What is chastity and what does it mean in Orthodoxy. Chastity Raising Children for a Chaste Marriage

In the Orthodox Church, from the very beginning of its establishment, throughout all times of Christianity and to this day, there has been a wonderful custom of virginity.

Virginity has its special meaning for those who can keep it pure. Virginity is a special gift of God and is therefore given to few. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself says: “Not everyone can receive this word, but to whom it has been given... He who can receive it, let him receive it” (Matthew 19:11-12).

Holy Fathers of the Church on virginity

The saint points out the advantages of the virgin state apostle paul in his First Epistle to the Corinthians: “There is a difference between a married woman and a girl: an unmarried woman cares about the Lord, how to please the Lord, so that she can be holy in both body and spirit; but a married woman worries about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your benefit, not to put bonds on you, but so that you serve the Lord decently and continually without distraction... Therefore, he who gives his maiden in marriage does well, and he who does not marry him does better” (1 Cor. 7, 33,35,38).

AND holy fathers The churches highly valued the purity of chastity of virginity and wrote much in praise of virginity. According to Methodius of Tire or Patara, “virginity is higher than marriage. Virginity is sanctified by the life of the Lord Jesus, and then when marriage is allowed by the Apostle as a taming measure against the flesh, virginity is the state of the first person, the elevation of the entire human body to the level of spiritual life, triumph over material life and the best gift to the Lord.”

Saint Anthony the Great says: “Virginity is the seal of perfection, likeness to the Angels, a spiritual and holy sacrifice; a crown woven from the flowers of virtue, a fragrant rose that revives everyone near it, a most pleasant aroma to the Lord Jesus Christ, a great gift from God, a pledge of future inheritance in the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“Virginity,” says the saint John Chrysostom, - there is a thing so great and wonderful that it surpasses all human virtues. Virginity adorned the first people more than kings with diadems and golden robes. What is more honest, sweeter, more radiant than virginity? For it emits a radiance more brilliant than the sun’s rays, and, having detached us from everything worldly, it teaches us to attentively contemplate the sun of truth with bright eyes. Like precious myrrh, although it is contained in a vessel, filling the air with fragrance, it brings pleasures not only to those inside the house, but also to those standing around it; so the fragrance of a virgin soul, intoxicating the senses, reveals the virtue hidden within.”

Holy Seer John the Theologian, who saw the future bliss prepared in heaven for virgins, writes: “And I looked, and behold, the Lamb stood on Mount Zion, and with Him one hundred and forty-four thousand, having the name of His Father written on their foreheads... for they are virgins; these are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. They are redeemed from among men, as the firstborn of God and the Lamb; in their mouth there is no guile; they are blameless before the throne of God” (Rev. 14:1,4,5).

Although the Holy Fathers of the Church call the virgin life equal to the angels, they instruct those who lead such a life not to be proud or proud before those who have entered into marriage. Saint Cyril of Jerusalem writes: “And you, who preserve your innocence, were not born of marriage? Do not despise silver because you have gold. May the married also be in good hope, who live as they should in marriage, who marry according to the law, and not out of lust.”

Holy Fathers of the Gangria Cathedral write: “We honor virginity, united with humility, and we accept abstinence, observed with honesty and piety, and we approve of humble seclusion from worldly affairs, and we honor honest marriage.”

Saint Athanasius the Great says: “Two paths in life. One is ordinary and everyday, that is, marriage; the other is angelic, which is none more excellent, that is, virginity. If someone has chosen the worldly path, that is, marriage, then he is not subject to censure, but will not receive many gifts, although, however, he will receive some, for he also bears fruit threefold. If anyone has accepted an honest and peaceful path, although his path is more sorrowful and difficult than the first, he will receive more wonderful gifts: for he has brought forth perfect fruit, a hundredfold.”

It is not virginity that unites God, but righteousness

But if those who observe virginity lead an indecent life, are devoted to worldly pleasures: drunkenness, games, luxury, effeminacy, all kinds of vices, do not follow the rules of the Holy Church, are not compassionate and merciful to the poor - such virginity will not bring them any benefit, like those holy fools of the Gospel to the virgins who did not store up oil in their vessels and remained outside the bridal chamber. "God! God! - they said, - open to us. He answered and said to them: “Truly I say to you, I do not know you” (Matthew 25:11-12).

Saint Gregory the Theologian writes: “There are two possible states in life - marriage and virginity, and one is higher and more God-like, but more difficult and dangerous, and the other is lower, but safer”... “Neither virginity nor marriage unites or separates us completely from God or with the world, so that one in itself is worthy of disgust, and the other of unconditional praise. On the contrary, the mind must be a good ruler both in marriage and in virginity, and from them, as from some substance, artistically process and create virtue. however, it happens that virginity casts one down to heavy earth, and married life leads one to Heaven. And therefore, if they began to blame, one - marriage, and the other - virginity, then both would tell a lie. "... "Virgin life is better, truly better; but if she is devoted to the world and earthly things, then it is worse than marriage.”

The crown of virginity is the highest virtue of Christianity, it is the beauty and crown of the Church. And all virgins are called by the Holy Church brides of Christ. Saint Dimitry Rostovsky teaches: “Take off the Angel’s wings, and he will be a maiden. And give the girl wings, and she will be an angel” (Rev. Anatoly, 7, p. 124).

I see a strange and glorious sacrament: the sky is a den, the throne of the Cherubim is the Virgin. And all the virgins who suffer from demons and people for preserving their purity, also, like the Most Holy Virgin, serve the Most Pure Son of the Virgin, the Lord Jesus Christ, as the throne. That is why the enemy hates virgins and tries in every possible way to desecrate them (Rev. Anatoly, 7, p. 239).

The Mother of God is a model of purity

Virginity has great significance before God. The Holy Virgin, more than by nature, was honored to be the Matter of the Most Essential Son of God and, always remaining a Virgin, is called the Most Holy. However, not all virginity is good and praiseworthy, as the Lord Himself declared in the Gospel about ten virgins: “Of them, five were wise and five foolish” (Matthew 25:2), that is, foolish virgins who observed only outward virginity, but internally they were defiled by unclean thoughts, they were also overcome by other passions - love of money and vanity, envy and hatred, anger and memory of malice, and general intemperance... Why does the Lord reproach such people in the Gospel: “Truly I say to you, publicans and harlots” those who repent “go ahead of you into the Kingdom of God” (Matthew 21:31); those who pretend to be “sons of the kingdom will be cast out into outer darkness” (Matthew 8:12) (Venerable Ambrose, 23, part 2, p. 22).

Getting married is not forbidden and not a sin if the girl is not engaged to the groom, and as soon as a contract is concluded, then it is considered dishonorable to abandon the promise and break the contract. You and I are now brides, betrothed to the Lord Jesus, and have taken a vow to maintain virginity. And if we violate it, then we become guilty as traitors, as adulterers (Rev. Anatoly, 7, p. 123).

I sent you the book “On Virginity” by St. John Chrysostom, but apparently you didn’t receive it. Meanwhile, I did not hope to console you with anything as much as with this book. For I myself will be touched to the depths of my soul by it, knowing how many of your sisters are languishing with the uncertainty of their expectations and hopes, seeing before them nothing but sorrows, labor, languor, and unclear rewards in the future. And here, as clear as day, the disadvantages of those getting married and the beauty and height of virginity are clearly presented. Read this book with attention and give it to others to read (Rev. Anatoly, 7, p. 182).

At present, unfortunately, such qualities as moral purity and modesty remain unappreciated in society. Young people want to be liberated and independent, often such desires have a vulgar and vulgar connotation.

Many people don’t even know what chastity is; this concept means virginity, chastity before marriage, that is, the non-engagement of a girl or guy intimate relationships with the opposite sex. Actually this is not true. What does this concept mean?

The virtue of chastity is a moral quality that every person should possess. Synonyms for this word can be purity, innocence, modesty, prudence, nobility.

Wikipedia says that chastity is a designation of bodily, spiritual and mental purity.

In Orthodoxy, this is renunciation of sinful actions and thoughts, maintaining purity of thoughts regardless of external negative influences.

Another nineteenth-century preacher, Ignatius Brianchaninov, argues that this virtue lies in the renunciation of “fornication,” voluptuousness, and ambiguity in business, conversation, and dreams.

He called on all Christians to remain silent more, to help the weak and crippled, and most importantly, to constantly think about the hellish torment and death that awaits us. In his opinion, you can become chaste through obedience - to God, parents, law, husband.

Useful video: 14 reasons to remain celibate

Let's sum it up

Chastity is a gift from God, it is an inexhaustible source of peace and joy. A person cannot acquire it only through his own efforts and efforts, it is given by the grace of God, so let us tirelessly ask the Almighty for this.

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Published today there are a lot of discussions of the holy fathers on the topic of the sacrament of marriage, its purity and purpose. But modern world is changing at a rapid pace, and Christian traditions are fading into the background when starting a family. What is important from an Orthodox point of view in premarital relationships?

The main fundamental value is the virtue of chastity. Archpriest Igor Prekup said that “abstinence before marriage makes sense not only for believing couples” and that the Church has enough arguments to convince of the usefulness of chastity.

It’s probably worth understanding the concept of this virtue. “But what is chastity? - said I. Prekup in one interview. — In some prayer books, for example, in the context of recommendations for preparing for communion, spouses are instructed to “keep chastity” the day before. What about the rest of the time? You can relax in all serious ways... in the sense of freedom from chastity? Here we are faced with some conceptual confusion that has taken root in the mass consciousness, because of which the concept of chastity is narrowed to abstinence from sexual intercourse. Even about premarital abstinence they say: “Keep chastity until marriage.” And after?.. In the wedding ceremony, chastity is also asked of the newlyweds. Really in the mentioned narrowed sense?

Of course no. The slightly broader understanding of chastity that is also encountered: modest behavior, purity of thoughts, rejecting carnal temptations, again, also does not reveal the essence of the phenomenon.

Of course, chastity encourages one to keep oneself from unclean thoughts and to disdain not only carnal sins, but also obscene conversations and entertainment. But it doesn't come down to that.

"Chastity" - translation of the Greek word σωφροσυνη<софросини>from σως<сос> - healthy, whole and φρονεω<фронео>(from φρην<фрин>- mind) - think, think, have the mind, from where φρονησις<фронисис> - thinking, mind, prudence, way of thinking. That is, chastity means a holistic mind, consciousness, thinking, as opposed to a split consciousness - schizophrenia (σχιζω<схизо> - to split, to tear apart), not only in a psychiatric sense, but in a deeper, essential understanding (by the way, the etiology of schizophrenia has not yet been established).

Hence, chastity is a holistic worldview that gives a complete picture of life: the value and ethical hierarchy, the interconnectedness of events and causes, the meaning of everything that exists and happens.

Integrity is also an artistic term. The first thing with which learning academic drawing or painting begins is a complete vision of the model (setting) and a complete display on the sheet. The amateur is characterized by fragmentation in the process of work (the eye has already been worked out all the way to the cilia and highlights, but there is nothing else on the sheet), while the professional is characterized by integrity: the image appears gradually and simultaneously, and only little by little some areas are worked out more in detail, while the others remain at their initial stage, being only slightly outlined, but the work has a finished look because it is solid.

The famous teacher of the St. Petersburg Academy of Arts P. P. Chistyakov (teacher of Repin, Serov and many other outstanding Russian artists) paid great attention to integrity. “Draw the right outline and look to the left,” the teacher advised. “When you draw an eye, look at the heel.”

So, chastity is similar to the integral vision of the artist. The only difference is that the artist holds the model with all proportions, spots, lines and accents in a single scope, and a chaste look - the entire reality of existence, and, peering into it, gradually distinguishes the details better and better, keeping them constantly in relation, comparing in importance and building your life in line with this vision.

The opposite of chastity is a view of the world when one value (no matter how high, but not God) occupies the entire field of vision or an unreasonably large part. A person seems to stick his nose into it and simply cannot see anything. Chastity is like the gaze of an eagle from the height of its flight: it surveys a vast space, and the smallest details are visible to it.

Chastity determines the vision of all aspects of existence in their interaction as a certain system that is structurally directed towards God - the First Cause of existence. This virtue ensures sobriety of mind and the formation of all virtues, starting with the foundation of the foundations - humility. And the fact that in understanding the meaning of chastity the sexual aspect has come to the fore is not surprising: sexual attraction (whether in its sublime version - love, or in its base - bestial consumer lust) is such a powerful force that the mind is like a magnet something is attracted and stuck into the object of passion, becoming unable to see everything that is happening in the totality of its constituent parts. Whereas chastity allows a person who loves someone or something not to fall into idolatry, not to stop striving to love God with all his being, and himself and his neighbor as His image, and, importantly, to love his other half first of all as a neighbor .

Some more interesting etymology. The word σωτηρια has the same root as the word σωφροσυνη<сотирия>, which comes from the verb σωζω<созо>, the last one has the same root with the same adjective σως - healthy, whole, as well as σωφροσυνη. Hence σωτηρια means recovery as liberation from illness, from damage. Salvation is understood as the restoration of the union with God that was once destroyed by man. If we talk about salvation, we thereby agree that we have something to be saved from, that a state outside of this path is a state of destruction, as a consequence of apostasy. If we talk about salvation as healing in the Christian understanding, then we mean spiritual healing, the healing of human nature from the sin that struck it to death and its consequences and the granting of the ability to eternal life.

Therefore, understanding by destruction the radical damage to human nature in the fall of the ancestors, which deprived the human race of eternal life (“eternal” not so much in the sense of infinity, but eternal qualitatively, as inherent in the eternal God and impossible without close unity with Him), by salvation we understand the restoration of this unity through rebirth into eternal life in the Sacrament of Baptism and further targeted healing of the God-like soul throughout earthly life.

Chastity (in the broad sense described above) is the basis of our salvation. Chaste relationships are expressed not only in maintaining premarital purity and not so much in mutually voluntary, agreed upon evasion« from each other... to exercise in fasting and prayer" (1 Cor. 7:5) in marriage, how much in relation to to a loved one as individuals in all areas of life (chastity, rather, is manifested in sensitivity, encouraging« due favor” (1 Cor. 7: 3), responding to the joy or sorrow of the other half, neglecting one’s own comforts, fatigue, busyness, worries).

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Question : How to explain to a modern young person - a boy or a girl - that sexual relations before marriage are a sin? How can I show them the harm in this relationship?

Answer: Once I was having a conversation with high school students. Of course, the guys began to ask questions, and most of all they were interested in my private life. They asked where they trained to be a priest, what my “salary” was, and so on. A question was also asked about what a clergyman's wife should be like. I replied that the mother (the priest’s wife), first of all, should be an Orthodox, pious Christian and, naturally, maintain virginity until marriage, like the priest himself. And then modern schoolchildren were very surprised: “Where can I find such a girl? Do they really exist at all? For modern young man the idea that it is possible and very necessary to keep oneself pure until marriage seems ridiculous. In fact, of course, there are, thank God, young men and women who are celibate. Otherwise, we would not have such a number of people willing to enter theological seminaries, and there would be no one to become priests’ companions. I also know from confession that, although the corrupt spirit of the times overwhelms Orthodox, church youth, most of them retain their integrity until marriage.

It can be very difficult for modern secular young men and women to explain why they should remain celibate. They think that the debauchery that has become the norm now has always been there. And I remember a time when the norm for a girl was to keep herself for the only man- for husband.

Let's start with what it is chastity. This is a complete wisdom, and it lies not only in physical integrity (you can remain a virgin in body, but commit terrible debauchery in your mind, and vice versa - live in a pious marriage and save your soul from sin), but also in a correct, integral, unclouded view of the opposite floor, in the purity of the soul. Carnal, intimate relationships between a man and a woman are not a sin in themselves and are even blessed by God, but only when they are committed in a legal marriage. Everything outside of marriage is fornication and violates the Divine establishment, which means that those who commit fornication go against the Lord. Fornication is a sin, lawlessness, violation of the commandment: “fornicators... will not inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. 6: 9–10). Unless, of course, they repent and stop returning to sin. A person, by allowing himself to have sexual relations before marriage, violates his spiritual nature and greatly weakens his will, opening the gates to sin: he has already given up the slack, and it is very difficult for him to resist temptations. Having not learned to abstain before marriage, he will not be abstinent in marriage and will not be miraculously reborn. If for a guy to “sleep” with a girl is as easy as taking her to the cinema, then he will just as easily give himself permission to indiscreet glances around, being married, and then to cheating in marriage. By violating his virginity before marriage, a person loses a lot; he will never be able to feel those joyful experiences, novelty, and purity of relationships that are given to chaste people. Sexual relations do not pass without a trace, and people who had several partners before marriage will take it all into the family, which, of course, will greatly harm both their loved ones and themselves. Previous relationships and sexual experiences can be extremely vivid impressions, and they will greatly interfere with the establishment of good, harmonious relationships in the family - as one popular hit song says: “And when I hug her, I still remember about you.” And it is quite possible that a guy “with experience,” hugging and kissing his wife, will at that moment be thinking about something completely different.

Most men (with rare exceptions) want to marry a virgin and be the first man in the life of the woman they love. Nobody wants to be second, sixth or fifteenth. Anyone will prefer a new, untouched one to a used one.

I once listened to a conversation between an Orthodox psychologist and a woman, and she said that among young people she heard the term “used girl.” It is very accurately said: they used it and found another one.

Sexual energy is a huge force, the energy of the sex, and a person simply must learn to keep it under control, otherwise he risks turning into a sexually preoccupied, sick person both physically and mentally. Sexual energy, in addition to its main and great goal - procreation and strengthening love between spouses, has one more property. If a person has not yet created a family, but does not waste his sexual energy on fornication and mental fornication, it can be used by him for “peaceful purposes”, realized in creativity, work, and any other activity. And there can be no harm from abstinence. Look at the Orthodox monasteries. The bulk of their inhabitants are strong, healthy, still young men, many of whom took monasticism almost as young men. Both the monks feel very well both spiritually and physically. Why? They have the right disposition towards abstinence and chastity. They fight against lustful thoughts, and do not kindle them in themselves. But people who strive for family life will only be happy in marriage when they learn to control their animal instincts and subordinate the flesh to the spirit. By the way, about animals. Female monkeys allow males to approach them on average once every two years, exclusively for procreation. An animal, unlike a person, uses its instincts as needed and will never harm itself.

Any state that cares about the health of the nation will care about morality and promote abstinence, as happened in America, exhausted by the consequences of the sexual revolution. Since 1996, a program for young people has been introduced there, which is called “Abstinence Training.” Hundreds of millions of dollars are being spent on this program. Unfortunately, I did not find more recent data, but in 2007 it was still in effect; I think it still works. Anyone interested in finding out what fruits this program produced can easily find this data on the Internet. The results there are very impressive.

In addition to the fact that sin destroys the spiritual and physical nature, it is a violation of spiritual laws. They exist objectively, regardless of our will, just like the laws of physics. You may not believe that gravity exists, but if you step out of a fifth-floor window, you will break or be seriously injured. By violating spiritual laws, we damage the structure of our soul, inflict a wound on it and then pay for it. If people do not maintain purity before marriage, if before the wedding the future spouses were in illegal cohabitation, if they cheated on their wives or husbands, this does not pass without a trace. In marriage and simply in life, they will pay for this with sorrows, family troubles and problems. I know many examples when in couples where the spouses started sex life Before marriage, adultery and family conflicts began very soon.

Question : My son lives with a girl. He says that he wants to marry her later, but how can he decide to take such a responsible step without getting to know each other, without living together, because so many marriages are falling apart now. What can you answer him?

Answer: Here it is necessary to touch upon a very important topic, which is directly related to mistakes in the premarital period.

Many young people believe that those who want to get married should definitely try to live a carnal life before marriage. That this, they say, will save them from mistakes, allow them to get to know each other better and generally show whether they are sexually compatible or not, otherwise you only hear about hasty marriages and quick divorces. There is a rule: practice is the criterion of truth. You can create as many theories as you like and say beautiful words, but check it in practice and everything will immediately become clear. Let's start with the fact that with the increase in the number of “trial marriages”, the number of divorces only began to increase sharply, and the number of registered marriages sharply decreased. Why? There are statistics that only 5% of cohabitations or “trial marriages” end in registration. And if young people do enter into a legal marriage after experience of cohabitation, then such marriages break up twice as often as without experience cohabitation. By the way, such figures are not only in our country. In the USA in Pittsburgh, experts from Penn State University studied the family life of about 1,500 American couples. It turned out that couples who lived together before marriage were twice as likely to experience divorce. And family life in these families is accompanied by b O more quarrels and conflicts. At the same time, for the purity and accuracy of the study, data was taken different years: 60s, 80s and 90s of the XX century. This means something is wrong. People try and try - but the number of divorces keeps growing; want better friend to recognize a friend - but they cannot stay in marriage.

The fact is that in a trial marriage the partners are not recognized Yu t each other, but everyone gets even more confused.

The premarital period is given so that the bride and groom go through the school of relationships without any admixture of passion, riotous hormones and permissiveness, which greatly interfere with objectively assessing a person, seeing in him not a sexual object, but a person, a friend, a future spouse. In a “trial marriage,” the brain and feelings are clouded by the intoxication of passion. And when people later start a family, very often they understand: everything that connected them was not love, but the strongest sexual attraction, which, as you know, passes quite quickly. So it turns out that there are complete strangers in the same family. The bride and groom are given a period of courtship precisely so that they learn abstinence, get to know each other better, not as sexual partners, not sharing a common life, living space and bed, but from a completely different - pure, friendly, human, if you like - romantic side.

Another very common mistake of modern times is the so-called “civil marriage”. For convenience, I use this very deceitful and incorrect expression and in the future I will conditionally call this an illegal marriage, without state registration and wedding.

The falsehood of this name is obvious. A civil marriage can only be called something that those who like to live without registration are running away from - that is, a legally established marriage registered in the civil registry office.

This body exists to record the state of the citizens of the state: they were born, started a family, or died. And the residence of two persons of different sexes without registration is called cohabitation in legal language. I already wrote about “civil marriage” in my book “Small Church”.

Why is state registration of marriage necessary? We live in a state, we are its citizens and, whether we like it or not, we must comply with the laws of our country. Everyone has passports, birth certificates and many other documents. When is born new person, his birth is registered in the registry office and a certificate is issued. That is, they indicate that a new citizen was born in the Russian Federation, and he will live in accordance with the laws that apply in the country. He must be registered somewhere, registered with a doctor, etc. He has his rights and will have responsibilities. Marriage and family are also the birth of something new, a unit of the state, a single organism, a family. Family is not only our personal matter, but also a state institution. The family has its own rights and responsibilities, its interests must be protected, its life is partially regulated by the laws of the country.

That is why a “civil marriage” cannot be called either a marriage or a family. However, many people living in a “civil marriage” are fully confident that they, too, have started a family. They agreed among themselves that they were husband and wife and lived together.

We often hear advocates of “civil marriage” speak with great hostility and even hatred about the marriage stamp in a passport as an “empty formality,” “an ink blot,” or “a clapper in a document.” But for some reason they don’t consider the other “blot” - the registration stamp - an empty formality, but on the contrary, they rush to put it after receiving a warrant for the apartment. This means that they are afraid not of the stamp, but of the responsibility that comes with registering a marriage. If a person truly loves, the stamp in the passport is not a problem for him; if it is a problem, it means he doesn’t love.

Artist Mikhail Boyarsky said that at one time his wife gave him a choice: either let’s break up or get married. He said he didn't want to break up with her. “Then get married,” she said. “Why do I need this stamp in my passport? “It doesn’t mean anything,” he replied. “If it doesn’t mean anything, then what’s the problem?” – she asked. Indeed, if you love, there is no problem: you took it and signed it; but if you are unsure of your feelings, you will run from marriage like fire. It must be said that Mikhail Sergeevich nevertheless met Larisa halfway, they registered their marriage and have been married for more than 30 years.

Supporters of “free relationships” often refer to the fact that in ancient times there was no registration at all, people lived as they wanted. It is not true. Marriage has always existed, just the legal norms were different. By the way, the presence of marriage is one of the differences between a person and an animal.

In Tsarist Russia, for example, marriage was registered in a church, mosque or synagogue; in the Roman Empire signed in the presence of witnesses marriage contract; ancient Jews also signed marriage documents; somewhere the marriage was concluded simply in front of witnesses (in ancient times, a promise made in the presence of witnesses was sometimes stronger than a written document), but one way or another, the newlyweds testified before God, before each other and the entire state or community that from now on they were husband and wife and live according to the laws established in a given society. The spouses took the state as evidence that they were now not just two individuals, but already a family and undertake to bear responsibility for each other and for their common children.

After marriage, the legal wife and legitimate children also received the class and property privileges due to them. This is how marriage differs from prodigal cohabitation. By the way, promiscuity (promiscuous sexual relations that allegedly existed among archaic tribes) is the same historical fiction as matriarchy. Almost all dictionaries or reference books say so: “Promiscuity is alleged the stage of unrestricted relations between the sexes, preceding the establishment in human society of any norms of marriage and family forms. In the 19th century, promiscuity was mistakenly considered the oldest form of gender relations in primitive society" (Sexological Dictionary).

Of course, there were a lot of things in history besides marriage, in some countries monstrous debauchery reigned, in the Roman Empire there was concubinage - legalized cohabitation, but no one considered it marriage. Of course, the forms of marriages themselves were different, sometimes completely unacceptable for Christians (for example, polygamy). But even with polygamy, there were legal wives, whose status was very different from the position of concubines and mistresses.

Besides the fact that “civil marriage” is a false and deceptive phenomenon and is only an illusion of the family, it also does not allow partners to build their relationships. Sometimes a “civil marriage” is called infertile. Firstly, because cohabitants, as a rule, are afraid to have children: they can’t figure out their relationship, why do they need extra problems, troubles and responsibility? Secondly, “civil marriage” cannot give birth to anything new; it is sterile in spiritual and even spiritual terms. When people create a legal family, they take on responsibility. When getting married, a person decides to live with his spouse all his life, go through all the trials together, share both joy and sorrow in half. He no longer feels separate from his soul mate, and spouses, willy-nilly, must come to unity, learn to bear each other’s burdens, build their relationships, interact and - most importantly - learn to love each other. Just as a person has parents, brothers, sisters, and with them, like it or not, he must learn to get along, find a common language, otherwise life in the family will become unbearable, so in marriage - between husband and wife.

One modern Russian psychologist called “civil marriage” a ticket with an open date: “Partners always know that they have a ticket, therefore, if something goes wrong, at any moment - give up, and be healthy, happily stay. With this approach, there is no motive to fully invest in a relationship, because it’s like renovating a rented apartment.”

This is why so few “civil marriages” end in registration. People initially do not perceive their union as something significant, serious and permanent, their relationship is shallow, freedom and independence are more valuable to them. And even the years spent together do not add confidence to them or add strength to their union.

“Civil marriage” can also be called a “school of irresponsibility.” People gathered without any obligations; if they didn’t like it, they fled: the door was open to everyone. The partners came together for mutual irresponsible pleasure, and not for “bearing each other’s burdens.” No one owes nothing to nobody. And the relationship itself does not imply any depth. Life in a “civil marriage” can be compared to a pleasure ride on a bus, where you can get off at any stop.

But it happens that “civil marriage” turns into a kind of psychological slavery.

Women suffer the most from “civil marriage,” of course. They often find themselves in a very humiliating position. It would seem that everyone is free and can leave at any time, but it turns out that getting off this “bus” for a woman can sometimes be very difficult psychologically. By nature, women are more dependent and less decisive creatures than men. And their unscrupulous roommates take advantage of this. It is known that the overwhelming majority of women in a state of cohabitation would like to legalize their relationship. Any woman is looking for stability and reliability for herself and for her children. But the decision, as always, remains with men. And so other “slaves of love” suffer for years, wait and ask their partners to formalize a legal marriage, but they only feed them with promises and say beautiful words about their “high informal relations.” “And the years fly, our years fly like birds...” Moreover best years, youth. And now, somewhere after 35, a woman begins to understand that she has less and less chance of getting married, but she often doesn’t have the strength to leave cohabitation: what if she never meets anyone else and remains single for the rest of her life? And it turns out that the abnormal, suspended state of cohabitation does not allow her to build a normal relationship with her man and also does not allow her to find, perhaps, true love, start a family, have children and be happy.

Family Orthodox psychologist I.A. Rakhimova, in order to show people in a “civil marriage” the falsity and meaninglessness of their condition, offers such couples a test: to test their feelings, stop physical relations for a while (say, two months). And if they agree to this, then there are usually two options: either they break up - if they were connected only by passion, or they get married, which also happens. Abstinence and patience allow you to look at each other in a new way, to fall in love without any admixture of passion.

I usually give similar advice too. I explain why cohabitation without marriage is a sin and what consequences it has, and I suggest: if you do not have serious intentions of getting married, it is better to separate: such a state will not lead to anything good. If young people want to legitimize their relationship, I advise them to stop intimate communication before marriage. After all, not everything is limited to this; you can make friends, communicate, show your tenderness and affection in some other way. Then, really, you can get to know each other better.

Most young people today, unfortunately, do not have the skill of independent thinking. They live by inertia, by standards imposed from outside. As V. Vysotsky once sang: “What do we see, speak, besides television?” What's on TV? “Dom-2” and talk show “About This”. Ksyusha Sobchak and other glamorous divas tell us how to live. Young people consume it all and don’t think at all that, having “taken everything from life” at the age of 20, in middle age you will no longer be able to take anything. There will be no health, no normal family, no happiness. All this is very sad, because in youth the foundation for a future full life is laid. Education is acquired, a family is created, children are born. Then it will be difficult to do this, and for many it will even be too late.

It’s easy, of course, to be like everyone else, not to stand out from the crowd, according to the principle “everyone ran and I ran.” I remember a conversation with the assistant inspector of the seminary. When, while studying at theological schools, I did something wrong and, justifying myself, said: “But still they do this...”, he asked me: “And if tomorrow everyone jumps into the well, will you also jump after them?” The Monk Barsanuphius of Optina said: “Try to live as God commands, and not as everyone else lives, because the world lies in evil.” He said this in the 19th century, especially since these words can be attributed to our century.

The main thing to remember is that the path of debauchery, debauchery, and sin is the road to destruction; it will never lead to happiness. People who made mistakes in their youth suffer greatly from this in the second half of their lives - first of all, with remorse, because this voice of God speaks in every person. There are not so many young people who remain celibate and do not cohabitate before marriage, but “fear not, little flock!” (Luke 12:32) says the Lord. But the spiritual and moral minority is always stronger, stronger than the slack and weak-willed majority and is even capable of influencing it. We see an example of this in the history of Christianity itself, when a small community of Christians managed to change the consciousness of the Roman Empire, mired in paganism and debauchery. And those who keep themselves pure for marriage will receive a reward: the joy, blessing and help of God in marriage.

What should people do who have not preserved themselves in purity and chastity due to isolation from faith and traditions? The Lord heals our wounds, as long as the person sincerely repents, confesses his sins and corrects himself. A Christian is given a chance to change himself and his life, although this is not at all easy.

Having embarked on the path of correction, one must not look back to the past; then the Lord will certainly help everyone who sincerely turns to Him. And one more thing: if your chosen one or chosen one has a negative premarital experience, under no circumstances should you be interested in the person’s sinful past and reproach him for it.

(To be continued.)

Chastity could be included in the Red Book of virtues, if such a thing existed.

In modern society, concepts such as nobility, innocence, chastity are perceived rather as relics of the past, and only Christianity supports the value of purity of soul and integrity of mind, which are not soiled by passions.

Chastity in modern society

Chastity is a comprehensive word that includes:

The Russian language, rich in synonyms, calls impeccable, impeccable, sensible people chaste if they are characterized by honesty, purity and modesty. This concept also includes virginity, which is compared to a girl’s color and innocence.

In the explanatory dictionary edited by Ushakov, chastity is equated with virtue and strictness in morals, this is moral purity.

On a note! A more accurate and acceptable concept in modern society is given in Dahl's dictionary, where a person, both man and woman, who has retained virginity before entering into sexual intercourse, is called chaste. marital relations and managed to live pure, immaculate family life.

In a healthy society, where the concept of purity, dignity and honor is valued, chastity is a positive characteristic of a person who knows how to set boundaries in life that self-prohibit the entry into it of anything that could weaken resistance to evil.

What is chastity in Orthodoxy

In the popular consciousness, chastity is associated with renunciation sexual relations in general, this is entering monasticism, or maintaining purity both before and during marriage. In the pre-Christian period, people who sinned in fornication were tied by their hands and feet to the ground and thrown with stones. Let us remember the harlot who was brought to Jesus for judgment. The priests demanded execution, and only the wise and merciful command of Christ saved the woman from death.

Holy Fathers on Chastity

Many people perceive the word “chastity” as the concept of innocence. However, this word describes not just the physiological state of a person, virgin, faithful in marriage, it is much broader. It is almost impossible to understand chastity without knowledge of religious principles; only the Bible gives a clear understanding of sin and righteousness, which can be acquired through obedience.

Among Catholics, this concept is expressed in the celibacy of priests - celibacy.

Nun Nina, known throughout the world as Krygina, defined chastity as a holistic attitude to life, seasoned with wisdom.

According to John Climacus, this word united all the virtues.

In the notes of Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov, chastity is an evasion from all sinful thoughts and deeds, which includes voluptuous conversations and the utterance of nasty expressions.

Chastity is strict moral and bodily purity, avoidance of fornication and debauchery

The concept of virtue includes keeping one's senses, which include sight, hearing and touch, in purity and modesty.

To become chaste, a person needs to learn:

silence and stillness;
dwelling in thoughts about heaven and hell;
giving up lustful fantasies;
serve the poor and orphans.

The notes of Saint Ambrose of Milan give three forms of this virtue - chastity: widowhood, husband and wife, virginity.

St. Ambrose writes that this is a virtue not for praise, but as a gift of the richness of Christian discipline.

The statement of the priest of the Russian Orthodox Church, Archimandrite John Krestyankin, who left this world in 2006 sounds like a hymn to purity; he calls this virtue the beauty of the soul, filled with truth, spiritual health, which is expressed in prudence and courage to resist the evil of the world.

Nowadays, the ruling Russian clergyman Pavel Gumerov in his sermons calls on parishioners to keep not only their eyes clean, but also their minds, for sinful thoughts and thoughts cover both the soul and the heart with dirt.

In addition to ministers, great writers, publicists and playwrights also wrote about purity of morals. The representative of French philosophy, Albert Camus, argued that in unbridledness a person loses the meaning of being, and only chastity can return the meaning of life to humanity.

The expression of the 18th century French playwright Pierre Auguste Caron de Beaumarchais is beautiful: God's Heaven always patronizes innocent, pure-hearted people.

Holy Scripture Calls for Chastity and Purity

How to Cultivate Chastity

According to John Cassian, without a life position based on humility in the heart, one cannot put on chastity. We can force ourselves by force of will to observe fasts, go hungry, constantly work and remain in prayer, but we can never acquire purity, for it is given only by the Creator by His great mercy.

Only the Savior can free us from passions, seeing ourselves constantly engaged in the struggle of faith and humility. To acquire this virtue, Christians must crave purity, just as a greedy person overcomes everything for the sake of wealth, and a lover who is ready to overcome all obstacles on the way to his beloved. It is also necessary to fight passions.

About passions:

Only an insatiable desire to become blameless in the eyes of the Creator and Savior, a willingness to sacrifice food, drink and even sleep, to renounce insidious seductive thoughts, can fill a Christian with chastity.

This feat can be accomplished only by the grace of the mercy of the Almighty God. To achieve chastity, you do not need severity towards yourself, but love for God and the ability to enjoy your own sincere purity.