Secrets of communication. How to refuse a person without offending him? How to cancel a trip without offending someone

Good afternoon dear friends!

Has it ever happened that you agreed in cases where you would have happily said “no!” "? Why do we put the desire to satisfy someone else’s request above our comfort and personal time? How to refuse correctly is the topic of my article today.

If you master the tactics polite refusal, then you can find spiritual harmony and a sense of proper time management.

Falling into a trap constant promises, it is difficult for a person to stop. If we take the example of the organization of labor, then I think you have come across the use of a voluntary principle and its transformation into an obligation.

Trouble-free individual associated with spineless personality and is used efficiently by all and sundry without reproach of conscience. How else? A person allows voluntarily manipulate oneself .

Of course, I'm not talking now about mutual assistance or friendly assistance is a healthy aspect of a normal relationship. I'm talking about a man who allowed himself to be used, ignoring personal principles and interests.

The skill of saying “no” requires practice, skills and the desire to change the usual attitude towards yourself and others.

The main reasons for the difficulty of failure

1. Family and relationships

The hardest thing to say “no” is family relationships and amorous issues. Fear of offending loved one , appearing rude or uninterested motivates us to agree to carry out assignments.

Sometimes even the very realization that we put our priorities above others makes us experience unreasonable guilt.

2. The prospect of losing opportunities

Sometimes a person independently comes up with a reason to adhere to one or another illusion. He thinks that when he says “no”, then for sure will lose existing benefits or connection with the individual. But is this really so?

An illustration of such fear is inherent in working in a team. For example, an employee is offered to transfer to another department or practically experience career growth, but in a different position. And if he categorically does not want to, then most likely he will do it for a reason fear of being unemployed and leave about yourself bad opinion rather than defend his decision and position.

3. Pathological kindness

Yes, yes, you read that right. There are people in the world who are constantly haunted by the desire to help, even if they are not asked to do so.

Such an “ideal employee” or friend, always ready solve other people's problems, carry out instructions, counting on feedback, praise and emphasizing their importance.

Kindness of heart and soul is considered a gift nowadays, especially if it selfless and free. But how to say “no” correctly so as not to offend anyone? More on this later.

4. Fear of loneliness

Agreeing against our will and joining the majority opinion is dangerous. Wanting to get support and feel connected to a group of people, so as not to seem like a black sheep, obliges to distortion of one's own opinion and submission.

Fear of losing a friend, but to stay with your opinion in an embrace, obliges a person to bite his tongue or agree to silently fulfill the request, just so as not to be left alone.

5. Fear of conflict situations

Have you had experience communicating with " difficult people"? When you clearly understand that it's easier to agree and say “yes” rather than prove and argue for refusal.

It’s strange, but we are afraid that when we formulate the phrase “sorry, but no,” the opponent will get angry and begin to conflict.

How to fight?

Before describing methods of dealing with the problem, I want to discuss relevant failure variations.

Firstly, trouble-free people are considered weak and sitting on their necks, they go where they need, not you. I don’t think this option is suitable for you, since you are already reading this article.

Secondly, skill weigh the pros and cons, before announcing a verdict or decision is a fairly sound ability.

Thirdly, when saying a refusal, you need to break the habit of expecting a negative reaction. After all, what’s so terrible that can happen if you’re really uncomfortable fulfilling a request?

Honesty to yourself and people allows you to be open, as well as sincere towards the world and desire. be a harmonious person .

So, how can you learn to refuse politely and with dignity?

Method 1: Appropriate time to ask

It happens that a person, bursting into your life with an unrealistic request, completely forgets that you have not been waiting for this for ages, but have been busy with your routine affairs.

In this case, I advise you to correctly hint that you are currently overwhelmed with work. It is absolutely normal that a friend, colleague or acquaintance will see how busy you are. He will understand that you cannot help him not because of refusal, but because you have a very important mission that needs immediate implementation. Thus, we can come to the conclusion that opportunity to get help Yes, but at a time convenient for you.

Method 2. Without an apologetic tone

There are situations when it’s inconvenient to refuse, but simply necessary. And while the person is stipulating the essence of the request, your brain is already frantically thinking through textual options for refusal. Sounds familiar isn't it?

Work through the phrase:

I would really like to help you, but I can’t do it today.

Not always necessary explain the reason, why can't you do what they ask.

To stay with a person in a good relationship especially if you have to see him every day, then I strongly recommend using this particular phrase. She hints that you allegedly like the idea itself, but due to current circumstances and reasons, you will not be able to meet your opponent halfway.

Method 3: Timeout

Taking time think about the request, you weigh all the factors that can become decisive, especially if the essence of the request is responsible. There is nothing shameful or strange about this.

This way you let the person know that you also have force majeure situations or personal matters, but don’t immediately say “no, I can’t!” "

Method 4. Wrong address

The essence of this method is imbued with a fairly clever arrangement of meaning and words. Phrase:

Sorry, but I'm afraid that you have not chosen the right person to fulfill your request.

works flawlessly if it is addressed, for example, to a colleague or friend.

Having understood the key points of the request, it often happens that the person asking really knocks on the wrong doors. Perhaps he needs more qualified specialist and you warn him about this in advance.

Method 5. Emotions under lock and key

Not worth it panic after hearing a question for help. Continuous babbling, making excuses and "lisping" characterize you as disorganized personality feeling afraid. If it’s convenient and fun for you to complete an order, you do it, if not... You guessed it yourself, right?

Method 6: Straightforwardness

Each of us builds barriers independently or personal relationships in which it can be extremely difficult to say directly.

The interlocutor who imposes decisions on your affairs, you should not be deceived or fooled.

He simply needs to know and understand the answer: Yes or no. And the only thing they want from you is to find out your opinion regarding the request. All. Don't complicate the situation and think that there are no irreplaceable people.

Dear friends, I’ll put an end to this.

Subscribe to my blog updates and recommend it to your friends to read. In the comments, tell us about how you learned to say the magic word “no” and what difficulties you had with it?

See you on the blog, bye-bye!

One of the most common difficulties is having to turn people down. And although situations often arise at work in which, due to your professional responsibilities, you simply cannot say “no,” other circumstances will arise from day to day that provide you with a certain freedom of choice. How to exercise your right to say “no” and correctly formulate a refusal?

Think about it this way: by not saying “no” at the right time, you will put the other person's needs before your own. Is this what you really want? There are many situations at work when your needs are no less important, and in some circumstances even more important than the needs of your colleagues. Remember how often your colleagues refused you. And you calmly and without irritation accepted this answer. So why worry about someone being upset if you behave in the same way?

The real problem is that saying “yes” all the time can easily become a habit, and changing a ingrained behavior pattern is really difficult. Remember your colleagues. Can you guess what to expect from each of them? Probably yes. Likewise, your colleagues, having become accustomed to your reliability, will most likely begin to turn to you with so many requests that you simply cannot fulfill them. Thus, the habit of constantly agreeing to requests for work will lead you to overwhelm, because you take on more than you can do or what you really should do. This leads to stress, frustration, hostility, conflict and mistakes, and it only gets worse over time.

So, saying no when you feel like it is an important skill to master. You will probably have situations where you want to help someone, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Remember: it means respecting your needs and rights as much as the rights of others, and agreeing to compromise when necessary.

Take things gradually and don't try to do everything at once. Try one new skill and hone it until you get it right. Be prepared for the fact that not everything will work out right away. You want to learn new skills, and there are always ups and downs in the process of learning something new.

Many people don’t like to say “no,” believing that the only way to do it is outright refusal. This “no” may seem rude and aggressive. And this is usually not the impression you want to make at work. Are you trying to establish a good relationship with colleagues, but you will inevitably have to refuse someone for your own sake - your health and well-being. This means you must be able to say no, but in a way that shows respect for the other person's needs. Eat different ways refuse, which depend on the situation. Here are three main options.

Direct refusal- the most uncompromising method, and it is rarely suitable for use at work. It is most often resorted to when someone's rights are violated. In such cases, you can loudly and firmly add: “Can’t you hear, I said no.”

Please provide additional information or promise "some other time"- an opportunity for discussion, while refusal remains among the possible options.

Thoughtful "no"- the most delicate way, because you show that you have listened to your interlocutor.

Below I will explain in detail what each of these options is, but the choice will depend on the situation, your attitude towards it and who is making the request, because this could be your mentor, your direct manager, a colleague or a team member who you really care about. want to help.

Don’t try to radically and suddenly change your behavior. This is especially true for refusals, as you may shock colleagues who were not expecting the leopard to suddenly change its color. It is much better to start small, train hard and change gradually.

9 ways to say no

Don't rush to answer	Before responding to someone's request, take a short pause. You can ask the other person to repeat it again to give you a few seconds to think about it. Or say, “Let me think...” and check your calendar or work plan to give you time to prepare and say no.
Don't apologize too much	Apologize only when you really think it is necessary and appropriate. Many people have already gotten into the habit of repeating the word “sorry” too often. Start sentences with phrases: “Unfortunately...” or “I'm afraid that...”, but only when necessary.
Be concise	Avoid long, wordy explanations of why you can't do something. A simple phrase “It won’t work out today” will be enough. The following phrases may be useful - of course, when they are pronounced with friendly sympathy, warmth and sincere regret: "I'm really sorry, but I can't do this." “Unfortunately, I just don’t have time for this.” “Sorry, it won’t work today.” (Sometimes “sorry” is quite appropriate.)
“Mirror” the behavior of your interlocutor	In this case, you mirror what and how you were asked, but still end the phrase with a refusal. Speak in a friendly manner and with regret, look the other person in the eyes. You:“I don’t have time after lunch to help you with your reports.” Colleague:“But I wanted to start doing it today.” You:“I understand that you wanted to get started on this, but I won’t be able to do it this afternoon.” Colleague:“But I need to finish everything this week.” You:“I understand that you need to finish this week, but I won’t be able to help you this afternoon.”
Broken record technique	It is very important to insist on your negative decision, since usually the interlocutor is trying to force you to change it. Children do this especially well! A useful technique in this case for you may be the broken record technique: just gently repeat your refusal, no matter how much the interlocutor tries to put pressure on you
Explain the reason for refusal	In this case you briefly explain the real reason your "no". Do this only if you want or if it is necessary. You don't have to explain your actions to everyone who asks you for something. “I can’t help you with the report today because I have a business meeting this afternoon.” “I don’t have time for this because I’ll be busy with visitors.”
Offer to fulfill the request another time	In this case, you say “no” now, but perhaps agree to comply with the request later. On English language this technique is called a rain check - that is, a ticket stub giving the fan the right to attend a baseball game postponed due to rain. “I can't help you today because I'm in meetings all day, but maybe I have something free time Tomorrow".
Ask for more information	This is not a final refusal; in this case, discussion, compromise or refusal in the future are possible. “How detailed should the report be?” "Can you start without me?"
Ask for time to make a decision	Never be afraid to ask for time to think things through. “I need to check my work schedule, then I will answer you.” “I can't answer now. I'll call you later"

What are the reasons why we often cannot refuse a person? Why is it important to learn to say no? How to do this without offending your interlocutor or feeling guilty? If you want to know the answers to all these questions, then this article is just for you! HOW TO CORRECTLY REFUSE A PERSON.

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What type of people are you? HOW TO CORRECTLY REFUSE A PERSON

Sometimes it seems that all people can be divided into two groups - those who can clearly, politely and confidently say “no” in any uncomfortable situation and those who, doubting the correctness, always agree to the requests of colleagues, friends, neighbors and relatives.

The first group of people, as a rule, are more confident in themselves, express their point of view more clearly, and emerge victorious from verbal battles. We can say about the second group that they cannot defend their opinion, they are less confident, but they always come to the rescue, help out, lend money, work overtime, walk someone’s dog or babysit someone else’s child, etc.

They console themselves with the thought: “Who, if not me?” or “What then are friends for?” They are embarrassed, uncomfortable, ashamed to refuse or even silently shake their heads negatively. HOW TO CORRECTLY REFUSE A PERSON

Why can't we refuse? HOW TO CORRECTLY REFUSE A PERSON

Why are people so afraid to say “no”, even if they don’t have free time, energy or desire? The main reason are fears. The most different and their a large number of:

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fear of appearing rude, impolite,
fear of losing friendship,
fear that you will also be rejected,
fear of conflict,
fear of guilt.

We are afraid of losing a good attitude towards ourselves, we are afraid of loneliness. As a rule, such a person thinks: “If I refuse help, then my friends, relatives, and colleagues will turn away from me.

I'll be left alone. When I need help, no one will help me.” Most psychologists agree that all these fears come from childhood. In most cases, strict parents punished the child for bad behavior, depriving him of love, praise, and affection.

In such a family, the child unquestioningly listened to the conditions of his mother (or father), without having his own opinion, and tried with all his might to earn approval or praise. By punishing or scolding the child for any offense, parents formed in him the fear of losing love and becoming “bad.”

Over time, such a child grows into a person dependent on the opinions of others, a person who tries to please and please everyone. HOW TO CORRECTLY REFUSE A PERSON

We are used to thinking that refusal is rude and impolite. And we want to live in harmony, where everyone is happy, happy and satisfied with communication. And subconsciously, the desire to please prevails over reason.

We think: “If they turn to me for help, if I am in demand, then they love me.” But this is far from true. Most often we are not aware when we are being manipulated.

And instead of doing what we like, we hurt ourselves. Our inner feelings fade into the background, and we become dependent on external approval.

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It often happens that when we agree to help, we are afraid of missing out on the opportunity. These situations usually happen at work when, by taking on an additional burden, we hope for a promotion, an increase in salary, or to be noticed.

And, of course, we agree out of fear of being fired. HOW TO CORRECTLY REFUSE A PERSON

Why is it important to learn to say “no”? HOW TO CORRECTLY REFUSE A PERSON

People around them consider reliable people to be weak-willed, since they cannot firmly and clearly refuse in a given situation. Accordingly, you should not assume that you will receive more love, respect or trust if you help everyone.
Having learned to refuse, you will immediately have more free time, which you can happily devote to yourself or your loved ones.
Your strength and energy will not be wasted in unnecessary ways.
If the inability to say “no” created mental discomfort for you, caused stress, apathy or depression, then by learning to say no, you will feel happier and calmer.
You will become more confident and your self-esteem will increase if you know that you are not being taken advantage of.
You will feel freer from the opinions of others and from selfish people who like to “sit on the neck” of reliable friends.

Do you think it’s difficult to learn how to refuse correctly and politely? Do you think that you are doomed to be led and deceived for the rest of your life? Not at all! You need to put in a little effort, patience, perseverance and put our advice into practice.

And you will immediately notice how stronger, more confident and happier you will feel. Some people arm themselves with the advice they receive in order to prevent themselves from being taken advantage of.

Someone understands how to talk with an annoying neighbor or a cunning colleague who tries to find benefit in everything. Or maybe you yourself will eventually become a manipulator? In any case, it is your personal business.

10 ways to refuse correctly.

Firstly, you must rethink all your childhood fears and understand that it is impossible to please everyone and always be good. You cannot constantly live someone else's life, give all of yourself for the sake of someone, even if this someone is your family or friend. You come into conflict with yourself, infringe and deprive yourself of pleasant moments, regret about lost time and energy. You are betraying yourself! You sacrifice yourself in the name of another person. Remember, you always have a choice and you have the right to always say a firm “no”.
Secondly, it is important to understand that you will not become a better person for someone, even if you constantly agree to all requests to the detriment of yourself. People around you won't love you anymore. By asking you for something, the manipulator uses selfish interest, and friendship and love are sincere feelings.
Note for yourself and remember the many benefits of a free person, not burdened with promises. And every time you hear a request addressed to you, think first of all about yourself. This will give you more confidence when talking to your opponent.
Having heard a request, do not make unnecessary promises, such as: “I will try (I will try)” or “I will think about it.” These phrases place a burden of responsibility on you for what is said, and for the petitioner this means agreement. And he will wait for the task to be completed.
Calmly, confidently and friendly, looking the person in the eyes, say: “No, today I can’t stay late at work / I can’t babysit your child / I can’t lend you money because ....” It is important to say this phrase without a shadow of a doubt, otherwise they will continue to persuade you. And this is of no use to you.

Don't apologize for your refusal. Subconsciously, a person begins to apologize when he feels guilty. But we found out that this is not your fault. You have nothing to apologize for if you have completely different plans.
Make a promise to yourself to always be honest with yourself and with others. When refusing a person’s request, it is important to honestly state the reason for the refusal. “Today I have completely different plans/I don’t have enough experience in this matter/I’m not interested.”
If you can offer an alternative solution to the problem, help with advice and express sympathy.
If the interlocutor continues to insist, beg, beg, you need to listen to him again and, without irritation or rage, repeat the reasons for the refusal.
And finally, learn to ask for help yourself. As a rule, people who do not know how to say “no” cannot ask for anything themselves. They get used to putting everything on their shoulders and carrying the load for themselves and for “that guy.” HOW TO CORRECTLY REFUSE A PERSON

We do not urge you to become heartless and callous egoists and refuse everyone and everything. Do as your heart tells you. Be honest with yourself.

Find harmony and balance in your life. And in order to live in harmony with yourself and your principles, you need to understand what you feel at the moment: a desire to sincerely help or irritation towards your interlocutor?

Of course, helping others is important and necessary, since we live in a society. After all, sometimes people who really need help make requests. Good luck to you!

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Paradoxically, the ability to refuse is just as necessary as the ability to sympathize and help. If you can't say no, you will be contacted without a twinge of conscience by those who would never respond to a request for help. We master the technique of refusal.

There are many people in the world who are called trouble-free. You can contact them at any time of the day for help, and they will never refuse. Many consider this quality of their character to be a human virtue, because it is beneficial to always “have at hand” such a “no-failure” person in order to transfer some of your problems onto him.

However, rarely does anyone take the trouble to think: maybe a person simply cannot refuse?

People who cannot say “no” often do not have enough time for their own affairs and personal life, although as gratitude for their reliability they can best case scenario expect a backhanded compliment.

A striking example of a reliable person and what the inability to refuse leads to is the old film “Autumn Marathon” with Oleg Basilashvili in the title role. The hero of the film is not young, but he never learned to refuse and live the way he wants. His life was almost over, but he never became a person because he always lived the way others wanted.

Reliable people always, like a magnet, attract people who actively take advantage of their inability to refuse. We can say that the executioner is looking for a victim, and the victim is looking for an executioner. And even if the “non-refusal person” suddenly rebels and refuses to play the role of lifesaver, he will immediately be accused of being careless and heartless.

There are golden words that everyone should remember: “Living the way you want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others should think and live the way you want.”

Why are people afraid to say no?

People who fulfill other people's requests against their wishes most often have a soft and indecisive character. In their hearts, they really want to say “no,” but they are so afraid of embarrassing or offending another person with a refusal that they force themselves to do something that they do not like at all.

Many people later regret what they once wanted, but were unable to say “no”.

Often, when people refuse, they say the word “no” as if they feel guilty about something - it seems to them that some kind of unpleasant reaction will follow. Indeed, many are not used to being refused, and “no” causes a negative reaction in them - they are rude, break off relationships, etc.

Some people don't say “no” for fear of becoming unwanted and being left alone.

How to refuse politely?

By saying “no,” we often make enemies for ourselves. However, it is worth remembering that what is more important for us is to offend someone with a refusal or to take upon ourselves the fulfillment of obligations that burden us. Moreover, it is not at all necessary to refuse in a rude manner. For example, the same diplomats try not to say “yes” or “no,” replacing them with the words “Let’s discuss this.”

When saying “no”, it is worth remembering that:

this word can protect against problems;
can mean “yes” if pronounced hesitantly;
successful people say “no” more often than “yes”;
by refusing what we cannot or do not want to do, we will feel like a winner.

There are several simple ways polite refusal, which show that this task is within the power of everyone.

1. Outright refusal

Some people believe that when refusing something, you must give a reason for the refusal. This is a misconception. First, explanations will look like excuses, and excuses will give the person asking hope that you can change your mind. Secondly, it is not always possible to name the real reason for the refusal. If you invent it, the lie may later be exposed and put both in an awkward position. In addition, a person who speaks insincerely often gives himself away with his facial expressions and voice.

Therefore, it is better not to fantasize, but simply say “no” without adding anything else. You can soften the refusal by saying: “No, I can’t do this,” “I don’t want to do this,” “I don’t have time for this.”

If a person ignores these words and continues to insist, you can use the “broken record” method, repeating the same words of refusal after each of his tirades. There is no need to interrupt the speaker with objections and ask questions - just say “no.”

This method is suitable for refusing aggressive and overly persistent people.

2. Compassionate refusal

This technique is suitable for refusing people who tend to get their way with their requests, causing pity and sympathy. In this case, it is worth showing them that you empathize, but cannot help.

For example, “I’m very sorry for you, but I can’t help you.” Or “I see that it’s not easy for you, but I can’t solve your problem.”

3. Justified refusal

This is a fairly polite refusal and can be used in any setting - formal or informal. It is suitable both when refusing to older people and when refusing to people occupying a higher position on the career ladder.

This refusal assumes that you give a valid reason why you cannot fulfill the request: “I can’t do this because I’m going to the theater with my child tomorrow,” etc.

It will be even more convincing if you name not one reason, but three. This technique is called failure for three reasons. The main thing when using it is the brevity of the wording so that the person asking quickly grasps the essence.

4. Delayed refusal

This method can be used by people for whom refusing someone’s request is a psychological drama, and they almost automatically respond with consent to any request. People of this type often doubt that they are right and tend to endlessly analyze their actions.

Delayed refusal allows you to think about the situation and, if necessary, seek advice from friends. Its essence is not to say “no” immediately, but to ask for time to make a decision. This way you can insure yourself against rash steps.

A justified refusal might look like this: “I can’t answer right now because I don’t remember my plans for the weekend. Perhaps I have arranged to meet someone. I’ll need to look at my weekly planner to confirm.” Or “I need to consult at home,” “I need to think. I’ll tell you later,” etc.

You can refuse in this way to people who are assertive and do not tolerate objections.

5. Compromise refusal

Such a refusal can be called a half refusal, because we want to help a person, but not completely, but partially, and not on his terms, which seem unrealistic to us, but on our own. In this case, it is necessary to clearly define the terms of assistance - what and when we can and what we cannot.

For example, “I can take your child to school with mine, but just let him be ready by eight o’clock.” Or “I can help you do repairs, but only on Saturdays.”

If similar conditions the requester will not be satisfied, then we have the right to refuse with a calm soul.

6. Diplomatic refusal

It involves a mutual search for an acceptable solution. We refuse to do what we don’t want or can’t, but together with the person asking, we look for a solution to the problem.

For example, “I can’t help you, but I have a friend who deals with these issues.” Or “Perhaps I can help you in another way?”

In response to examples different techniques refusal, one can argue that it is necessary to help people and that by refusing others, we ourselves risk finding ourselves in a difficult situation when we have nothing to count on anyone’s help. Note that we are talking only about the requests of people who are accustomed to “playing with one goal”, believe that everyone is obliged to them and abuse the reliability of other people.

Many people encounter obsessive people - they, as a rule, are benevolent, but very persistently want something from us. The Village understands how to politely refuse such people if fulfilling their unexpected requests and demands is not part of your plans.

Denis Lunev

psychologist, business coach

The most famous way to solve this problem is called “I-message”. This type of communication is used to express one’s attitude towards a person and a situation without getting personal. Take several sequential steps.

Step one: describe the situation as you see it. For example, “When they call me 20 times a day...” or “When they expect from me something that I cannot give...”. At this stage, the pronoun “you” should not be used.

The second step is a story about your feelings, emotions, experiences about what you said in the first step. For example, “I feel terribly upset,” or “I feel guilty,” or “I feel very unpleasant.”

The third step is a story about your desires: “I don’t want to ever pick up the phone again,” “I want peace and quiet,” “I want to hide.”

If the first three steps are taken sincerely, kindly, but directly, then they will have the desired effect and prepare your counterpart for the fourth message - a specific proposal. So, the last step: “...therefore, I ask you to call no more often than once every two days” or “... I ask you, do not give me any more gifts.”

It is important throughout the conversation to talk only about yourself, your feelings and your reactions. Then you will not hurt your partner, but at the same time you will clearly make your attitude and your desires clear.

Tatiana Vaiser

teacher of philosophy and ethics, Faculty of Philosophy and Sociology, RANEPA

Obsessive people may have a dulled sense of boundaries: they may not recognize you as a valuable unit in yourself, but simply pour out their feelings and thoughts externally, using you as a free resource of attention. You need to realize that your time and living space belongs primarily to you and you have the primary right to dispose of them. By imposing, a person seems to be telling you: “I will manage your time, space and attention more than I will allow you to do it yourself.” There is no reason to give him such a right.

In addition, obsessive people may not be able to imagine being in your situation in this situation, and if they were in it, they might not like it. For example, they would not like to waste time on something that is uninteresting or seems pointless. There is no need to cherish their illusions on this matter.

More often than not, obsessive people feel like you can't refuse them. But you can’t refuse them, because you’re not entirely sure that this should be done, and you’re afraid of offending someone. You need to be clear about your values and goals in life. If you have defined them for yourself, you understand that time is a rather limited resource. You can spend it on nonsense, or you can manage to implement projects that are significant to you. When you realize your own and other people's boundaries and learn to appreciate this living space, everything will work out by itself. You will express yourself more confidently, and the sweet and clingy ones will sense in you sufficient strength of spirit and will to bypass them.

There are also simple rhetorical techniques - in a polite, calm and confident tone, say: “Sorry, I don’t have time to talk right now,” “Sorry, I’m busy with important business right now,” “Thank you, we don’t need your services,” “Sorry, I I’m not interested in this topic,” “Unfortunately, this format/mode of communication does not suit me.” And sometimes it is useful to simply stop responding to expressed communicative acts, for example, stopping correspondence or not answering phone calls, so that the person stops seeing you as a potential addressee.

Illustration: Olya Volk