Despite the fact that a relationship with a girl may be completely idyllic, her communication with her ex-boyfriend becomes big problem and grounds for quarrels. Experts advise to be attentive to the girl’s behavior, but not to control her in all actions, words and deeds. Not knowing what to do when a girl communicates with her ex, or how to react to such behavior, many men ruin their relationship.

In fact, communicating with an ex-boyfriend is not considered such a big problem that young people can quarrel or separate. To begin with, the couple needs straight Talk, during which the motive for such behavior, the goals and format of communication with this guy, as well as the risks that this connection hides are revealed. Based on this information, the man will understand whether he should limit this communication.

The situation in which a girl began to communicate with her ex-boyfriend, due to its sensitivity and delicacy, requires careful study and investigation. It’s difficult for men to take any action; on the one hand, they don’t want to seem like a distrustful and suspicious type, on the other hand, this a clear sign disrespect towards him, and the worm of doubt still haunts him.

Knowing for sure why a girl communicates with her ex, a man will be able to find an excuse for her behavior. There may be several reasons, for example:

1. A way to prove that the girl is not empty space. If a girl still has feelings for her ex-boyfriend, her current boyfriend can be a tool to prove that the girl is always in demand and popular.
2. The desire to return to your ex-boyfriend. Rarely do any women end a relationship without having a backup option. It happens that new guy used only to survive a breakup with a loved one.
3. Her ex-boyfriend understands her. If there are years between former lovers life together and strong relationships, they probably became family to each other. But with her current boyfriend there is no such kinship of souls, and besides, the girl is not ready to open up to him, preferring her ex as a vest and support.
4. Revenge on current boyfriend. Often he continues to communicate with his ex-boyfriend only in order to take revenge on his overly loving current chosen one, who does not deny himself communication with the opposite sex.

Other reasons include communication as a method of manipulation, an option for causing jealousy on the part of the current boyfriend if the passion in the relationship has faded. There are also reasons that are quite adequate and understandable for a man, for example, circumstances under which it is necessary to communicate, if former partners work or study together, etc.

What if a girl talks to her ex as a friend?

In the case where a girl communicates with her ex as a friend, the current guy first of all needs to maintain composure and sobriety of mind, without succumbing to anger, jealousy and other emotions.

Do you prefer to be friends with ex-girlfriends?

YesNo

Psychologists advise giving time for emotions to subside, and then performing a number of actions:

• Talk. The best solution the question of what to do if a girl communicates with her ex, there will be a frank heart-to-heart conversation. During the dialogue, a man needs to avoid blaming her, controlling her, and any provocation of negative emotions. The man needs to explain that this behavior of hers is perceived by him as disrespect, so he asks to change the situation. It is imperative to inquire about the motives and purposes of such communication.
• Ultimatum. If after the conversation she continues to communicate with her ex-boyfriend, the man needs to be firm so as not to be considered weak-willed in her eyes. Obviously, only an ultimatum will show who is more valuable to her, the current or former boyfriend.
• Conversation between current boyfriend and ex-boyfriend. Sometimes, if it is impossible to get out of such a situation, you just need to talk like a man with your ex-boyfriend; perhaps in the dialogue the man will learn a lot of new things about his passion.
• Attention. Sometimes girls provoke men with such actions only to attract attention to themselves by playing on feelings of jealousy. The man just has to give her the same attention, affection and care that will solve the problem.
• Conversation with her friend. Sometimes when communicating with your girlfriend's friend, you can find out the true motives because of which she prefers to maintain communication with her ex.
• Parting. If her interactions with her ex-boyfriend cause a hurricane of negative emotions, anxiety and stress, and she does not take any action, most likely, this relationship is doomed.

Expert opinion

Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Expert on family relations. Family psychologist.

If between a man and his lady the hearts are really strong, trusting relationship without quarrels, deception and reasons for suspicion, is it worth delving into this situation and sorting things out? Jealousy can cause the destruction of peace in a relationship.

Should you limit communication?

If a girl has good reasons for communicating with her ex-boyfriend, it is not always advisable to limit her in this. For example, if they study in the same institution or even in a group, they will still have to communicate, regularly crossing paths in classes. If a man puts pressure on her, lack of trust always leads to a break in the relationship.

To understand the format of communication with your ex-boyfriend, you can get to know him yourself, spend time together to get rid of bad thoughts from your head. And only if the girl is deceiving or does not say something, and does not respond to the request to limit such contacts, the man needs to put the question bluntly - either me or him. This way of solving the problem will show who she has true feelings for.

Conclusion

In rare cases, young people who have already separated manage to maintain good friendships. Much more often, exes simply stop communicating, especially if they are in a new relationship. Therefore, many men will not like the fact that the girl is communicating with her ex. Psychologists advise talking to her in order to understand her motives, explain her attitude to such communication, thanks to which a way out of the situation will be found.

Do you still have doubts or think that your girl talks to ex? Then use these tips to expose their communication.

Girls are very secretive when it comes to communicating with their exes, so today we will look at very subtle points that will help you understand whether she is communicating with her ex or not.

Sometimes a situation happens when a girl communicates and meets with you and communicates with her ex. At the same time, you begin to notice that something is not working out in your communication. This may be caused by the fact that the girl wants more space when she is with you and behaves somehow strangely. Although she is open and quite joyful with friends.

Will you put up with this?

If your girlfriend recently broke up with her boyfriend and started dating you, it is possible that she may be thinking about him, but there is a fine line between when a girl remembers her ex and when she misses him. I have already written about that.

You don't need to ask her if she thinks or yearns for him, even if this happens and you do ask, she will simply deny that she thinks about him.

All you need to do is talk to her and tell her that something has been going wrong lately, she is acting strange, as if there is a distance between you, you are confused by her indifference towards you.

If your girlfriend cannot decide who she should be with: with you or with her ex, then she will continue to walk in circles. The situation may not resolve in your favor.

14 signs your girlfriend is pining for, talking to, or dating her ex.

1. She keeps the distance between you and is closed at the same time. You walk with her, but you constantly feel some kind of coldness; she seems to be keeping her distance from you, although you are trying to get closer to her. To the questions: “Is everything okay?” She answers dryly, but assures you that everything is fine, but you see a completely different picture.

And at some point, in your conversation or communication, she sheepishly talks about her ex, highlighting something positive about him in one sentence.

2. She is excited. She becomes agitated and nervous when she and her ex cross paths. She can't stop talking about him, even though you've been together for several months.

If she tells you that she recently ran into an ex and she sounds more emotional or sounds more alive than usual, this is another sign that she's thinking about him.

She seems to elevate him, but at the same time she forgets that you are with her, not him. These stories may irritate you, but nevertheless, she hints to you that she still misses him, although she says it animatedly.

4. She compares you all the time. If your girlfriend often compares you to her ex, this is another sign that she is still choosing which of you is better. On the one hand, when you started a relationship recently, she can evaluate you and mentally compare you with your ex, all girls do this. But when she starts constantly comparing you out loud, especially when you're fighting or when she's mad at you, then that's not a good sign.

5. She contacts him. If they met recently and became just friends, but still hang out and chat nicely, then this may be one of the first signs of anxiety. Everything would be fine, but if their communication drags on and you realize that it is beginning to gain daily momentum, whether it is communication on VKontakte, or whether it is frequent meetings, then there is a possibility that you may lose her.

6. She still remembers the days she spent with him. When objects remind her of him first of all, and in this courtyard they walked together, and then they kissed for the first time - all this suggests that he is still alive in her thoughts. Why think so much about him? I think you already know...

7. If he has a girlfriend. If she ex-boyfriend a girl appeared and her reaction is calm, which means there is nothing to worry about, but if she gets irritated or angry, then she is still breathing unevenly.

8. You're a temporary guy. Yes, life is tough, but sometimes girls use other guys to make their boyfriend jealous. It's like a game, but in this game you suffer more often.

9. She loves talking about her ex. She can't talk to you about her ex all the time, but when she meets her old friends, she's curious to know how her ex-boyfriend is doing.

10. She wants to be his friend. They broke up and she is dating you, but then it turns out that she would like to become his friend.

11. She “loves you” and thinks about him. She tells you that she loves you, but in reality, she reminds you that she thinks about her ex. This has been going on for a while now, but if you really put up with it, then you may love her, but unfortunately, you are acting as a handkerchief for her to blow her snot into. Therefore, read the article: and finally do everything the way it needs to be done.

12. She allows him to connect with her.. He tries to make contact and surprisingly, she doesn't resist him. Instead, she puts on a sweet face and melts like a piece of ice in his warm hands, she's still pining after him.

If you understand that your relationship has just begun, and she has already burned your brain with stories about her ex, then don’t plan any colossal future for her just yet.

I met my girlfriend on the Internet, and we talked to her online for about half a month, then I made an appointment with her. Everything is like everyone else. We met, walked, talked, and we began an affair. We saw her every day. Walks around the city, cafes, flowers, toys, etc. After some time, that unforgettable day came when they confessed their love to each other. For me, it unfolded as perfectly as possible. The girl is a non-drinker, non-smoker, pretty and, as it seemed to me at that time, very decent. In general, I thought that here she was, the one and only.

And then one fine day I learned something that, in principle, in her opinion, I should not have known. This happened completely by accident, I just decided to look at her mobile phone, or rather, one of two. She looked into her messages and saw that some guy was writing to her. At first, I didn’t think anything of it until I got to her second phone, where I saw MMS messages with photos of him. As it turned out later, it was her “ex-boyfriend” who served in the army at that time. What infuriated me most was not the fact of communication itself, but the fact that she did not share this with me. After all, as it seemed to me, we were not hiding anything from each other (naive fool). I tried to calmly talk to her about this, but soon my emotions overwhelmed me. No matter how she made excuses, I couldn’t hear anything. In the end, it all ended in a scandal on my part, and I left...

I didn’t call her for several days, but in the end I couldn’t control myself and dialed her number. She answered in a depressed voice, making it clear that our quarrel made her feel very, very bad. I myself am a very kind person, and besides, I myself felt bad from the separation, in the end I came to her, and everything became as before. In turn, she told me that she does not communicate with him, and regarding the photos on her phone, she referred to the fact that she does not enter messages at all and simply forgot about them, despite the fact that some of my messages from there were deleted. I decided to remain silent about this because... I didn't want any more scandals.

Two months passed after this showdown, I no longer observed this communication, but something told me that nothing was over, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. My girlfriend loves to spend too much time on the Internet, it would seem that there is nothing strange in this, now everyone does it, including me. In the end, I decided to check her correspondence. At that moment, I had no idea that I would find something that would shock me. I went into her message archive and saw... What do you think? That's right, correspondence with an “ex” boyfriend.

Yes, I forgot to say that they dated for three years, and these were her first and only serious relationship. After that, of course, my girlfriend had another relationship before me, but, as she told me, it was just communication, and nothing more. So, in this correspondence I found a lot of frank messages: declarations of love for him and her, as well as all sorts of attempts to hide from my “friend” the fact that she now has, as it were, a new love, i.e. I. I was infuriated by the realization that at that moment when I, not suspecting anything, was writing to her about my great and pure love, my girlfriend was communicating with her “ex” about intimate and similar topics.

I didn’t explain anything to her, I wrote an SMS with in short text to her number, turned off the phone and did what probably everyone in my place would have done: I stupidly got drunk. The next morning I woke up in a terrible state, turned on the phone and saw a huge number of missed calls from my beloved. She called back a little later, but decided to pick up only after some time. Our conversation did not go well, she kept asking what was wrong with me, why I behaved this way and what I did all last night, to which I replied that she herself knew everything perfectly well, and gave a hint that, they say, let talks about love, as before, to his “ex”, and hangs up.

Then she made attempts to renew our relationship, but I was determined, I didn’t want to be with her anymore. About a week passed, I didn’t live at that moment, but survived, because I really fell in love with her... Suddenly the phone rang, it was her. Her voice seemed cold and unshakable to me, she asked for a meeting, but not to discuss our relationship, but asked for help, something seemed to have happened to her, and only I could help. Of course, I fell for it in the hope that she was telling the truth. I came to her a couple of hours later, and then what I least expected from her happened - she threw herself on my neck and, with tears in her eyes, begged for another chance, saying that she couldn’t live without me.

I don’t know what I was thinking then, but definitely not with my head, because again I made another mistake - I forgave... I never heard anything more about him. And I myself was sure that she no longer communicates with anyone but me. Six months passed, but I had no trust in her. The day came when her “friend” came from the army, at that moment I was still waiting for him to deign to call and make an appointment, but, to my surprise, this did not happen. Everything was going as well as possible until I found out that he was calling her, it turns out, on a second phone, because I was expecting a call to another number, and she didn’t use the second one at all, it was just lying in her bag .

It turned out that my girlfriend still communicates with him, albeit occasionally. A couple of days later I sat her down in front of me and confronted her with this fact. As I expected, tears began, excuses began, like, there’s nothing wrong with this, he’s just a friend, and the fact that they confessed their love was just such jokes! Moreover, a lot of time has passed, and she supposedly began to treat me more seriously and is aimed at building a family with me, but he is just a childhood friend. I only said that this was the last time, if I find out anything else, then let him pack his things (by that time we already lived together).

Everything is fine again, love, etc. About another month passed, and suddenly I was sent on a business trip to another city for TWO months. My now common-law wife was in a trance, as if they had always been together, but here they were separated for TWO whole months! The day of departure came, she immediately burst into tears, the promise to wait and remain faithful to her did not rust, but I seemed to feel that I needed to wait for trouble. Literally a week of my stay in another city passes, and she tells me that she wrote to someone there ex-friend, and he invites her to sit in a cafe, like long time no see. Naturally, I forbade her to meet someone, especially since I don’t know him at all, and she didn’t tell me anything about him. Apparently, without expecting a different answer, she peacefully agreed with this. I calmed down in the hope that she would not have the conscience to deceive me, as always, I was mistaken...

A month of my business trip passed, and I had the opportunity to come home for a week. After a long journey, I'm finally home next to my girlfriend. The week passed very quickly, and again we had to separate for another month. I left. About two weeks passed, and my beloved went to her friend’s wedding; in fact, the two of us were invited, but because of work, I was unable to attend. Everything was going fine, we corresponded with her, called each other, and suddenly her phone became unreachable. For a day there was no answer or greeting from her, then she called me herself and said that her battery was dead. I started arguing, like, couldn’t she take someone’s phone and just write a message that she was fine. Stupid excuses began like “I don’t know many people there, and it’s somehow inconvenient.” I got mad and hung up.

The next day I calmed down and called her. He started asking how they walked there, who was there and all that. My heart felt that something was wrong, this was unlike her, she couldn’t just disappear for no apparent reason. And so he began to take her, as they say, “to show off”: they say, who she met there and all that. She denied it in every possible way, but in the end she broke down and said that she had met a guy there, but assured that nothing like that had happened, they just talked, danced and went their separate ways. But I didn’t relieve the pressure and found out that, it turns out, they had also exchanged phone numbers. This made me furious, I thought I would explode, until that very moment I had never said an offensive word to my girlfriend, but that evening I called her names as much as I wanted. I took the phone number of this “dancer” and called him. A guy picked up the phone and I started asking whether he had met my girlfriend or not. The man was simply taken aback by my attacks and began to make excuses, like they had nothing, and he didn’t even know that she had a boyfriend. In general, he apologized, and we came to the conclusion that he had nothing to do with it, he didn’t even know that she was not free.

I called my “beloved” again and told her that there would be nothing left of her in the apartment by the time I arrived. As always, she began to beg me not to leave her, and I also soon learned that she had no intention of refusing to her old friend, who invited her to a cafe, and she didn’t care about my words. I didn’t listen to anything further, but simply hung up. Every day after that, she bombarded me with SMS messages with texts that she doesn’t need anyone but me, that she SWEARS and PROMISES not to communicate with anyone anymore, that she wants to change for the sake of our relationship.

In general, I believed these words; in my opinion, no person should throw out such phrases just like that. Everything started as if all over again. She introduced me to her parents, wanting to show me that, no matter how I thought, she was serious about being with me. Everything was fine until I began to notice that her phone was often turned off. She answered these questions that the network reception was poor, and the battery was no longer holding a charge. This gave me the idea that it was possible that she had a “left” SIM card. Moreover, her “ex”, who came from the army, disappeared somewhere without a trace. My fears were not long in coming.

Indeed, I found out that she has another SIM card registered to him, on which there are hours of daily communication with him, although when I call, she does not talk to me for more than ten minutes, citing the fact that she has a lot of work. I took this calmly; by that moment I began to understand perfectly well that there were no good relations We won't succeed. In turn, I came up with a story for her that happened to my colleague, allegedly he found a “left” SIM card from his girlfriend. I was just wondering how she would behave. What struck me was that, looking into her eyes, she continued to lie to me, and I would never have known that she was lying if I myself had not been sure that she still had a second SIM card. She told me, gushing, what a bastard that girl is, that she does such things, meaning that the “left” SIM card is out of the ordinary. With some irony, I began to agree with her words and began to ask questions: “You won’t do this to me, will you?”, “You’ll never get a second SIM card, will you?” To which she, without any twinge of conscience, looking into my eyes, said: “No, how could you even think that?!” I didn’t tell her anything about this, and a day later I called her on this number. The phone was turned off, but the SMS that I called would still come to her when she turned on this number, and I didn’t need anything else. It didn’t take long, she understood everything and started this conversation herself. We came to the conclusion that she was NOW calling her “friend” in front of me and saying that it was all over. Barely holding back her tears, she finally did it. At home, she didn’t want to talk to me at all, and I myself wasn’t eager to be near her at that moment. I kept thinking about what excuse to come up with to leave home. There was no need to come up with anything; soon my friend called me and offered me the opportunity to earn some money.

Despite the fact that it was already late at night, without hesitation, I got ready and rushed out of the apartment like a bullet. A couple of hours later I was walking home, and a message came to my phone from my beloved with the following content: “Nobody loves me, no one understands me, you forbade me to communicate with the only person who understood me...” I was just in Shocked, I immediately lost the desire to go home, and I stayed overnight with my friend.

The very next day, as if nothing had happened, she called me and said that I had understood everything wrong. But I still don’t know how this can be understood differently. In general, we decided not to separate again. And so again I was sent on a business trip for a week, but, as it turned out later, the week turned into a month. Everything was going well until World Women's Day arrived. Having waited until midnight, I sent my girlfriend an SMS with congratulations in order to be the first, but, as it turned out, I did it in vain. In the afternoon she called me and started reproaching me for being such a bastard for not calling her and congratulating her with words such as that this was an SMS for her, in theory, I should have been at home at all if I had not been detained. “But my ex,” she continued, “he called and congratulated me, not like you, and whether you like it or not, I will communicate with him.” As they say, she said it bluntly, I began to lament to her that she promised me and even SWORE to stop communicating with him, to which I received a completely comprehensive answer, she said that she swore to me only so that I would fall for it and continue with communicate with her. I didn’t say anything against it, I simply allowed it. Their now legal communication began.

I came home from a business trip and a couple of days later I said that I couldn’t come to terms with this and we needed to break up. In tears, she got dressed and left. In turn, I got ready to visit my friends, and as soon as I left the entrance, I found myself in her arms, and she responded with denial to all my requests to let me go. In general, we stood there for about an hour and went home together, again she promised that she would no longer communicate with him, but whether this is really so, time will tell...

Of course, everyone thinks I'm a fool, but for me now it's like a movie. I know very well that nothing will work out for us. I'm just wondering what the ending will be. I won't lose anything in this except time, so I'll wait for the ending.

Appreciate actions, words mean nothing... Once again I am convinced of this.

You know how it happens: everything is great with you, and you, unlike all your friends and acquaintances, are practically happy, you even have joint plans with your significant other, and there are practically no problems or scandals. You trust each other, so you have long ago told each other everything, everything, everything about your previous relationships. And then, as in the movies, “bang, and the second shift,” well, that is, her ex-boyfriend begins to appear and actively manifest himself in your girlfriend’s life.

At first, as if by accident, then as if for an insignificant reason, then “for a minute” they dropped into the bar, “well, you understand, we’re just friends.” Well, yes, if you, as an ex-boyfriend and current friend, meet your past girlfriend a couple of times, then friendship with exes happens, and this is even normal, but how to react to your girlfriend’s friendship with her ex? Riddle... So, let's figure out why she needs this, and what to do with this sweet communication?

Meetings behind your back

One of the most unpleasant options is when she secretly texts (maybe it's a meaningless “Hi! How are you?”, but still) and meets with her ex. Anything can happen in life, and perhaps you are unlucky because your girlfriend, deep down in her heart, considers not his ex, but you as temporary. Perhaps this is how she strokes her vanity. But more often it happens that ex-man, who himself left, loudly slamming the door, suddenly realized his mistake and is trying to return the girl, or simply wants to forget about the problems next to the person with whom he used to be comfortable. And your good friend simply cannot refuse him mercy, well, or nothing human is alien to her, and she simply experiences vindictive pleasure from his suffering.

What to do in this case? The fact that your girlfriend hid her "charity" activities from you seems to indicate that she doesn't really trust you. In this case, it would be most advisable to discuss everything calmly (without accusations or “attacks”) and give her the opportunity to speak out. There is a good chance that as a result of this it will turn out that she has long thought that you do not need her, that she is unimportant and uninteresting. And here the best thing you can do is let her speak out, let her understand that she is better than everyone, and this is beyond any doubt, and at the same time promise (and, if possible, fulfill her promise) to be more attentive.

If the ex is a “sacred cow”

If from the very beginning of your relationship she stipulated that communication with your ex is almost sacred, and he is practically an artifact, then you should not be surprised. That is, her ex is already a semi-mythical character, but dear to her memory. Perhaps he carried her out of a burning house or let her cheat on a test in the fifth grade, that doesn’t matter. The important thing is that preventing them from meeting is the worst thing you can do. This will almost certainly provoke her departure. Not to her ex, and not because he is an object of worship or passion, but because she will feel violated in her right to personal space.

Therefore, the best way out in this case is to treat your (already common) ex as an elderly relative who periodically appears on the horizon, that is, with restraint, indifference and just a little mockingly. And your girlfriend will certainly appreciate your nobility, calmness and self-confidence.

Ex as a reason for jealousy

It's quite common for a girl to use her ex to make you jealous, and this happens because she clearly doesn't get enough of your attention, or she clearly doesn't have enough adrenaline in your relationship. Well, or she re-read knightly novels as a child and still dreams of “attending” a knightly tournament. The way out of this situation is very simple: play along with it. If it seems to her that you have cooled down a little, then maybe it’s worth turning up the heat? A few scenes of jealousy will be very helpful.

But, if you don’t like such games, then the situation can be simplified greatly: invite your girlfriend to introduce you to her ex. Well, since they are friends, and she is your girlfriend, then it is quite logical to meet her friend, and if the girl dreamed of a knightly tournament, then here it is. No, you don’t need to prepare spears, but it’s very necessary to witty and gracefully show that you are the present, and he is the joyless and, possibly, inglorious past.

If your girlfriend is stupid

Yes, as sad as it sounds, it happens. And this happens if your girlfriend not only constantly dates her ex, but also constantly compares you, and the comparison is clearly not in your favor. And if you can close your eyes to the comparison of your literary and cinematic tastes, then to the comparisons of your sex life It’s no longer worth doing this with the exploits of your ex. No matter how sad it may sound, your girlfriend is a fool. Give it back to your ex. With things. No fight. He won't last long anyway.

Instead of an epilogue

And one more piece of advice instead of an epilogue. If you have a girlfriend, don't date your ex. Take this as an axiom. You shouldn't date your ex, especially if you broke up recently, and she's still pretty and single. It is almost impossible to explain to one girl that you are just friends with another girl, and it is absolutely impossible to explain to the current girl that you are just friends with your ex-girlfriend. Moreover, you are really not just friends, are you?