How to cope with sexual desire if premarital relations and masturbation are a sin, but you want to go crazy?! How to deal with the constant presence of nervous hunger? We instill the uselessness of desire

What to do if there is no permanent sexual partner, and sexual attraction prevents you from working calmly? There are several methods, each of which has its own disadvantages and advantages. This article will talk about what to do if you haven’t had sex for a long time and it doesn’t seem like it will happen soon, but thoughts about it constantly haunt you.

Anything can happen, and no one is immune from lack of sex, so don’t be upset if this problem temporarily arises for you. Men have to abstain for a number of reasons, for example, the reason for this may be work, illness, military service, pregnancy of the spouse, etc. For a woman, this problem simply exists when there is no husband or other man in her life.

Why are women more concerned about this problem?

Men, in terms of social norms, are endowed with much more freedom in this matter than women. Since they are supposed to observe chastity, innocence and modesty, and disobedience to social regulations carries with it rejection and condemnation.

It is worth paying attention once again to the natural occurrence of sexual desire, so in no case should you be ashamed of it in any way - we are all living beings, and sometimes we need such natural things as sex.

But if there is still no opportunity to have sex, then you can fight the desire, although it is not recommended to do this for too long - such abstinence can be harmful to your health.

Why can abstinence be harmful?

Long-term abstinence can be harmful to your health.

For a girl it is:

due to stagnation of fluid in the pelvic area, problems with the genitourinary system may occur;
decreased immunity;
irritability;
constant bad mood;
hysteria, tearfulness;
depression;
stress;
headaches.

What can you do to overcome physical attraction?

How to get rid of sexual desire?

As we have already said, there are many ways to get rid of sexual desire, and all of them are not ideal or universal. Let's name some of them, their advantages and the most key disadvantages that they may entail.

This method is one of the key ones when it comes to overcoming sexual dissatisfaction. It helps get rid of problems such as fluid stagnation in the pelvic area. The advantage of it is that it is the easiest way to overcome sexual desire - the easiest way of natural release.

But it has quite a lot of shortcomings and unpleasant consequences. First of all negative side the fact that male life force is consumed. The danger is also that frequent masturbation can cause addiction, dependence, and then building relationships is much more difficult.

Masturbation can be as beneficial for women as it is for men, and it is also natural way relieve tension during sexual desire.

Don’t think that this method of relieving sexual tension is only suitable for men. Not at all, even for a woman, sport can become an alternative to sex for some time.

This is due to several reasons.

First of all, during physical exercise, both men and women produce the happiness hormone serotonin. This is a great way to solve the problem of sexual tension.
Physical activity – the right way relieve tension. It will help relieve stress and use all the accumulated energy.
In general, it is worth saying that sport is very beneficial for the body. useful thing- this is the main advantage of this method of suppressing libido. Sport is a great way to improve your health, increase the resistance of the immune system and metabolism.
Physical activity will tire and exhaust you, and you will no longer have time and energy left to think about unsatisfied sexual needs.
Sports will defeat insomnia associated with sexual desire.
Physical effort will clear your thoughts.
Even long walks, jogging or cycling will help cope with sexual dissatisfaction.

Strengthening spiritual intimacy.

Any relationship consists of two parts - spiritual and physical intimacy, but if for some reason physical intimacy is impossible, you can “take a hit” at the closeness of souls and characters. You need to spend more time alone together, do something together, so as not to lack close relationships. Words also play an important role in relationships - so don’t skimp on tenderness.

Physical intimacy can also be shown in other ways - for example, to express affection into love in gentle touches, hugs, kisses.

Hard work.

This can be attributed to physical activity, and highlight it as a separate item. Hard work can involve physical labor that suppresses sexual desire, is exhausting and exhausting, but nevertheless has a beneficial effect.

But also hard work may not be associated with physical labor. If you get very tired during the day, then you will no longer have the strength to express your sexual needs. Try to load yourself up with work, affairs, various chores - and then getting rid of sexual desire will not be difficult at all.

But the danger of this method lies in the fact that hard work can be accompanied by stress and cause depression, which, coupled with unsatisfied sexual desires, can be doubly dangerous.

Therefore, everything is needed within reasonable limits. It is worth resorting to this method when the absence of regular sexual relations is short-term.

Also, it is doubly dangerous for women to overload themselves with work - for them, a complex schedule can cause deep psychological distress, which will be quite difficult to cope with, and even more difficult without sex.

During their military service, men are advised to take medications that contain bromine. They suppress sexual desire for a certain period of use.

But you should not be overzealous with such drugs - they can be harmful to sexual health and cause erection problems in the future.

Antidepressants will help to slightly reduce desire; women take them especially well.

Distance yourself from anything that triggers your sexual desire.

It may not always be possible to eliminate all “irritants,” but try to limit your contact as much as possible with everything that makes you think about sexual dissatisfaction.

If you experience an irresistible sexual urge, try to suppress it by doing something useful to occupy your leisure time. Maybe you've been dreaming about something for a long time, but haven't found the time? So now you have a lot of time to use for hobbies, charity, work, study and much more.

You can try to suppress sexual desire by spending more time with friends. The less free time you have, the less you think about sex.

This point is very controversial, but for some, this method can be an excellent way to solve the problem of sexual desire. Get creative - draw, dance, write poetry - give free rein to everything that has accumulated in you.

Perhaps sexual attraction will manifest itself in your creativity, and thus you can arrange a release for yourself.

The best way to resist temptation is to give in to it

Online users ask a lot of questions about how to cope with sexual desire. They tell their stories, and from this it is clear that in many cases it will be much easier and safer to meet their desires either to change their sexual partner or to dilute their intimate life. For some, this may be difficult, because not everyone is capable of cheating or finding a soulmate in a short time.

However, from a biological point of view, these beliefs are erroneous, since sex is a natural way of showing physical intimacy between people, and every person needs to express love in this way. Attraction to opposite sex is a normal phenomenon, and putting a taboo on it is simply dangerous.

Keeping all this energy inside is dangerous, even though you may justify it all with external factors. Of course, situations arise in life when there really is no opportunity to have sex due to some circumstances, but as information on forums shows, most often the reasons are fictitious, and it’s not difficult to overcome obstacles to a normal sex life, you just need to make an effort a little effort and stop looking for culprits from the outside.

Suppressing sexual desire can lead to serious psychological disorders.

Perhaps if you constantly suppress all physical energy in yourself, it will drive you crazy in the end. It is not easy to resist nature, but if you try, you are doomed to fail. Even if the desire for physical intimacy is suppressed, it will be difficult to restore it, and self-doubt, depression, timidity, and irritability will forever become your companions.

If you do not allow yourself to satisfy the need for sex, which is as natural as the need for food or sleep, then you can forget about a happy future and many of the joys of life. And this is not at all because sex is the key to these joys, but because constant thoughts about it simply will not allow you to fully enjoy life.

Lectures by H.S.Bhakti Vijnana Goswami Maharaj

How to deal with desires?

Question: How to respond to desires that come to us through karma, perhaps into the mind? We try to drown it out with something, but then again it will pop up and pop up. Which one is the best best way?

The best way is to try not to pay attention to it. If possible. What can you do with desires?

1. Desires can be fulfilled. So? And understand that nothing good came out of it.

2. You can try to suppress desires.

If we fulfill desires, then, firstly, we feel some disappointment, and secondly, we still plant some seeds of new desires along the way. That is, this desire becomes even stronger and more persistent. This is the principle of karma: any of our actions that we perform in fulfillment of desires, then the person will somehow do it again, and again, and again.

You can try to suppress desires. And this will make the desire even stronger. For some time we will be able to suppress it and we will think that everything is fine, everything is fine: “I won.” We will have a certain joyful feeling inside: “I did it!” But, in fact, inside, there, in the womb, under a bushel, it will grow, and at some point: “Zhu!” Like a genie from a bottle it will burst out. Like some people.

There was one brahmachari I knew who took a vow: not to eat sweets. This sometimes happens to brahmacaris. Terrible vows - not to eat sweets. And for some time he did not eat sweets, but then, when, one way or another, for some reason he forgot that he had made this vow, he ate a little sweet, he could no longer stop. He ate only sweets for a long time. Because the desire that we have suppressed, but which remains, becomes stronger. Krishna will explain this in Bhagavad-gita. He says:

ya aste manasa smaran

mithyacaraḥ sa ucyate

One who restricts sensory activities in the mind by retaining attachments to sense objects is certainly deluded and is called a pretender.

A person who has desires and does not realize them, but thinks about them all the time, feeds them with energy. If I try to relate to this desire in this way, that is, it comes to me, and I fight them all the time, try to suppress them, it will only become stronger inside.

Indriyarthan vimudhatma - he will always think about these sense objects, while at the same time trying to pretend that he does not have this desire.

And there is another way that you can do with desires. You can fulfill it, you can try, you can try to suppress it, you can try, one way or another, to direct it towards Krishna, or somehow connect it with Krishna. One way or another, make this connection inside. You can try to neglect this, that is, do not feed it all with energy, try to focus on something else. Desires will come and go. In fact, desires gain strength when we focus on them. As they sometimes say, it's karma. But sometimes a person works out karma even in a dream, right? What he dreams about is some kind of fulfillment of his karma. One devotee said that he had such strong karma in his relationship with his wife that he constantly quarrels with her in his dreams. He says: “I’m divorcing her in a night.” And only thanks to this I have not divorced her in reality. Because I work off this karma in my sleep.

But, to some extent, a person can simply have this desire, if he sees that this desire cannot in any way be applied to something good, then one way or another he must try to switch his thoughts to something else related to service, and let it go out of your mind, laugh at it. Desire will come, they looked at it, laughed at it and said: “Goodbye! See you again!"

– You need to communicate with devotees, then everything will go away.

- Yes. Ultimately a person gains spiritual strength from two things: from association with devotees and from sadhana, which includes hearing. And if I have spiritual strength, then material desires are not scary for me. And, in the end, material desires become so weak and somehow ridiculous. They can still appear there and lead round dances. We think: “What kind of stupidity is this? What kind of childishness is this? The power of material desires, again, is exactly as strong as I meditate on all this, as much as I focus on all this.

Lectures
Seminars
New lectures
Webdarshans
Diary
Questions and answers
Seminars for candidates

Website "Saranagati" Website of Bhakti Vijnana Goswami and his disciples
Bhakti Vijnana Goswami Studio audio lectures, studio, news,
Forum Forum of disciples of Bhakti Vijnana Goswami
Goswami Books Books of Bhakti Vijnana Goswami Maharaj

How to properly deal with destructive desires?

Human nature is very susceptible to so-called destructive desires. They lead to total personal degradation. And this can be dangerous not only for yourself, but also for the people around you. Therefore, you should be able to fight destructive desires and take control of them. Then you will be in control of your own life. And the value of freedom cannot be diminished. But it is important to understand that nothing can be done without effort. Therefore, you will have to develop willpower. Let's look at the signs of destructive desire from the very beginning.

Signs of destructive desire

Destructive desire has a number of signs that are aimed at bringing harm to the person in the future.

Let's look at them in more detail:

Destructive desire seeks to get pleasure right today, and the sooner the better.
Destructive desire ignores the needs of other people.
It is very powerful in intensity.
At the moment of its occurrence, it seems reasonable to a person to perform certain actions.

For example, an alcoholic wanted to drink. Yes, he will find a dozen excuses that will seem reasonable to him. He will not be interested in whether they have real grounds. Moreover, it seems to such people that they a priori exist. And if their absence is pointed out to them, this can lead to indignation or even aggression. That is, a person is harmful to other people even at the very moment of desire. Especially if he still has to fight it.

How to deal with destructive desires

As you can see, it is very insidious. Since it seems to a person that all the arguments that contribute to the realization of his desire are really reasonable, then fighting them means that it is necessary to act stupidly. And our sick brains constantly whisper this to us. We all the time have thoughts: “Drink - it will become easier,” “Just one bottle of beer or a sandwich,” “I’ll try a drug just once.” And it turns out that one time becomes many. And that's why people get hooked. There is only one way to fight - by willpower.

How to develop willpower?

Willpower is a human personality trait that involves overcoming obstacles on the way to a goal. Willpower is a very necessary human quality. It was created so that we implement what is truly reasonable, and not what only seems so. And to understand actual reasonableness, you need to listen to useful advice and gain experience. There are two factors. And each one is very necessary for a person.

Understand the situation

Let's talk

Take a break

Visualization

Tip 2: Mobbing in a team and ways to avoid conflicts

Mobbing is a fairly common phenomenon in the workplace, consisting of bullying an employee, humiliating him, spreading rumors, and constant criticism.

There are many reasons for mobbing, ranging from the desire for revenge to simply banal boredom and bullying for the sake of entertainment. Therefore, if there are many reasons for mobbing, then almost anyone can become its victim. Usually the victims are new employees who have just joined an already formed team or people who are clearly different from the majority of the team. Mobbing occurs from colleagues - horizontal mobbing, and oppression from management, such mobbing is also called bossing.

In the case of latent mobbing, a person is prevented from working, it is clearly hinted that he is worthless, a loser and needs to leave the organization. It becomes simply unbearable for the victim to be in a hostile group, and the majority writes a letter of resignation. Vertical mobbing (aka bossing) manifests itself in the fact that the manager gives only hopeless and simple buildings to be completed, does not take into account the employee, and does not take his initiative. The most terrible type of mobbing is open, it involves public humiliation, pressure, ridicule, and sometimes even damage to property.

All of the above affects the health of an employee who has become a victim of persecution at work. Both mental and physical health suffer from constant stress.

What can help in the fight against mobbing:

2. do not respond to barbs

3. try to find the reason for aggression towards you

4. balance out other positive emotions or hobbies

In order to fight mobbing, you first need to understand the reason for the pressure on you, avoid mistakes at work, and perhaps talk openly with the instigator. However, psychologists advise that if you realize that mobbing will not stop, you should simply leave this team, since psychological problems may cause serious deterioration in health.

mobbing

Tip 4: Who are demons really and how to deal with them

How are thought forms formed?

Every person creates various thoughts in his head every day, ranging from everyday ones to high ones. Absolutely all thoughts fall on the subtle plane, acquire shape, color and content, and begin to live their own life. A thought needs nourishment, and therefore if a person scrolls it through his head again, it receives energy and becomes stronger. “Weak” thought forms are not capable of resistance; if a person stops, for some reason, thinking about them, then they die. The strong attract to themselves, according to the law of attraction, thoughts of other people that are similar in meaning. Thus, a very powerful thought form is created that shapes a person’s beliefs and worldview.

What are the types of thought forms?

There are negative (low vibration) and light (high frequency) thought forms.

High-frequency thought forms are painted in light colors. They are filled with positivity, kindness, love for everything around them, and compassion. Bright thoughts have a beneficial effect on thinking, clear the mind, improve energy flow, restore the aura, open a true view of things and bring positive changes to a person’s physical reality.

Negative thought forms are colored dark colors and often have an ugly shape. They oppress consciousness, distort reality, destroy the energy field (aura), and also negative changes occur in the physical world, manifested in the form of problems, addictions, and diseases. Negative influence entities destroys the protective shell of a person. “Holes” appear in the energy field, creating funnels through which more serious entities, the so-called Demons, enter. Demons, in turn, make a person possessed. The concept of possession does not mean that a person will shake, foam at the mouth, and speak in the voice of a Demon. No. A person possessed by a demon has an obsessive desire to take revenge, cause physical harm, and many other horrific acts.

How to cast demons out of your life

In order for demons to leave your life, you must:

Stop and calm down. Our current way of life is an eternal race. People improve the body, forgetting about the spirit, they want to be better than everyone else, more successful, more beautiful, richer. Many people fail to achieve the imposed ideals, hence feelings such as envy and anger at themselves and at the whole world. Think about whether you really want to be more successful than everyone else, richer. Can you cope with such a burden of responsibility? Do you want to be more beautiful, for whom? It is necessary to analyze your life, reconsider your ideals and beliefs.

Control your thoughts. When a person generates negative thoughts around himself, they change his consciousness, which subsequently attracts failures in life. If thoughts are directed at other people, then anger and aggression are sent to them. However, if the addressee does not live by anger and he has positive thinking, the thought form cannot attach itself to a person, and it returns back to the sender, in the form of the same problems and illnesses.

Avoid negative information feed as much as possible. That is, it is necessary to exclude violent films from your life and computer games, daily viewing of news, communication with aggressive people. Walk more, help your loved ones, do good deeds for free, do what you love.

Create your own life. You are a human being and everything has already been given to you from above, you just need to take what you really need.

How to deal with unnecessary desires?

Sometimes it is very important to understand whether a certain desire will bring you joy and not pain.

First, write down your wish on a piece of paper. Be sure to start it with “I want.” Is there anything stopping you from doing this? Think about whether you really want this. Now think about it, do you need it? What can it bring you? Analyze all the pros and cons as if it had already happened.

Imagine that your wish has come true. What can it bring you? Joy, satisfaction? Or anxiety, anger, dejection? And also think about why you want this? What made you want this?

When you have answered all these questions, think about whether this is actually a useful desire. If not, then you need to forget the desire and go against it.

We instill the uselessness of desire

Have you heard about auto-training? One of the most effective ways to suggest something to your consciousness and subconscious, to suggest and push for certain actions. Before going to bed, completely relax and focus on your unnecessary desire. Repeat to yourself the following several times: “I need to remove this desire from my life. I can live just fine without him. I can conquer desire. I have already conquered this harmful desire.” Be aware of what you are saying. These phrases should sound sincere and convincing.

In the morning, without getting out of bed, tell yourself the following: “Today will prove to me that this is a harmful desire. I understand this and want to go against my wishes. Today I can defeat desire and forget about it forever.”

Fighting the Sources of Desire

Sometimes it is not enough to overcome desire, you need to realize where it came from. For example, we want to buy a certain thing that we don’t need at all. Needs to be analyzed possible reasons this desire. It could be envy: my friend has it, and I want it for myself. Maybe a desire for superiority: in this I will look the best. This, of course, is common to all people, but you need to be able to deal with it so as not to bring trouble upon yourself. Don't lose good relationship with a friend out of stupid envy, do not be considered an egoist and a cynic due to inflated self-esteem and a sense of superiority.

You must always improve yourself. Personal growth is one of the keys to success. Only by analyzing your thoughts, actions, causes and consequences, can you become better. Only understanding the uselessness of desire will allow us to forget and remove it.

How to cope with sexual desire if premarital relations and masturbation are a sin, but you want to go crazy?!

What should an unmarried or divorced person do who still cannot find a suitable wife? How to cope with your sexual desire when you want it so badly and all your thoughts are only about it, and premarital affairs and masturbation are a sin? Sometimes it is simply impossible to force yourself to think about something else. This prevents you from working normally, you are constantly distracted, everything around you is annoying. As soon as I start learning Torah, all sorts of thoughts immediately creep into my head; during prayer, I also feel tension and cannot distract myself from it. In my opinion, unsatisfied desires accumulate in the subconscious and are dangerous for mental disorders and harmful to health. What should I do in this situation, how not to go crazy and find the desired harmony? Best regards, M.

Answered by Rabbi Asher Kushnir

You are asking a difficult question: how can you cope alone with strong bodily desire before marriage? The question is legitimate, but does it apply only to you?

There is hardly a single healthy religious Jew in the world, in all generations, who is not directly affected by this. How did they survive until the wedding? How they continue to withstand periods and in everyday routine family life? Have everyone ruined their health?! Suffered from a mental disorder? Have you become incapacitated?

I hope you know the answer. The vast majority of young religious Jews manage to maintain their masculinity in purity and holiness, thereby maintaining your health, both physical and mental...

How do they survive?

Anyone who wants to understand must first accept as an immutable truth that this test is in principle possible to pass! Why? Because the Creator initially created a man in such a way that he can relatively easily cope with his natural physiological needs and “hold out” until the wedding.

It is said in the Talmud that a person has a small organ, “when he is fed, he is hungry, when he is kept from hand to mouth, he is full.” It’s strange... It seems that with the body, in general, everything is the other way around: only when you are fed, you are full, and when you are not fed, you are hungry. How to understand this? What is the secret of “hungry satiety”?

A closer and deeper look will reveal that if a guy walks “hungry”, that is, does not give “food” to his eyes and imagination, then, in general, he will be “well-fed” - calm. But if a guy starts “feeding” his eyes with obscene things from the outside and does not limit immodest fantasies from the inside, he will walk around “hungry” all the time, in irritation.

In other words, when a guy experiences a state of “irritation,” it means that he has already encountered some kind of “irritant,” that is, he has already “enjoyed” something. Either live, on the street or at the place of work, or virtually, on the Internet and in pictures... And when abundant “feeding” comes from outside, then a stream of voluptuous fantasies immediately awakens - from within... The order may be the opposite. Idleness gave rise to obscene “thoughts”, and they already forced the eyes to look for something “tastier”... One way or another, such “feeding” from the outside and from the inside gives rise to constant “anger” for a “hungry life”. So you really won’t make it until the wedding...

How, in theory, can you protect yourself from this?

The sages compare the bad beginning of a person to a fly... Its property is to importunately, to return to the same place again and again. But when does this happen? Only if there is dirt in this place. And if it’s not there, it doesn’t come back! This means that if a guy keeps his fantasy “hungry”, without “food”, without “dirt”, then there is a chance that the annoying flies of obscene pictures will stop flashing in his head. In this way, the whole body will be “fed”, will remain calm, and “irritation” will not awaken...

Here is the answer to how Jewish guys “survive” until the wedding, and at the same time it becomes clear why in Judaism there are “strange” prohibitions to beware of all sorts of different “irritants.” There are two main prohibitions in this area.

The first ban is called - shmirateinaim, "saving eyes." Its essence, in a simple way: do not stare at the immodest. This is protection from external “irritants”.

The second prohibition - on “digesting” this immodesty from the inside, is called - hirhur, conventional translation - “erotic fantasy”. Although in another context this word can be translated as “deep thinking”... The essence of this prohibition: to put the unbridled power of fantasy under control.

Two prohibitions. How great it would be if a young man could realize how important it is to comply with them, and not only in order to calmly “make it to the wedding,” but also, in fact, in order to be worthy of Life.

As a rule, a down-to-earth view of male nature clearly determines the location of " small organ" But our ancient books say that it is in... the head. There is a special place there: the “Tree of Life”. And it is from there that the “drop” of new life comes, there is also the storage of the Torah, there is also hirhur.

Strength hirkhura called yesod. In translation - “base”, “foundation”. After all, what a person either imagines, or, on the contrary, thinks about, what he thinks about, builds the foundation of his whole life, his “I”! Therefore, it depends on him whether the Divine Torah itself will become his content and basis, or whether the “dirty flies” will triumph and fill his soul. Either a person will live the real life of Truth, or he will wallow in the virtual world of Lies...

This is the most sacred place and therefore we are obliged to keep it sterile clean. Both inside and outside. And as holy as it is, everything unclean wants to stick to it. This is where the real war for Life takes place... More precisely, there are those who fight, and there are those who immediately surrender...

So, those young guys who fight, make efforts, observe the prohibitions of the Torah, can keep their souls, their Tree of Life in purity and holiness, both before the wedding and after it, both during life and after it...

What to do in practice?

I'm afraid this explanation won't help you much. After all, rather, your question is what to do after you’ve already “had enough”? (Although this is not the only reason, because sometimes a healthy body can awaken...). Is it possible to get out of this? Yes, you can, but you have to really want it. What to do when “irritation” comes?

Some specific tips:

1. As soon as the flow of immodest fantasies awakens, you must immediately get up and change your place, it is best to go out into the air or wash your face with water. You can also loudly say something negative about yourself out loud. If the guy is religious, then he should immediately switch to thoughts about the Torah.

2. You can attract shame. Imagine how mom, dad, spiritual guides see everything that flashes on the screen of your soul...

3. One of the many mental forces of a person is anger. As a rule, he is our enemy. But in this case, you can turn him into an ally. If you get angry with yourself as you should, then the “spirit of fornication” will immediately disappear.

4. But ultimately you need to know general rule: in the fight against your “bad beginning” you should focus on successes, not defeats. Be optimistic and don't dwell on failures.

But every effort must be made even before that:

1. Idleness should be avoided. The best remedy- keep yourself busy with something: some kind of business, physical labor, some kind of concern for others, charity, chores at home, etc. Unclean thoughts come in moments of idleness and will swirl around like that annoying fly.

2. It is very important to train yourself to fall asleep with pure thoughts. This can be achieved by falling asleep while listening to serious lectures. This way, at the same time, you can fall asleep faster... At the same time, it is important to train yourself to get up in the morning within a few minutes. Don’t let the “bad beginning” have time to seize power...

So, if you just decide to start a “hunger strike” completely and irrevocably, you will undoubtedly find the strength within yourself to overcome your bodily nature and maintain the purity of your soul and body. After all, whoever fights is given strength from Above...

Best regards, Asher Kushnir

Share this page with your friends and family:

Rabbi Asher Kushnir

I want to have a heart-to-heart talk with the rabbis...

Apparently, something is seriously bothering you and, unfortunately, there was no one - neither relatives nor friends - who could listen to you. It's a pity.

But let me discuss this topic as a whole based on your question.

Why are you forcing religious education on your children?

You believe that children should be allowed to grow up as they are until they are 18, and then they will choose for themselves... Let’s try to develop your idea in more detail.

Let him grow as he wants... Let's not restrict the child's freedom - let him grow as he wants, “as is.” But let's be consistent. Once, having tried wine or drugs, he will want it the next day.

Materials of the day:

Did the Jews distort the Torah?

Answered by Rabbi Daniel Marshalsky

Psychology in the Torah. Overcoming Fears

Rav Efim Svirsky,

from the series “Torah and Psychology”

Today we read chapter Itro

Rabbi Bentzion Zilber

Related materials

About intimate relationships...

Rabbi Asher Kushnir

There are two extremes that are typical for people who have recently come to Judaism. Some have not gotten rid of their past, which is quite riotous. Others indiscriminately consider marital relations to be inherently obscene. In reality, the life of the spouses, including its bodily aspects, is filled with holiness.

How does Judaism view intimate relationships?

Rabbi Reuven Kuklin

The idea that intimacy is initially associated with sin is a deep mistake.

How does Judaism view sex before marriage?

Is there a direct ban?

Intimacy and morality

from the series “Mask of the Universe”

To understand how the higher and lower worlds interact, you need to understand the essence of the relationship between a man and a woman.

To understand and comprehend 30. How does Judaism view gender relations?

Rabbi Eliezer Gerwitz

from the series “To understand and comprehend”

Relationships between the sexes are prescribed by the Torah. But there is no need to abuse them, obeying every sexual impulse. Self-control in this area should be daily.

What about intimacy? Does everything happen according to the husband’s wishes?

Seventh Commandment. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"

Rav Efim Svirsky,

from the series "Ten Commandments"

Precisely because intimate intimacy has such a high degree of holiness and purity, violation of the laws governing these relationships leads to maximum “pollution” with very serious consequences.

Is it really forbidden to shake a woman's hand?

How can you not give her a hand?

Is everything that does not lead to the conception of a child entertainment displeasing to G-d?

I wouldn't want to discuss this on our wedding night.

The secret of intimacy between a man and a woman. Vaikra 30

Rabbi Moshe Pantelat

from the series “Lessons of the Pentateuch - Vayikra”

Love in Hebrew

Rabanit Tzipporah Haritan: Something is necessarily born from a commandment. Either joy or a child.

A Jew cannot live with a Jewish woman before marriage, but with all other women - as much as you want?

Rabbi Bentzion Zilber

This seems to be what the rabbi said.

Alexandra Bat Myuda - full recovery

Oral Torah

What came first, the Written or Oral Torah?

Rav Ovadia Klimovsky

Why is there no mention of the Oral Torah anywhere in the Torah?

Rabbi Elyakim Zalkind

Did Rashi admit his comment was outdated?

Rabbi Nathan Agres

What is the meaning of life?

Rabbi Bentzion Zilber

Study Torah 24 hours a day?!

How did the Oral Tradition reach us unchanged?

Rabbi Moshe Pantelat

How can we know that the Oral Tradition has not reached us in a very modified form?

What exactly was given to Moses on Mount Sinai?

Rabbi Nathan Agres

And what was written by the sages?

Why can't I interpret the Torah as I want?

Rabbi Asher Kushnir

Was the chain of transmission of the Torah continuous?

Rabbi Bentzion Zilber

How could they deny the Oral Torah? When a person wants, what will stop him?

Is writing down the Oral Torah a violation of the prohibition?

Rabbi Elyakim Zalkind

After all, it was given orally for a reason?

How could Og survive the Flood? Dinosaurs, and they were not saved!

Rav Ovadia Klimovsky

So has every living thing perverted its path on earth or not everything?

Why does the Tanakh “slander” the righteous?

Rabbi Nathan Agres

Who gave you the right?

Rabbi Bentzion Zilber

Are religiosity and faith in G-d the same thing?

Judaism and Jews

Reprinting of materials is welcome with a mandatory active hyperlink to Toldot.ru

after each quoted material

By viewing the pages of the site you automatically agree with our

We ask Jews not to use our site on Shabbat and Jewish holidays

The problem of irresistible sexual desire and the inability to satisfy hunger can bother both men and women, regardless of age. Of course, at a younger age, libido is much higher than, for example, over 50 years old, but nevertheless the problem of how to get rid of sexual desire remains relevant. What to do if you do not have a permanent sexual partner, and sexual desire interferes with you work calmly? There are several methods, each of which has its own disadvantages and advantages. This article will talk about what to do if you haven’t had sex for a long time and it doesn’t seem like it will happen soon, but thoughts about it constantly haunt you. Anything can happen, and no one is immune from lack of sex, so don’t be upset, if this problem occurs to you temporarily. Men have to abstain for a number of reasons, for example, the reason for this may be work, illness, military service, pregnancy of the spouse, etc. For a woman, this problem simply exists when there is no husband or other man in her life.

Why are women more concerned about this problem?

Oddly enough, it is women who most often ask the question: how to overcome sexual attraction? What's the matter? The point is that both men and women equally need to satisfy the natural needs of the body. But it is more difficult for women to satisfy them due to their social status. Therefore, they are concerned with the pressing question of how to get rid of sexual desire without resorting to the natural way of satisfying it, that is, by performing sexual intercourse. Men, in terms of social norms, are endowed with much more freedom in this matter than women. Since they are supposed to observe chastity, innocence and modesty, and disobedience to social regulations entails rejection and condemnation. It is worth paying attention once again to the natural occurrence of sexual desire, therefore in no case should we be ashamed of it in any way - we are all living beings , and sometimes we need such natural things as sex. But if there is still no opportunity to have sex, then you can fight the desire, although it is not recommended to do this for too long - such abstinence can be harmful to your health.

Why can abstinence be harmful?

As has already been said several times, sexual attraction for a person is absolutely normal. In the same way, there is a direct need to satisfy it.

Long-term abstinence can be harmful to your health. For a girl it is:

due to stagnation of fluid in the pelvic area, problems with the genitourinary system may occur;
decreased immunity;
irritability;
constant bad mood;
hysteria, tearfulness;
depression;
stress;
headaches.

For men:

sexual health problems due to fluid stagnation;
long-term abstinence can ultimately lead to problems with ejaculation and the duration of sexual intercourse;
you can gain extra pounds;
chronic fatigue, depression, depression.

What can you do to overcome physical attraction?9911

How to get rid of sexual desire?

Masturbation.

This method is one of the key ones when it comes to overcoming sexual dissatisfaction. It helps get rid of problems such as fluid stagnation in the pelvic area. Its advantage is that it is the easiest way to overcome sexual desire - the easiest way of natural release. But it has quite a lot of disadvantages and unpleasant consequences. First of all, the negative side is that male vitality is consumed. The danger is also that frequent masturbation can cause addiction, dependence, and then building relationships is much more difficult.

With frequent masturbation, problems with erection during sexual intercourse may occur. For example, if a man initiates sexual intercourse with a woman, ejaculation may be premature and the sex itself may not last long.

Masturbation can be as beneficial for women as it is for men, and is a natural way to relieve sexual tension.

Physical effort.

Don’t think that this method of relieving sexual tension is only suitable for men. Not at all, even for a woman, sport can become an alternative to sex for some time. This is due to several reasons.

First of all, during physical exercise, both men and women produce the happiness hormone serotonin. This is a great way to solve the problem of sexual tension.
Physical activity is a sure way to relieve stress. It will help relieve stress and use all the accumulated energy.
In general, it is worth saying that sport is a very useful thing for the body - this is the main advantage of this method of suppressing libido. Sport is a great way to improve your health, increase the resistance of the immune system and metabolism.
Physical activity will tire and exhaust you, and you will no longer have time and energy left to think about unsatisfied sexual needs.
Sports will defeat insomnia associated with sexual desire.
Physical effort will clear your thoughts.
Even long walks, jogging or cycling will help cope with sexual dissatisfaction.

Strengthening spiritual intimacy.

Hard work.

This can be attributed both to physical activity and highlighted as a separate item. Hard work may be associated with physical labor, which suppresses sexual desire, exhausts and exhausts, but nevertheless acts benevolently. But also hard work may not be associated with physical labor. If you get very tired during the day, then you will no longer have the strength to express your sexual needs. Try to overload yourself with work, affairs, various chores - and then getting rid of sexual desire will not be difficult at all. But the danger of this method lies in the fact that hard work can be accompanied by stress and cause depression, which, coupled with unsatisfied sexual desires, can be doubly dangerous. Therefore, everything is needed within reasonable limits. It is worth resorting to this method when the absence of regular sexual relations is short-term. Also, it is doubly dangerous for women to overload themselves with work - for them, a complex schedule can cause a deep psychological disorder, which will be quite difficult to cope with, and without sex - even more difficult.

Bromine.

During their military service, men are advised to take medications that contain bromine. They suppress sexual desire for a certain period of use. But you should not be overzealous with such drugs - they can be harmful to sexual health and cause erection problems in the future. Antidepressants will help to slightly reduce desire, and they are especially well received by women.

Distance yourself from anything that triggers your sexual desire.

It may not always be possible to eliminate all “irritants,” but try to limit your contact as much as possible with everything that makes you think about sexual dissatisfaction.

Sublimation.

Go out and have fun.

You can try to suppress sexual desire by spending more time with friends. The less free time you have, the less you think about sex.

Creation.

This point is very controversial, but for some, this method can be an excellent way to solve the problem of sexual desire. Get creative - draw, dance, write poetry - give vent to everything that has accumulated in you. Perhaps sexual attraction will manifest itself in your creativity, and thus you can arrange a release for yourself.4512

The best way to resist temptation is to give in to it

We should not forget that the desire for pleasure, including from sexual contact, is an integral part of human life. These are completely natural desires, suppressing which can harm your mental health. Online users ask a lot of questions about how to cope with sexual desire. They tell their stories, and from this it is clear that in many cases it will be much easier and safer to meet their desires either to change their sexual partner or to dilute their intimate life. For some, this may be difficult, because not everyone is capable of cheating or finding a soulmate in a short time.

As a rule, it is quite difficult to overcome your natural desires, and it is not surprising - it is unusually difficult on the psychological spectrum. Any urge of a sexual nature that is not sufficiently satisfied is an animal eager for freedom, and if you lock it in a cage, it will become even more enraged.

Sometimes religious or moral beliefs prevent you from satisfying your sexual needs. In most cases, because of this, there is a desire to overcome sexual desire, and to destroy even the very thoughts about it. In many religions, believers flagellate themselves for “sinful thoughts,” but self-flagellation can hardly be called an effective means of combating physiological needs. Sexual desires, if you suppress them and try to destroy them, have negative consequences, as thoughts about sex haunt you more and more often. However, from a biological point of view, these beliefs are erroneous, since sex is a natural way of showing physical intimacy between people, and every person needs to express love in this way. Attraction to the opposite sex is a normal phenomenon, and making it taboo is simply dangerous. Keeping all this energy inside is dangerous, even though you can justify it all with external factors. Of course, situations arise in life when there really is no opportunity to have sex due to some circumstances, but as information on forums shows, most often the reasons are fictitious, and it’s not difficult to overcome obstacles to a normal sex life, you just need to make an effort a little effort and stop looking for culprits from the outside. Suppressing sexual desire can lead to serious psychological disorders. Perhaps if you constantly suppress all physical energy in yourself, it will drive you crazy in the end. It is not easy to resist nature, but if you try, you are doomed to fail. Even if the desire for physical intimacy is suppressed, it will be difficult to restore it, and your companions will forever be self-doubt, depression, timidity, irritability. If you do not allow yourself to satisfy the need for sex, which is as natural as the need for food or sleep , then you can forget about a happy future and many joys of life. And this is not at all because sex is the key to these joys, but because constant thoughts about it simply will not allow you to fully enjoy life.

Postponed Postponed Subscribe You are subscribed

Answered by Rabbi Asher Kushnir

Dear M.!

You are asking a difficult question: how can you cope alone with strong bodily desire before marriage? The question is legitimate, but does it apply only to you?

There is hardly a single healthy religious Jew in the world, in all generations, who is not directly affected by this. How did they survive until the wedding? How do they continue to cope with periods and in the routine of everyday family life? Have everyone ruined their health?! Suffered from a mental disorder? Have you become incapacitated?

I hope you know the answer. The vast majority of young religious Jews manage to maintain their masculinity in purity and holiness, thereby maintaining their health, both physical and mental...

How do they survive?

A closer and deeper look will reveal that if a guy walks “hungry”, that is, does not give “food” to his eyes and imagination, then, in general, he will be “well-fed” - calm. But if a guy starts “feeding” his eyes obscene from outside and will not limit immodest fantasies from the inside, then he will walk around “hungry” all the time, in irritation.

How, in theory, can you protect yourself from this?

The sages compare the bad inclination of a person to a fly... Its property is to persistently return to the same place again and again. But when does this happen? Only if there is dirt in this place. And if it’s not there, it doesn’t come back! This means that if a guy keeps his fantasy “hungry”, without “food”, without “dirt”, then there is a chance that the annoying flies of obscene pictures will stop flashing in his head. In this way, the whole body will be “fed”, will remain calm, and “irritation” will not awaken...

First forrushing called - shmirateinaim, "saving eyes." Its essence, in a simple way: do not stare at the immodest. This is protection from external “irritants”.

Second ban- to “digest” this immodesty from the inside is called - hirhur, conventional translation - “erotic fantasy”. Although in another context this word can be translated as “deep thinking”... The essence of this prohibition: to put the unbridled power of fantasy under control.

As a rule, a down-to-earth view of male nature clearly determines the location of the “small organ.” But our ancient books say that it is in... the head. There is a special place there: the “Tree of Life”. And it is from there that the “drop” of new life comes, there is also the storage of the Torah, there is also hirhur.

What to do in practice?

I'm afraid this explanation won't help you much. After all, rather, your question is what to do after you’ve already “had enough”? (Although this is not the only reason, because sometimes a healthy body can awaken...). Is it possible to get out of this? Yes, you can, but you have to really want it. What to do when “irritation” comes?

Some specific tips:

2. You can attract shame. Imagine how mom, dad, spiritual guides see everything that flashes on the screen of your soul...

4. But in the end, you need to know the general rule: in the fight against your “bad beginning” you should focus on successes, not defeats. Be optimistic and don't dwell on failures.

But every effort must be made even before that:

1. Idleness should be avoided. The best way is to keep yourself busy with something: some kind of work, physical labor, some kind of concern for others, charity, household chores, etc. Unclean thoughts come in moments of idleness and will swirl around like that annoying fly.

Often we want to eat something not because of a real desire to fuel the body with food. Psychologists say that the feeling of hunger in many people arises from the habit of constantly chewing something. How to overcome this feeling?

The desire to dull hunger can be reinforced either by the dream of losing weight or by the goal of establishing a diet. Whatever your motivation, it is important to understand that it is quite possible to deceive the body. How to deal with overeating and how to help your body get into a harmonious state in which you eat as much as you need? These 15 useful tips will help you solve the problem.

Top 15 tips on how to get rid of hunger:

1. If you are overtaken by the desire to eat something urgently in the breaks between lunch and dinner, then you need to change the type of activity. For example, take a walk, read a book, watch a funny video. In general, make the brain forget that it was asking for food.

2. An excellent life hack for those who feel hungry at home - take a bath with aromatic herbs and oils.

3. You should also give up seasonings that only fuel the desire to eat as much as possible. Pepper and mustard may speed up metabolism, but they also stimulate appetite. Therefore, it is worth switching to lean, barely seasoned dishes.

4. Do not buy various attractive but unhealthy snacks such as candy, bars and buns. Buy nuts, fruits and vegetables and then even if you suddenly want to “kill a worm”, you will at least make it a healthy product.

NUTS, BERRIES, DRIED FRUITS, LIVE MIXTURE

5. One of the most difficult but effective tips is to avoid giving free treats to work colleagues or girlfriends who unexpectedly dropped by for tea and cake. Any unexpected food disrupts your regime and will definitely be deposited on your sides.

6. Even if you are on a strict diet, you should not give up your favorite sweets. But! It should be a small piece. It is best if you give yourself such encouragement in the morning.

7. Main meals should be in silence. That is, without radio, telephone, laptop and TV. Mindful eating allows you to feel full faster. A properly set table (this is important!) and a small portion of your favorite dish is the secret to staying slim!

8. This advice is only suitable for people with willpower. As soon as you feel hungry, you need to start doing at least basic exercise. Whether it’s a yoga asana or stretching, it doesn’t matter, the main thing is to occupy the body with something else. And in this case it’s also useful!

9. Often, simple thirst is mistaken for hunger. So, if you feel like you want a snack, perhaps you just need to drink a glass of water or herbal tea.

10. Make sure that the kitchen utensils and tablecloths in your kitchen are not flashy. color scheme. Still lifes with orange vegetables and fruits, bright plates and other things that excite the appetite should be replaced. For example, it has been shown that dishes blue suppresses appetite.

11. This tricky advice from nutritionists will definitely surprise you. In order to control food intake, you need to purchase miniature children's dishes in which you cannot put a large portion of food.

12. Another useful life hack is to use the right aromas in the fight against unexpected hunger. The fact is that a person’s centers of hunger and smell are nearby, so even a lit aroma lamp can help in dulling hunger. Floral and citrus aromas work best to block the feeling of hunger.

14. Chew mint gum and brush your teeth with mint toothpaste several times a day. The extract of this plant kills appetite for a long time.

15. Another tricky physiological technique is self-massage by pressing the pad of your middle finger on the point between the upper lip and nose.

There are also magic points on the hands, by massaging which you dull the feeling of hunger and as soon as you want to eat, you find it and massage it... . It’s easy to search - on the outside, in the middle from the shoulder to the elbow and in the middle from the biceps to the triceps (at the intersection) there is a hole when you press on it you feel a little pain... With the opposite hand you find the hole and rotate it with your middle finger with pressure for 1-2 minutes, then on the other river

Remember also not to eat foods that make us eat more.

USEFUL INFORMATION

We often go on diets, limiting ourselves to an extra piece of bread or avoiding dairy products. We eat a small bowl of soup, we eat a green apple, but the feeling of fullness does not come; on the contrary, we want to eat even more.
This happens because we choose products incorrectly.
There are many foods that greatly increase appetite, which is the reason excess weight. Having a good appetite, we do not control ourselves and eat more than normal at lunch, and after eating we go looking for snacks.

Foods that cause a strong appetite are largely to blame. For example, it used to be believed that if you eat a plate of soup or rich borscht, you will be full and we will eat less for the second meal. In reality, everything happens differently. Soups, broths, borscht and other liquid dishes contribute to the production of large amounts of gastric juice, as a result of which the appetite increases and after the first dish we eat large number the next course and lots of dessert. As a result, we are improving greatly.

Next on the list of foods that increase appetite are marinades: sauerkraut, tomatoes and cucumbers, which are extremely tasty and low in calories. But the danger is that they can cause a strong appetite, since they contain acetic acid, which enhances the production of gastric juice.
Marinades also contain a large amount of salt, which causes thirst; we begin to drink a lot of liquid, which is retained in the body and causes excess weight.

Apples also greatly increase appetite, causing the release of hydrochloric acid in the stomach. It is useful to eat apples in the morning if you cannot force yourself to have a good breakfast at this time. Drinking a glass of freshly squeezed apple juice or eating a green apple will quickly make you feel hungry.

Horseradish, green onions, fresh garlic and hot pepper greatly increase appetite and stimulate blood circulation. As a result, your appetite may work in earnest. If you can't resist your appetite, replace these foods with fresh parsley, dill, oregano and basil.

Naturally, we must not forget about chocolate - the favorite treat of many of us. It’s not for nothing that we were told in childhood: “Don’t eat chocolate before meals, you’ll kill your appetite!” “By the way, cocoa and coffee drinks increase appetite, so these drinks should not be abused, as this will cause a significant increase in weight.

Anyone can suffer from nervous hunger at one time or another in their life. There is no remedy that would get rid of this disorder once and for all, but it can be brought under control.

Controlling anxiety-induced hunger is fairly easy. True, you need to have willpower to change your lifestyle and implement a number of tips that we will discuss in this article.

Eat less sugar

Do everything you can to minimize (or eliminate) your use. This will help you get rid of nervous hunger. The more sweets a person eats, the more sweets he wants to eat.

Drink more water

Experts recommend drinking at least 6 glasses of water per day. It is very important to follow this wise advice. Even better Get in the habit of drinking water before every meal to experience less hunger.

Eat several times a day

In addition, between main meals you should have three snacks healthy products: for example, fruits or nuts.

Exercise every day

This is very effective way take control of the constant desire to eat.

Physical activity should be present in the life of any person. This is an integral part healthy image life, and we are talking about health, both physical and mental. Sports are especially useful when you need to put aside psychological problems: anxiety and nervous hunger.

Occupy your mind

If you have an uncontrollable desire to eat candy or another unhealthy product It's best to occupy yours with something else.

The main idea is to distract yourself from the desire to eat and focus on something else. This could be, for example, reading, making a phone call, or any other activity that will allow you not to think about food.

Never skip breakfast

If you follow these tips, you will be able to cope with nervous hunger to a large extent. As we have already said, the main thing in this matter is willpower. Constancy, consistency and a true desire to prevent nervous hunger from turning into addiction are required.