It’s one thing if a baby bites fruits or vegetables, and quite another if he bites other family members. I don’t want to listen to complaints from peers in a group on the playground, or from teachers in kindergarten. How to stop a child from biting quickly is a question that worries parents who are faced with this problem.

For a 1-year-old baby, the world is a huge field for exploration. How can you understand the properties of things without tasting them? For normal development, it is necessary to grab and pull everything into the mouth or bite. Especially when the next teeth are being cut. From the diapers, a one-year-old baby willingly sucks his fist or pacifier. Those who are on breastfeeding, may bite the breast during feeding. Teething forces you to scratch and rub your gums, thereby relieving the itching.

Pediatricians agree that biting is common to absolutely everyone without exception; their point of view is also shared by People’s Doctor Komarovsky, which can be learned from the video on his website. Some babies quickly stop biting, while others develop a bad habit of biting and pinching strangers. How to stop a child from biting at the age of 1 is a question that worries young mothers especially acutely.
If we are talking about the age of up to 1.5 years, we can identify the main causes of bites.

• The baby is teething. The appearance of teeth causes great discomfort to the baby. The gums swell and itch, and if the little person manages to chew something, the discomfort disappears for a while. In this case, parents will be helped by special gels; there are many of them on pharmacy counters. It is better to choose gels with a small amount of lidacoin in the composition. There are also special suppositories for painful teething. To relieve itching, you can use special teethers, popularly called “rodents.” Teether toys are made of plastic, wood or silicone. There are also “rodents” that are filled with a special liquid; they must be placed in the refrigerator to cool, then given to the baby.

• You can stop a one-year-old child from biting if you understand that the bites occur intentionally. This situation may arise due to the child’s activity. He still doesn’t know how to restrain his emotions, so when he gets too playful, he can bite an adult. It is important to nip such outbursts of emotion in the bud. The reaction to such behavior should be unequivocally negative, you need to show with all your appearance that you are very unpleasant about such a game and you do not intend to play it anymore.
• If the child still continues to bite at the age of about 2 years, then this situation requires urgent correction. The cause of bites at this age may be an excessive manifestation of one’s “ego.” Usually at this age the baby goes to kindergarten for the first time. New acquaintances mean making new friends, but instead the baby does nothing but bite others or pinch himself. In this case, be sure to have an explanatory conversation and try to explain that he is hurting other children. Express the opinion that friendship with such terrible behavior will not work out with anyone. How to stop a child from biting in kindergarten - this issue can be solved jointly by parents and educators.
• The baby had already grown up significantly, and suddenly complaints began to pour in from dissatisfied teachers and parents of preschoolers that he had bitten half of the children in the kindergarten. . Since the child is old enough to understand a serious conversation, it is worth talking immediately and finding out the reason for this strange behavior. Find out, maybe the baby took an example from someone, or maybe someone offends him. In any case, do not scold, but explain that biting is not a way out of conflict situations.

Feelings and emotions

Some children do not have problems with communication and easily find a common language with their peers, while others, on the contrary, find it difficult to make contact. It is important to teach your son or daughter to show their emotions correctly within the framework of etiquette. First of all, you need to talk about your positive feelings, sympathy or love for someone. And if suddenly your child doesn’t like to communicate with one of the kindergarten students, then you should just not play with him, but under no circumstances offend him.

Outburst of emotions

Most often, those who are bitten by a storm of emotions inside them. A child at the age of 3 can already be safely sent to sports activities in order to direct the accumulated energy in the right direction. An excellent option would be a wrestling, wushu or choreography section; classes in the pool have a noticeable positive effect.

How to eradicate a bad habit

• The main thing is to stop such tricks and punish in moderation for incorrect behavior. Soon the child will stop showing aggression in this way.

• Assess the emotional situation in the family. Psychologists say that in families where scandals and high-pitched showdowns reign, most often the younger ones become unbalanced and aggressive. Reduce all conflict situations to nothing and see how your baby’s behavior changes.

• The problem with many parents is that they don't pay enough attention. Try to devote as much time as possible to him, find out how his day went, what he did and what he learned.
• Be sure to praise for new achievements, hug and give your warmth. Tactile sensations are important for establishing a connection between baby and mother. During kissing, the hormone “oxytocin” is produced; it is responsible for affection between people. A caressed and loved baby simply has no reason to bite.

Mistakes that parents often make

Some babies attract the attention of adults in this way. It is highly undesirable to focus attention on incidents. By punishing a child too much, parents run the risk of getting a backlash; the child may become mischievous and bite out of spite. In such a situation the best solution will reward with his interest. But bite incidents are best left unattended.

A bad idea is to punish a child with a belt. Pedagogy, like any science, does not stand still, so most studies in the field of physical punishment have shown that this method of education is extremely undesirable. If you punish with a belt, then over time a wall of misunderstanding and mistrust will grow between the parents and the baby. Those parents who beat their children actually do it out of despair and their own powerlessness.

Yelling and raising your voice at a child is just as pointless as hitting him. It is possible that in front of his parents he will behave decently and with dignity, but finding himself without the strict supervision of his relatives, the fidget may again show accumulated aggression.

A “pugnacious” child, what to do in such a situation?

More often, this problem concerns parents of boys, although there are exceptions to all rules - some girls can easily give a head start to the little “defender of the fatherland.” The manifestation of any type of aggression is a consequence of the fact that the baby is exposed to stress. Most often, stress is localized in the child’s family. Many factors lead to this condition.

• Parents' divorce.
• Change of residence.
• Birth younger brother or sisters
• Start of visiting kindergarten

If the family boat has cracked, then the child needs to be explained that his parents still love and value him.

If there is a new addition to the family, then the mother should pay increased attention to her first-born in order to eliminate jealousy. You can ask grandmothers to take a walk with the baby, and go to the park or cinema with the older child. He will feel loved and will not have feelings of hostility towards his brother or sister.

Children often experience stress when they start going to kindergarten. Separation from their mother makes them very nervous. Most modern mothers, unfortunately, have no choice, and they have to go to work at the first opportunity. The baby is offended that his mother left him alone in the garden, so he will have to wean the child from biting, pinching and even fighting.

The advice for parents is this: introduce them to the garden gradually. At first you only need to go for a few hours a day, then you can stay until nap, and only after a month you can pick up the child in the evening. Some people start going to kindergarten right away for the whole day, but it is premature to rejoice at this fact, since most of them, after several months of attending preschool start to get capricious.

When is specialist help needed?

If the question of how to stop a child from biting at 2 years old has not been resolved, and the parents could not cope on their own, then it is worth discussing this problem with a specialist. To seek help, please contact child psychologist in the event that:

• the child is already big, but continues to bite at 3 years old;
• he causes severe pain with his bites;
• abuses animals;
• does not listen to you and does not stop aggressive behavior.

All family members must be present at sessions with a psychologist. It is important to follow the specialist’s recommendations not only in the office at the reception, but also at home. Then the child’s behavior is corrected much faster, and the bad habit of biting will pass without leaving a trace.

The older a child gets, the harder it is to correct his behavior. There is also an English folk wisdom related to education: “Don’t raise children, they will still be like you. Educate yourself." Pay attention to your behavior and family environment. Eliminate all negativity, and then you can raise a balanced, open-minded and happy child.

Alexandra is a regular expert on the PupsFull portal. She writes articles about pregnancy, parenting and education, child care and child health.

Articles written

Hello, dear readers. I think there is a “little biter” in every family. Don't be afraid that this is a deviation. As a rule, such behavior is absolutely normal and typical of children of different age periods up to three years of age. Although there are also deviations that are revealed by some individual characteristics. In this article we will try to sort out all these issues and also find out how you can rid your child of this habit, although in most cases the child stops biting on his own, without any assistance.

1 year old child, bites, reasons

It turns out that children can safely bite up to the age of three, and this situation will not be considered a pathology. But let’s still figure out what can cause this behavior in one-year-old toddlers:

1. By biting, the baby is trying to show his emotions. This behavior is typical for 10% of toddlers.
2. The child thus displays aggression that has accumulated as a result of some problem. Perhaps there are troubles at home (difficult psychological situation) or the child does not like someone’s company. You need to carefully observe the little one and see in what situations he begins to bite. This can help determine the reason for this behavior.
3. The toddler bites when he wants to say that he is offended. This behavior characterizes the baby’s negative emotions, for example, when another baby took away a toy from your child. Since, at the age of one, children still do not know how to speak, or cannot speak at all, it is possible that your little one bit another, demonstrating his dissatisfaction with his behavior.
4. The baby may bite due to insufficient development of tactile sensations.

My son did not bite anyone at the age of one. But at one time a boy appeared on our playground who immediately ran to bite, and he did this constantly. Either they took a toy from him, then he liked the toy that another baby is holding, then he tries to take his mother’s purse, but she doesn’t let him. He showed any dissatisfaction with a bite; all he had time to do was grab his child so that the little one wouldn’t have time to bite him. It happened that that kid started to bite if he didn’t like the way the other little ones were playing with cars or how they were digging a hole, or because the children didn’t want to play with him. This went on for several days. Then the boy and his mother stopped coming to our site.

Signs that it's time to see a specialist

Parents should know in what cases the fact that the baby bites indicates developmental abnormalities. There are times when a child deliberately, without any reason, begins to bite other people, especially peers; perhaps this process gives him pleasure. It is better to take such a child to see a psychologist. After all, such attacks do not happen out of the blue, and most likely the reason for such behavior lies in something else, and a specialist needs to find the “source of evil.”

1. The child bites regularly and many times a day. He does not react in any way to adults’ attempts to wean him from such behavior.
2. The baby is already more than three years old, but he still continues to bite others.
3. The little one bites regardless of the situation and mood.
4. Your baby's bites are not harmless and are quite deep.
5. A child bites when he is not given what he wants. At the same time he becomes very angry and aggressive.
6. The little one bites, and his behavior is accompanied by sadistic tendencies, for example, it injures insects and torments animals.

The child is one year old, he bites, how to wean him off

1. At the moment when the little one is about to bite someone, prevent this action. You just need to transfer your baby’s attention to another object or event. So, over time, the child will forget that he wanted to bite someone.
2. Show your baby what to bite, for example, fruits and bread. Try to explain to him that the way he is doing is wrong.
3. When your baby bites you, you can scream loudly on purpose. By doing this you will show that you are in very, very pain. The child may be afraid that he caused his mother severe pain and will not do this again.
4. Often conversations yield little results, because children may not yet understand all your words. However, it is necessary to communicate with the baby after the bite with all sternness in your voice. The child will perceive what, what, and intonation and mood, and become aware of his action.
5. Be an example for your little one, show them how to behave when communicating with other people.

Pay attention to your behavior; perhaps you have a tense psychological situation at home, or you often scream, splash out your aggression, and the child simply takes your example.

What actions are unacceptable

Unfortunately, there are often cases when parents, out of ignorance or due to their inexperience, use methods of weaning their child from bad behavior that not only cannot help get rid of the problem, but can make the child even more angry or harm his psyche and even affect his development . So, how should you not behave if you want your child to stop biting:

1. You cannot physically punish a toddler. Some parents believe that by using a belt in education, you can achieve good results. However, if you beat a toddler because he bites, the child still does not understand why he is being punished. Indeed, a reflex may develop, due to which the baby will no longer bite, because he will be afraid of punishment. But the point is that you have to remember that you need to find out why the child is behaving this way, otherwise you will simply push the problems even deeper. If the reason was an outburst of aggression, then, having stopped biting, the little one will display this behavior differently, and will become even more aggressive.
2. Some parents may advise using the baby's methods and biting him back. However, in this case, “you can’t knock out a wedge with a wedge.” The child will come to the conclusion that his parents are evil and hurt him.
3. There is a really crazy option when, after biting, the baby rubs his lips with soap. This is strictly prohibited.

You can independently, without anyone’s help, try to solve the problem with a child who bites. However, experts still recommend using the help of a psychologist, especially if you encounter certain difficulties during the weaning process. Often the child responds normally to getting rid of a bad habit, and in many cases his behavior does not require any intervention at all; the child eventually stops biting on his own. But, if you see that your toddler’s behavior is accompanied by alarming symptoms, it is better not to hesitate and seek specialized help from a psychologist as soon as possible. It is better to be able to prevent possible developments in advance.

>>Little child bites

A small child bites, what should I do? Why do children bite?

What to do if small child bites and how to wean him from this? Children can bite at six months, at one year, at three, and even children over three years old, and this is already enough serious difficulty both for parents and educators. Of course, in most cases, the period when a child bites passes.

But, in some cases, it is already enough big baby at the age of 4-7 years may continue to bite. In any case, it is necessary to understand why do children bite and this behavior needs to be corrected.

Reasons why children of different ages bite?

At every age, children have their own “reasons for biting” and this may not always be a manifestation of aggression. At an early age, children bite without realizing that they are causing pain. Older children already bite quite consciously and know that they are hurting others.

Why do children bite before the age of 8 months and what to do in this case?

What to do in such a situation? Show that you are hurt. Let the child see your reaction, hear your cry (just don’t scare the baby) and understand that biting hurts. Just portray the pain sincerely. If you do this insincerely and turn it into a joke, the child will think that this is a game. And he will continue to bite you so that your mother will make a “funny face.”

Why do children aged 8-15 months bite and what to do about it?

1. Approximately 10% of children are born very emotional. Emotions overwhelm the baby and require an outlet. But at this age the baby has not yet learned to express them. And he begins to express “as best he can.” For example, biting parents or other children and adults.

What to do in this case? Prevent the child from trying to bite someone by covering his mouth with his palm, while instilling in him that biting is bad. At the same time, you need to speak harshly and firmly. A one-year-old child may not understand the meaning of the words, but he will definitely see the intonation and stern facial expression. It is very important that not only parents, but also other relatives, acquaintances and educators support the parents in this matter and also make a stern appearance when the baby tries to bite someone. To practice “biting skills,” you can offer your child hard fruits and vegetables - apples, carrots, cucumbers, etc.

Why do children aged 15 months-3 years bite others and how to deal with it?

1. . Sometimes small children quarrel. And a more aggressive child may bite another child. In more rare cases, a child may bite an adult, parent or caregiver. Children under three years of age do not yet know how to control and cope with emotions. And thus, “through biting” emotions come out.

What to do in such a situation? Reconcile the offender and the victim. At the same time, induce the offender to feel sorry for the child whom he bit, thus awakening compassion in the child and reducing his aggression.

2. Children often bite when they cannot express their irritation in words. As you know, words are a good outlet for emotions, but at this age the child’s speech is not yet sufficiently developed and he cannot fully express himself.

What to do in this case? Help the child by formulating the right phrase and telling him how to act correctly. For example: “You probably want to play with the ball Misha plays with? Then, let’s wait until he plays and puts the ball down. Or, let’s ask to play the ball with him.” Or you can offer an alternative: “Come on, while Misha plays ball, you and I will play with a train (a car, soldiers, look at books, etc.).

3. A child may bite when he tries to influence other children and fails. In pedagogy, there are many cases where a child offered another child some kind of game, and if he refused, then he bit him.

What to do in this situation? Also, reconcile the offender and the victim, prompting the “aggressor” to feel sorry for the “victim”. And also, help him express his feelings in words.

4. Not enough personal space. If an older child grows up in a family, he may bite him when he violates the “boundary” of the younger one. True, it’s hard to say where a child’s border is. But this is a common case when children thus try to “defend” their personal space. When, he can continue to bite there.

What needs to be done? It is necessary to provide the child, if possible, with his personal space at home, where he can calmly play and do his things. And do not claim this space, do not clutter it.

Typically, at this age, most children stop biting. Children become aware as they grow up of what is right and wrong. And at this age they have already “grown up” to realize that biting is bad. However, some children continue to bite after three years.

Why do children over three years old bite and what to do about it?

1. Heavy emotional state or psychological problems. They are fully aware of what it means to bite other people. And if children bite at this age, it means they may have problems with self-control and self-expression.

What to do in this case? Consult a child psychologist. Perhaps there is a psychologist in the kindergarten with whom you can discuss this issue and follow all the recommendations that he advises, and bring the teachers up to date. With these images you will be able to correct your baby’s behavior. At the same time, do not forget to praise the baby when he begins to react correctly to situations (express in words or emotions) in which he previously bit. Reward your child for good behavior.

2. Imitation. A child may bite, picking up this habit, for example, from his parents or older children. They may nip the baby lightly while playing with him. And he can adopt this habit and also bite when he plays. Just bite for real, and not “for fun.”

What to do in such a situation? Stop biting yourself. And the child will also soon stop biting.

What not to do when a child bites.

1. Use corporal punishment. Often, many parents try to stop their child from biting using a belt.

Why can't this be done? And, based on the reasons that prompted the child to do this. The baby will only understand that he is being beaten. And a child, out of fear, may actually stop biting. But the problems will only get worse. If aggressive child, he will become even more aggressive. If he has any psychological problems, then they will become even more from corporal punishment. In addition, the most important thing is that the child DOES NOT REALIZE that biting is bad. He realizes only one thing - that he is being beaten. And this method can only demonstrate to the child a negative line of behavior.

2. Bite a child because he bites. You can often hear such advice from “kind” people.

Why can't this be done? But because, again, the child will only understand that he is being bitten. An adult reasons: “He bit his little sister. If he is bitten in return, he will feel pain and understand that he also hurt her. And the next time he wants to bite his little sister, he will remember how he was bitten, and he won’t have her.” bite".

But can he reason in this way? Of course not. His brain is not yet so perfect as to understand such a chain of actions and compare them with each other. But he can understand the following: “I CANNOT bite. But my parents CAN bite me, they are evil.” The expression “wedge is knocked out with wedge” does not always work.

3. Wash the child's mouth with soap. Well, this, in general, does not fit into any framework. What kind of perverted and sadistic mind must it be to come up with such a thing? What if a two-year-old baby, excuse me, accidentally pooped past the potty? Does he need to smear mustard on his butt?

Dear parents, please be more attentive to your children. A child is not a doll for games and experiments. This is a little man. And treat him like a little person. And he, of course, does not always act correctly. Well, point him in the right direction using parental wisdom. Nurture it, don't bite it, and don't wash your mouth with soap.

Children under three years of age quite often show incontinence and so-called affective reactions: they bite, hit, pinch, scratch, push their peers. It is worth saying that aggressive behavior at 1, 2 or 3 years is an extreme variant of the norm mental development little person.

Faced with the problem of a non-standard outlet for children's aggression, mothers tend to panic and unreasonably look for signs of ill health in the child's character. Naturally, you need to quickly figure out why the child bites and take action. But it is premature to immediately label it a pathology.

In most cases, it is enough to pay a little attention to the problem and carefully rearrange the baby’s behavior through dialogue, play or exercises - depending on age. To help frightened mothers and fathers, reliable instructions have been developed on how to stop a child from biting at a particular age stage.

From this article you will learn

Behavior on the border of the norm

Psychologists never tire of repeating: “Every baby is unique.” The individual path of development depends on both the style of family education and individual characteristics physiology and psyche. Even the most attentive and caring parents may be puzzled by how your child expresses emotions. But it is the emotional-volitional qualities that most actively influence behavior in early and preschool age.

There is an important pattern: the older the baby gets, the more conscious and “psychological” the biting, pinching and desire to fight become. For example, a one-year-old baby will not deliberately cause pain, but a two-year-old tomboy has quite likely learned that this effective way To achieve what you want is to bite or pinch another.

Please note the table below. Here is the most important information about how and why children show aggression in different ages. And how parents and teachers can deal with it. ( Attention! The table can be scrolled left and right).

By the way! Intentional throwing of things can also be a manifestation of unformed emotional-volitional processes. Don't let this behavior turn into manipulation.

Weaning methods

The table above shows effective and ineffective strategies for adults in dealing with children who bite. We will analyze useful correction techniques in more detail.

Purchasing teethers

Stop at the classic shape and material - a silicone ring with massage elements. A chewing toy does not have the right to impose any stereotypes, for example, imitate food, images of living creatures or the sounds they make.

Already at this age, a child must strictly distinguish between what can be chewed and what objects are prohibited. Pain relieving gels are naturally hypoallergenic and doctor approved.

Ay! Hurt!

Timely activation of altruism (one and a half years - optimal age) will positively affect the future character of the little person. It is important that the word “hurt” is not accompanied by an imitation of fear or disappointment.

It is better to put indignation and surprise into intonation. The subsequent temporary suspension of the game is necessary not for punishment, they say, “You are bad, I don’t want to play with you,” but to reduce mental arousal, which led to the loss of control. In other words, the child bit not because he wanted to do it, but simply failed to contain the emotional outburst.

“Have pity! Look, he's crying"

Forming compassion and empathy in children is another important pedagogical task for moms and dads. The ability to assess the emotional state of an interlocutor or play partner is a defining skill in communication at the next age stage - pre-preschool, when the child will be forced to take into account the opinion of the group, social rules and family traditions.

It is best to appeal to children's sympathy and repentance for the offense caused through theatricalization:

• The soft toy may cry. It's best to temporarily switch to glove puppets. They are easier to animate, they are better perceived by children as alive. For a resourceful parent, it will not be difficult to imitate the sounds of crying, sobbing, and even real wet tears!
• If the aggression is directed at an adult, it is even easier to show emotions of resentment and sadness. Even the most brutal dad can turn away, rub his eyes, whine and complain about the pain. In the upcoming games, reinforce the material using cards with emotion masks. It would be appropriate to use the construction “Show me how he smiles/is sad...”

Useful fairy tales

Since ancient times, fairy tales have helped the older generation explain to children the complex laws of the world around them in a simple and accessible form. Not only folk wisdom is conveyed through fairy tales, but also family traditions. Therefore, when choosing fairy tales to read, think in advance whether their content corresponds to your ideas about raising the younger generation. What do you want to teach children?

In addition to folk tales, there are so-called therapeutic ones. You need to read them, like ordinary ones, in the middle of the day or at night. The only difference is that after such a fairy tale, the adult and the children must have a conversation according to the scheme recommended by the author of the fairy tale.

You need to select fairy tales according to the general idea: to normalize communication. For example, read famous stories about Cinderella and Snow White, pointing out that both girls are kind, affectionate, and attentive. Standard girl. The child will understand that goals can be achieved not by physical strength, but by patient waiting, polite requests and beauty. In the end, both girls became princesses.

For boys, you can choose the brave little tailor or the Nutcracker as a reference hero. A prerequisite for reading any fairy tale is dialogue with the child as the plot develops.

Literature:

Z. Brocket, G. Schreiber. " Healing power fairy tales»;

N. Radina. " Stories and fairy tales in psychological practice»;

A. Kapskaya, T. Mironchik. " Fairy gifts. Developmental fairy tale therapy for children»;

O. Khukhlaeva. " Therapeutic tales in correctional work with children».

For a biting child, the easiest way to come up with a story is about a biting cat.

The gist of the story:

The cat was very beautiful, sweet and charming until someone reached out to her to pet her. It turns out that the poor girl was offended by evil boys, and now she is quarreling even with them; who wants to be truly friends with her.

Questions for the child:

Do you think the biting kitty will make friends?

Why?

What does kitty need to do to find friendship?

Role-playing games

Play is the favorite and most understandable way for children to develop skills. And in the context of the topic, we are talking about communication and social skills. Invite the biting girl to play mother-daughter. She won’t bite her “baby” for misbehavior or crying in the stroller?

Entrust the young biter with training an improvised army of fighters from soft toys or the neighborhood boys. Let him choose the right words and actions, and biting will gradually become an ineffective means of achieving goals.

Revisiting parenting style

Children largely imitate their parents in expressing negative emotions. The child's psyche unpredictably refracts parental experience. And where the mother yells at the father in conflicts, the child may well begin to bite. Try to prevent your children from witnessing family quarrels. And be sure to exclude destructive ones from the list of educational measures:

• directive instructions in a rude tone;
• transition to shouting;
• threats “to be sent to an orphanage”, “taken to the field”, etc.;
• assault: from slaps on the head to beatings.

Not a single pedagogical specialist recommends beating children seriously and constantly. Physical punishment does not generate authority, but fear - a bad advisor. But some people, for example the famous doctor Komarovsky, allow small spanks on a soft spot - as a way to switch the baby’s attention.

It is important for dad and mom to discuss the parenting style with their grandparents so that children do not find themselves between the despotism of their fathers and the connivance of their grandfathers. It is desirable that all family members use the same rules and make equal demands on the child.

A bad example is contagious

Sometimes parents express their love for each other through affectionate biting or scratching. In relationships between adults, such tenderness is acceptable, but a child takes it too literally and therefore reproduces it incorrectly.

If the child is over 3 years old, explain that to express love there is no need to hurt, but rather, for now, deprive the child of the opportunity to observe the “bestial” relationship of the parents.

Vector of aggression

A high level of anxiety, the causes of which must be determined by a specialist, pushes children to rash actions and emotions. Energy imbalance occurs due to mental imperfections. To redirect aggression into a positive direction, enroll the bully in a swimming, martial arts or creative studio.

Redirecting children's energy - good advice for those mothers who notice any signs of anxiety in a 3-4 year old baby: restless sleep, uncontrollable physical activity, decreased concentration, laziness, apathy, fluctuations in appetite, frequent hysterics or causeless tears.

What parents shouldn't do

During the period of weaning children from bad habits, parents have time to try a lot of techniques, including prohibited ones.

The secret to raising any child is very simple - you need to act consistently and methodically, without jumping from one system to another. Choose one line of behavior and follow it. The result does not always appear immediately.

There are children who need several repetitions of one situation in order to master a certain experience. Be patient and persistent, but avoid doing what you shouldn't do.

• Baby's punishment. A reasonable parent understands that not a single action of a newborn is committed “on purpose,” “out of spite,” or “out of revenge.” The baby simply lives in accordance with natural laws, and his body reacts as written in the genetic program. Painful pinches or bites are an accident and the result of an imperfect nervous system.
• Abrupt termination of the game. At one, one and a half, and even two years old, this method works against the parents themselves. The social reason for the “offense” of adults is not yet sufficiently clear to the child. The mother’s sudden withdrawal from play and communication creates additional tension. In psychology, there are two interrelated concepts - deprivation (limitation) and frustration (acute experience of this limitation). It is useful for young mothers to know about them.
• Ignore policy. There is no punishment in the world of animals and humans worse than being ignored! Showing indifference to the needs of an already grown up baby really works. But at 2-3 years old it is better not to experiment with this technique. The solution is kindergarten and participation in any stable children's group.
• Empty "no". Prohibiting words “Stop!”, “No!”, “You can’t!” familiar to children with early childhood. Usually these words are directly related to security. If you want to bite, the violation of safety is relative and may not be entirely clear to the child. It’s better to use a construction something like this: “Don’t bite (...name), he might hit you back.” Then the warning takes on the necessary meaning. But be prepared for the fact that the child will check whether the rule works and will receive a blow back.
• Deprivation of entertainment. “I’ll take away your toy/tablet/new dress if you bite again!” How are incorrect emotional reactions of a baby related to his social needs? That's right, indirectly! But even you, an adult, are unlikely to be able to draw a logical chain. And the girl doesn’t even understand why the dress is to blame. The situation is even worse for those children who, due to bad behavior, are deprived of vital necessities: food, drink, sleep, movement, protection and information.
• Corporal punishment. It's not just about beating with a belt and heavy slaps on the back of the head. Families practice techniques such as sealing the mouth with tape, washing with soapy water or a bitter infusion. Even slaps on the lips can be challenged and classified as cruelty.

The secret of correct punishment is both simple and very complex: It is not man who punishes man. Mom and dad should always remain the guarantor of reliable rear support for the baby. Therefore, punishment is the result of breaking the rules, and it is directed not at the child, but at his behavior. It sounds really complicated, but there is nothing impossible in implementing this principle.

Important! After punishing your child, be sure to explain to him. Make it clear that you still love your cub and are very upset by his behavior and putting his own health or life at risk. Remember that Children need to be hugged several times a day, even if you are in a quarrel. Confidence in protection is a basic human need.

Mirror response. If you are not sure of the effectiveness of the technique, it is better not to respond to children in the tit-for-tat style. Here it is easy to violate the principle of punishment outlined in the previous paragraph. The parent should not demonstrate inappropriate behavior. It is better to correctly ignore the bite - an element of behavior, and not the entire child's personality!

Watch the video where child psychologist Marina Romanenko shares in great detail practical advice to rid the child of this bad habit.

Biting in kindergarten: what parents should do

In a kindergarten, the usual crying and whims at home stop working, and boys and girls, spoiled by personal attention, begin to bite, scratch and throw toys.

Children may also be unaccustomed to noise, violation of personal boundaries, and demands from caregivers. The response emotion is the same - anger, but its expression is replaced by actions that are more effective from the baby’s point of view. And now the child does not cry, but begins to fight.

Yours bites itself

If your child can pinch or bite a friend severely and you know about it, warn the teachers in advance. Be sure to prevent conflict by explaining that you are already working on the problem, but need pedagogical control in daytime when you're not around.

If the incident happened for the first time and became an unpleasant surprise for you, do not rush to scold the conflicter. Talk to him and find out why the child bites a friend, what object or event became the reason for the showdown, whether it was an attack or protection from a stranger’s invasion of personal space. Otherwise, choose your exposure according to the table above.

Yours is bitten by others

Controlling yourself is difficult, but necessary. Try to respond thoughtfully and without haste. Talk to your child first. Clarify the situation as in the previous case. Ask your child not to create provocations for a while. And don’t turn your child against a friend!

If possible, do not enter into conflict with the parents of the offender - act through the teachers. They are more diplomatic in resolving such issues. Consultation between two families may also be useful. social teacher or a full-time kindergarten psychologist.

Important! Don't make the common parenting mistake of secretly trying to intimidate the bully. This will only intensify the confrontation with his parents, and may even harm the child himself.

If he pinches and fights

Biting, scratching, fighting, destruction - all these are links in one chain. Children do not know any other way to cope with stress other than to express their emotions outwardly. Other mechanisms simply have not yet formed.

Multiple and systematic signs of aggression in children are not the most positive symptom. It may be time for your family to see a specialist. There are quite common cases when the behavior of healthy children is diagnostic for a family psychologist.

• Prevent aggression. Aggressive behavior is a sign of imbalance in the family atmosphere. Perhaps there was a recent move, a stressful situation or the death of a relative, the birth of a younger child, or even the acquisition of a pet. To prevent future problems, discuss your concerns with a counselor. Learn to control your children's temper tantrums.
• Switch your attention. Before aggression breaks out, switch the child's attention to another toy. A new activity or interesting event from the outside world. The anger will subside on its own, and the nervous system will gain experience in controlling its own arousal. This recommendation is especially important for those parents who are faced with the choleric temperament of a little rebel.
• Hold the baby. When you don’t know what to do, instead of physical punishment or lecture, just hug your child tightly and chat with him with any questions. This is an element of holding therapy that is used by psychologists even with non-speaking children. Note: sometimes the holding technique provokes an increase in aggression. In this case, alas, you will have to wait it out and release the baby only when he stops resisting.
• Offer food. Another simple way to explain to a stupid child that his behavior is inappropriate is to offer something that can actually be bitten and chewed. For example, for a one-year-old who is prone to biting, keep fruit in your pocket: “Do you want to bite me? No. I don't like. Bite better apple! This will eventually turn into a funny joke.
• Talk about feelings. Instead of biting or pinching your child in response, talk to him about the sensations. Note - not about feelings! Demonstrate what pain is. Be sure to warn that you are doing this for educational purposes: “Look, you pinched me. I might pinch you back. Here, feel it for yourself.” Your effects should be really unpleasant, but not make the baby cry!
• Empathize with the victim. This works well from 2-2.5 years. The offended person receives attention and protection; no one supports the offender. But do not overdo it with sympathy, so that your child does not imitate pain, wanting to get your attention. You must be sure that you give your child enough affection, then his excessive jealousy is another pedagogical problem.
• Support but don't approve. Children tend to make mistakes and break prohibitions. Even if you scold him for another bite, continue to be an affectionate parent. Remember that you disapprove of only one element of behavior, and not the entire personality of your child. Give the situation time, do not demand quick results.

Watch another video from useful tips for parents.

Cause for concern: when you need a doctor

If you cannot cope with irritability and aggressive behavior for a long time, it is better to step over your pride and visit the office of a neurologist and psychologist. No one is interested in labeling a child as deviant, but if everything is left as is, the harm will increase. Be sure to consult and get recommendations from a neurologist if:

• There is a speech delay that prevents the baby from achieving verbal understanding with others.
• Behavior combines different types of aggressive manifestations: verbal, facial, physical.
• The child is already over 4 years old and continues to ignore the ban on biting.
• The fighter experiences obvious psycho-emotional excitement or even pleasure by causing pain to others.
• Bouts of rage are not associated with obvious conflicts for any resources.
• Shows aggression towards pets.
• He sleeps and eats poorly, does not absorb educational information, and refuses to play with adults and peers.

The picture was bleak. Do not rush to attribute any pathologies to your baby. Wanting to bite and being bitten in the process of forming behavior are completely different psychological structures.

Deviant behavior, the signs of which are not noticed until 4-5 years of age, is a huge rarity thanks to the attentiveness of family members and annual observation by a neurologist and psychologist in clinics. Most likely, your baby is simply molded according to his own individual scenario. And your task is to support and guide.

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Why does a child bite, pinch, fight - what to do?

Many parents are faced with such aggressive actions of the child as biting and pinching. Typically, the period of biting begins when the child turns two years old, and is especially pronounced during the crisis period of three years.

Let's start with the fact that during early age From 1 year to 3 years, a new stage of child development begins - autonomous. There is a separation of the child’s personality, the formation of his self-awareness, i.e. the child distinguishes himself in the world around him. During this period you can often hear the phrase “I myself!” from him. The child is forming and defending his autonomy and independence. The feeling of independence increases. The child’s desires grow, he demands, appropriates, destroys, tests the strength of his capabilities.

Thus biting under the age of 3 years is quite normal. Of course, you cannot silently watch a child bite. Usually, a firm "No" and a stern facial expression will help discourage children from biting. For more information on what to do if a child bites, read the advice of a psychologist below.

If children continue to bite after 3 years of age, this may indicate some problems either in the emotional and mental sphere of the child, or indicate problems in the family and the wrong style of family education.

So the children bite various reasons depending on age.

Why do children bite?

At the age of 5 - 7 months:e If you feel discomfort in the mouth, or because of pain in the gums during teething. In order to stop a child from biting at this age, show your dissatisfaction.

To reduce the frequency of biting, young children are given a special teething ring or a crust of stale bread, and care must be taken to ensure that the child does not choke. When children bite a special ring, they relieve tension and reduce discomfort in their gums.

Ages 8 - 11 months Children usually bite when they are teething or when they are very excited. Firmly saying “No,” “You can’t,” “Don’t bite,” “It hurts,” and a serious expression on your face will help stop your child from biting.

At the age of 12 - 14 months The child bites when he is teething. By biting the child is trying to reduce the load on the gums, or get rid of discomfort occurring in the mouth. Also, the need to bite in a one-year-old child arises when he is angry or tired. This can happen either as a joke or out of spite. A one-year-old child may bite or pinch when he is overwhelmed with emotion. Due to their age, children do not yet have enough language skills to express surging feelings and emotions in words, for example, feelings such as irritation, fear, helplessness.

At the age of 2 years Children may bite an adult or other children out of a desire to control the actions of another person, or because of a feeling of irritation. In order to wean a 2-year-old child from biting, he needs to make it clear that such behavior is unacceptable. It is also difficult for two-year-old children to express their feelings in words. Due to a lack of language skills, children express their feelings by biting and give vent to accumulated emotions. It is necessary to teach the child to express his thoughts, feelings, desires. Be attentive to your child.

A child’s actions can be predicted and stopped in time, preventing aggressive actions towards other children. As soon as it becomes clear to you that the child is about to bite, distract him and assign him something to do. There is no need to lecture and explain to the child for a long time that this cannot be done.

At the age of 3 Children begin to bite when they feel weak, helpless, or when they are simply scared. A child may bite another child in a fight, or at a time when they think that someone might offend them.

At the age of 4Children who have certain problems bite. P The reason for biting should be sought, first of all, in the family, in family relationships, in the style of family education, for this you need to contact a psychologist and the sooner the better for you and your child. It may turn out that the child expresses himself through biting and has problems with self-control. Also, biting and aggressive behavior at the age of 4 years and older may indicate the presence of problems in the emotional and mental sphere of the child. In any case, the child needs the help of a specialist.

The reaction of most adults to the fact that child bites , very emotional. Aggressive actions of a child are harshly suppressed by adults. You can hear a lot of threats addressed to a child. Yes, it’s much simpler, much simpler than trying to understand why a child bites and plucks.

A child bites in kindergarten

• If previously, children could demand something from adults using crying, then at the age of two or three years, when they find themselves in a group of other children, they are faced with new, unexpected relationships. Children may hit, fight back, or may not give up their toy “without a fight.” Often a child bites in kindergarten to get what he wants. Some children use screaming to get what they want, some cry, some may hit, and some may bite. Biting in this case should be considered as a way for the child to protect himself or his toy.
• If your child shows aggression in such a way as biting, this may be due to both the manifestation of his ambitions and indicate some family problems. Quite often, children who do not receive enough attention and affection from their parents attract their attention, directing their aggression towards them.
• If a child bites in kindergarten, this can serve as a signal that he is overexcited and tired from being in a large and noisy group of children for a long time.

When does biting indicate serious problems in the child’s emotional and behavioral sphere?

• If a child bites often despite attempts by adults to stop unacceptable behavior.
• If children bite after 3 years.
• If a child bites hard, it injures other children and adults.
• If a child bites not because of a desire to take away a toy or to defend himself in a fight, but because of a manifestation of aggression and anger.
• If the child’s behavior includes aggressive actions aimed at animals.

For parents about children:

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Overeating - reasons - how to get rid of overeating: reasons, recommendations, childhood overeating.

What to do if a child bites, fights, or pinches. Advice for parents. Video fragment of A. Rumyantseva’s seminar “How to communicate with a child”

The child bites what to do?

• First of all, try to prevent aggressive actions on the part of the child towards others. If you notice that the child is starting to get angry, nervous, or argue, switch his attention to something else, distract him. For example, invite your child to play some interesting game or invite him to be alone and think about his behavior. This method has its advantages. It reduces the number of social contacts the child has with other children and adults. Biting if a child spends a long time in a group of children (adults) is a manifestation of overexcitation.
• If a child who does not yet know how to speak bites, it is necessary to voice his behavior so that he remembers its name, saying: “You bite!” Next, say: “You can’t bite people, don’t ever do that again!”, “You can only bite apples.” Then redirect your child's attention to something interesting to him. You can prevent his aggressive actions with the help of the alternative proposed to him. Ask, as soon as you notice that the child is starting to get nervous: “Do you want to play with a doll or cars?”
• If you were unable to prevent the child’s aggressive behavior, you need to stop further manifestations of aggressive actions on the part of the child. To do this, hug him carefully, without sudden movements.
• Next, looking into the child’s eyes, tell him about his feelings, for example: “You don’t want to give Masha your toy. I understand you, etc.” Try to make your phrase sound affirmative and be emotionally similar to the child’s state. It is important to show the child that you understand him, that the purpose of such aggressive actions of the child is to show his feelings of resentment. And that once the goal is achieved, further manifestation of aggressive actions is pointless.
• If a child bites or hits you, tell him in an indifferent tone: “It hurts me. I get very angry when people bite me.”
• Comfort the victim, show sympathy for him in front of the child who bit him. In this way, the child is given an example of how to express empathy. Give your child the opportunity to make amends, invite him to put a band-aid on the bite site, apologize, draw a picture and give it to the victim.
• Teach your child to negotiate, express their feelings, defend their opinions and desires with words. On occasion, tell your child: “I like that you behave with restraint.”
• If a child bites you or bites another child, then under no circumstances should you scream or hit him. The moment children bite someone, they are overwhelmed with a feeling of anger. He is not able to realize what he is doing. Ordering a child without allowing him to calm down will provoke an even greater outburst of rage in him. Remember, stopping a child’s aggressive actions can lead to the fact that negative emotions that have not spilled out will remain in the child and sooner or later they will manifest themselves and find a way out.
• If a child bites you, do not bite him back, otherwise he will develop the understanding that this is how he should defend himself, defend his opinion.
• Love your child not only when he is obedient and affectionate, but also when he is in a state of anger.
• Don't be led by your emotions. Show intelligence and sensitivity.
• If you notice that the child has begun to bite and pinch, then parental control is important. The external firmness of adults trains the child’s sense of discrimination (possible - impossible, good - bad). Based on these restrictions and social disapproval, a feeling of shame and doubt is formed.
• Provided that parents do not suppress the child’s desire for autonomy by overprotecting him, by the age of three he will have developed such positive qualities as pride and goodwill. Accordingly, excessive guardianship from adults will contribute to the child’s feelings of shame, doubt, and uncertainty.
• The development of a child’s personality and the formation of his positive qualities are influenced by the style of family education and communication with the child that is correctly chosen by the parents.
• If you find it difficult to stop your child from biting on your own, do not hesitate, contact a child psychologist for advice.
• In order for your child to stop biting, he will need your help. To make the right decision on what to do if a child bites, it is necessary, first of all, to identify the cause. Having identified the cause and determined why the child bites, you need to immediately begin taking measures to eliminate it, so that such aggressive behavior does not take hold and does not become a habit in the child.