Do you want to make your child happy, but at the same time educated and well-mannered, then check out the following useful tips and recommendations.
♦ Love your child for who he is!
♦ Don't punish your child! When we feel bad, we don't start behaving better, but we start lying to hide our own failure.
♦ Trust your child! We don’t want to deceive someone who trusts us, and we strive to be even better, to do good deeds, to do good deeds.
♦ Respect your child. Remember that we respect those who show us respect.
♦ Do not look down at the baby, squat down when talking to him - this will make it easier for you to understand each other.
♦ Hug your child as often as possible (at least ten times a day), caress him, stroke his head. But do this when he is ready to accept your affection.
♦ When your Small child offers you help, or wants to do something himself, give him this opportunity, even if you are sure that he cannot yet cope with such a difficult task, praise him for every little thing that he was able to do.
♦ Praise your child when he does something well, notice even the little things in which he is successful, because “ kind word and the cat is pleased,” and for the sake of praise, the child will be ready to try to do even more, even better.
♦ Praise your child more often for every little thing, explaining why you are praising him. Give him pleasant definitions that reinforce good behavior: “diligent student”, “creative boy”, “neat girl”, “persistent person”, etc.
♦ Don't scold your child for doing something wrong. Find positive intent in his actions, praise him for what he did well, and then tell him what could be improved - and show him exactly how (OSVK).
♦ Divide for yourself, first of all, your attitude towards your child and his actions.
♦ If you teach a child to tell his parents about what is tormenting him and tell him that you experienced something similar at his age (and this usually happens), then some of the children’s fears will disappear by themselves.
♦ Teach your child order from one and a half to six years. Then it is much more difficult to do.
♦ If a child asks you for help, support him, help him see what he can do on his own, and what he really needs your help with, and help him with this.
♦ Talk to your child about your successes and failures and how you feel about them. Let him know that parents can also make mistakes and be upset by this. Ask what is going on with your child and how he feels.
♦ Always be on your child’s side if a conflict arises with strangers and you had to intervene. If you think he is wrong, tell him about it later, in private, using OSVK.
♦ If you disagree with your child about something, or if he has upset you in some way, tell him about it in private, using the principles of OSVK.
♦ Teach your child to pay attention to the process. It is important to know how the process of drawing leads to a beautiful drawing, and the process of solving a math problem leads to knowledge and straight A’s in this subject. Let him note what he likes to do and what he doesn’t like, then he will feel the connection between the process and the result.
♦ Believe in your child. Know that your faith in his strength helps him to be successful.
♦ Don't compare your children. Let them be different. If they don't have to share you between themselves, they will always love and support each other.
♦ Remember when you have youngest child, the eldest is still a child who needs affection, care, attention, and the opportunity to feel small.
♦ Ask the younger child what he can do to independently resolve the conflict with the older one, what he can do to make it pleasant and interesting for the older one to communicate with him.
♦ Create conditions so that the younger child can make a real difference and can choose the area in which he can be useful, starting from early childhood.
♦ Respect each of your children's territory. They equally have the right to privacy of their belongings, regardless of age.
♦ When you ask your child to stop doing something, tell him what you want him to do instead. You will be surprised at how understanding and obedient your child is.
♦ If you cannot prohibit something, legalize it, but within certain limits. You can draw on a wall, but only on one.
♦ When we punish children by forbidding them to play computer game, and we force you to read instead, then reading becomes a punishment, and the computer becomes a sweet forbidden fruit.
♦ Teach your children to make independent decisions, make choices, and take responsibility.
♦ Consult with your child on issues related to your family: what to cook for dinner, how best to spend the weekend, what furniture to buy for the room, etc.
♦ Help your child learn that he can influence his life. If something doesn't suit him, he can change it.
♦ Give your children the opportunity to make their own decisions, trust them and support them in their choice.
♦ If your child is offended by you, ask him for forgiveness and tell him how much you love him. A parent who is able to apologize to a child gains respect from the child, and the relationship becomes closer and more sincere.
♦ If your child begins to be rude to you, encourage him to have a polite conversation with you every time, discuss with him what he likes and what he doesn’t like in your communication with him.
♦ Be gentle and careful with your children. Remember that parental instructions are the most powerful instructions that a person receives and which can help him in life or, conversely, hinder his success and create serious problems.
♦ Tell your child that you love him!
Inna Silenok, psychologist
Bulova Raisa
Advice from a psychologist to parents of preschoolers
Advice for parents of preschoolers
Time flies extremely quickly, and soon your child will become a first-grader. Is he ready for school? How much knowledge should you have by this time? preschooler?What's more important: knowledge or psychological readiness? There are a lot of questions! All children preschoolers are different. Some go to kindergarten, study letters and numbers there, attend classes with a speech therapist and psychologist. Others have never been to the garden, and their social circle is limited parents and the children of their friends. Still others, without attending kindergarten, manage to study in various centers early development, circles and sections. Whichever of these categories your child belongs to, if there is at least six months left before school, then everything can be fixed!
Psychological aspect
Recommendations psychologists for parents of preschoolers very often it comes down to the fact that the main criteria for readiness for school are the ability to concentrate attention for more than 30 minutes, as well as perseverance. If in kindergarten children are familiar with the rules of behavior during classes, then for children who preschool they don’t visit institutions, sitting at a desk for more than 15-20 minutes is a difficult ordeal. Even the most interesting topic is not able to hold attention preschooler more than 10-15 minutes. The best decision– visiting short-term groups at school. Unfortunately, such groups do not exist in every school. If you do not have the opportunity to enroll your child in an early development center, then arrange impromptu lessons at home. Instruct your child, for example, to draw a picture, but try to make sure that while drawing he does not get distracted and sits in one place. Another advice to parents of preschoolers: When studying at home, try to make sure that your child does what you assign him, and not what he wants. That is, let him draw a tree, as you said, and not a typewriter or the sun.
Do not forget that most mothers do not have special education, so many things necessary to prepare for school may be missed.
Important skills:
These qualities are for preschoolers are no less important than knowing letters and numbers. The child must be able to look after himself: comb your hair, get dressed, apply for advice to adults. In addition, at this age children have information about their place of residence, last name, first name parents and their place of work, seasons, age.
Before school parents should take care of the development of the child’s memory. Such "workout" It’s better to do it in the form of exciting games. Count birds and people on a walk, pay attention to the colors of cars, and at home, after a walk, ask your child how many white cars, for example, he saw. Reading and memorizing poems is great, but if the child knows a lot of them by heart, ask them to recite a poem on a specific topic (about mom, about friends, etc.).
In the memo for parents of preschoolers Attention should also be paid to the development of the child’s logic. To do this, you can use a series of pictures or figures, where one or two elements will be superfluous (a vegetable among fruits or a living creature among objects).
To sum it up, helpful information For parents of preschoolersis as follows:
train the child’s memory and attention;
pay attention to the development of logic, motor skills, perception and perseverance;
use general developmental exercises;
conduct classes in a playful way.
And remember, the main rule for parents of preschool children is to instill in your child an interest in acquiring new knowledge, teach him not to be afraid of bad grades and find a common language with classmates, because for you he has always been and will be the best and most beloved!
Publications on the topic:
“What do parents need to know about children’s stubbornness and capriciousness?” Tips for parents Stubbornness and whims are especially characteristic of children preschool age and cause a lot of trouble for both parents and educators.
Useful tips for parents They say you don’t choose your parents, but I would choose my own. I can’t even imagine how I would live without the two of them.
Goal: formation. Advice for parents “Child and glasses”
Advice for parents “Child and glasses” Parents whose children wear glasses have to deal with many problems. And one of them, which... Advice from a speech therapist to parents “Speech exercises for preschoolers that contribute to the successful acquisition of their native language” What speech games can parents play with their child on the way from kindergarten
, in the car, at home? After all, it is known that by the time of admission. Tips for parents
1. When communicating with your child, do not undermine the authority of other people significant to him. (For example, you should not tell a child: “Your teachers understand a lot. Advice for parents of autistic children
The main guideline for the development of a child with autism should be varied, emotionally rich communication between parents and parents. Parents should.
Yurkevich Margarita Igorevna
Educational psychologist
MBDOU Kindergarten No. 40 “Friendship”,
Stavropol Territory, Pyatigorsk
Draw up and hang in a visible place the rules of behavior in your family. Develop them with other family members and your child. Rules can be abstract (“behave well”), but it is better if they are concrete (for example, “don’t say bad words”).Familiarize your child with the rules. If the rules are not followed, punishment will follow.
Punishment follows immediately after the offense. Do not use the words: “Now I’ll show you...” followed by nothing.
Always follow a clear routine and routine on weekdays and weekends, under any circumstances.
If a child calls you names, then this should be included in the rules - prohibitions, if violated -> punishment or ignore the child, telling him that if he says or thinks so, then “I don’t want to communicate with you.”
If a child is capricious and throws a tantrum, then:
a) hug him, holding him close and calming him down, verbalizing his emotions (“I know you’re angry because...”)
b) leave the child in a safe place, depriving him of spectators.
8. Don’t scold, but criticize your child! This means saying to a child’s misdeed not “you’re a bad boy (girl),” but “you’re good, but now you did something bad.”
9. Praise your child whenever possible and encourage his good behavior.
10. Teach your child to be independent. Distribute responsibilities in the family. Let everyone have their own “work front”. And the child does what he can, participates in the discussion of family problems.
11. Give your child the right to choose and listen to his opinion.
12. Adhere to a single parenting style in the family.
13. Don’t give your child “loopholes” in upbringing. He shouldn't see:
a) that mom and dad say and demand one thing, but do another;
b) that mom and dad have different views on education or that grandparents interfere in the process;
c) that today it is impossible, but tomorrow it is possible;
d) today this is followed by punishment, but tomorrow not;
e) today there is a regime, but tomorrow suddenly there is no regime.
14. Spend time with your child fruitfully - reading, discussing cartoons, playing, and doing things together.
15. If a child shows aggression, then look for the roots of the problem. More often than not, problems lie in imitation of our behavior or the behavior of cartoon or game characters. Correct this area. No violence, either in life or on screen. Teach kindness, replace games and cartoons with alternative activities: reading, modeling, games, drawing.
16. Give vent to aggression in the form of outdoor games, sports, art.
17. Don’t sort things out in front of your child!
18. Always voice your emotions (“I’m angry with you,” “I’m unhappy with you,” “I’m offended,” “I’m proud of you”) and teach your child the same.
19. Know the “sharp corners” in communication with your child and try to smooth them out. Anticipate the “moment of explosion.” Nip bad behavior in the bud.
20. If you feel like you are ready to explode, stop and count to 10. Know how to admit your mistakes, know how to apologize to your child and he will learn to admit where he was wrong. Talk to each other about everything and repeat often that you love your child.
Nine ways to change a person without offending him or causing resentment:
Rule 1: start with praise and sincere recognition of a person’s merits.
2nd rule - when drawing people's attention to their mistakes, do it in an indirect form.
3rd rule - before criticizing another, tell about your own mistakes.
4th rule - ask questions instead of giving orders.
5th rule - give a person the opportunity to save his face.
6th rule - praise a person for every success, even his modest one, and at the same time be sincere in your recognition and generous in your praise.
7th rule - create a good name for a person so that he begins to live in accordance with it.
8th rule - use encouragement, make sure that the shortcoming that you want to correct in a person looks easy to fix, and the task you want to engage him with seems easy to do.
Rule 9: Make people happy to do what you want.
IN educational process Confrontation, struggle between teacher and student, opposition of forces and positions is unacceptable. Only cooperation, patience and interested participation of the teacher in the fate of the pupil give positive results.
- During adolescence, children begin to evaluate the lives of their parents.
- Discuss behavior, actions, appearance mom and dad.
- And they constantly compare.
- The result of this comparison will affect your relationship with your son or daughter.
- It can be both pleasant and unpleasant for you.
Tip 1
· If you don’t want to lose face, start preparing for this assessment as early as possible.
· The main thing in your relationship with your child is mutual understanding
· To install it, you must take the initiative and not hold grudges.
Tip 2
· Support children's self-confidence, in their abilities, in the fact that even with certain shortcomings (which everyone has) they have their own undeniable advantages.
· The parents’ strategy is to form a position of confidence in the child: “everything depends on me, I am the reason for failures or successes. I can achieve a lot and change everything if I change myself.”
WITH tip 3
· Surprise - it will be remembered!
· Anyone who makes an unexpected and strong impression becomes interesting and authoritative.
· The life of parents, their habits, views have a much greater influence greater influence on a child than long moralizing conversations.
Tip 4
· Do you want your child to be strong and healthy?
· Then learn yourself and teach him the basics of knowledge about your body, about ways to maintain and strengthen health.
· Only physical exercise, including in physical education lessons, can mitigate the harm from sitting at a desk for many hours. So do not rush to exempt your child from physical education.
· And it is absolutely necessary that the child understands: there is no happiness without health.
Tip 5
· Take care of your child’s health and yours, learn to play sports with him, go on vacation, and go hiking.
· What delight a child experiences from an ordinary sausage roasted over a fire, from a crumbled piece of black bread that was found in a bag after returning from the forest, where you were picking mushrooms together.
· A day spent in the garage with his father repairing a car will seem like a more important holiday to the boy than riding in the park on the “coolest” attraction.
· Just don’t miss the moment while the child is interested in it.
Tip 6
· How much time per week do you spend with your children? -1.5 hours a week?!
· Be sure to think about what your child will do during the hours free from studying and preparing homework.
· A teenager must know for sure: he has no time for idleness and boredom.
Tip 7
· The desire of adults to avoid conversations with children on certain topics accustoms them to the idea that these topics are forbidden.
· Evasive or distorted information causes unreasonable anxiety in children. ( Delicate conversation).
Tip 8
· Do not unnecessarily protect teenagers from family problems, both psychological (even if an accident occurs, someone’s illness or death - this strengthens the soul and makes it more sensitive) and material (this teaches you to find a way out).
· A teenager needs positive and negative emotions.
· For the successful development of a child, it is useful to occasionally deny him something, limit his desires, thereby preparing him to overcome similar situations in the future.
· The ability to cope with troubles helps a teenager develop as an individual.
· The role of an adult is to help a child become an adult, to teach him to confront reality, and not run away from it.
Tip 9
· If you have already made mistakes in parenting, it will be more difficult for you than at the beginning of your journey.
· But if you identify at least a drop of good in your pupil and then rely on this good in the process of education, you will receive the key to his soul and achieve good results.
Tip 10
· If you realized that you were wrong, neglected the opinion of your son or daughter in any issues important to them, do not be afraid to admit it first to yourself, and then to the child.
· And try not to repeat this mistake again. It’s easy to lose trust, but regaining it is long and difficult.
Teenage crisisor How to save your nerves and preserve your love?
“There was such a pink little pig, but it grew up...” Remember these words from the famous operetta? Your child has entered his second decade, and thoughts about “what has grown” begin to visit you more and more often. The “great” time has come teenage crisis. And the question naturally arose: “Where did the cute baby go? And how now to communicate with the one into whom the “pink little pig” has turned?” In this article you will find practical recommendations about how to build relationships with a teenager during this difficult period teenage crisis to protect your nervous system and not lose contact, warmth and love with your growing child. In order to better understand the advice offered here, you need to know what it is based on, i.e. have an idea of what a teenage crisis is.
Tell your teenager what's going on with him.
To do this, you need to choose the right moment, for example, some time after a minor quarrel, when the teenager “exploded” out of nowhere. Start a conversation when you both have already “cooled down”, but the memory of the conflict that occurred is still fresh. Try to completely abandon the accusatory and incriminating manner and put maximum warmth and understanding into your story. Tell your teen about what is happening to his body and how it affects his emotions and behavior. Let him know that you understand him and are ready to support him, but you don’t intend to get away with everything, because... he is already old enough to learn to cope with his emotions and take responsibility for them. You can tell him something like: “When you feel a surge of anger, resentment or irritation, stop, take a deep breath and imagine how these feelings go away and dissolve along with the exhaled air. If you practice and learn this, you will quarrel with others much less often. But, if you still couldn’t resist and you snapped, find the courage to openly admit it and apologize.”
It is very useful for a teenager to know about the physiological causes of his emotional outbursts, but this is not enough, because, in addition to sudden changes in emotions, the teenage crisis manifests itself in many other things. That's why the teenager really needs your love, understanding and support. Here are some guidelines on how you can express them:
See your son or daughter as a growing person. After all, this is no longer a child who is completely dependent on you, but also not an adult who can live independently. Therefore, the attitude towards a teenager should be appropriate: it is necessary to find a middle ground between total control and permissiveness. What a teenager needs is “controlled freedom” because, no matter how much he boasts of his maturity, subconsciously he is still in the position of a raised child.
In no case Don’t constantly focus on the shortcomings of a teenager’s appearance!
Even very softly and affectionately spoken phrases, such as “you are my chubby girl”, “my beloved nose”, resonate painfully in the mind of a teenager, and he begins to constantly pay attention to this flaw, tries to hide it, seems to himself ugly and unworthy of love. This can lead to such dire consequences as eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia), which have affected so many teenage girls over the past few years that it has become a worldwide problem.
Try not to reject your child's friends, even if you think that being friends with them could harm him. A teenager has the right to choose his social circle. Trust your child and give him the right to gain the necessary life experiences that he draws from communicating with his friends. There are, of course, critical situations when people surrounding a child can cause him irreparable harm (for example, addiction to drugs). In this case, start by gently expressing your opinion about the harm they can cause to a teenager, but do not expect an immediate reaction. Be patient and continue to gently remind him of the shortcomings of his friends, giving him time to understand for himself what kind of people are around him. After all, if you try to directively prohibit contact with them, this will only lead to conflict with your child, his suffering and attempts to meet friends behind your back, for example, instead of going to school.
Take an interest in your teenager's life. Many high school students say that their communication with their parents is limited only to the formal nightly question “well, how are things at school?”, to which they answer just as formally. The phrase “don’t meddle in my life” actually hides a teenager’s enormous need for understanding and interest from adults. Therefore, take an interest in the life of your children, their problems and experiences. And in no case do not devalue these problems, even if they seem insignificant and childishly naive to you, because this is your child’s life, therefore, by saying “stop it, this is nonsense,” you devalue his life itself. And he needs support, wise advice and understanding.
Don't put a hard veto on talking about sex. The tendency of teenagers to “vulgarize everything”, finding erotic connotations even in what, it would seem, has nothing to do with sex, is nothing more than a relief of sexual tension available to them. Don't be afraid to talk to your child about the intimate side of life, because... Such conversations help him form an adequate attitude towards that part of reality that he will sooner or later touch.
Give your teenager space and time to be alone. because he often needs to be alone with himself, sort out his feelings and experiences, think about himself, his problems, philosophize and simply enjoy being alone.
Do not invade a teenager's personal space against his will. Don't throw out his things and don't clean his room without his knowledge and consent, because... During adolescence, the environment in which he lives becomes of great importance for a child. She becomes not just an expression of his inner world, but a part of it. And he is ready to defend it as jealously as the space of his experiences and thoughts. Also try not to pester your teenager with questions about what is happening to him if he makes it clear to you that he does not want to talk at the moment.
But you should always Show your teenager that you are ready to listen and support him. To do this, you can use phrases like “if you want to talk, I’m in the kitchen.”
Be calm about a teenager’s maximalism and harsh judgments
Just understand that at this time your child thinks this way, and it is not in his power to change it. Don't try to convince your teenager by expecting instant consent. You should gently show other possible points of view. And, believe me, even if your child demonstrates with all his appearance that he fundamentally disagrees with you, he hears you perfectly and, in the end, is often guided by your wiser opinion, although he admits this only in extremely rare cases.
I often hear from teenagers whose parents manage to behave this way, the following phrases: “My mother is my best friend. I can tell her absolutely everything, and she always supports me and gives me advice.”
But there are situations in which even such a wise and sensitive attitude does not help. Then the crisis of adolescence becomes a real problem - the teenager indulges in all kinds of bad things: he stops studying, starts using alcohol and drugs, steals and lies, attempts suicide and much more. In such a situation, it will not be possible to limit yourself to advice. Needed here consultation with a qualified psychologist ,
which will help the teenager and his family overcome this critical time.
Practical advice or rules of conduct with persons
showing suicidal tendencies
Children who attempted suicide experienced long-term severe depression(96%), loss of interest in life, fatigue from life; loss of meaning in life(46%), some experienced the death of a relative or friend; experienced misunderstanding by others, loneliness; unhappy love (10%).
Suicide- one of the main causes of death among today's youth.
Suicide is the No. 2 Killer of young people between the ages of fifteen and twenty-four.
The No. 1 killer is accidents, including drug overdoses, traffic accidents, falls from bridges and buildings, and self-poisoning.
According to experts, many of these accidents were actually suicides disguised as accidents.
As a rule, suicide does not occur without warning.
Most teenagers who try to commit suicide almost always warn about their intention: they say or do something that serves as a hint, a warning that they are in a hopeless situation and are thinking about death. One of the friends is always in the know.
1. Don't push him away if he decides to share problems with you, even if you are shocked by the current situation.
2. Trust your intuition; if you sense suicidal tendencies in your teen, don't ignore the warning signs.
3. Don't offer something you can't do.
4. Let him know if you want to help him, but don't keep it a secret if any information could affect his safety.
5. Stay calm and don't judge your teen.
If a person suffers from depression, then he needs to talk more to himself. Remember that this person has difficulty focusing on anything other than his hopelessness. He wants to get rid of the pain, but cannot find a healing way out. Try to remain calm and understanding as much as possible. You can be of great help by listening to the person's feelings, whether sadness, guilt, fear, or anger. Even if you sit silently with him, this will be proof of your interested and caring attitude. Although the main warning signs of suicide are often hidden, they can nevertheless be recognized by a receptive listener.
6. Try to find out his plan of action, since a specific plan is a sign of real danger.
7. Convince the teenager that there is a specific person to turn to for help.
8. Help him understand that severe stress prevents you from fully understanding the situation, gently advise how to find a solution and manage the crisis situation.
9. Help find people and places that could reduce the stress experienced.
10. At the slightest opportunity, act in such a way as to slightly change his internal state.
The best way to intervene in a crisis is to thoughtfully ask a direct question: “Are you thinking about suicide?” This question will not lead to such a thought if the person did not have one. When a teenager is contemplating suicide and finally finds someone who cares about his feelings and is willing to discuss this taboo topic, he often feels relieved and is given the opportunity to understand his feelings and reach an emotional peak, and then transform negative energy into a positive one.
11. Help him understand that the present feeling of hopelessness will not last forever.
12. Convince him that he took the right step by accepting your help. Awareness of your interest in his fate and willingness to help will give him emotional support.
Other possible sources of help should be taken into account: friends, family, doctors, priests to whom you can turn.
Do not leave a person alone in a situation of high suicidal risk. Stay with him as long as possible or ask someone to stay with him until the crisis is resolved or help arrives. You may need to call an ambulance or go to a clinic.
Remember that support comes with a certain responsibility.
In order to show a person that others care about him and create a sense of life perspective, you can enter into a so-called suicide contract. Ask for a promise to contact you before he becomes suicidal in the future so that you can discuss possible alternatives again. Oddly enough, such an agreement can be very effective.
Sometimes the only alternative to helping a suicide, if the situation turns out to be hopeless, is hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital. Delay can be dangerous. Hospitalization can bring relief to both the patient and the family.
Depression is a serious illness, and it affects not only adults, but also adolescents, and even school and preschool children. Only an attentive parent, who paid attention to this in time and came with timely help, is able to save the life of his own child and prevent an irreparable step.
Hospitals, of course, are not a panacea. Research has shown that what matters is how suicidal people perceive the situation of their placement in a hospital.
It may seem strange, but most teenagers who commit suicide do not actually want to die. They are simply trying to solve one or more problems. The tragedy is that they solve temporary problems once and for all. They want to avoid problems that they feel are beyond their control. These problems cause them emotional and physical pain, and suicide seems to them a reliable way to stop this pain.
Faced with the inevitability of death, almost all who survived a suicide attempt said that they suddenly began to understand that their problems were not so great that they could not be solved. It suddenly became clear to them: everything was not so bad. A second before death, they realized that they wanted to live.
While you are alive, you have LIFE, and it has EVERYTHING!
In order to appreciate yourself and your life, we all need to feel love for ourselves.
Need for love- This:
The need to be loved;
The need to love;
The need to be part of something.
If these three “needs” are present in our lives most of the time, we are able to cope with life and solve the problems that confront us.
Most often, parents turn to child psychologist in case of changes in the child’s behavior and condition. They want the child to sit down to dinner as soon as he is called to the table, to put away his toys and to fall asleep as soon as he gets into bed.
A child psychologist begins to work with parents, and not with children, because often they themselves raise the child in such a way that they subsequently cannot cope with it on their own.
It is very important to understand that parental authority is not unlimited. Parents need to formulate for the child the basic social and cultural rules that he needs to follow in order to interact with other people. At the same time, you should not take a position “over the child”: instill in him your ideas about what he should feel, what he needs to think about, what profession to choose. From parents you can often hear the phrase: “I know better what you need,” accompanied by another: “I wish you well, all this is just for your sake.” This phrase is a very common way of manipulating people, trying to get them to do what you want. Most often, such edifications cause in a child either violent protest and aggression, or a feeling of helplessness and insignificance, and this is a direct path to low self-esteem, dependence and passivity in adulthood.
Parents, with all their love for their children, sometimes have to be strict and forbid them to do what their children really want (for example, play for a long time Interesting games on the computer, enjoy a lot of sweets or light matches in the apartment). The main thing to remember is that there are prohibitions that should not be violated, and there are situations in which it is necessary to allow children to show their independence. For example, when choosing clothes for your child, ask his opinion or let him choose the item he likes on his own.
Learn to talk to children correctly
Praise for actions
When you praise a child, it will be useful if you explain why exactly. The child will better remember what needs to be done to please his mother, and will strive to do this as often as possible. In such cases, it will be useful to note his diligence by saying: “I am so pleased when you wash your own plate!” or “I’m very glad that you’re sitting down to study on your own.” Well-known TV presenter Oksana Fedorova told us about the principles of positive upbringing of children, which helps them develop independence and find strength to overcome life’s difficulties, in the fifth episode of the program “We Are Parents.”
When punishing, explain
The child has the right to know why he is being punished. If you put him in a corner and raise your voice at him, he will look for the reason why he was treated this way. Often children in such situations think that they are the bad ones and therefore deserve punishment. Parents who raise a child in this way lower his self-esteem. For a child, a parent is an unshakable authority, and if mom or dad says that you are bad, then that’s the way it is. If a child has committed some kind of misconduct, it is important to tell him about it, preferably using constructions like “I feel very bad when children don’t wash their hands before eating” or “I get very angry when children hit other children.”
Children want to know the rules by which people live in society and are happy to follow them. For example, in play activity they try to strictly follow all the rules and actively object to their violations. Therefore, always explain the rules that you set, and do not forget to follow them yourself, because the children will follow your example.
Respect your child's opinion
Child with early age it is necessary to make it clear that parents treat his opinion with attention and respect. Education in a dialogue form contributes to the personal development of the child, the development of consciousness and self-awareness of his personality, says psychologist Tamara Florenskaya.
In the seventh episode of the program “How to Raise a Happy Child,” we will tell you how important it is to show your love to your baby and to be a responsible and patient parent.
Be honest with children
Children are very sensitive to deception. Parents often ask a child psychologist whether they need to tell their child that he is the best, the nicest, the smartest, and so on. On the one hand, the child should feel that you love and accept him, no matter who he is, no matter what he does. But on the other hand, when the child goes to kindergarten and then to school, he will learn that there are children much smarter than him (the teacher can say so) and there will definitely be those who are physically stronger than him, or those with whom they want more be friends. You can imagine the disappointment of a child who was confident of his exceptional superiority over the others. Then he comes to the logical conclusion that his parents deceived him.
Of course, your child should feel your love and support, but if he does something wrong, you need to honestly explain it in a calm and friendly tone.
Be consistent in your demands
Another common mistake parents make is following the rules they set. If, for example, parents constantly remind their child that they cannot talk at the table, but they themselves chat casually during dinner, the child will understand that the rules can be easily broken. Therefore, child psychologists recommend: if you set rules, follow them yourself because the example that parents set with their behavior is a significant guide for children.
Thus, in the fourth episode of the program “How to Raise a Happy Child,” psychologist Sabina Kulieva explains why it is necessary to respect the child and his opinion, as well as to be consistent in his upbringing.
Communicate with your child as equals
Parents often come to a child psychologist with the question: “How to make an outstanding person out of their child?” This formulation contains errors that interfere with this noble intention. Remember, in pursuit of such a goal, you can deprive your child of the opportunity to become an independent and full-fledged person who is responsible for his actions and finds his way in life according to internal motives.
By watching the following video, you will learn how important it is to be a protector for a child and allow him to be an individual.
Help your child become an individual
What can parents do to help their child develop as an individual? Child psychologists give simple tips that you can adhere to when communicating with your children.
- Instead of planning your child's life twenty years in advance, ask yourself: What will he be like in the future?
- Gradually give your child freedom of choice, starting with minor little things, like what he wants for dinner today - rice or mashed potatoes, what cartoon he wants to watch: about a pig or about a wolf and a hare. By communicating with your child in this way, you not only teach him to make independent decisions, but also help him listen to his feelings, he begins to understand what he likes more and what he likes less. First in food, then in toys, and then in your life.
- Learn to listen to your children. How often does it happen that a child tells his parents that he is offended or bored, but they do not want to find out the reasons for this problem. Adults quickly forget what it means to be children. From their point of view, the baby’s problems are nothing, not worth attention. But for a child this is a whole tragedy! Therefore, it is necessary to learn to respect your child, this will give him confidence in himself and his abilities in the future.
It is important to treat a child as an adult who has the right to his own feelings, his own view of things, his preferences, tastes and desires, which do not always coincide with the parents’ ideas about them. Then you will know what an exciting activity it is to rediscover, together with your child, how the world works, and learn to understand yourself and build your own destiny.
Anna Toskina
