Adolescence is a serious hormonal explosion. At this time, you want sex and relationships more than ever. And as a result, such passion can overwhelm your teachers. Many guys fall in love with class teachers and not only. But what to do if you fall in love with a teacher who is married and older than you? It's a difficult question. You are playing the role of a juvenile pervert here. But there is a way out.

Why did you fall in love with the teacher?

Try to find the answer to this question. It may not be the feeling you think it is. Often, teenagers perceive for love:

1. Sex. She has a big butt and huge breasts. Yes I love her!!!
2. Wisdom. You are interested in listening to her, and you already think that you have fallen in love;
3. Respect. You like her as a person, but you fantasize about something else;
4. Humor. You feel great when she laughs and smiles. Now you love her.

Most likely, your feelings are not real. It's like how girls fall in love with the rock singers they see on TV. But even if this love has power, it is better to try to give it up.

What to do if you love a teacher?

• She definitely (most likely) will not reciprocate your feelings. You are a child for her;
• She may have a husband and a bunch of children;
• For such a union your mother will pull your ears;
• In society you will be in the role of a pervert;
• All your friends will troll you.

Unfortunately, adults do not believe that teenagers have the right to love those who are older than them. As a result, you are unlikely to get support anywhere. Therefore, you need to give up such feelings.

Try to be attracted to a girl your age. This is the best medicine. You can still avoid the teacher. If possible, go to another teacher. But just don't give in to such love.

When is the love between a student and a teacher real?

Such a connection can only happen if she is a young lady who has just started her career. And at the same time, you are already in 10-11 grade and look clearly older than your years.

In such a situation, you can master it without any problems. The main thing is not to do anything at school. Add her to social media. networks, talk to her. Try to find a common language. Take a walk with her and so on. Your main task is to prove that you are in the wrong place.

You are not a schoolboy, but an adult who was forced to play the role of a schoolboy. If you prove it, it will be yours.

And yet, it is very desirable that you have money and good family. All girls are greedy for money and prospects. And teachers are no exception here.

Learn to look into the distance

Often those people who fall in love with teachers are those who have nothing going for them with their peers. Try to communicate more with girls in your age category or younger.

Look at the world. There's a lot of interesting stuff here. If you understand this, you will stop wanting to be a teacher.

Each new love of a person seems to be his first and last feeling. If you understand this, then the love shock will subside. You will be able to think and fight.

And yet, you should not think that teachers are the height of ideal. For the most part, they are quarrelsome and cold bitches. And you idealize only because of the play of stupid hormones.

The other day a story broke in St. Petersburg: a 42-year-old English teacher committed suicide because of his love for a 17-year-old student. The girl’s previous friend returned from the army and allegedly harshly pushed the man in love away.

Is it normal for an adult teacher to enter into a close relationship with a schoolgirl? Of course not. Woman's Day found out what parents should do in this case from Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor, Rector of the Institute of Psychology and Sexology of St. Petersburg Lev Shcheglov.

Falling in love with a teacher is a common occurrence. Especially at 17 years old, when a young man (or girl), on the one hand, is almost an adult, on the other, cannot always control his emotions and desires. There is nothing exotic about this.

The objects of such young love often become a significant person for a teenager - a teacher, coach, mentor. Someone who is older, more experienced and perhaps smarter.

Recognize by external signs It is almost impossible that a son or daughter has entered into too close a relationship with a teacher.

Of course, parents may note some nervousness, detachment, and concentration on their internal experiences. But this does not mean at all that a teenager necessarily has sexual intercourse with the teacher. The reasons for this condition can be very different.

What to do if the child is really in love?

There is no particular danger in a child falling in love with a teacher. In the same way, she could fall in love with a neighbor, a plumber, a doctor at a local clinic. But falling in love is one thing, sex is another.

According to Russian laws, the “age of consent” is 16 years old. That is, if a son or daughter declares: “I love you, I can’t, and I will love you,” it’s difficult to fight. Legally, a teacher or teacher does not violate the law. But he violated moral and ethical standards.

In this case, what should fathers and mothers do who suddenly find out about their child’s connection with the teacher?

If the teenager is under 16 years old, you need to go to the police. And if you are older, then go to the director to deal with the teacher who violated the distance. In addition, sometimes it happens that a teacher takes advantage of his official position and forces the student into a relationship: “I can give you a 5, or I can give you a 2.”

A few years ago, my Russian language teacher died. Another one came, the whole class rebelled, we didn’t like her at all... We had such a relationship for almost a whole year, after which I slowly began to look at her with different eyes. Already in the next school year, I went to her for tutoring and we began to get closer, after some time I realized that she was my favorite teacher, then I was sure that I was also not in last place with her. She began to invite me to visit her, we could talk on any topic, she even sometimes replaced my best friends. Her friends didn’t like her. And one day they wanted to write nasty things about her, so they invited me. It seemed to me that if I did this, I would please my friends, and the teacher would never know, she would never believe in her life that I did it. It so happened that I had to admit it myself. After which she told me, “Forget who I am, now you are like all students to me.” Before graduation. There wasn’t much of a year left, and then I decided to apologize to her. I gave her a huge bouquet of roses, cried... but she said that it would soon pass and that was all. Throughout the holidays, my soul was uneasy because of her, I was very worried, I missed her madly, and when I met her, my heart seemed to jump out of my chest. And then 9th grade came. For the first two weeks she didn’t even say hello to me, then I gained strength and asked about tutoring, which she wasn’t against. It seemed like everything started all over again, we were back to how we were before... and then I began to notice what was attracting me To her. At first I thought that it was all out of habit, because we hadn’t communicated for so long, but then I realized that this was not so. The attraction began more and more. I just wanted to be next to her all the time, to become a very close person to her. But later I started having dreams of a sexual nature with her. I began to look at her with different eyes, I began to truly fall in love. Every week more and more. I’m scared to even think about it, because it can’t be. I'm 15, she's 46. Lord, what kind of love??? But, unfortunately, I think this is serious. I even have such moments when she is nearby, and I just barely restrain myself not to kiss her... this is not normal!!! Sometimes I want to tell her everything directly... Help me please!!! I'm completely confused.

Hello Karina!

Many students fall in love with their teachers. Some people talk about it, others try to figure out for themselves what they feel. You turned to specialists. I’ll probably start by saying that the concept of “norm” is relative. Each person sets his own standard. There are social norms that are dictated by society (for example: it is not customary to walk naked on the street))) Love... love can also be different for different people. Sometimes people rarely think about who they love, they LEARN what it is to truly LOVE. The word Love itself. You seem to have a lot of confidence in your teacher. How is your trust with guys? How do you feel about boys? Do you like them? Did you have a relationship with them?

Whether you tell the teacher about your feelings or not is up to you. Maybe she's leading you to this, I don't know the whole situation and your communication style. Maybe she also feels something for you. But for now these are just speculations. Try watching her differently. How does she feel about you? How close does she get to you during contact with you? What are you talking about? And how does she treat men? If you need help, write in a personal message, I’m ready to help you. Sincerely, Olesya.

Karina! Often, at your age, a person lacks the attention and love of family and friends. Teenagers develop distrust of their parents, and accordingly, ties of trust are lost with both mom and dad. And then a person appears who lets you into his world, and you open your heart... It seems that it is precisely this feeling - openness, spiritual fullness - and there is love!! And..- “it doesn’t happen like that”! This is WHAT books and the media write about. This is THAT LOVE! And love is trust, respect, actions, mutual assistance, understanding and openness... Do you trust your mother as much as your teacher? Can you admit to yourself that you have problems in your relationship with your mom or dad?! It’s not easy... But, often, the reason for such love that you described in your letter is the result of the incompleteness of your relationship with your parents! What to do? You can do what you consider necessary. Your life experience will lead you to the understanding that you need. If you consider it necessary to “open up your feelings” to the teacher, open up.. (and immediately calculate the consequences). If you think that your feelings are causing you trouble and you need to understand the reasons for your feelings and behavior, go to a psychologist. If you are embarrassed by bisexual relationships or are ashamed of your feelings, go to church to find out from the priest the reason for your shame and awkwardness. Also, it is interesting to read the book by I.S. Kona "Friendship" - the reasons for a person's bisexuality are very clearly and interestingly described there. In any case, you need to engage in self-knowledge - it is both interesting and useful! Good luck to you!

Question:

Dear editors! I read the psychotherapist’s answers to readers’ questions in “Health” and decided to ask him about what worries me.

I am 17 years old. I study at school in graduating class. At first school year A new math teacher came to us. I immediately felt sympathy for her. Gradually I realized that I fell in love with her.

I get excited when she walks into class, I enjoy watching her move. If she doesn't notice me or talks to me absentmindedly, I get depressed. I feel unhappy that she doesn't love me as much as I love her.

If I love a woman, does that mean I'm a lesbian? Or maybe bisexual? I'm completely confused. Help me.

Thank you, Sveta

Answer:

Mark Roitman answers:
psychiatrist and psychotherapist

Hello, Sveta! The feelings you experience and write about in your letter are quite natural for a seventeen-year-old girl. Your age is characterized by strong emotions in different areas of life, and certainly in everything related to sex and sexuality.

In adolescence, the desire to be as beautiful, independent, and charming as a teacher, singer, or actress is often intertwined with erotic feelings and fantasies in relation to the object of adoration.

Teenagers usually hide their crushes. The object of your love may not even know what strong feelings you feel towards him.

A girl may regard the refusal or inattention of her loved one as the fact that the whole world has turned its back on her. Thus, the absence of a reciprocal feeling from one specific person leads a teenager to the idea that no one in the whole world loves him.

The formation of character, determination of one’s place in society and in the world around us is inevitably accompanied by strong experiences. Rejected love and unrequited feelings can be the cause of a feeling of inadequacy.

I would venture to suggest, Sveta, that not only you, but the whole class is in love with your new teacher, so beautiful and attractive. Fantasies about love and sexual relations with young teachers are as common among teenagers as dreams of romance with movie stars or famous singers.

Another feature of adolescence: the object of love changes very quickly and unexpectedly. So the appearance of a new physical education or history teacher or a new student in the class can dramatically change the direction of your sexual fantasies.

From your short description, it is difficult to determine whether your crush on the teacher is permanent or just a temporary infatuation that will pass as unexpectedly as it appeared. It is also impossible, guided only by a letter to the editor, to say anything specific regarding your sexual orientation.

If, even after you read my answer, you are still bothered by a feeling of hopelessness and confusion, I advise you to seek advice from a specialist psychotherapist who deals with exactly the issues that concern you.

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Question asked by: Lisa

Hello, my name is Lisa. I am 16 years old.
Something strange is happening in my life. I fell in love with the teacher. When I first saw her, something was already stuck. It was September 1, 2014. She taught Russian and literature, and these were the subjects I never liked. Throughout the entire school year, I did all the homework, answered the questions in class, and was the only one who got five in the quarter. Then I didn’t understand what was happening. Then she started filming for me day after day.

I started looking for random meetings with her. Not agreeing to imagine life without her. When I realized that I was experiencing attraction, I thought that it would pass. But now it’s 2018 and the feelings have only intensified. I remember her almost every second. I hang up on the VK page. At school I'm afraid to even say hello to her. And when she comes close to me, I start to blush, shake, and cry. I was taken to the hospital 2 times due to very high blood pressure.

I can't imagine life without her. I'm not watching her. They're trying to get through the Internet. I'm not interested in the intimate side of this relationship. But I want to be friends with her and look at her. She has a very beautiful smile. I want to confess to her, but I’m afraid that she will avoid me, and this is the worst thing. I have met and continue to date boys, but I never felt such feelings towards him.

Give me some advice: what should I do? How to confess it and is it necessary to do it at all? And please don't judge me.

Expert's answer:

Hello.

There is nothing to condemn you for. Many people fall in love with their teachers. Moreover, often teachers of the same sex. According to psychiatry, this is caused by processes in the brain that occur during adolescence. These processes cause false loves in different stages.

It’s still not clear, is this love or is it friendship? If you like her purely as a friend, then you can start communicating with her. Often students and teachers are friends.

Just don't admit it. Just go to her page and start communicating with her. And so little by little you will become friends.

But apparently, your attraction to her is not purely friendly. And this is no longer very good. After all, if you don’t understand, then these are lesbian inclinations. Girls shouldn't fall in love with girls, just like boys shouldn't fall in love with boys.

In our country, this is generally worse than a sentence. After all, it is unlikely that you will live together with her and go traveling around the world, like in the movies, surrendering to your feelings.

Most likely, if she finds out all this, she will feel sorry for you like a little girl. And in the worst case, she will tell your parents everything and you will be considered crazy.

In addition, you will cause yourself enormous psychological trauma through these experiences. More precisely, you have already done it. But it will only get worse.

You can also completely lose interest in guys and change your orientation. This is not very good, and in our society it is generally terrible.

Therefore, it is worth fighting this feeling. Understand that love is an illusion. The one you subconsciously highlight to yourself is your favorite. All this can be controlled.

There is no magic or anything sublime here. Based on this you should:

• Debunk the personality cult of the teacher. She is a simple teacher. Calm down already!
• Understand for yourself that this is not right and do not idealize the situation;
• Distract yourself in different ways;
• Pay more attention to the guys. This is really very important;
• Simplify the situation. You just went crazy. You can fix everything. It's simple;
• Think about the future. Your feelings have not gone away because you have been a teenager all these years. But in the future you will grow up and everything will pass. This is already one hundred percent!

And of course, don't follow her. You're setting everything on fire! Imagine that she is not there. That she is a figment of your imagination. Don't chase her all over the Internet.

All this, plus your desire to become normal person, will definitely work. Pull yourself together. You're a grown girl!

You say guys don't make you feel that way. Why? Because you yourself are pushing them away. Let the guy into your soul. And he will push the teacher out of there.

A little sporting anger wouldn't hurt either. Think that you are to blame for this situation. Everyone will judge you and your parents. You don't want this, do you? So, get angry and become normal!

In addition, you can contact a specialized psychologist. Perhaps he will give you more detailed recommendations.