Let's try to answer the question: can a woman, without pursuing absolutely any selfish goals, be friends with a man? To do this, she will have to be honest with herself. Is she flirting with her friend? Does he talk about his affairs with other men? Does he know about the men with whom she was previously close or who are attractive to her? currently? Has this friend been romantically involved in the past? Affirmative answers put such friendship in great doubt. It is likely that either a woman is in love with a man or vice versa. Friendship is a cover here, and sooner or later it may be revealed.

The psychology of men is such that they consider every woman as a potential sexual partner. Perhaps, if he is friends, he simply hasn’t figured out how to move on to a new stage of the relationship. Or he is in love with his girlfriend, but, knowing that there will be no reciprocity, he finds, with the help of friendship, the only opportunity to communicate with her. And of course, in the depths of hope, he has hope that a woman will appreciate him, so caring and understanding. But maybe later...

So he's a friend. But if he gives a woman expensive gifts, it makes you think. Why, out of friendship, did he not give something modest and symbolic? Does he help a woman with everything and is ready to rush to her around the clock at her first call? It may well be that love is hidden in his soul behind his good intentions.

If a woman takes a friend along to go shopping, and he simply withstands this test stoically, this is also a reason to try to sort out the relationship. Only a man in love can endure this nightmare for more than half an hour.

Women love to discuss their boyfriends with friends. If a friend always takes the woman’s side, it is difficult to call his attitude friendly. A very likely version is that he is waiting for her - when her friend realizes that of all the representatives of the stronger sex she knows, he is the best.

Alcohol is an excellent indicator. If, after drinking wine, conversations continue on various abstract topics, then this is really a friend. But his kisses and hugs indicate that he has become bolder, relaxed, and friendship is out of the question.

In any case, according to psychologists, in friendship between representatives of opposite sexes there is absolutely always sympathy, without which friendship clearly cannot exist. The same psychologists also say that friendship between a woman and a man is still possible. And not only between relatives. But relationships of this kind have always been different and complex, and such friendships are more fragile and short-lived than friendships between representatives of the same sex.

As sociological studies have shown, women expect trust, understanding, and spiritual closeness from friendships with men. During sexual contact between friends of different sexes, women overwhelmingly consider themselves to be used and have an extremely negative attitude towards this. Men's opinion on this matter is exactly the opposite - in their opinion, sex is absolutely not an obstacle to true friendship, but, on the contrary, only strengthens relationships. Polar opinions on this issue often lead to misunderstanding and resentment between friends. Therefore, it is better to immediately discuss such things and try to treat each other with understanding.

A true friend is a great happiness in any case. And what friendship will be like in each specific case always depends on both the woman and the man.

People have been arguing for centuries about whether friendship between a man and a woman is possible. But there is still no single answer. Some claim that this is possible, although unlikely. Others argue that wishful thinking is unacceptable. expresses his opinion on this issue: such friendship is possible, but only under certain conditions that maintain balance.

No matter who we are, we see each other as a potential sex partner. This interferes with “pure” friendship.

Friendship before love

This is perhaps the most common condition. Representatives of different genders, in modern world constantly interacting, cannot do without friendly contacts. They study together, work and relax together. In certain professions, it is not uncommon for women to work in male teams and for men to dilute the female company. Practice shows that if there are common interests and sympathy, it is impossible to remain within the framework of a purely business relationship. But “staying friends” while maintaining the necessary distance is fine.

However, in most cases, such friendship is kept “pure” only at the beginning of acquaintance, later developing into either love or alienation. The duration of this period is influenced by the moral attitudes of the “participants” and whether they have spouses (permanent partners). Distance can also play a role: sometimes online friendships become especially strong and do not provide the opportunity to change status.

According to both men and women, the sexual attraction that arises from such friendships is in many ways a connecting link. But it is precisely this that becomes fatal, changing the whole picture. When “biochemistry” takes its toll, a completely different story begins...

Common interests, joint creativity bring closer together and contribute to the emergence of friendship.

Friendship "after love"

For many, a partner’s offer to “stay friends” after life together sounds like a mockery. But there are also “civilized” divorces, when a couple breaks up without going to negative extremes. There can be many reasons for maintaining communication: common children, work, friends. Over time, any wounds heal, and then a sincere friendship may well take place between former partners.

As a rule, in this case, a woman is a friend for a man, both reliable and sensual: she can caress and lend a shoulder. Is it sometimes possible to have “friendly sex” without obligations? Each couple decides this for themselves, depending on the situation and their own moral standards.

A strong friendship can connect a man and a woman who have left the “stage” of sex behind.

Friendship "instead of love"

It would seem that nature itself does not provide for the possibility of friendship between a man and a woman. But taboos on sex can be imposed not only by professional status or living conditions. There are other disruptions in our liberated age. Yes, yes, we are now talking about those who are commonly called “sexual minorities.”

After all, when a man is not attracted to ladies as a partner, he can become an excellent “friend.” And a woman who is captivated by passing “skirts” is capable of being, like no one else, “her boyfriend.” And when stereotypes and bias are cast aside, such friendship can be very, very long-lasting, without the likelihood of ever disturbing the “golden” balance.

Friendship that develops into love can be an excellent foundation strong family.

So, we have come to the conclusion that friendship between a man and a woman is a quite probable and even common occurrence in our lives. Yes, it requires certain conditions and falls apart in their absence. But isn’t this what happens with “classic” friendship? After all, a “black cat,” no matter what it is, can run anywhere. But friendship between representatives of different sexes also has another chance: to develop into a strong, reliable marriage. Then it becomes the foundation of relationships, making the family independent of outbursts of passion and the duration of love. And then - Long live Friendship in unity with Love!

Ever since Adam met Eve, men and women have often pondered this fundamental question: is friendship between a man and a woman possible? Is it possible to be friends with a person of the opposite sex?

Is friendship between a man and a woman possible?

Researchers have also identified a certain danger in friendships with people of the opposite sex, in which there is sexual attraction. For example, people who reported being sexually attracted to their friends of the opposite sex also tended to report dissatisfaction in their current romantic relationships.

Despite the research, this issue will likely continue to be debated for years to come. Our answer to this classic debate about whether male-female friendship is possible often comes down to whether we are able to maintain platonic friendships in our own lives. But unbeknownst to each of us, these relationships can be filled with content that goes beyond just friendships, more than we think.

Since ancient times, people believed that just being friends woman and a man cannot, and they were allowed to live together only after marriage. Now times have changed dramatically and so have the relationships between men and women.

Nowadays, no one is surprised when a man and woman work together, play sports, relax, travel and spend weekends. At the same time, it is not at all necessary that a romantic relationship arise between them. Of course, a man and a woman can just be friends, but pure friendship between them is quite a rare occurrence. What prevents a man and a woman from just being friends?

One of the most important reasons obstructing friendship between a woman and a man is sexual attraction. Women expect more trust and emotionality from intergender friendships, which becomes the cause of sexual tension. If between friends of the opposite sex it comes to intimate relationships, then the woman can no longer accept the man as a friend. She expects him to declare his love and propose marriage.

Men believe that sex cannot become cause of friendship destruction, it only makes it stronger. In their opinion, only sexual attractiveness makes friendship between a woman and a man possible. However, men are sure that friendship between a man and a woman cannot be compared with sexual relations. Friendship brings much more satisfaction and benefit than sex. It is of higher quality and higher quality.

With a female friend you can communicate on more interesting and relevant topics than with male friends. Women believe that having a man friend is great happiness. Friendship with him is easier and more honest than with friends. Next to a male friend, a woman feels protected and strong; she can communicate with him without a shadow of envy and malice, which accompany many representatives of the fair sex when communicating with their friends.

It is very difficult to distinguish friendship between woman and a man from love. Just like from hatred, from friendship to love - one step. Apparently, therefore, public misunderstanding can become a serious obstacle to the continuation of friendly relations between a man and a woman. Family members, work colleagues and friends see people of different genders not as friends, but as lovers. This most often becomes the reason that prevents a man from being friends with another woman other than his wife or a woman with another man other than her husband.

Indeed, friendship can be distinguished from love. not easy, they have many common features. But friendship is more than love. Loving friend each other, people idealize reality and the object of their love. In most cases, lovers are united only by sexual attraction, and there is no friendship between them. Very often, lovers do not find a common topic for communication, do not trust each other, are jealous and start scandals on the topic: “Who owes whom?”

Friendship between man and woman is built on mutual trust, community of interests and affection. True friends spend time together, communicate and help each other in difficult situations. They are always there, regardless of the circumstances. You don’t need to share anything with a friend; he doesn’t betray or cause trouble. Life is much more interesting with friends, especially if they respect each other and have common views. True friends do not envy, they rejoice from the bottom of their hearts for their friend’s successes and accept him for who he is.

To find out what feelings experiences your friend comes to you, ask him the question: “What attracts him most about you?” If he answers that he likes your appearance and demeanor, then most likely he has more tender feelings for you. Friends do not pay much attention to each other’s figure, clothes, hairstyle and other external qualities; there is no jealousy or mistrust between them.

Friendship between a woman and a man very fragile, it is easy and simple to spoil it. To prevent this, do not give even the slightest reason for the possibility of other relationships than friendship. Don't be overly interested in your friend's personal life and avoid situations that might trigger intimacy between you.

Don't communicate with friend on topics concerning him sex life, do not tell him about your personal life in such detail that he becomes interested in you as a member of the opposite sex. Is it really possible to behave this way?

Not right was A.P. Chekhov, who claimed that a man can be friends with a woman only after sleeping with her? That is, without a romantic relationship, there can be no friendship between a man and a woman. Undoubtedly, sooner or later, issues regarding love and sex will arise between friends of the opposite sex. Even if friends are not in love with each other, various reasons they may think: “Why not try?” Nature takes its toll, nothing can be done about it.

Don't believe it with human fishing, which suggests to you: "Let's remain friends!" True friendship It cannot happen between people who once had romantic feelings for each other. They usually say this only in order not to offend the rejected lover. Even if some kind of relationship develops between you, then this is no longer friendship, but clean water flirting in which you will live with the intention that one day he will finally understand that he was mistaken and will invite you not to be friends, but to live together.

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At a time when women’s place was around the fire, and men’s place was on the hunt, communication between the sexes was reduced to exclusively romantic relationships. Today we go through life with more friends of different genders than in any previous generation. So how do you decide which of these relationships are truly friendships?

I asked friends, colleagues and patients if a man and a woman could be just friends. “Yes, of course,” replied 33-year-old programmer Henry. “It’s not only possible, it’s something special.” But it's difficult if you find each other physically attractive. If not, there won’t be any problems.”

My student from New York, Karl, saw Joanna on the street on the day of the September 11 tragedy. She looked in horror at the burning twin towers. “I went over and hugged her, right there and then,” Karl recalls. “I think I did it because at that moment, in the fear and chaos that reigned around, it was the only way to find a connection with life... Joanna and I became friends, but I soon realized that I wanted more. Unfortunately, she didn't want to."

The absence of physical attraction in one person makes friendship possible and love impossible.

This is one of those difficult moments when the lack of physical attraction makes friendship possible and love impossible. But the secrets of attraction don't work in tandem. One wants more, the other doesn't. For Karl and Joanna's relationship to truly become friendly, Karl had to accept the absence sexual interest on Joanna's part - to accept it as a gift, and not as a refusal. It took time and trust. Joanna had to be sure that he was not pretending that everything was really all right and that Karl would not take advantage of her weakness when she just wanted warmth and only he would be nearby. They succeeded.

Now Joanna describes their relationship as deeper, more related. They are together physically, but it is comfortable and safe. “We hug each other like family,” she says, “not with passion, but with care.” Carl agrees: “I love her like a sister—it’s a unique friendship that I can’t have with a man.”

I have male friends whom I have known since school. Lovers came and went, but friends are still there. I never had any romantic feelings for them. Over the years, we've played many roles for each other: buddies, career counselors, secret keepers, and even alibis for each other. We advised each other on what to wear, what to say and do in difficult moments, we were there during the funerals of loved ones and when our marriages fell apart. And this is amazing. “We give ourselves much more in friendship than in love relationships, says my friend Liana. “I am much more kind, sweeter, and more responsive to my friends than to my husband.”

Is this true for everyone? We may fall in love suddenly, while friendship develops gradually, we show care and tolerance. We leave the best in us to our friends and often treat our partners horribly.

“For a man, being friends with a woman opens up the opportunity to share his vulnerability, which is much more difficult to do in male friendship»

In a man-woman friendship, we must constantly test the strength of boundaries. When one of us gets a partner, we ask questions: “Should I tell my partners about what is happening between me and a male (female) friend?”, “Do we have the right to date alone ( without a partner), or now there must definitely be more of us (each with his own pair)?”

Jealousy of partners is the reason why many are sure that friendship between a man and a woman is impossible. But I am convinced that the key to solving the problem is trust!

In a study published in the Journal of Personal and Social Relationships, 1 Linda Sapadin surveyed 156 men and women about what they liked and didn't like about opposite-sex friendships. Topping the list of women's dislikes was sexual tension. However, men believe that sexual attraction is main reason the beginning of a friendship between a man and a woman and that it can even deepen the friendship.

My patient Michelle recently went through a difficult divorce. Her friends supported her and gave her advice like: “Tell him that you won’t let him take advantage of you... don’t feel sorry for him,” etc. They over-identified with her, and although they wholeheartedly wanted to help, sometimes their advice turned out to be harmful.

Michelle notes a male friend's ability to listen "with safe distance" “My friend Joe is not trying to be me. He can be objective,” she says.

Men are also interested in friendships with women for many reasons. But the main thing is the opportunity to talk about your vulnerability, which is much more difficult to do in male friendships. Women allow them to open up and communicate their feelings.

I believe that we are blessed with the ability to weave many types of relationships with men, but for me, friendship between a man and a woman is a unique thread that should be highly valued.

Esther Perel – psychotherapist, specialist in the field of cultural and social stereotypes that have an impact on the relationship in a couple. Her website is estherperel.com.

1 L. A. Sapadin, Journal of Social And Personal Relationships, 2014.