Agree - if you decide to talk to your man about a serious topic (for example, discuss your relationship), he will immediately begin to shy away, stare at the TV, and sometimes he can even fake a severe headache.
Men regard such soul-searching as unnecessary and dangerous occupation. The reasoning goes something like this: “Do not remove the protective coating, there is a high risk of electric shock.”
So, are you trying to persuade your man to talk openly with you? It is not easy to advise something in this case. However, there are several ideas that may be useful to you.
1. Ease.
Most often, women who want to talk frankly with their men suffer a fiasco after their very first proposal, because this “bomb” sentence is always unchanged and scares men - “We need to talk” (this is even worse than the hackneyed question “Can I ask you something?” what to ask?”) Men tend to panic in such situations, and when you tell him that you need to talk, he imagines the worst-case scenario: either you leave him, or you are pregnant, or something even worse (in fact, the very fact that you have to talk is already the worst possible scenario for a man).
If you have any problems in a relationship, start a conversation with him as if you are not you, but another person, go around the path. Let's say he behaved simply horribly with you, this is strange to you, you want to find out the reason. Start thinking about a time when you two were together and were truly happy. And then casually ask a rhetorical question: “I wonder why things have changed so much lately...” This should not offend him. On the contrary, remembering the past, he will most likely think about the present.
2. Choose your words carefully.
Remember that emotionally charged words can easily make men panic. When talking, avoid words like these: past, future, needs, late, goodbye, sorry, someone else... Instead, talk to him taking into account the male psychology and mindset. For example, don’t ask him “How are you feeling now?”, it’s better to ask “What are you thinking about now?” Semantic deception, but it really works.
3. Don't look at him closely.
Another typical mistake women make is that they look their man in the eyes when they want to get a frank answer. Men don't like this look. A man knows that if someone looks him straight in the eye, it is either his mother or a man in uniform. Men want to feel protected. One of best moments for a frank conversation - when you two are in bed. Closeness of bodies, intimacy and no eye to eye glances - in such a situation you can be frank. In addition, when a man hugs you, he feels that he has control over you and feels protected.
Communication is a very important component of any relationship, from love to consumer relationships. The success of the latter depends entirely on how the conversation goes in a given situation. The most important thing is to choose the right course of action and stick to it. As for family, conversation is the most necessary component. However, not everyone is ready to lead and support it.
How to lead to a frank conversation, and in general how to conduct a conversation with certain people? Let's look at a few rules. As a rule, the need for this arises when there is some coldness in the relationship. Often such conversations are prepared by the initiator: the place, time and phrases to be expressed are thought through.
It is important that the husband should be well-fed. And rest is a necessary component: a conversation with a tired man is more like a monologue! As for expressions, they should not feel pressured or harsh. The rest is a matter of fantasy. When it comes to how to start a conversation with your ex, you should also follow a certain line of behavior. First of all, you need to be calm and restrained. The most important thing is to behave correctly. You need to forget about the old relationship, because now a man has the right to choose whether he wants to communicate or not.
It is worth paying attention to the style of speech: you should avoid excessive emotions in the voice and expressions of delight. The purpose of dialogue is to resolve any issues, and not to establish contact or renew relationships. A problematic situation may be the question of how to start a conversation with the buyer, and in such a way that he becomes interested in the product and purchases it. Here you need to remember that in a conversation you need to avoid closed questions, that is, those that can be answered either positively or negatively.
An important trump card is a smile. Politeness and goodwill towards the client is the main path to success. You should show interest: facial expressions also play an important role. In addition, you need to ask questions that could reveal the buyer's needs. Then you can choose the option that suits him as much as possible. Many couples often have trouble starting a conversation about sex. After all, intimate relationships are a necessary component for all people. The most important thing is to take into account the interests of your partner: if he does not want to talk about this topic at the moment, there is no need to insist. It's better to reschedule the conversation.
You can present everything in the form of a game: someone asks a question, a partner answers and then asks his own. It will be casual and fast. In any conversation, it is important to observe moderation: you should not go too far with your questions and you should not joke at every turn. Humor is not always appropriate. One of the important components of life modern man- These are conversations on the phone. How to conduct a conversation on the phone so that it is not boring and the thread of the conversation is not lost?
One of the first rules is a greeting that should not be delayed. If a person is in a hurry, it is better to get straight to the point. If not, then you can be polite by asking about the life and health of your interlocutor. Don't drag out the conversation. When you feel like the topics have dried up, you shouldn’t “suck them out of thin air.” It’s better to politely say goodbye and promise to call back. Conversation is the basis of correct and meaningful communication. It is important to remember this and follow all its rules.
How to fuck the world [Real techniques of subordination, influence, manipulation] Shlakhter Vadim Vadimovich
How to get a person to be frank?
Alcoholic interlocutor
What role should you play to force your interlocutor to open up?
The role of the clergyman to whom they came for confession is unlikely to be suitable for this purpose. Firstly, only followers of the religion of the Roman slaves confess to the clergy, because in other religions they confess to the Almighty. Secondly, the role of the confessor is extremely difficult to perform. Thirdly, even among religious people, not everyone is inclined to go to confession.
But there are situations in which people confess easily and willingly.
In Russia there is practically no profession of psychoanalyst, because in our country this role is played by a strong alcoholic product and an interlocutor with whom this product is consumed. Here is a Russian example of psychotherapy and psychoanalysis.
The role that predisposes men to frankness is a friend, a drinking companion. And if a person does not drink alcohol, he can open up with a random fellow traveler.
For women, the best psychoanalyst in the world is a friend, no matter what they say about female friendship. A woman can talk with a friend for hours, hanging on the phone and pouring out her soul. Moreover, during this psychotherapy session, the door must certainly be closed so that not a sound reaches the male individual nearby.
One good friend of mine was very intrigued by the fact that his wife, locked in her room, chattered on the phone for two hours. He could not understand what was happening, and all sorts of suspicions began to arise in him. He was a specialist in security systems, so it was not difficult for him to wiretap his own home phone and record eight hours of his wife’s conversations. After listening to the recording, he was completely bewildered - he still did not understand what the women had been talking about for so long. And the ladies talked about everything and nothing, they simply conducted a psychotherapy session, playing the role of a psychotherapist for each other.
Pseudo-frankness
Common interests do not force people to trust and open up. These are algorithms of Western psychologists, but their techniques do not work on our soil - our brains are different.
In order to get a person to open up, the role of “your guy” is perfect. You must play pseudo-frankness in order to receive real frankness in return.
Complaining about life is very effective. I remember a great episode from one movie. The woman was kidnapped and taken to the harem. A photographer came to her, but she refused to be photographed. And then the photographer began to press for pity, to tell stories about his terminally ill brother, who began every morning with the question: “Tell me, am I going to die soon?”, and whose relatives convinced him that he would live... And the brother continued to live thanks to these daily beliefs. The stolen woman became emotional, began to console her interlocutor, and in turn opened up and told some episodes from her life.
The algorithm is simple: to trick any creature into frankness, you just have to complain about his life. Women do this best when they talk with men - based on the books they read, the films they watched, the stories they heard, or based on some of their own inventions, the male begins to become taller, wider in the shoulders, make a large, manly face and tell the lady everything that she wants to hear. And to support this reflex, all that remains is to ask leading questions in time.
Just as simply, through the use of lies, a lady can provoke a person of her own sex to be frank.
For men it’s the same. Let's say you want to bring one man to openness and find out as much as possible about his life. You know him, you once attended Vadim Shlakhter’s training together. To force him to open up, you need to lie, create some kind of invented construction. If he asks how your wife is doing, make a sad face and say - she died. I am a widower, I suffer, I can’t think about anything anymore. The children also died, I myself am sick with leprosy, I will soon end up in a leper colony...
Of course, I'm exaggerating, but the pattern of behavior is clear. Put as much pressure on pity as possible - and the person, in turn, will feel the need to complain to you about his life.
Do not abuse this model of behavior; it may not work the second time with the same person. It’s like in wrestling - with the same throw, a front trip, you can throw a person once or twice, but the third time he won’t get caught. But if you use this model once on all your partners, opponents, supporters, well-wishers, ill-wishers, then you will already achieve success.
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From the book How to Influence. New style management by Owen Joe Some men avoid frank conversations with their partners in every possible way, considering them useless and leading to nothing good, and they find many different reasons for this. So, you want emotional communication, but your chosen one is shying away? Let's figure out how to get a man to talk.
From this article you will learn:
- Why is it difficult to get a man to have a frank conversation?
- Discussing what topics men are afraid of
- What to do before you take a man out for a conversation
- What words should you avoid when talking to a man?
- How a woman should behave when talking to a man
Representatives of the stronger sex are more proud than women. Because of the fear of showing their weakness to their chosen one, of being ridiculed and misunderstood, they try to deal with problems on their own, without sharing their experiences with their partner, thereby erecting a wall of alienation between themselves and their beloved. To a greater extent this concerns intimate relationships. Here a man needs a woman's positive assessment. A lady should not forget that if her lover is afraid of falling in her eyes by saying something wrong, she will not expect frankness from him.
Perhaps a man avoids a heart-to-heart conversation because he is scared of the expected topics. Which of them are undesirable?
- Frank conversation about betrayal.
- Frank conversation about sex.
If the spouses cannot be frank friend with a friend, misunderstanding between them grows, which leads to quarrels, understatement, and disunity. But the desire to love and be loved has not gone away. Having experienced a lack of warmth and tenderness from their partner, they look for a replacement outside the family.
What should you do if this happens? You should think about how to get a man to talk about relationships, and then, of course, pour out your soul to each other. Infidelity will be repeated if husband and wife do not learn to understand. Don’t be afraid to talk about your preferences and desires, including intimate life. But at the same time, there must be confidence that the partner will listen and not judge, otherwise a truthful conversation will not take place, because it is much easier to invent something and lie.
Be prepared to understand and forgive such a mistake as adultery, otherwise you won’t get frankness. It is very difficult to hear that at some point someone else was preferred over you. Having a heart-to-heart talk, try to understand the reason for the betrayal, find out what you both want your family life and relationships to look like. Perhaps it will be possible to restore happiness in marriage.
Sexual relationships are an important part of family life, and they should be harmonious. If partners have different views on the intimate sphere, and desires and needs are not met, it is difficult to build a happy union. Everything will help fix a heart-to-heart talk when two loving people speak openly about their preferences and sexual fantasies. Don’t be shy, express your thoughts openly and remember that you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
Look what happens when a man and a woman avoid talking about sexual issues -
Partners discussing sexual preferences should tell the truth without hiding anything. If at first you find it difficult to conduct such a conversation, be sure to learn if you want. The listening party must be sensitive. Let your significant other speak without interrupting. Do not laugh, do not condemn or reproach, never use what you hear against someone who dared to be frank.
How to get a man to have a frank conversation
Sometimes it is not possible to bring a man to a frank conversation, but you feel that in the current situation you cannot do without it. Considering the peculiarities of the chosen one’s psychology, do not blame him for not wanting to talk, but try to cheat a little.
Marital relations are a constant joint work of a man and a woman, during which, as a rule, they discuss important life moments. Everything that worries one partner should be listened to and perceived by the other. Playing with one goal is unacceptable. If a man is not moved by your problems, question the seriousness of his intentions.
Basic rules for frank conversation
- Don't remember past grievances.
- Be honest with yourself.
- End the conversation on a positive note.
Frankness helps partners understand the relationship. But the result of heart-to-heart conversations is not always positive, and spouses move away from each other even more. It all depends on the situation in which they find themselves, how developed the ability to conduct a truthful conversation, on the degree of tact in formulating desires.
Some men and women have a hard time bringing themselves to speak frankly. Even realizing that unresolved problems have accumulated, as they say, through the roof, and they cannot be resolved silently. This happens if a person was haunted by some fears in childhood, as well as if there was a lack of trust in a partner and confidence in one’s abilities.
There are others who, during the conversation, splash out on the chosen one everything that is necessary and not. Usually people behave this way when they are trying to free themselves from responsibility for committing unpleasant actions. But excessive sincerity only shows weaknesses, without contributing in any way to improving the relationship between a man and a woman.
Very often women behave incorrectly during dialogue. The relationship between the spouses is already tense, and they begin to remember how and when their partner offended them, where he miscalculated. The man immediately withdraws into himself, because there is enough negativity in real life, and he doesn’t want to feel guilty for what happened before.
And if he, moreover, realizes that you are inclined to share family problems and will continue to reproach you with the revelations you have heard, you will not get the truth from your partner. Understand, you need to establish real relationships, and not look back at the past, and if you remember something, then in a calm atmosphere.
After all, the negativity that you went through together did not divide your union. This means that you will understand the current situation. Perhaps an analysis of the years you have lived with your partner will help. Calmly remember (you can write down) what was painful and the role that each of you played then. Decide how you would behave in your partner’s place, try to see not only the fault of your chosen one in the deterioration of the relationship, but also your mistakes. And don't come back to this again. What happened is past.
Forgive your loved one, and do it with all your heart, sincerely. If you are not tormented by resentment, life and love will sparkle with bright colors. Believe me, over time, bad things are forgotten and lose their significance.
Some ladies, wanting to never be left with a sense of stability and security, live with rose-colored glasses, not delving into family problems and what is going on in their partner’s soul. Even if they suspect something, they can ask their chosen one a question of interest, but they immediately determine that they do not want to hear something that could upset or disappoint them. Men feel this and, of course, do not tell the truth. Why throw your friend off balance and cause yourself possible inconvenience? So they live from year to year, unaware of the experiences of their half and silent about their own. Only sometimes comes surprise at the partner’s closedness and the impossibility of bringing the man into a sincere conversation.
You should not form a standard for a man and his manner of behavior, as women often do. Try to accept the present one who is nearby, with his habits and weaknesses. Do not hint to your partner that you are avoiding understanding some components of his life because they are unpleasant to you. Perhaps, if you behave this way, the family hearth will burn with a brighter flame.
Are you deceiving yourself, are you being sincere with your partner? Only with a positive answer will there be a chance to bring the man into an open conversation.
Having understood yourself and forgiven for the mistakes you have made, gradually encourage your partner to be frank. Of course, people are not inclined to change behavior formed during life. For example, if a young girl was often humiliated, she will do the same to men as an adult. It is very difficult, but it is necessary to overcome yourself and not transfer the burden of negativity into a new relationship. The chosen one is not responsible for what you experienced earlier. Treat him with respect, build your happiness through sincerity and mutual understanding.
Do not skimp on your feelings, give your partner attention, support, kindness and love. They usually come back a hundredfold. But it happens that you won’t get anything good in response from your chosen one, and such behavior becomes a reason for conflicts. Believe me, this is not the end of the world. Firstly, a man can change in better side. And if this does not happen, look around - suddenly fate has prepared a gift for you in the form of a new relationship, and the person who is next to you is just a stranger.
Do you want a decent man? Then remember this phrase: “I like you, I’m interested in you.”
There is a myth that you don’t need to confess your sympathy to a man, he himself must take the first step, under no circumstances should you take the first step. When someone chooses you, then you will choose him. And you don’t have to choose anyone first. And I like it because a lot of girls think like that. It is very scary for them to take the first step. But providing for a man when he lives at her expense, when he is a gigolo, when he is lying on the couch, cannot provide for children - this is normal. But the first step is no, what are you talking about? Therefore, if you want a normal man, you must be able to pronounce this phrase or at least write it on social networks: “Hello, I liked you,” “Hi, I liked you as a man,” “Hello, I am interested in you as a man.” This is the first phrase, write it down for yourself, and, of course, try it. Right now you can use it somewhere on social networks, in SMS, in messenger, in Viber.
If you managed to bring the man to a sincere conversation, make it clear that the relationship is dear to you, you dream of a happy continuation, and you will go to great lengths to resolve any conflicts.
The main thing in a conversation is the right, positive attitude.
Remember: by talking frankly, answer the questions that have been bothering you, strengthen your relationship with your partner and begin to develop them without repeating the mistakes you made.
In any case, it is necessary to pour out your soul to each other. And the conversation should not be perceived as a problem, let it become one of the ways out of the crisis that has matured in the relationship.
It would be good if frank conversations became commonplace. Any situation can be taken under control by sitting at the table of peaceful negotiations. If this becomes a tradition in the family, not a single serious storm will become a reason for separation.
Thank you for reading this article to the end.
Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
- How to start a serious conversation with a man - about relationships, about household matters, and in general about any problems of family life - and not quarrel?
- What TYPICAL MISTAKES do WOMEN make (yes, yes, exactly them! I know from myself :)), and not at the beginning or during the conversation - but not even at the stage when they are still just THINKING about how to approach it?
Surprisingly, most women are convinced that men run away from conversations about serious and important matters for some immature reasons, for example, because they are lazy, or do not want to raise a painful topic, or because they do not want to take responsibility. In short, women want to solve problems and maintain relationships, but men behave like children.
But believe me, I thought the same thing myself for many years! - just a big female illusion.
In fact, as an experienced interviewer and consultant, I responsibly declare:
- Men are not talkative, but quite talkative, and easily make contact, enter into dialogue,
- They LIKE to talk about various philosophical, worldview and other serious topics,
- And with due delicacy on the part of women, they talk about their personal and family problems, including in relationships.
The key phrase here is “with due delicacy of a woman.” Nothing more. So, having a serious conversation with a man, discussing problems and coming to a common decision to mutual satisfaction is not only possible, but SIMPLE! Trust an expert and a woman with 20 years of family experience :)).
How to achieve this? Let's figure it out.
Do you know that it is WOMEN who make the conversation DIFFICULT and SERIOUS?
And that for men, in essence, it is NOT DIFFICULT to discuss any difficulty, both in everyday life and in relationships - because their psyche is SHARP on finding solutions and eliminating stress? In a sense, we can say that this option is “pre-installed” and works automatically. EVERYONE!!! This is the BASIC package, so to speak.
Whatever you think about your man, it works EXCELLENT for him too. You just haven’t taken advantage of this talent of his yet, that’s all.
Men avoid not the topics of “serious conversations”, as we women see it, but our WOMEN’S EMOTIONS. Intemperate. Unfulfilled expectations accumulated over the years. And other emotional... hmm... “chaos” (at least from their point of view).
And - MISTAKES in the technique of such negotiations :)).
If we look at how we conduct such conversations with a man from the outside, it may very well be that we ourselves will see our mistakes and change the strategy of communicating “about important things.”
By the way, try to record at least one of your serious conversations on a voice recorder (the man will agree! Just say that you want to listen to YOURSELF from the outside, to understand what YOU are doing wrong).
So, watch the video (see video content below):
0:13 How NOT to start a serious conversation with a man (or anyone at all)
Secret No. 1 - DO NOT use these 2 STOP phrases, which reflexively cause tension in the interlocutor: “We need to talk” and “I’ll explain everything to you now.” And especially - do not prepare a man in advance for the fact that you want to talk to him using stop phrase No. 1 - if you do not want to ruin everything at once.
0:57 Mistakes at the start, or How a woman can “ruin everything” LONG BEFORE the start of an important conversation
A typical scenario of how a woman PREPARES for a conversation with a man - and the main, BIGGEST mistakes she makes even BEFORE she utters her first words.
4:47 You have only just taken a breath to start your serious conversation - and he is already preparing to defend himself. Why?
You have only just approached the man, you have only just said two words - so why is he ALREADY taking everything with hostility?
5:39 “Schizophrenia of our time: dreaming of a REAL man who “will do as I say”:)))
6:20 What is your GOAL? For what purpose do you most often start “serious and important conversations” with him - on such rails your life will roll family life...unbeknownst to you. Who do you want to live with: with a real man, as if behind a stone wall - or... quite the opposite? You make this choice every time you choose the PURPOSE with which you approach your husband, starting a conversation or asking him for something.
6:48 How to get away from the “typical scenario” and all the mistakes of preparing for a conversation with a man about problems?
How to prepare and start a serious conversation EFFECTIVELY for BOTH of you.
8:10 Your talisman for important conversations about issues and relationships (in my experience).
12:06 FOUR wonderful BONUSES of a new approach to conversations with a man
... which a woman receives in her relationship with a man. How just a change in a woman’s approach to talking about important things changes her perception of her man, her attitude towards him - and, accordingly, his attitude towards her.
18:07 Where to start the conversation? TWO phrases that make a man feel positive
Motivating him to talk right now and find a solution to the problem. And why do they work so magically?
21.42 SUMMARY on how to prepare and start a serious conversation with a man.
22:28 Secret No. 3 - one conversation, one problem.
What does this mean, how to do it in practice, and why otherwise the whole conversation might collapse.
So listen and I'm waiting for your LIKES and QUESTIONS-OPINIONS in the comments!!!
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