep foundations of interactions in the family and between people in general. Each of us wants to be in demand and successful, but in reality only a few achieve this. Why does this happen? You need to know how to move correctly towards your desired goal.

Vadim Kurkin is the founder of the so-called psychology of the future; in his seminars he touches on the desires of the people themselves. His performances are a significant success. Vadim Kurkin is the author of various courses and trainings. His work is aimed primarily at the personal growth and development of each participant.

A little history. Biography

Vadim Kurkin began his career relatively early - at seventeen years old. At first it was focused only on successful sales. For some time I combined hired work with my own training and development. However, I wanted more. The young man understood that significant success could only be achieved through enormous dedication, patience and hard work. At the same time, he never had the desire to simply work for hire and earn money.

I always dreamed of finding a source of my own driving force, inspiration that would lead me. Vadim Kurkin owes his own victory to himself. His biography once again confirms that nothing is impossible for a purposeful and active person.

From sales coaching to relationship training

When the young specialist began to give useful lectures on management, talking about it, he noticed one feature. Most often women came to his seminars; there were a relatively small number of men. Moreover, young girls also attended the meetings, they listened to the coach with the greatest attention. Suddenly Vadim realized what was going on: all these lovely ladies did not come to learn effective sales, they wanted to learn the secrets of relationships with the opposite sex. They were interested in how to create a harmonious, happy family, strengthen relationships with an existing partner, and bring more trust and attentiveness into them.

Kurkin began answering questions from the participants and became interested in these topics himself. Then the realization came to him that abstract success does not give much that a person actually strives for, does not satisfy his inner personal need - to be loved and needed.

As a result, the coach was able to combine the two components and came up with a unified concept of individual success. This is what he currently shares in his seminars, online courses and trainings.

Center for Practical Psychology

It was created for the successful implementation of all those new ideas and thoughts that literally attacked the young man. The Vadim Kurkin Center has become an excellent addition to existing knowledge. With its help, he was able to convey to people directly his own thoughts and views on the world.

The Center for Practical Psychology includes courses on harmonious relationships, seminars and webinars for women who dream of changing their lives for the better. Next, the trainer’s main courses and theoretical aspects, to which he pays close attention at these meetings, will be considered.

"Secrets of a Happy Relationship"

This seminar covers a large number of issues on how spouses interact with each other. Vadim Kurkin expresses an interesting idea that in real, holistic relationships there is complete interdependence, the spouses belong to each other. There are people who want to be independent and avoid attachments in their lives in every possible way. Vadim Kurkin very competently debunks the myth of chanting one’s own freedom. Such a person, as a rule, suffers from oppressive loneliness and lack of fulfillment, but it never occurs to him that he is doing wrong and it’s time to change something.

Another important postulate is the statement that it is important for a woman to motivate a man to succeed, to create for him additional inspiration, a stimulus for action. According to Vadim Kurkin, a man needs very little for himself, and everything he does is achieved only for the sake of his other half. If the stronger sex is deprived of the opportunity to take care of the well-being of his companion, then he will not take any steps to please himself with any purchases. A man will not find meaning or satisfaction in this.

At the seminar, the author, together with the participants, examines the role of men and women in each other’s lives. To create a harmonious union, you first need to come to an understanding of how everything works. The greatest mistake is to try to live selfishly and for a woman to take responsibility for the entire family. This is the prerogative of the stronger sex; this right should not be taken away from him. This is what Vadim Kurkin is talking about. His books confirm the correctness and reasonableness of this position.

"The time for happiness is now"

This course is designed for an audience that is focused on active action. Learning how to effectively develop and attract good luck is important for many people. Some of us are not ready to take concrete steps today, and that is why we suffer. and with a lot of work, finding time to communicate with family - these are the main burning issues. The training helps you believe in yourself and find inner balance.

"Education without punishment"

The course talks about how to properly build relationships with your own children. Some parents cannot do without using punishment, and this negatively affects the personal development of the growing child. According to Kurkin, children need to be raised with love, demonstrating to them in practice your protection and patronage. Words are important, but they are worth comparatively less than actual deeds and actions. Give your child warmth and participation, he wants to feel parental support in everything!

Vadim Kurkin. Reviews

Participants in the trainings note one amazing feature: after completing this or that course, they feel fulfilled and inspired to implement any ideas. Women often admit that they were already in despair, and only this meeting with a knowledgeable person helped them realize their true role and purpose in the family.