Love, according to psychology, does not have a clear definition. The most common interpretations of the term are: a state of inspiration, a desire to give joy, a need to feel loved. The concept of “true love” applies to all of these states and is built on the basic concepts of intimacy, passion and commitment. But before experiencing true love, a couple goes through 7 stages that help not to confuse love with falling in love.

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What is true love

Real love- this is love that did not arise suddenly. This is a firmly formed feeling that appeared during the development of relationships. According to the works of American psychologist Robert Sternberg, true love is based on 3 components:

• proximity;
• passions;
• obligation.

To reach the listed feelings in relation to another person, it takes time, during which you need to get to know the other half even more. Relationships develop according to the following stages:

1. 1. Love. Everyday life and real problems force lovers to move from a feeling of euphoria to the next level.
2. 2. Satiation. At the stage of coexistence (when they are already fed up with feelings, the hormones have receded), people either separate or develop the relationship further.
3. 3. Rejection. Each of the partners becomes selfish and tries to pull the blanket over themselves.
4. 4. Tolerance. The stage of coming to terms with the partner’s shortcomings, accepting personality and discovering new traits of his/her character begins.
5. 5. Service. A person taught by experience begins to show wisdom, since he has already managed to study all the positive and negative qualities of his partner. At this stage, everyone tries to support each other.
6. 6. Friendship. The look at the second half is completely new, acceptance of the partner as close, the second period of falling in love begins.
7. 7. Love. Perceiving another person as oneself, lack of cunning tricks, mercantile thoughts.

How to prove to a girl that you love her

How the feeling manifests itself

According to psychologist E. A. Borodaenko, the words “Love to the grave, feelings for life” are statements of people in codependent relationships. This is not a sign of true love. Deep feeling implies actions and actions.

How true love is manifested in actions and actions:

• Give gifts.
• Put the interests of others above your own.
• To feel safety next to a person, stability in feelings.
• Learn to forgive.
• To become better.
• Be able to remain silent and understand without words.
• Act as one team.
• Give more than you receive in a relationship.
• Help the other half.
• Let go free time, without caring about his own person.

Love at first sight

Is there true love

There is no ideal relationship between a guy and a girl, a man and a woman. The word "ideal" does not apply to people because everyone has flaws. Therefore, we need to learn to accept and understand each other.

Does love really exist?

1. 1. On the Internet. Nowadays, people often fall in love on the Internet, which is largely a deception. People often impersonate others. “Love on the Internet” is an interest in a person, the inaccessibility of an object, which makes it even more desirable. It has nothing to do with real feeling.
2. 2. At first sight. There are couples who claim that they fell in love at first sight. But it's just love. If people know each other a little longer, then they have a better chance of finding true love.
3. 3. In childhood. An unformed personality does not understand himself or those around him, and therefore does not experience true love. At 16, 14, or even 12 years old, it is necessary to tell the child how to recognize a real feeling.

You need to work on relationships, have a strong desire to create a family, strong and long-lasting relationships. If two people show desire, then everything will work out.

Why love lasts 3 years

How not to confuse it with falling in love

True love must go through all 7 stages. This is a lot of work on relationships. A warm feeling or attraction towards someone is a common crush.

A couple of tips on how not to confuse a sincere, selfless feeling with being in love:

1. 1. Passion. Love is not always sexually oriented, unlike falling in love.
2. 2. Time. Feelings develop at different speeds: you can start loving after months or years, but you can fall in love at first sight.
3. 3. Selfishness. Feelings in love are aimed at the comfort of the other person.
4. 4. Self-sacrifice. The lover will not show dedication.
5. 5. Depth. Falling in love passes faster, but love lasts longer.
6. 6. Convention. A deep feeling is to perceive a person as a whole, and falling in love involves the emergence of a feeling of sympathy because of something (character quality, appearance and so on.).
7. 7. Manifestation. Various actions show the attitude towards the other half: breakfast in bed, caring during illness, etc.
8. 8. Adoption. A man who is in love sees only positive sides character, and the one who loves knows the negative qualities and accepts them.

Love, of course, exists. Only everyone understands differently what love is.

And one more thing - love comes in different forms:

1. Love for parents
2. love for a teacher who becomes a person’s mentor and adviser in the main questions about life;
3. and finally, love to your.

With the first three points, I think everything is clear.

But love for the opposite sex - is it love? Or is it just a habit or an attachment?

The question is ambiguous, as is the answer to this question. Every couple, every love story is individual.

• Someone, at the beginning of a relationship, “drowns”, blinded by love, forgets about everything in the world, soars in the clouds, seeing nothing in front of him except the object of his adoration;
• Someone soberly builds relationships, weighing their every step and every word, but never knowing love as such.

Another question arises here. Unclear, which of these two couples is happier? : the one who at the beginning of a relationship gives in to impulses of passion, or the one who acts “at the direction” of reason.

Love-match

Again, it is not a fact that the feelings that take over in the first case are love. Rather passion, and then, after some time, passions subside, everyday life remains, children, common sense returns, and it’s good if, in addition to feelings, there are also common points of intersection, common interests. After all, often a person is not aware of his actions, there is a veil before his eyes, and when the eyes are “cleared,” it is already too late, and the couple either breaks up or is left to coexist with each other. There is no longer any talk of love. Sometimes they don’t even have anything to talk about. This is the truth of life. As a result, the search for happiness at another pier.

A Marriage Based on Sober Choices

The second couple I gave as an example can get along well together. Measured relationships, planning for children, respect for each other, affection - maybe sooner or later this will become true love? In such a union, both the man and the woman cannot imagine their lives without each other, they have something to talk about, they speak the “same language,” which cannot be said about the couple from the first example.

The topic voiced in the question can be developed for a very long time. Love as I understand it - this is when you see a person, no matter how much time has passed since the beginning of the relationship - the heart begins to beat tremulously, a kind of surge of emotions occurs. You want to spend all your free time with this person, without leaving him for a moment. Honestly, I have never met couples in my circle who, after 10-20-30 years of marriage, experience such feelings towards each other. At the same time, I don’t deny the existence of love; of course, it exists, but not everyone is able to find it.

"Love" is a very interesting word. We say it quite often. "I like chocolate". "I don't like oatmeal." "I love Sasha". "I Love Mom". "I do not like rain". But if you ask us what “to love” or “love” means, we are unlikely to be able to give a quick and clear answer. And for sure different people will give a variety of answers. Perhaps you have never thought about this topic. “What is there to think? Don’t I really know what love is?”

On the one hand, you are right. Love is common to all of us, love is the natural state of man. On the other hand, the average modern person has gone so far from his natural state that there is little love left in him. But the word “love” has been preserved in the language. So they call it any attachment.

However, this is not only a problem for modern people. Misconceptions have always existed. Remember the story of Romeo and Juliet? This story was written in ancient times, but even then the author called the relationship between the characters love. But was there really love in the relationship between Romeo and Juliet?

Alas, art has the ability to convincingly pass off lies as truth. Trusting the beauty of art, we involuntarily trust the thoughts of the author. And the author does not have to be a sage and a know-it-all. For us to remember him centuries later, he must be a brilliant artist, nothing more. How many artists of all times and peoples mislead us, poeticizing their delusions of youth!

The geniuses of ancient times are echoed by modern “pop” of all genres, which will be forgotten faster than dirty puddles dry up in sunny weather. But we trust this foam too. How can you not believe it if everyone sings the same thing?

Let's dispel this romantic fog and talk about love soberly and seriously.

What is love

Love belongs to the sphere of the intangible, to the spiritual area of ​​our life. But the spiritual is only partially cognizable by us. No one can say that they know everything about love. But, nevertheless, many properties of love are known, some patterns of its strengthening and disappearance. And knowledge of these individual qualities of love is of great value for that person who wants to love and be loved.

What love is not

Let us begin by considering those qualities or definitions that are unfairly attributed to love.

“Love is just a side effect of sexual desire.”

This misconception does not even deserve detailed consideration. Its fallacy is obvious from the fact that there is love between parents and children, love between friends, and people with an undeveloped or extinct sexual sphere are also capable of love. Love can be directed towards objects with which sexual interaction is impossible. We sympathize with those who think this way.

"Love is a feeling."

Certain feelings are just one of the qualities of love. It is more correct to say that love is a state.

When a person is in a state of love, he is in this state entirely, and his whole life changes. He begins to have more love for all people. New talents awaken in him or previously discovered ones flourish. He has more vitality.

If there are only feelings, but not all these changes, this is not love.

"Love is passion." "Love is torture." "Love is pain". "Love is a disease."

This is the most common mistake, so let's look at it in more detail.

The root of this mistake is in our childhood. Unfortunately, almost all of us are unloved children. Very few people can boast that their family of parents was ideal. That mom and dad were each other's first and last. That they were always together and truly loved each other and us children, giving us the necessary fullness of their time and their love.

And if we have received at least a little less, then, without realizing it, we try to compensate for it in love relationships. That is, to compensate with the love of other people for us the love not received from our parents. If in love a person strives more to give, think and care about the happiness of his loved one, then in passion a person engages in vampirism. In passion, we intensely control how they treat us, whether they give everything to us, whether they let someone else into their hearts. Passion is characterized by jealousy, imaginary sacrifice (or salvation), when we are ready to do a lot for a person, but in exchange we demand his soul, completely depriving him of freedom. Passion is selfishness, and selfishness is the opposite of love.

And who likes being deprived of freedom, being jealous, demanding, drawing all the juice?

Therefore, relationships of passion are always painful. Where there is passion, there is torment, pain, and illness.

The saddest thing is that all the love hopes of a passionate person are doomed from the very beginning. Parental love cannot be repaid with the help of other people. Everything falls through like a leaky vessel. We need to fix the hole first...

Great dislike in childhood leads to strong passion, which psychologists call addiction. The expression of this passion can be not only love addiction, but also drug, alcohol, gaming, etc. These are diseases. And, unfortunately, very common. There are many more dependent people than people who truly love. Therefore, the voice of addicts is louder. Their lies about love are more widespread than the truth of those who know how to love.

Romeo and Juliet also suffered from love addiction. This can be judged by their gloomy ending. Love does not torture and does not kill. Love is a creative state. A lover is happy simply because there is a loved one, that he is alive and well, that there is love. And dependence requires possession. Addiction is painful and often leads a person to thoughts of suicide. However, Shakespeare’s work also says enough about the parents’ dislike of these unfortunate young people. Therefore, the whole picture of the disease is clear - from the origins to the end.

"Everyone can love."

Rain falls on everyone from time to time, but the water is retained only in the whole vessel. It quickly flows out of the leaky one. Therefore, only spiritually holistic, adult people are capable of love. To gain the ability to love, you need to grow up, conquer your addictions and passions.

"There is love at first sight."

There is love at first sight. But the path from infatuation to love is long and difficult. According to psychologists, true love comes on average 15 years after the beginning. family life.

“Sex does not interfere with love, but rather even helps.”

People are constantly looking for excuses for their weaknesses. “The fact that I often eat sweets has nothing to do with the fact that I have an extra 15 kg of weight. I’m just unlucky with my figure.” “The fact that I allowed intimate relationships with men has nothing to do with the fact that I still cannot create a normal family. I’m just unlucky in my personal life.”

In fact, it is connected. The fact that for several thousand years of human history women who lost their virginity were not married was not some taboo taken out of thin air. People knew for sure that family life with such a woman would be different in quality from life with the one they married as a virgin. With her you won’t get that kind of love, you won’t get that kind of family.

There are psychological explanations for this phenomenon. They say that a woman will remember previous men. They say that, having shown weakness before marriage, she can show it in marriage, that is, change.

But there is also something on a spiritual level. Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is not a purely physiological process. It somehow affects spiritual structures, forming invisible connections between people.

Many women remember that their first man was very important in their lives. If it was a relationship of love, and virginity was lost, then the separation was very difficult for them. If there was no sexual communication, the breakup was much easier to cope with. This means that intimate intimacy formed an invisible but strong connection between them.

It’s great if this strong connection is with the person you want to spend your whole life with - your husband. And if not? With the second man the connection is already weaker, with the third - even weaker. What kind of connection do you have with your husband? 3rd or 10th?

If Bulgakov’s words about sturgeon are true, that they are only of the first grade and no one else, then about love relationships - even more so. And our ancestors agreed only to the first grade. And we, imagining ourselves as gourmets and fine connoisseurs of various benefits and conveniences that civilization gives us, in the most important thing, often eat simply garbage.

Of course, all of the above also applies to men. After all, at the other end of the invisible thread emanating from a woman is a man. Therefore, a man has no less responsibility for maintaining his purity than a woman.

What happens? Husband with past connections intimate relationships involved with several women. These women are still connected to someone else. The wife is also involved with several men. And they are not the last in the chain. It turns out that we don’t have families, but some kind of perverted super-Swedish families. In them we are invisibly united with people, some of whom we might not even shake hands with...

There are no scientific explanations for this phenomenon. But the fact remains a fact, and everyone can see confirmation of it in their lives: with each new intimate relationship, we waste something in our soul, and it becomes more and more difficult for us to love. Each new love (accompanied by sex outside of marriage) is of a lower grade compared to the first love. At the same time, passions may increase, but passion will not replace love for us...

The path to love is not through sex, but through friendship. Psychologists say that the reason that people are in a hurry to get closer physiologically is their inability to get closer spiritually. People, especially young people, have not learned to communicate and talk. They know how to get close only in the most primitive way. But, alas, sex without communication, without friendship is not much different from masturbation...

I understand that most people reading this article are no longer virgins. Cheer up! Fortunately, spiritual injuries can be cured—by spiritual means. Although, like physical treatment, such treatment requires time and labor. The integrity of the soul can be restored, invisible connections can be broken.

The path to healing is repentance. It is necessary to stop repeating old mistakes and repent. The amount of labor is proportional to the number of crimes committed against one’s soul. I don’t know if complete healing is possible without such sacraments of the Orthodox Church as confession and communion. With them it’s definitely possible.

What love really is

“The lover strives to give, not to receive.”

If a passionate, dependent person has nothing but a hole in his spiritual body, and therefore is a consumer, then the lover has within himself a source of warmth and light. And the one who has a source of light within himself cannot help but shine.

Sacrifice loving person, in contrast to the false, selfish sacrifice of the addict, is sincere. The lover does not keep track of what he has given and does not bill his beloved. It is important for him that his loved one is happy in the highest sense of the word. His joy is to please his beloved.

“Love does not limit freedom.”

Being independent, self-sufficient (he does not need anything from his loved one), the lover is free himself and does not seek to limit the freedom of his loved one. His sun is with him in any case, so no matter what the beloved does, his “sun” remains with the lover.

Of course, a lover strives to be with his beloved, but not to such an extent as to violate the freedom of his loved one.

“Love is the pinnacle of virtue.”

Love is the highest of human good qualities. Perfect love includes all virtues. If at least one vice remains in a person, his love can no longer be perfect.

Here is how the Apostle Paul lists the good qualities of love: “Love is patient, kind, love does not envy, love does not boast, is not proud, does not behave in an outrageous manner, does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:4-8).

Why is love incompatible with evil? Because if there is something evil, that evil will manifest itself in our relationships with those we seek to love. Let's say a husband loves his wife. But he is not free from such a vice as envy. And it will happen that his wife will achieve great success in the professional field. And in some social circles she will be given more respect than her husband. Because of his envy, the husband will be indignant at his wife and will harbor a grudge. His love will suffer because it is imperfect.

What if there are several vices? Love is doomed...

Imagine the person described by the Apostle Paul. He is patient, merciful, not envious, not selfish, not mercenary, always calm, does not suspect others of anything bad, does not gloat, hides in silence or kind words mistakes of others, trusts others and relies on them, endures all difficulties. Agree, you can live with such a person. And as a friend, and as a spouse, and as a father or mother. It’s good to be with such a person, his love is reliable. It is impossible to quarrel with him! And it is easy for us to love him - with friendly, marital or filial love.

"Love is a gift from God."

Our understanding of love will be flawed if we limit ourselves to the idea that love is within us, and do not think about where it comes to us from, where it even came from. After all, the data of modern science refutes the possibility of spontaneous generation of a living cell from nothing. They also refute the possibility of the emergence of man through an evolutionary path uncontrolled from outside (the universe does not yet exist for as long as it would take for this to happen, according to probability theory). And even more so, there is no reason to believe that such a miracle as love appeared on its own, as a result of accidents at the micro or macro biological level.

The only theory of the origin of love known to mankind is that love is given to us by God. By His love and infinite creative power we were created by Him. Out of love for us, in order to save us, He sent His Son to us to preach and suffer to heal our sins. Those properties of love that we know, and which we listed above, fully correspond to the properties of God. God loves us selflessly. He doesn't need anything from us except for us to be happy. He doesn't depend on us in any way. He shines for us all, both evil and good, giving us all the blessings of the earth. He is merciful and easily forgives us. He gave us a complete, even terrible, degree of freedom.

And He gives us love for another person. What is love? Perhaps it is looking at another person through God's eyes. God, under the external dirt and tinsel, sees in us an immortal, beautiful soul. He sees not only how badly we live, but also how beautiful we are in individual moments of life and could always be. Mutual love is when God opens two people's eyes to each other. It’s as if he sits us on his lap opposite each other, hugs us and says: “Look, children, this is what you really are!”

It is no coincidence that mutual love a person who loves us helps to reveal our talents and good qualities: after all, he sees all the good things that are inherent in us, almost as clearly as God Himself.

And holy people love everyone. This means that, being in God, they see all people through the eyes of God. And that’s why they love us so much that it’s strange even to ourselves how they can love us so much. After all, it would seem that we ourselves know what we are. And for some reason God values ​​the soul of every person more than the entire universe!

“Love is almost always mutual.”

Since love is given by God, who desires our happiness, it is not surprising that true love is almost always reciprocated. In rare cases, non-reciprocal love can be given to a person to solve important creative problems or comprehend some truths.

In most cases of “unrequited love,” we are not dealing with love, but with passions.

Does love depend on us

I highlighted this question because it is the most practical of all questions related to love.

If we accept the truth that love is the pinnacle of virtues, we will have to abandon the myth that love is like good weather, it comes and goes on its own, regardless of our desire. This myth was invented in order to relieve oneself of responsibility for the murder of love. After all, we have the power to recover from vices and acquire virtues. If we don't do this, we kill love. Love cannot withstand our evil. In irritation from our passions, we jump off the lap of God (after all, He gave us complete freedom, He does not hold us by force even to Himself) and we stop seeing each other through His eyes. And after close communication, we now see each other’s shortcomings much more clearly!..

What are we focused on in our lives at the moment when we fall in love? On a career, on pleasure, on making money, on creativity, on some kind of success, on fluttering in the networks of some kind of addiction.

This means that we are almost never worthy of the love we receive for free. After all, everything we are preoccupied with does not lead us to virtues, and therefore does not bring us closer to love.

I am deeply amazed when I think about God’s faith in us, His patience and love, which prompts Him to give us a spark of His love again and again. After all, He knows how we will use this love in most cases.

How should we, in theory, react to this gift of love that “came unexpectedly”? Realizing that love is the most beautiful and valuable thing in our lives, we would immediately have to reconsider the priorities of our activities. When a child is born, much in the parents' lives is pushed aside, giving way to caring for him. It's the same with love. When falling in love comes, it's time to realize that love came when we were completely unprepared for it! Because we have few virtues, which means we don’t know how to love. It's like parents not having enough food for a child. Of course, we will put first place work on ourselves, caring for love. Otherwise this child will die of hunger. Otherwise this love will die.

This is what we should do if we understand anything in this life.

But what do we really do? In most cases, for us, falling in love is just an opportunity to get another pleasure, the pleasure of sex with a person who is especially pleasant to us. Instead of cultivating virtues, the result is an increase in the vice of fornication. This is the same as taking a newborn child by the legs and hitting his head on a stone. What concern is there for his food, what are you talking about!..

How God believes in us, how He endures this and still gives us sparks of love!

Or maybe he doesn’t give it to many, knowing what they will do? Maybe that’s why many people say that there is no love, or that they only know passion, that the sparks of love have never reached them?

Even if you belong to these last ones, all is not lost for you. Let us begin to learn to love now, conquering our vices, and God will give us His spark. And if we intensify our work when love comes, we will preserve it and over time we will learn the depth of true love.

How to work on yourself?

You need to overcome bad habits and do good deeds. Good deeds - only truly good ones - are necessary to bring us closer to love. Because a person usually does good things out of love. And if we, not yet having love in ourselves, already try to do good, love gradually increases in us.

But what if you are already married and are afraid of losing the love you have?

If you are afraid of losing, then you will find the courage to work. Family life is in itself a school of love. She constantly, several times a day, confronts us with the question: “Who will I submit to, my love or my vices?” This question arises when my wife asks (or does not ask) to take out the trash can while we are lying on the sofa. This question arises when the husband came home from work late. This question always arises when our selfishness tries to take over our love. Always tell yourself: “I choose love.” As one admitted in his essay a famous person, after many trials of family life, he made it a rule never to allow himself to say, even mentally about his wife: “I don’t love.” This is a wonderful recipe. It just means that a person always chooses love between passions and love. He made this a rule for himself because he knows that he wants to keep this love for life. This requires effort and patience. But love rewards all efforts with interest!

Overcoming love addiction

I will answer the question of how to overcome the tendency to love addiction using a figurative example.

Let's imagine two countries - Russia and Belarus. There are oil deposits in Russia, but not in Belarus. Therefore, Belarus is dependent on oil supplies from Russia. This is an unpleasant situation for Belarus, which leads to conflicts between the two countries.

How can Belarus get out of this dependence?

No matter what values ​​Belarus offers Russia for oil, the dependence will still remain. And if, instead of Russia, Belarus buys oil from another country, it will again be dependent. Therefore, there is only one way out of dependence - to look for and discover oil deposits on your territory and start extracting it. If Belarus produces a lot of oil, then Belarus will not only cease to be dependent on oil-producing countries, but will itself become a country on which others will depend.

The same is true for people. To stop depending on the warmth and love of people, you need to start generating this warmth, this love in yourself and sharing it with people.

Another example comes from astronomy. There are stars - hot celestial bodies, emitting light. And there are black holes - super-dense cosmic bodies, which, due to their monstrous gravity, do not release anything from themselves, not even light, they only attract and absorb. In this example, the dependent person is like a black hole, and the stars are kind, generous people.

This means that a person ceases to be dependent if he begins to shine on other people and warm them with his warmth.

What is oil in the first example and light in the second? The “resource” that all people need so much is love. This is the most scarce and expensive resource in our time. No matter what anyone says about the value of money, fame, power, pleasures, without love all these things are not pleasing. And the one who has love is happy, even if he has nothing else.

Therefore, when we, overcoming our addiction, learn to shine for people, we need to carefully watch that our love is truly unselfish love. And not mercenary trading - I do or give you something material, and in return I expect gratitude or love. This is what dependent women do in marriage, and then they are surprised: “How is it possible, I gave everything to him, lived for him, and he left, ungrateful!” No, you didn't give him everything. You gave him only time and labor. It's wonderful if it's done out of love. And you gave him your time in an unconscious expectation of his love. That is, at the level of love, you were a vampire, tormenting him with expressed and silent expectations. And it is not surprising that he could not be a donor indefinitely (although outwardly he could seem like a lazy person who gave nothing).

Therefore, let us learn real love, real selfless glow. Remember, like Mayakovsky: “Shine always, shine everywhere, until the last days of the bottom, shine and no nails! This is my slogan and the sun!”

The question may arise: where can Belarus get oil if it simply does not exist on Belarusian soil?

This is where love differs from oil. If there is oil, it is there until you use it up. And love appears precisely when you give it. And the more you spend, the more there is in your tanks. By striving for true love, doing genuine good deeds, you will see how your heart is filled with love.

Love doesn't come out of nowhere, just like life doesn't come out of nothing. Love has a Source - like an inexhaustible reservoir of oil, like an endless ocean of light, in which there are more stars than molecules in the ocean.

This Source is so rich and so generous that it gives us love without demanding anything for Itself and only rejoicing in the fact that it fills us with love.

The time will come - and if you follow the path of love and want your love to be perfect, you will discover this Source for yourself, then you will see that you have found more than you were looking for...

By overcoming our addiction, we learn to shine ourselves on the unfortunate who need our love. Giving to people is no less pleasant than receiving from them. This is true independence, joy and value in life.

Your feedback Dmitry Gennadievich, I read your article, it was very informative and super cool for me! Please give me an answer to one question. She says that she loves me very much, but she’s used to being alone and will always love the 3rd 10th, well, don’t waste time on me, you need a family, but I can’t give it to you, how can I understand her? Thank you. with UV. Rapper (Joe Fray) Dima (Joe Fray), age: 27 / 03/11/2019 Thank you - for the sun-pierced, bright, unclouded View of the World - for the most sincere Prayer - Prayer own existence!!! olga, age: 49 / 09/09/2018 Thank you) I found the article by accident and was surprised, because my mother said the same words to me. You only confirmed my thoughts and my mother’s advice, for which I express my gratitude. Unfortunately, not a virgin, age: 17 / 21.03.2018 Thank you, you wrote what was somewhere deep inside me Tanyusha, age: 31 / 01/18/2018 Thank you very much, I really liked the article, I agree with everything, it’s interesting what the romantic and intimate side of true love between M. and J. looks like, maybe there’s an article. Katerina, age: 24 / 02.11.2017 Thank you for the article. Lyudmila, age: 37 / 12/19/2016 Very often people try to explain things that they simply cannot explain. Just as you cannot hear radio waves with your ear or see infrared radiation with your eyes, so a carnal person does not understand the spiritual. We must think about the spiritual in a spiritual way, and love is the spiritual gift that we receive about God when we come to Him. God in Christ pours into us and with Him we receive everything that He is, in that including love, because God is love! Without God, we remain evil, no matter how hard we try to change ourselves! Vladimir, age: 68 / 12/04/2016 Interesting article. One of the most capacious and at the same time broadly answering such a question as “What is love?” Thanks to the author, very cool, a lot of useful information in the article. My only opinion is that you need to give and radiate love correctly, and also serve people. Otherwise, there will be people who, to put it mildly, will begin to abuse your love and vampirize. And the same husband can build a career by receiving energy from his wife. And then leave, finding a fresh source of energy. It is very important to understand what kind of people you surround yourself with. And just like all cosmic bodies, people influence each other. Therefore, you need to consider what influence the people around you have on you. Respect and gratitude from the bottom of your heart are the most important things in communication. And most importantly, remain honest with yourself. Love and gratitude to everyone!!! Tatyana, age: 35 / 09/23/2016 Sasha, age: 36 / 08/06/2016 Thank you for an excellent article. As one friend said, “The thinner and higher the matter, the more difficult it is to describe it in words.” Lately I have often been thinking about the essence of love, and this article is very consonant with my thoughts. The idea is expressed precisely and clearly, although the topic is complex and subtle. Once again I come to the conclusion that if I want to be involved in the miracle of love, I must work on my soul, on my vices and passions. Anna, age: 31 / 06/20/2016 This is a good article, but not for the portal of realists, whose strength lies in the truth. Here, as elsewhere, there are philosophical speculations, and without evidence. I am very glad that the author of the article has found a state of love. Here the main emphasis is on the spiritual aspect (of a Christian sense) and the “by contradiction” method about psychological deviations. The main conclusion: love is spiritual work. But this is more like self-sacrifice or compassion, but where the hell is love? Georgy, age: 28 / 06/17/2016 Thank you very much for your conclusions and reflections. They left a deep mark and response in my soul and I understood how to act further on my life’s path. I found answers to many questions that will help me move on with my life. Once again: Thank you very much!! ! Natalia, age: 38 / 05/21/2016 Reading this and similar articles, the already fading desire to do something appears again, we can say that this is some kind of inexplicable “motivator”, even despite the fact that, in principle, in my subconscious I understood everything that was written, when reading it everything again becomes into place, the fire in the soul lights up again, and God grant us THIS time to keep it longer. “Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me!” Oleg, age: 18 / 04/14/2016 Thank you Dmitry, much is now obvious, much is clear, both mistakes and behavior), thank you and may God bless you))))) Alexander, age: 30 / 02/18/2016 “Love does not limit freedom”... I got to this point and was completely exhausted... Excuse me... Well, how can love not limit freedom, huh? That is, live, my love, where you want, with whomever you want, do what you want, eat and drink what you want - and I’m already glad that you are somewhere... This is more like a mental disorder, not for love. If you love a person, you want to be with him, this is obvious! And if they don’t love you back, then they don’t want to live with you - this is also obvious! This is called loneliness - and it’s bad because of it, and not because of some kind of childhood dislike. Why dig so deep? A person lives here and now - if you are loved, you have money, interesting job- what do children’s grievances have to do with it?))) And if you got sick, because of this you became poor, lost your job, lost your money, because of this you became nervous, began to yell at your wife, your wife was offended and left you, etc., etc. p. - then again, childhood has nothing to do with it. Kurrant, age: 36 / 08/26/2015 Thank you for this article, God himself showed it to me, because now I want to discover this source of love in myself, the one that does not seek its own - and be happy! Natalya, age: 26 / 01/30/2015 I completely agree with this article, only after 10 years did I begin to understand how much I love my husband, and when he broke his spine and became a wheelchair user, we became even closer, I thank God every day that he remained alive and next to me, little who believes, but I’m happy. We’ve been together for 18 years, he’s been in a wheelchair for 3 years, I thought that over the years it would be more difficult, but strangely enough, on the contrary, it’s easier. Angelica, age: 38 / 01/16/2015 Thank you, Dmitry!!! There is hope!!! Ira, age: 34 / 01/11/2015 “But, alas, sex without communication, without friendship is not much different from masturbation...” In my opinion, masturbation is much better... But, unfortunately, if a person was unable to start a family, he cannot remain a virgin forever.... Zhenya Zh, age: 32 / 05/28/2014 That's it, I'm looking for true love! The world is not nice without her. and there is simply NO meaning to life without her. Avatar, age: 25 / 05/08/2014 Dear Vladimir! Thank you very much for the article. I read it, trying it on for myself, and realized that I was still very far from true love. Keep writing articles like this, they really help young people make up their minds. God's help to you in your work! Maria, age: 20 / 03/23/2014 Vladimir, God is love, this is the essence. True love comes from God, the ability and desire to love too, then how can you talk about love while rejecting the One who gives it? Anna, age: 27 / 02/24/2014 Very good article! The connection between vices/passions and love is simply obvious, but, unfortunately, few people understand it. 7 vices from the point of view of Christianity very well describe the ways of deviating from a life of love and joy. Indeed, the majority says “I love,” meaning “I am attached.” True, I agree with Konstantin, religion was brought here in vain. It doesn't matter at all which God controls it. Maybe there are green men there, or maybe Love is God. The main thing is the essence. Vladimir, age: 31 / 01/16/2014 thank you for the article, in fact, I had everything written before and only after reading it I realized that I had lost it, but I will definitely return it, thank you. Alexey, age: 31 / 12/24/2013 Love comes like mother's milk. The more you feed and give, the more milk is produced. As soon as you stop feeding, it disappears completely. Thanks to the site as a whole and, especially, to D. Semenik and A. Kolmanovsky. Sveta, age: 38 / 08/30/2013 I read and read, it seems like a good article, it postulates the right things, and then bam - and it’s impossible without the church. And I can’t take the article any further. Konstantin, age: 24 / 04/23/2013 Andrey, age: 42 / 02/24/2013 God bless you, Dmitry!! In essence, you have outlined the dogmatic basis of Love in simple and intelligible language!!! Although I slightly disagree with some details, in general, your word is gracious and VERY NECESSARY for people who are confused in life, even not always only because they are evil! It’s just that not everyone knows WHAT priorities must be adhered to FIRMLY, until they bleed... In order to grow to real saving Love... Your position is very close to me!! Once again, huge gratitude to you from one tormented soul..)) ) Ilya, age: 52 / 01/20/2013 I'm afraid I can't find the right words to express my gratitude...Thank you! Thank you! Thank you a thousand times!!! And thank God for pushing me to find and read your article! I read and find answers to many of my questions... This is how I understand love for myself. But for a long time I didn’t understand why she wasn’t in my life.. Now I know: I myself was not capable of such love, I didn’t know how to love.. And I don’t know how. And how much and for a long time do I still need to work on myself so that God will give me the opportunity to feel this happiness... By the way, I have already received one gift from God (although what am I saying, of course not the only one): it was while reading From your article, I realized that I forgave very important people in my life... Something I couldn’t do for a long time, BUT NO WAY! And.. several holes in the vessel of my soul, with God’s help, managed to be patched :) Elena, age: 22 / 07.11.2012 I got it. Let's forget about sex and start loving. Just a joke of course. But this is the conclusion that can be drawn by looking through the article. But God gave us sexuality and sexual needs. So, in my opinion, to reduce the Love of a woman and a man to respect and friendship is not entirely correct. What arises in us when we fall in love? Roman, age: 30 / 07/26/2012 Very good article, I read it. So you write “Love is almost always mutual”; it’s good that you wrote “almost”. I am now in such a state of non-reciprocal love. This is when you give everything to your loved one, and you really want to receive some of his warmth. How to love when love is not reciprocal? Just keep giving? Vladimir, age: 32 / 07/14/2012 That’s right. I think the same, and it’s not that I doubted it, but I haven’t met people with such understanding. Now I am happy because I read your article and my confidence has increased a hundredfold. Thank you! How could I now meet a person who also understands this! Grana, age: 36 / 04/12/2012 Thanks a lot Valery, age: 18 / 04/12/2012 (Morgan Scott Peck) Consequences of premarital sex ( Nancy Vanpelt) Love is not a feeling ( Morgan Scott Peck) True love ( Philosopher Ivan Ilyin)

Throughout his existence, a person asks the question “ Does love exist? Or is it an illusion - a mixture of attraction and love that passes over time?

Do you think Adam loved Eve? If so, wouldn't his first instinct be to defend her before God, and not to place all the blame on her?

Remember ours about? There have been many arguments that loving husband he doesn’t want his wife to waste her nerves in a low-paying job and in general he likes it when she creates home comfort and takes care of the children. Outstanding Russian psychologist, psychotherapist M.E. Litvak said the following about this: “Quite often, women of lower development marry rich patriarchal men. And they, as a rule, set conditions: “Why do you need to work? I make money. And you do the housework, prepare borscht and pies, because I don’t want to eat in public catering.” Do you think he loves her or not? No. Because he doesn’t allow her to develop.”. We do not take into account some abstract self-development, because any development must have specific goal, aspiration and outcome.

And the great German psychoanalyst Erich Fromm defined love as follows: “This is an active interest in the life and development of the object of love”. Therefore, love cannot be unhappy, non-reciprocal and tragic. And it cannot limit another person and force him to adapt to any criteria. The tragedy of relationships, when we suffer from the fact that our personal life does not work out, lies in a simple thing - we actually simply do not know how to love. What we mean by love is an escape from loneliness and an attempt to plug up the inner emptiness. That's why nothing comes of it. One popular male psychologist said that men cheat because they do not feel the love of a woman. We, of course, know how men like to cover up ordinary lust with beautiful and catchy phrases, but perhaps there are a number of such men. For this reason, they find a mistress and for the same reason they do not leave for her - because they do not feel love from their mistress either. They see that both his wife and his mistress need him only for some specific reasons, but not on his own. They do not see him as a person and do not love this person with unconditional, undemanding love. They do not aim to help him in his development, but only use him for themselves. Not necessarily financially.

Erich Fromm believed that modern society confuses two fundamental things. People believe that the main problem is to find the right person, the object of love. In fact, the problem is the inability to love. We believe that love is something self-evident, coming as soon as that same person appears. Exactly the opposite - when we know how to love, when we are full of love, then we meet our chosen one. If we love only someone specific and oppose the rest of the world with him, then this is not love, this is selfishness together. And selfishness is destructive - including for love.

The paradox of love is that two become one while remaining two separate and independent individuals. Of course, marriage can exist regardless of these criteria. Many unions are quite successful, based simply on certain agreements - including unspoken ones. But that's exactly what we're discussing. does love exist, and not the form of family structure.

I remember my husband once said to me, “I trust you.” At first I didn’t understand and was even a little offended - I never gave any reason to doubt, so why talk about it again. But it turned out that he meant something completely different. He trusted me to be the person I wanted to be and to do what I wanted to do. Well, as it turned out, he doesn’t trust me with this 100%)) But in fact, quite a lot. I don’t feel like my freedom is being limited in any way - and I don’t abuse it. 3 years ago I was even able to go on vacation without him. We got together, but then serious problems arose financial difficulties— nevertheless, my husband decided that at least I should rest. And I flew to Spain for a week with friends.

What happens in many other marriages? It is very difficult to trust your partner to be themselves. Moreover, the partner does not always know how to manage the trust placed in him. Hence the strong tension in the relationship. The woman (usually she) puts a lot of pressure on her husband with her anxiety. Don’t go there, don’t do that, don’t say that, don’t move - your unnecessary movements hurt me. It’s like in the fairy tale about Moomintroll, when his mother decided to do something unusual, and dad strictly besieged her - you’ve never done this, why are you scaring us?! But a person cannot stand still - movement only goes forward.

The question “is there love?” This is a question asked by many who have experienced failure in love, been betrayed, or live without feeling anything for anyone, including their partner. But those who live with a loved one, and melt every day from the influx of feelings, know for sure that it exists and do not ask anyone about it.

So how does it happen that some people shout that there is no love, that this is just fiction and vegetate in loneliness, while others enjoy this wonderful feeling and live in love, peace and harmony for decades.

How does it happen that we look for it and wait, and when we find it, we say that it does not exist. What is the reason and how does this bright feeling appear, is it possible to preserve it for many years and how to find it? We will talk about this below, but for now ask yourself the question of whether love exists. Now you have answered for yourself, now we will answer you.

Love is the foundation

You yourself have just answered your question about whether there is love, most likely by imagining the image of that person who is dear and with whom you would like to develop this bright feeling. Yes, there is love - it is the basis of all life and it begins from the first days
human life, with the love of a mother for her child and the love of a child for her mother. It is on this love that the beginning of every new life is based. But she grows together with the person, now love for the mother alone is not enough and at the stage of puberty the body begins to demand another love - love for a person with whom you can create new life. A life born in love from love.

Same-sex love is rather a pathology of love and for many, after a few years or even decades, it goes away. There are those who strive to look for people only of their own gender, but this sits more in the head than in the heart, and if initially it was a mistake of the body, then it later becomes a mistake of the mind. It is impossible to say for sure that there is no love in same-sex relationships; it exists, but of a slightly different nature; it rather develops from despair and on a person’s desire to be needed by someone, from the mind and does not last long.

How to understand that this is love?

When we meet people, relationships begin, we feel good, and we begin to think that this is exactly what it is - love. However, after a while, such relationships begin to collapse due to the fact that we become more familiar with the person’s shortcomings and some love begins to flow into irritation. At this stage, 80% of breakups happen and people begin to say that there is no love.

In fact, love does not develop, does not go away, does not arise - it simply exists in the heart. Yes, it just exists and it’s up to you how you give it vent. Each individual person shows their feelings in different ways, but the second person of the couple is also individual, their relationship, their love and living together– depends on the manifestations of one’s own love. It is given to a person and only he decides what to do with it, give it as a gift or keep it deep under lock and key, without feeling it.

When you meet your person who is also ready to give and feel his love, then one huge feeling is born that makes your ears pop and your heart beat. This does not mean at all that if you give each other love there will be no quarrels, they will all be individual and, again, how you perceive these quarrels depends on you. Someone will proudly say that I won’t call, and someone will step over their pride with the words “I want to be happy, not proud” and dial the number where they are waiting for his call.

Those who feel this feeling do not ask such a question, but those who have not experienced it never tire of asking what it is. In this case, it is enough that when she truly feels it from the first moment, when your feelings and inner energy will overwhelm you, when every kiss will be a desire to give your feelings, and your eyes will shine. Many scientists have tried to explain what happens to a person at the moment of falling in love, who unanimously say that this state is similar to euphoria, that hormones are to blame. Although the hormones themselves are the body’s reaction to the energy that overwhelms it and this very great feeling pushes us to rash actions.

When we constantly give love, it, like everything else in this world, dries up. And what can we say in this case that it is not eternal? No! Like everything, love requires constant nourishment to grow within you and not end. How can it end and how to preserve it:

Remember that love is your gift, which was given to you personally and lives inside of you. When you can feel this love in your heart, open it to others and give it freely, you will very soon find someone who
I am also ready to open my feelings and share them with you.

You must learn to accept people as they are, because you chose them yourself and your love should not become less because of their actions, your grievances and some troubles. Otherwise, your gift will be lost, you will not be able to learn how to use it, and your body, tired of constant pain and nerves, will simply not be able to give anything, but will only demand the absorption of someone else’s love. In this case, you may be comfortable, but you will not be able to feel love. It will be a forbidden and lost feeling that you will have to learn to feel again. Open your heart and don't be afraid to feel! Love exists and it lives in you!