One of the biggest relationship problems is emotional dependence. Most often, emotional dependence manifests itself in marital and child-parent relationships, when a wife cannot imagine herself without her husband, and an adult child cannot do without the care of his mother.It often happens that a woman hates her husband/partner, but at the same time claims that she cannot live without him.

What is emotional dependence?

Denial of one's own emotions and desires, inability to make decisions, lack of will, tendency to sacrifice oneself, inability to take responsibility for oneself and one's life - all this is characteristic of a subject who is in emotional dependence.

For an emotionally dependent subject, the state, reactions and assessments of another are very important. If significant person I’m not around for a long time, there is strong anxiety and confusion, often characterized by the phrase “I just can’t find a place for myself!”

Dependent and equal relationships - what's the difference?

Full feelings enrich a person, contribute to the prosperity and development of the individual, they are conscious and do not contradict the state of internal freedom and balance.

Equal relationships are based on reciprocity, trust and respect for each other.

Emotionally dependent relationships are built according to the principle of dominance and submission (leader and follower). At the same time, the leader believes that he knows better “how to live” and “what to do”; he completely controls the follower, who completely accepts the opinion and standards of behavior imposed on him.

Fear of abandonment, anxiety, self-doubt, difficulties in intimacy are constant companions of emotionally dependent subjects.

There is reason to think if:

• you feel dependent on other people's judgments;
• you are unable to build meaningful relationships with the opposite sex;
• you are unable to make important decisions on your own
• you experience a strong and often unfounded feeling of jealousy;
• you cannot say a firm “no” or refuse an intrusive offer;
  
• you have experienced grief, severe shock and cannot return to the normal rhythm of life;
• you experience deep loneliness.
  

The Disastrous Consequences of Emotional Dependency

An emotionally dependent person is constantly in anxiety and tension, and therefore psychosomatic ailments gradually develop: problems with the gastrointestinal tract, skin diseases (eczema, psoriasis). Neurotic disorders appear, gradually turning into severe forms of depression with suicidal tendencies.

Test

Give answers to the questions according to the criteria: 3 - very characteristic of me, 2 - not very characteristic of me,
1 - not at all typical for me.

1. I grew up in a troubled family where emotions were repressed.
2. I deny that I grew up in a problematic family.
3. I tend to blame myself for everything.
4. I try to intervene in the lives of others, take responsibility for how others think, feel, look, act and behave in life.
5. I tend to get angry when others criticize and blame me.
6. I reject compliments and praise.
7. I get depressed due to lack of compliments and praise.
8. I feel different from other people around the world.
9. I think I'm not very good.
10. I have been a victim of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse in the past.
11. I feel like a victim.
12. I tell myself that I can't do anything right.
13. I'm very afraid of making a mistake.
14. I wonder why I have such a hard time making decisions.
15. I certainly strive to do everything exceptionally well, flawlessly.
16. I wonder why I am never satisfied with what I have achieved.
17. I have a great variety of “I must...” in my language.
18. I often and deeply experience feelings of guilt.
19. I'm ashamed of myself for who I really am.
20. I think my life is no good.
21. Instead of living my own life, I try to help other people live.
22. I get artificial sensual fuel for my self-esteem by helping others.
23. I'm experiencing strong feeling decreased self-worth (confusion, failure, defeat, etc.) if I fail to solve the problems of others.
24. I wish for myself that something good will happen to me.
25. I believe that nothing good will happen to me.
26. I don’t think I deserve happiness or anything good at all.
27. I wish that other people would sympathize with me and love me.
28. I think that other people cannot sympathize with me and love me.
29. I'm trying to prove to others that I'm good.
30. I put myself in a position to be needed by others.

30-50 points: you have adequate self-esteem, there is a rich resource for spiritual growth, you do not suffer from severe dependence.

51-70: you are a vulnerable person, prone to low self-esteem. You need to work on overcoming your emotional addiction.

71-90: you show signs of emotional dependence, you are strongly recommended to get rid of this condition. You are at risk of ending up in a troubled marriage.

Get rid of emotional dependence

Tests

to identify early signs computer addiction in minors

Tests allow you to determine the level of computer addiction of students educational institutions different age categories.

Questionnaire tests consist of two blocks: the first block is filled out by students, the second - by parents of students.

Instructions: Read the ten questions carefully. You must evaluate each of them as true or false. If the question seems true or mostly true to you, put “Yes”; if incorrect, put “No”.

BlockI. Tests for a child

Option 1.

1. Do you often notice that you spend more time online than you intended? (Not really)

2. Do you often neglect household chores in order to spend more time online? (Not really)

3. Are people often interested in the amount of time you spend online? (Not really)

4. Do you notice that your performance at school has become worse due to the fact that you do not have time to study because you spend too much time online? (Not really)

5. Do you often imagine how you will find yourself on the Internet again? (Not really)

6. Do you often feel that life without the Internet is boring, empty and joyless? (Not really)

7. Do you often swear, scream, or otherwise express your frustration when someone tries to distract you from being on the Internet? (Not really)

8. Do you often neglect sleep by staying up late on the Internet? (Not really)

9. Do you feel revitalized and excited when you are at the computer? (Not really)

10. Have you experienced sleep disturbances and/or changed your sleep patterns since you started using the computer daily? (Not really)

Option 2.

1. Have you ever had to ask teachers or parents to replace at least part of their knowledge with computer games? (Not really)

2. Do you feel that you are not always able to immediately stop playing a computer game? (Not really)

3. Do you feel irritated or tired if you don't play on the computer for a long time? (Not really)

4. Do you usually play computer games more than you planned? (Not really)

5. Have you had to urgently close the window with a computer game or website when your parents, teachers, or friends came? (Not really)

6. Have you ever played a computer game to improve your mood (for example, guilt, irritability) or just to calm down? (Not really)

7. Do you get headaches after playing on the computer? (Not really)

8. Do you neglect meals because of a computer game? (Not really)

9. Do you neglect personal hygiene because of a computer game? (Not really)

10. In ordinary life, do you feel emptiness, irritability, depression, which disappear when playing on the computer? (Not really)

Calculation of results: carried out by the specialists who carried out the testing.

“Yes” – 1 point,

“No” – 0 points.

The points received are summed up.

0 – 3 points– low level of computer addiction.

4 – 6 points – average level computer addiction.

7 – 10 points– high level of computer addiction.

Block II. Tests for parents

Option 1. Your child, …

1. When you come home, does the first thing you do is sit down at the computer? (Not really)

2. Have you given up on household chores, studies, or become disobedient? (Not really)

3. Irritable and rude when distracted from the computer? (Not really)

4. Does he eat without looking up from the computer? (Not really)

5. Doesn’t know what to do if the computer is inaccessible or broken? (Not really)

6. Not able to control the time spent at the computer? (Not really)

7. Spends a lot of money on computer games? (Not really)

8. Have you stopped communicating with friends, are you spending more and more time online? (Not really)

9. Visits various forbidden sites? (Not really)

10. Constantly talks about computer games ah, about communicating on the Internet? (Not really)

Option 2. Your child, …

1. Feels irritated when you have to end a game? (Not really)

2. Because of a computer game, does he sacrifice time with his family and relatives? (Not really)

3. After playing a computer game, does he complain of headaches or dry eyes? (Not really)

4. Expresses a desire to spend more time on the Internet? (Not really)

5. During a computer game, does he completely detach himself from reality, being completely transported into the world of the game? (Not really)

6. Because of a computer game, does he neglect nutrition and personal hygiene? (Not really)

7. As a result of systematically spending time at the computer, I lost interest in studying, sports sections, mugs? (Not really)

8. Are you mostly in a good mood when playing computer games or communicating online? (Not really)

9. Does spending a long time on the Internet disrupt your daily routine? (Not really)

10. Do you prefer communicating with virtual friends than with real ones? (Not really)

Calculation of results: produced by parents.

“Yes” – 1 point,

“No” – 0 points.

The points received are summed up.

0 – 3 points– low level of computer addiction; parents can cope with the problem themselves ( see recommendations);

4 – 6 points– average level of computer addiction; to solve the problem, consultation with a specialist (psychologist) is necessary;

7 – 10 points– high level of computer addiction, excessive passion for the computer, which can lead to psychological dependence of the child; Parents cannot cope with the problem on their own, so it is necessary to seek help from a specialist (psychologist, psychotherapist).

on preventing computer addiction

1. Adhere to a democratic style of upbringing in the family, which most contributes to nurturing the child’s independence, activity, initiative and responsibility.

2. Don’t be afraid to show your feelings to your child if you are upset by the current “computer” situation. Then he will see you not as an enemy, but loved one who also needs care.

3. It is necessary to stipulate the time the child plays on the computer and strictly adhere to these limits. The amount of time must be chosen based on age characteristics child. For example, it is not recommended to allow a child under 5 years of age to access a computer; it is worth encouraging him to explore the world without the mediation of electronics. From the age of 6, a child can begin to get acquainted with a computer (15-20 minutes a day). For a teenager 10-12 years old, it is advisable to do no more than 2 hours a day and not in a row, but for 15-20 minutes with breaks.

5. It is necessary to instill in the child an interest in active games and physical exercise(so that he feels joy from this), and also involve the child in household chores.

6. It is necessary to ensure that playing on a computer does not replace real communication with peers, friends and loved ones. Invite your child’s friends to your home more often.

7. There is no need to protect your child from the computer at all, since this is an integral part of the future in which the child will live.

Tests

Tests allow you to determine the level of computer addiction of students of educational institutions of different age categories.

Questionnaire tests consist of two blocks: the first block is filled out by students, the second - by parents of students.

Download:

Preview:

Tests

to identify early signs of computer addiction in minors

Tests allow you to determine the level of computer addiction of students of educational institutions of different age categories.

Questionnaire tests consist of two blocks: the first block is filled out by students, the second - by parents of students.

Instructions: Read the ten questions carefully. You must evaluate each of them as true or false. If the question seems true or mostly true to you, put “Yes”; if incorrect, put “No”.

Block I. Tests for the child

Option 1.

1. Do you often find yourself spending more time online than you intended? (Not really)
2. Do you often neglect household chores in order to spend more time online? (Not really)
3. Are people around you often interested in the amount of time you spend online? (Not really)
4. Have you noticed that your performance in school has become worse because you don't have time to study because you spend too much time online? (Not really)
5. Do you often imagine how you will find yourself on the Internet again? (Not really)
6. Do you often feel that life without the Internet is boring, empty and joyless? (Not really)
7. Do you often swear, scream, or otherwise express your frustration when someone tries to distract you from being on the Internet? (Not really)
8. Do you often neglect sleep by staying up late on the Internet? (Not really)
9. Do you feel revitalized and excited while at the computer? (Not really)
10. Have you experienced sleep disturbances and/or changed your sleep patterns since you started using the computer daily? (Not really)

Option 2.

1. Have you ever asked teachers or parents to replace at least part of their knowledge with computer games? (Not really)
2. Do you feel that you are not always able to immediately stop playing a computer game? (Not really)
3. Do you feel irritated or tired if you don't play on your computer for a long time? (Not really)
4. Do you usually play computer games more than you planned? (Not really)
5. Have you ever had to urgently close a window with a computer game or website when your parents, teachers, or friends came? (Not really)
6. Have you ever played a computer game to improve your mood (for example, guilt, irritability) or simply to calm down? (Not really)
7. Do you get headaches after playing on the computer? (Not really)
8. Do you neglect meals because of playing a computer game? (Not really)
9. Do you neglect personal hygiene because of a computer game? (Not really)
10. In ordinary life, do you feel emptiness, irritability, depression, which disappear when playing on the computer? (Not really)

Calculation of results:carried out by the specialists who carried out the testing.

“Yes” – 1 point,

“No” – 0 points.

0 – 3 points – low level of computer addiction.

4 – 6 points – average level of computer addiction.

7 – 10 points – high level of computer addiction.

Block II. Tests for parents

Option 1. Your child,...

1. When you come home, the first thing you do is sit down at the computer? (Not really)
2. Have you neglected your homework, your studies, or become disobedient? (Not really)
3. Irritable, rude when distracted from the computer? (Not really)
4. Does he eat without looking up from his computer? (Not really)
5. Don't know what to do if your computer is inaccessible or broken? (Not really)
6. Unable to control the time spent at the computer? (Not really)
7. Spend a lot of money on computer games? (Not really)
8. Have you stopped communicating with friends and are you spending more and more time online? (Not really)
9. Visits various forbidden sites? (Not really)
10. Does he constantly talk about computer games and communicating on the Internet? (Not really)

Option 2. Your child,...

1. Feeling irritated when you have to end a game? (Not really)
2. Because of a computer game, does he sacrifice time with his family and relatives? (Not really)
3. After playing a computer game, does he complain of headaches or dry eyes? (Not really)
4. Expresses a desire to spend more time on the Internet? (Not really)
5. During a computer game, does one completely detach himself from reality, being completely transported into the world of the game? (Not really)
6. Because of a computer game, does he neglect nutrition and personal hygiene? (Not really)
7. As a result of systematically spending time at the computer, have you lost interest in studies, sports sections, clubs? (Not really)
8. Are you mostly in a good mood when playing computer games or communicating online? (Not really)
9. Does spending a long time on the Internet disrupt your daily routine? (Not really)
10. Do you prefer communicating with virtual friends than with real ones? (Not really)

Calculation of results:produced by parents.

“Yes” – 1 point,

“No” – 0 points.

The points received are summed up.

0 – 3 points – low level of computer addiction; parents can cope with the problem themselves (see recommendations);

4 – 6 points – average level of computer addiction; to solve the problem, consultation with a specialist (psychologist) is necessary;

7 – 10 points – high level of computer addiction, excessive passion for the computer, which can lead to psychological dependence of the child; Parents cannot cope with the problem on their own, so it is necessary to seek help from a specialist (psychologist, psychotherapist).

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Computer addiction

This new disease affects the younger population, predominantly teenagers and young adults. Although this disease has nothing to do with infection, it is spreading around the world at epidemic speed. There are a lot of press reports about what is happening here and there aggressive behavior teenager led to tragic consequences. Probably, many remember how an American teenager shot his peers and teachers with a machine gun, another example is the death of a Chinese girl who, before the tragedy, told her playmates that she was very tired.

The experts' conclusions are not reassuring. Anyone who spends more than two hours a day playing video games is at risk of becoming addicted to a computer game. How to avoid being enslaved by modern technology? Are there ways to prevent or overcome computer illness? Our clinic “Alternative” has developed a comprehensive program for the treatment of computer slavery.

How is addiction formed?

Computer addiction has the same roots as gambling addiction. Every person's brain is equipped with a pleasure center. Constant stimulation of this center in laboratory animals leads to them forgetting about everything in the world. By refusing to consume food in favor of pleasure, laboratory animals die from exhaustion. Computer disease is a disease that develops gradually. If a virtual worker is pulled away from the computer for 2 hours or more, he, like an alcoholic suffering from a hangover, experiences withdrawal symptoms.

Main types of computer addiction

• Internet addiction (netogolism)
• Computer game addiction (cyberaddiction)

Networkaholics (Internet addiction) are manifested by a person’s endless presence on the Internet. Sometimes they are in the virtual world for 12-14 hours a day, making virtual acquaintances, downloading music, chatting. These are sloppy, unbalanced people who don’t care about their loved ones.

There are some signs of a networkaholic:

• obsessive urge to constantly check email;
• anticipation of the next online session;
• increasing time spent online;
• increasing the amount of money spent online.

Cyber ​​addiction (dependence on computer games) is divided into groups depending on the nature of a particular game:

I. Role-playing computer games (maximum escape from reality).

II. Non-role-playing computer games (the desire to achieve a goal - to complete the game, the excitement of achieving a goal, gaining points).

Signs of computer addiction:

• Significant improvement in mood from working at the computer,
• Reluctance to take time away from work or playing on the computer,
• If you tear the patient away from the computer, he experiences irritation and even shows some aggression towards you,
• Inability to plan the end of work or play on the computer,
• Neglecting household chores in favor of the computer,
• Neglect of personal hygiene and sleep in favor of the computer,
• When communicating with others, reduce any conversation to computer topics,
• Refusal to communicate with friends.

Physical abnormalities in a patient suffering from computer addiction:

• visual impairment,
• decreased immunity,
• headache,
• increased fatigue,
• insomnia,
• back pain,
• carpal tunnel syndrome (wrist pain).

Diagnosis of computer addiction

As with most mental illness, it is those around who are the first to notice a change in the patient’s character and behavior. It is very difficult to convince the gambling addict himself that he is sick. The first step in treating a patient is to become aware of his pathological dependence on the computer. It is very important to put the patient in a positive mood for a visit to a psychotherapist; sometimes some excuse can be used for this in the form of psychological testing or vocational guidance. You can safely entrust the rest of the work to a professional. As a rule, computer addiction affects people who are insecure, have difficulties in communication, dissatisfaction with their lives, have low self-esteem and complexes. After the first session with a psychotherapist, the gambling addict begins to perceive his addiction more critically. You can finally change yourself and get rid of computer addiction after a course of psychotherapy.

An important stage in the successful treatment of computer addiction is to identify the reasons that prompted a person to escape from reality. The basis of treatment is psychotherapy sessions. If hidden depression is detected, drug treatment is given. Psychocorrection is carried out both individually and in groups. As a result of treatment, relationships with loved ones and peers improve, strong-willed qualities are developed, self-esteem increases, and new hobbies in life are formed. It is very important to work not only with the gambling addict, but also with his family members. Only with their assistance will the results of treatment be lasting and family relationships harmonious. On individual healing sessions the psychotherapist frees the patient of “gaming hypnosis” and forms in him indifference to gambling.

Tips for preventing the development of computer addiction in children and adolescents

• Since the root cause of a child leaving the real world is dissatisfaction with the existing reality, it is necessary first of all to find out what prompted the child to go “to the computer.”
• It is wrong to criticize a child who spends too much time on the computer.
• If you see signs of computer addiction in a child, do not aggravate the situation, take him to a psychotherapist.
• You can try to understand the essence of the game by sharing the child’s interests; this will bring the child closer to his parents and increase the degree of trust in them.
• It is recommended to limit children's access to violent games and films.

Internet addiction test (S.A. Kulakov, 2004)

1. How often do you find that you stay online longer than you intended?

2. How often do you neglect your household chores to spend more time online?

3. How often do you prefer online entertainment over being with your partner?

4. How often do you build new relationships with friends online?

5. How often do your friends complain about the amount of time you spend online?

6. How often does your education and/or work suffer due to time spent online?

7. How often do you check your email before doing something else?

8. How often does your efficiency or productivity at work suffer due to Internet use?

9. How often do you resist talking or hide if you are asked about what you have been doing online?

10. How often do you push unpleasant thoughts about your life into the background, replacing them with calming thoughts about the Internet?

11. How often do you feel a pleasant anticipation about the upcoming entry into the Internet?

12. How often are you afraid that life without the Internet will become boring, empty and uninteresting?

13. How often do you get irritated and shout if something interrupts you when you are online?

14. How often do you lose sleep when you are online late?

15. How often do you feel engrossed in the Internet when you are not online, or imagine yourself being there?

16. How often do you notice yourself saying “just a couple more minutes...” when you’re online?

17. How often do you try to cut down your time online without success?

18. How often do you try to hide the amount of time you spend online?

19. How often do you prefer to be online instead of meeting people?

20. How often do you feel depressed? Bad mood, feel nervous when you are offline, which soon disappears as soon as you go online?

With a score of 50-79, it is worth considering the serious impact of the Internet on your life.

If the score is 80 or higher, you most likely have Internet addiction and need the help of a specialist.

Test for children's Internet addiction (S.A. Kulakov, 2004)

Answers are given on a five-point scale: 1 – very rarely, 2 – sometimes, 3 – often, 4 – very often, 5 – always

1. How often does your child violate the time limits you set for using the Internet?

2. How often does your child neglect his chores in order to spend more time online?

3. How often does your child prefer to spend time online instead of spending it with family?

4. How often does your child form new relationships with online friends?

5. How often do you complain about the amount of time your child spends online?

6. How often does your child's education suffer due to the amount of time your child spends online?

7. How often does your child check email before doing something else?

8. How often does your child prefer online communication to communication with others?

9. How often does your child resist or be secretive when asked about what they are doing online?

10. How often have you found your child getting online against your will?

11. How often does your child spend time in his room playing on the computer?

12. How often does your child receive strange calls from his new online “friends”?

13. How often does your child snap, scream, or act irritated when disturbed about being online?

14. How often does your child look more tired and tired than when you did not have the Internet?

15. How often does your child seem preoccupied with thoughts of getting back online when he is offline?

16. How often does your child swear and get angry when you are angry about their time spent online?

17. How often does your child prefer being online to his previous favorite activities, hobbies, or interests of others?

18. How often does your child get angry and aggressive when you impose a limit on the time he spends online?

19. How often does your child prefer to spend time online instead of going out with friends?

20. How often do you feel depressed, low in mood, nervous when you are offline, and when you return online, all this disappears?

With a score of 50-79, parents need to consider the serious impact of the Internet on the life of your child and the entire family.

With a score of 80 or higher, the child is highly likely to have Internet addiction and needs the help of a specialist.

How to cope with computer addiction Krasnova S V

Test questionnaire for establishing addiction to computer games and the Internet

To establish computer addiction to computer and Internet games, a series of questions-statements are proposed; respondents must answer whether the statement is true or false.

1. You feel euphoric good mood when do you play computer games?

2. Has it been taking longer and longer to reach this state lately?

3. Do you feel empty, bad mood, or irritable when you can't play on the computer?

4. Do you have wrist pain?

5. Have you missed a meeting with someone because you were busy playing computer games (non-urgent matters)?

6. Do you spend 3 hours or more a day on the Internet?

7. Do you go to chat rooms or browse sites that are not related to your main activity on the computer? Have you ever skipped a meal (breakfast, lunch or dinner) while playing?

8. Is it easier for you to communicate with people via the Internet than face to face?

9. Have your friends or relatives told you that you incredible amount spend hours surfing the Internet or playing computer games? Do you regularly download pornographic materials from the Internet?

10. Do you notice a deterioration in your studies or a decrease in knowledge in your main job? Have you had unsuccessful attempts to limit your computer time?

11. Do you feel numbness in your little finger while working at the computer? Have you told others that you spend a little time playing computer games when you don't?

12. Do you experience regular back pain (more than once a week)?

13. Have you been bothered by dry eyes lately?

14. Have you had a strong desire to play lately?

15. In order to spend more time on the Internet, have you stopped bathing, brushing your teeth or shaving?

16. Since you have been using the Internet or playing computer games, have you had sleep problems: taking a long time to fall asleep, insomnia, restless sleep?

Even with one positive answer, it’s worth thinking about it; 25% or more positive answers indicate computer addiction.