If the difference between children is 6-7 years or more, will they be friends? and isn't that too much? and got the best answer
Answer from Olga Martyanova (Stepanova)[guru]
My sister and I are 8 years apart. She and I were never friends. And in general there was little heart-to-heart talk. Children 8 years apart have few common interests. I love my sister very much, but over time we have not developed common interests. Therefore, there is a 2 year difference between my children.
Answer from SoNa[guru]
It all depends on their character and your upbringing!
Answer from Lyudmila A.[guru]
My brother and I are 6 years apart, things happened, but in general we were friends...
Answer from Evgeshka[guru]
I have many friends with brothers 9 years younger than them. So there was a war right between them until everyone grew up and started their own families.
Answer from Maria Safaeva[expert]
Of course they will....they are family....
Answer from D@shula[guru]
Friendship doesn't spill water - it's too much
responsibility for the younger is transferred to the elder, etc.
Parents often say, “You’re already big, you should understand, but he’s still small...”, but the child is offended.
Answer from Olga Skorishchenko[guru]
My brother and I are 5 years apart... we weren't very friends when we were kids... we always argued and fought. .
but when they grew up, everything changed...))
Answer from Lime wedge[guru]
I have a brother 6 years younger than me. When I was 10 we played together, at 12-13-14 we were swearing and fighting (!!!). Now I’m 19, he’s 13. And I’ll tear anyone up for him. This is how our relationship changed :)
Answer from User deleted[guru]
It is believed that the optimal difference between children is 2.5 - 4 years. But in most cases, the relationship between children in the family is determined by the psychological work that was carried out with the eldest child during pregnancy and that which has been going on since the birth of the second baby. Here, mom sets the tone. The main thing is not to let things take their course. But even if the moment is “missed,” it is never too late to start making friends with children - a wise mother has many methods in her arsenal. Good luck to you!
Answer from Katerina Turubanova[master]
I have the same children, teach them to love each other and care better than friends then there will be no
Answer from Lena[master]
It's not about the age difference! An older child should help you with small things and then the love for the baby will be enormous, I have examples where there is a difference of 5 - 7 and even 11 years between children and they love and help each other all their lives, talk more with the older child
Answer from Laura[guru]
everyone has their own way
Answer from Oliya Ivanova(Geek)[guru]
My daughter is 13, my son is almost 6, and there will be a baby soon. Well, sometimes they quarrel, who doesn’t, but the older one also takes care of her brother, they hug and kiss. Anything can happen. I believe that age will not interfere with normal relationships in the future.
Answer from [email protected]
[guru]
Mom and brother have been friends since childhood! (10 years difference)
They will not be interested in playing together, but they will support each other. The optimal difference is 4 years.
Answer from Liudmila Celik[guru]
It is unlikely that they will have common games and interests, but they will, of course, love each other.
Answer from Athlete[master]
The main thing is to understand that you gave birth to a second child for yourself, and not for the older one, do not shift your responsibilities to him!
Answer from Anna Kolabanova[guru]
My sister and I are 9 years apart. Of course, when I was 14 and she was 5, she stressed me out a lot, take me for a walk, take me to kindergarten. take it. It was as if I had nothing else to do. Well, sometimes she got hit in the neck, but nothing. And now, when I’m 34 and she’s 25, what a blessing that she exists!
Answer from Sawka sawka[guru]
It seems to me that the point is not in the difference, but in how the parents raise and behave in the family.... friendship can be even with a 10, 15 year difference
Answer from Olga Olga[guru]
My brother and I are 12 years apart... we have a good, calm relationship, no one bothers anyone anymore... but it wasn’t always like this, when he was little, I had a lot of worries and responsibility for him, sometimes it was very It’s a shame that I can’t go for a walk with my friends, but I have to sit with him....
Answer from I fly according to my mood[guru]
Their relationship is a little different. They are comfortable with each other, but have no common interests or friends.
Many parents, planning a second child, wonder what the age difference between children should be so that they are friendly with each other. But there is no clear answer to this question, each child is unique, for one appearance younger brother at two years old it is a joyful event, but for another even in adolescence such news can be a shock. But in order for children to perfectly find a common language with each other, not only age is important, but also many other factors.
In order to determine the ideal age difference between children in a family, you can consider several options. So, what will be the relationship within the family if the difference between the children is 7 years. If the first child is already seven years old, then he is a completely independent person, he already goes to school. An older child can become a good nanny for a younger one, because they have no competition for toys, a completely different range of interests, and the older one will treat the whims of the younger one with understanding. But another development of events is also possible. The eldest is used to being the center of parental attention, so it can be very difficult for him to cope with the changes associated with the birth of a baby. In this case, the child will express his protest by changing his behavior beyond recognition. If parents do not deprive their firstborn of attention, in advance, even before the birth of the baby, they mentally prepare the child for the upcoming changes, and constantly involve him in communication with the smaller child, the older child will feel that his parents need him. And in this case, neither protest nor jealousy will arise in the heart of the first child.
In order for a certain contact to be established between the older and younger child, you need to encourage communication between them in every possible way, ask the older one for help and praise him at every opportunity, try to spend time not only with the baby, but also with the older child, talk with him, take an interest in his affairs.
If there is a 6 year difference between the children, then this will be a little more complicated. Complicated this situation the fact that at this period of life the eldest child is just going to school, right now he needs all the attention, patience and care of his parents. If parents can properly plan their time so that the student does not feel discomfort and lack of parental attention, then with such an age difference, strong friendship, trust and mutual understanding between children are quite possible in the future.
If the difference between children is 5 years, then it can be called ideal. The first child is already independent in many matters; besides, children at this age go to kindergarten, so the mother will not need to be at home with two children at the same time. After taking the eldest to the garden, the mother will be able to devote herself to the baby, and in the evening she needs to devote more time to the other child. The older one will watch with interest the development of the younger one, will play with him, but not very often, because their interests are completely different. But at an older age, usually such children are very friendly.
When planning a second pregnancy, it is important to know that female body is restored and will be fully ready to bear a new life again only two years after the birth of the first. If the firstborn was breastfeeding, then a year after weaning you can plan your next pregnancy.
If the second child is not born at the huge request of the first, as a living toy, and the first child does not automatically turn into a permanent nanny for the second, then the children will not dislike each other. Parents who give equal amounts of love to their children will lay a strong foundation for their future good relationships.
Almost all parents who are planning more than one child in the family try to find an answer to the question of what is the best age difference between children. And so far, doctors, psychologists and other researchers have not formed a consensus on this matter.
Indeed, the topic is very individual, and in the decision-making process it is very important to take into account the needs and interests of all family members, namely:
- readiness of both parents for the birth of a second child;
- the opportunity to devote sufficient time to the upbringing and development of children of different ages;
- mother's professional ambitions;
- the need for outside help in caring for children.
My family was also affected by this topic. When planning my second baby, I began to study the opinions of experts from different areas, be interested in the experience of mothers of many children. After all, I really want everyone to have enough love and attention, so that the children grow up healthy and happy.
I suggest looking at some of the possible pros and cons of different age gaps and trying to determine which age gap between children is best for you.
Difference up to 2 years (weather)
pros
Some psychologists believe that weather events are the best option for establishing a friendly atmosphere in the family. For example, Professor Ginny Kidwell, based on research, argues that the most appropriate time to plan a second child is when the first-born is either less than a year old or more than 4 years old. This is due to the fact that a baby under one year old does not yet have an idea of himself as a separate person, which means he will perceive the appearance of a brother or sister in the family less painfully and adapts more easily to new circumstances.
Thanks to such a minimal age difference, similar interests, joint games, and a common social circle are possible. While the children play with each other, the mother has the opportunity to mind her own business and devote more time to her husband.
In addition, the memories of caring for the baby are still fresh, and you don’t have to learn and learn everything all over again.
This situation is also optimal for a mother’s career. A woman has the opportunity to reduce the time of maternity leave to 4 years for two children than if she went on maternity leave with a break.
Minuses
According to a study conducted by economist Casey Buckles, an age difference of less than 2 years can negatively impact the reading and math skills of the oldest child in the family. According to her observations, this is due to the fact that his parents have no time to deal with him, as a result of which he spends a lot of time watching TV or the computer.
Gynecologists are also against such a short time interval between births, since the woman’s body does not have time to recover well, complications are likely during pregnancy and health problems for the baby.
In addition, many parents are simply not ready for the arrival of a second child so quickly, since they do not have time to adapt to new circumstances. It is more difficult for a mother to cope with two babies at the same time. Overwork often leads to conflicts in the family.
24 years
pros
According to psychologists, this is the most optimal age difference between children. The first-born is already quite independent, he can hold a spoon, dress himself, and even help his mother a little with housework. The children's interests will probably coincide, and they can still play together. At the same time, the younger one observes the older one, communicates with him and develops faster.
Obstetricians and gynecologists also believe that the ideal age difference between children is about 3 years. During this time, the woman’s body is already fully restored after the first birth.
Minuses
First of all, this is a rather strong jealousy of the elder towards the younger. Here parents will have to show maximum patience and care in order to avoid conflicts based on jealousy.
And it’s not good for a woman’s career either. a good option. It turns out to be a long one maternity leave with virtually no work breaks. Although, of course, there are options for remote work/freelancing, which can be combined with motherhood.
4 – 6 years
pros
The previously mentioned Ginny Kidwell considers this age difference very favorable for the formation of a healthy psychological climate in the family. The eldest child has enjoyed enough parental attention, he has developed his own interests and the constant presence of his parents in his affairs is no longer so important. In addition, many children aged 4-6 years are already asking for a brother or sister.
Just during maternity leave with my second child, the eldest will go to first grade and will have the opportunity to help him adapt to new circumstances, taking him to school and picking him up, helping him do his homework.
Jealousy at this age is also possible, but not as strong as in the previous age range. The older one is able to help the mother care for the newborn, and the younger one will develop faster, trying to keep up with his brother or sister.
This is a good option for my mother's career. Most likely, between maternity leave, a woman will already have time to achieve considerable success in her professional field.
Minuses
There is a huge gap between the interests of children and they are unlikely to play together.
7 years or more
pros
Such a large age difference allows us to give maximum attention to the older and younger children, each in its own time. First the firstborn grows, only he receives care and love. The eldest is growing up, you can pay more attention to the younger one. Thus, everyone feels like they are the only one for their parents.
The eldest is a schoolboy, spends part of the day in classes, and the mother does not feel as much stress as with two children at the same time. Appears free time which can be spent for personal purposes. You can pick up your first-born child from school, help him do his homework, take him to extracurricular activities and clubs. A stay-at-home mom has time for this.
This age difference allows the mother to succeed in her career and easily, based on her already rich experience, find a part-time job during the second maternity leave, if circumstances require it.
Minuses
In this case, the children have no common interests at all. The younger one is rather a burden for the older brother or sister.
If we talk about a difference of 7 years, then for the older child at this time a difficult and often long period of adaptation to school life begins; he requires a lot of parental attention and care, so there is a high probability of strong jealousy and protest moods on his part.
As you understand, all the above pros and cons are just generalized considerations. What is suitable for some is unacceptable for others due to individual characteristics. And only you can decide what age difference between children is best for your family.
If we talk about my experience, my husband and I decided to settle on an age difference of about 4 years. The period from birth to 3-4 years is one of the most important in the life of a little person, and I want to pay more attention to the daughter we already have. In addition, I don’t need to go to the office to work, I chose freelancing for myself, which means I don’t need to evaluate the situation with maternity leave.
Irina Maslennikova, mother of the little princess,
copywriter, specialist early development children.
Children with a minimal age difference seem to many ideal option. As a rule, kids have common interests, toys, and when they get older, they have common friends. The same age also implies the same organization of the daily routine, reading the same books and attending developmental classes. And the mother has not yet lost her skills in caring for the baby. Psychologists believe that brothers and sisters with an age difference of 1-2 years usually grow up as friends - there is less chance that someone will be jealous, and someone will grow up to be selfish.
However, there may be plenty of disadvantages in this situation. Two small children, especially if they are the same age, become a big burden, both physical and emotional. All senses can be consumed by fatigue: children need to be bathed, fed, and put to bed at the same time. And, as a rule, they will get sick at the same time. A banal walk on the river can also become a problem. fresh air, taking into account that it is not so easy to choose transport for a walk, think through and follow the fee algorithm. It’s good if there are helpers in the person of grandparents or a nanny. And if not? Going up and down the stairs with a stroller, a bag and two small children is a real art. Even if the older child already walks confidently, this will not make the walk any easier: catching up with a stroller running away across the lawns is not an easy task.
Anna Morozova
Child psychologist
“A small age difference can somewhat hinder the development of an older child. Parents, as a rule, teach their children using the same books and programs, while following the development of the child. Therefore, older children may learn to read and count a little later than their peers.”
In addition, not all mothers are ready for the imminent arrival of a second baby in the family. After all, all the love and attention is focused on the firstborn. And for the first months, or even years, it seems that it is generally impossible to love someone else as much. As a result, feelings of guilt may arise. There is another important factor. Doctors say that during such a short period between pregnancies, a woman’s body does not have time to recover, which can lead to complications for both mother and child.
Age difference 2–4 years
Many experts consider an age difference of 2-4 years to be optimal. Children are still united by common interests: toys, games, cartoons. The older child already knows how to dress and eat independently, which makes daily childcare much easier for the mother. At the same time, the baby copies his older brother or sister in everything, which means he develops much faster. There is an opinion that younger children with a difference of 2-4 years are more developed and intelligent, besides, the older child can already show responsibility, which means that he can be entrusted with looking after the baby for a while while the mother is busy with housework. In addition, the eldest child at this age already goes to kindergarten, which means he has his own interests, friends and favorite activities, and does not require the constant presence of his mother. And from a physiological point of view, a woman’s body after 2-4 years is already ready for a new pregnancy.
In this case, there can be only one minus, but it is a big one: strong jealousy of the elder towards the younger. And here it is very important how parents and grandparents behave. In this situation, it becomes vitally important to be able to equally distribute attention between children, not to single out “favorites,” and to try to be objective in analyzing conflicts. Otherwise, the relationship between the children will be ruined. For a working mother, the situation can also be difficult, because only after returning from maternity leave, getting involved in work and learning new information, she will have to go on maternity leave again. Returning to the profession, and even more so career growth, will require great effort in the future.
Age difference 5–7 years
The age difference of 5-7 years allows you to pay attention to both the youngest and the older child. The firstborn becomes more reasonable and completely independent. He spends part of his time at school, and the mother can pay attention to the baby. At the same time, the first-grader is adapting to school, which means that a mother on maternity leave has advantages over a working mother. She manages to prepare the child’s breakfast, take him to school and pick him up immediately after school, without leaving him in after-school care until the evening. You can spend more time preparing lessons, playing games and walking in the park. Children playing together is still possible, but not as often as we would like. Economic benefits can also be found in such an age difference. In the future, when children become students, they will have to pay for education one by one.
Yulia Nikolaeva
Psychologist
“Still, this age difference can be difficult. Such children have little in common; parents will have to take into account different interests. You should not turn your first-born child into a “free nanny” or infringe on his development. The point is to ensure that the older child attends clubs, sections and events, even if it is difficult to do this with a stroller.”
The age difference is more than 8–10 years
At 8-10 years old and older child already a completely independent person. He is used to being the center of parental attention, which means changes may cause protest. Moreover, they may come at some time adolescence. The temptation to turn an older child into a first house help and nanny, especially if it is a girl, is great. Of course, at first the child will happily fuss over the baby, but you should not turn the joy of communication into a duty. Such an age difference, of course, excludes competition for toys, but the first-born needs the same amount of parental attention as before. This means that in order to eliminate jealousy between children, parents need to show maximum patience, mental and moral strength and provide the older child with the usual course of life. You should not perceive the younger child as an “outlet” and avoid difficulties in your relationship with the teenager; this can lead to the formation of a gap between the parents and the older child and cause unkind feelings towards the baby.
You should not compare children with each other, this provokes competition. It is important to preserve individuality in each child, which means it is better to take into account the interests of each, and not to take children into one circle, because it is more convenient. Children have the right to their own separate toys, therefore, it is better to immediately explain to the child that taking things from an older brother or sister is possible only with permission. Cooking your child’s favorite dish will once again show love and care, even if it can be difficult to prepare several different dinners or lunches.
Still, there are no definite rules for when to have children. Each family, to its own taste, can determine the time of birth of the second child better than any psychologist. The main thing is that the parents themselves are ready, willing and able to devote sufficient time to the upbringing and development of both children.
Reading time: 7 minutes.
The stage of preschool childhood has come to an end, leaving behind several difficult periods of personality development. However, you are standing on the path of a difficult and at the same time interesting time. The six-year-old is on the verge of major changes. He already has a personal opinion, can defend his point of view, has learned some social norms, controls his behavior, and helps his friends. In our article we will talk about what psychological changes await your child and how to help him follow a new path.
Psychology at 6-7 years old - another transitional period
How are your relationships with your peers?
The age of 6-7 years is characterized by a significant turn in friendships. If previously children did not require the company of their peers, now the stage is underway the process of socialization is in full swing. The guys can already talk about where they have been, what they have seen, make plans for the near future and share them with pleasure. They develop full-fledged communication that is not at all related to toys.
At 6-7 the first real friends appear This age allows children to gather in groups of 2-3 people, thereby showing their preference. Moreover, this is typical for both girls and boys. In their team, there are often arguments, during which the terrible “I will never be friends with you again” may sound. Adults understand perfectly well that childhood grievances are easily forgotten, but for children 6-7 years old this is a real psychological drama.
The main task of parents is to support the child, the ability to find important words, and help him live through his first experiences. Under no circumstances should one ridicule a child’s experiences or express negativity towards his friends.
The child’s trust is the most important thing at this age. Important! Find time to just sit with your child, listen to him silently, hug him, sometimes this is enough.
How are your relationships with the opposite sex?
This age sometimes brings surprises to first love, which can be found anywhere. An attentive parent can notice the changes happening to the child: the sparkle of the eyes, a smile full of mystery, and a look of riddles. What to do in such a difficult situation?
At 6-7 years old, many children experience their first love Child psychologists give quite effective recommendations:
- Be tactful, any careless statement like: “this boy is not a match for you”, “you still know how many of these Len you will have”, “don’t make me laugh, what kind of love at your age” can have an impact Negative influence on adult life child. The main task of parents is to ensure that the child is not afraid to share his experiences, so that he feels supported.
- Be alert, talk to your baby, explain what is good and what is bad.
- The task of fathers is to teach their boy to act correctly from an early age, first of all by example. Otherwise, the boy does not understand how to behave, he is afraid of the ridicule of his friends, and as a result he pulls his “object of love” by the pigtails and says offensive words. It is necessary to intervene and explain to him that such behavior is slightly different from male behavior. The same applies to girls, they should understand that they need to accept advances with dignity, and not hit a boy over the head with a book.
- You need to use your sense of humor and tune in to the same wavelength as your child. You can tell a funny story on a similar topic from your childhood, about one funny boy, thereby adding confidence to him.
First love can manifest itself in endless conflicts You need to be able to keep a secret, and not share incredible news with the whole family, since you have been entrusted with the most secret things. Children's innermost feelings should be preserved and, if necessary, comforted and supported.
What difficulties might you encounter?
Child psychology claims that the age of 6-7 years goes through the stage of the next crisis. In some children, the fracture begins at 6 years old, and in others it shifts by 8 years. The child’s assessment of his place in society changes; he stands on the threshold of school, new relationships, social life, an unfamiliar position - a schoolchild, which is highly valued by adults. He doesn’t always want to change something in his
Disobedience at 6-7 years old is a manifestation of a crisis her life, but his new role pushes him towards these changes.
During the turning point of 6-7 years, psychology focuses on experiencing inner life, which consists of the child’s level of aspirations, self-esteem, and expectations.
Crisis at 6-7 years - manifestations These emotions influence his behavior in a given situation. This is where the antics appear, which child psychology calls spontaneity. With the help of mannerisms, children show that they are on the verge of a turning point; their inner world begins to differ from the outer world, although they are also open to the world. When a child comes out of a crisis, he copes with what his age requires of him, then negative emotional reactions, antics and mannerisms disappear.
How to help a child?
The age of 6-7 years is associated with the rapid growth of a child, he grows literally by the hour, it is difficult for him to sit in one position, and at school he must remain motionless for a considerable time. Therefore, it is important to maintain a motor regime; psychology claims that this is the main need of his age, this is especially true for a boy. If you have an active boy, then you need to keep him busy after school. sports section, pool, choreography is good for girls.
School readiness – requirements At this age, the child still wants to be good, he is already well aware of when he has done wrong, is embarrassed about this, gets upset if something didn’t turn out so well, and experiences sincere joy when he is given a useful assignment.
In order not to drown out such noble impulses in the future, it is necessary to talk with the baby more often, analyze actions, concepts of morality, for example, “a kind boy is one who protects girls and helps old people.”
Age 6-7 years is characterized increased self-esteem child, which gradually becomes adequate.
Quote from Sukhomlinsky about the beginning of the school period Therefore, upbringing involves assessing the result of his actions, but it should be remembered that one cannot evaluate a person’s personality, so as not to lower the child’s self-esteem. It is necessary to criticize the actions of the baby, and not him himself; it is not he who is bad, but his behavior leaves much to be desired. This period is characterized by an increase in memory capacity and stability of attention, so education includes joint reading of encyclopedias, watching educational programs, and it is important to do this together.
How to teach responsibility?
The time of carefree childhood is ending, so the moment of development of such concepts as responsibility and duty will be important for the child. The upbringing of these qualities falls on the shoulders of parents.
Responsibility at 6-7 years old depends on the attitude of adults This age means:
- Performing simple duties, for example, watering flowers, helping to put away dishes, tidying up the room, and the boy must also complete tasks around the house.
- Praise for the work done, but it must be done deservedly. It is better to pay attention to what the baby did, and not to what he did not succeed. It is necessary to patiently teach him to redo poor-quality work.
- Give children a choice, for example: “You quickly clean the room and let’s go for a walk, or I clean up alone and then we won’t have time for a walk.”
The age of 6-7 years is a new stage in a child’s life, and the task of parents is to help him go along this path.
