Pavel Rakov in Aktau

The training “I’m smart, but I act like a fool” by the writer and author of books on psychology Pavel Rakov took place in Aktau. The psychologist spoke about the relationship between the sexes in general, and what mistakes women make in relationships with men.

I started organizing events at the age of 16 - I introduced boys to girls in order to later work as a toastmaster at their wedding. And in this way I married 19 couples. It is believed that if at least one union succeeds, it is very cool. And I, of course, am also very happy that I was able to contribute to the happiness of my friends. But that was a long time ago, 30 years ago. Then I went into business and conducted sales training. And I started conducting women’s trainings seven years ago, one might say purely by accident. I tried it and it turned out very well, and there is still a need for them. And, despite the fact that hundreds of thousands of girls and women attend my trainings, I still wake up and think that I haven’t made someone happy yet and I can help someone else,” says Pavel Rakov.

Representatives of the fair sex, according to the presenter of the author's trainings, constantly make mistakes in relationships with men.

During the trainings, we simulate communication between a man and a woman: first acquaintance, exchange of telephone numbers, first family council, first conflict, first date. Over seven years, thousands of girls attended my trainings and not one of them did anything right. Imagine, the whole hall sits rooted to the spot and doesn’t know what to do. And after I give them the finished technology, telling them how and what needs to be done, everything becomes clear and simple. Although in fact the approach to a man is elementary. But why does this happen? But because they didn’t teach, didn’t instill from childhood, didn’t explain. It even feels as if they deliberately harmed us so that there would be a war between us,” says Pavel Rakov.

Women, according to the psychologist, must initially understand what kind of man they are dealing with.

First, our brains are wired differently. In men, the brain is like a navigator: from point A to point B. In women, it is more multifaceted, and you even have twice as many neural connections, which means, theoretically, you are smarter. Often in communication, women convey feelings, but you need to learn to speak a man’s language, the language of conclusions. Secondly, you need to understand that men are different. And they are mainly divided into three categories: men who love to take responsibility; men who love to share responsibility with a woman, and men who hate responsibility and always shift it to circumstances, situations, and so on. And depending on what kind of man you communicate with, this is the result you get. The most difficult thing is with a man who likes to take responsibility. Because, as a rule, these are people of higher status who know how to earn money, and in order to attract successful men, you need to speak their language. At the same time, remember: what is good for successful men is “death” for the last category (losers), and vice versa, says Pavel Rakov.

The scourge of modern society, according to the psychologist, is the syndrome of unfulfilled motherhood.

Previously, women gave birth at a young age a large number of children, now they are starting to give birth later and fewer. And some even think about having children only after 35 years. At the same time, women are biologically designed in such a way that by the age of 20 they should already have at least two children. And when they are not there, where to put this love? A woman's heart wants love and wants to give this love. Therefore, when there is no one to give her to, a woman torments the first man she comes across with her love. Because many women do not know what love is and how to show it. They begin to take care of the man, but the man does not need to be taken care of. We need to take care of the disabled, the elderly and children. Therefore, you need to give birth to children early, and not focus on your career. Because of the syndrome of unfulfilled motherhood, women “over-love” their men, but men should be disliked. Because a man is a hunter and he needs to follow the game. As soon as he caught you, reached you, conquered you, that's it - goodbye. And you should always understand that marriage is not the final stop. Men are biologically designed in such a way that after they slept with you, they “read” you, you became understandable to him and not interesting. And your task is to make sure that even after 20 years of marriage you are an unread book for him,” says Pavel Rakov.

Love, according to the psychologist, also needs to be able to be shared. But many women, as Pavel Rakov says, do not know how to do this.

There is love of soul, mind and body, and together these are three unities. Body love, of course, lies in the fact that the more you take care of your body, the more your body is loved, the stronger the chemistry of love, and the man next to such a woman produces more hormones. And if a woman is healthy, she is more sexually attractive, because health, in principle, is beauty. So invest in your health. The second is the love of the mind, what people love with their heads and why men respect women. And we respect someone - the leader, those people who can influence, and here a woman must understand that she should not be stubborn, but on the contrary, one who is trusted and who knows how to take responsibility for her mood, her own behavior, thoughts, actions. Trust and responsibility - this is what respect is based on. And most women are not trusted by members of the opposite sex because they themselves do not trust men. Therefore, they cannot attract even one man with them. So trust also needs to be trained. Well, and an intellectual rating. If it is higher, love for a woman will be brighter as a person. And the third point is spiritual development, says the psychologist.

A woman, according to Pavel Rakov, should have such qualities as forgiveness, acceptance, mercy, gratitude, kindness.

After all, if you take kindness out of a woman, you will end up with an envious, grumpy woman who will constantly nag: “Where is the money?” and she will never have enough of them. On the one hand, it’s good when a woman doesn’t have enough, then the man develops. But on the other hand, if a woman has little and is kind, the man will develop and strive. If a woman doesn’t have enough and is evil, then the same end awaits her as the old woman in Pushkin’s fairy tale “About the Fisherman and the Fish.” If a woman is ungrateful and unkind, she is not given gifts. If a woman has gratitude and kindness, she also has gifts. And despite the fact that some women have a certain charm, but do not have beauty and are still aged, their liquidity on the marriage market is much higher than that of young, beautiful, but evil girls. Therefore, it is important to know that spiritual qualities spoil everything or create everything. And a lot depends on them, says Pavel Rakov.

A man must pay for what he has done. And you are not mercantile when you take gold or diamonds for his “jambs”. And the larger the joint he created, the correspondingly more the payment for it should be. And if a man is not ready to pay for a mistake, you need to break up with him. Because men remember very quickly, and if you let someone step on your throat once, then he won’t get off that throat again. Therefore, you should not allow people to sit on your neck. But how to ask for a gift is a whole separate topic. I can say one thing: through gifts a man is rehabilitated and his biological program is to give them to you. Imagine what women did to men: some of them don’t want to give gifts. After all, from time immemorial, in order to earn a woman’s heart, a man gave her gifts, says Pavel Rakov.

Today, women’s desire to become an individual is perverted, because the understanding of personality is not explained to women, the postulates of women’s personality are not invested in them. Some women don’t even know why they were born, and yet each of you has a mission. Due to the fact that a woman is afraid of being left alone, she wants to realize herself, so that if something happens she will not be left alone with her children and will be able to feed them. Therefore, she becomes so strong that in the end she is left alone and feeds her children, one of whom is often her husband. And this is the law of life! It cannot be changed! Therefore, it is important to remember that a man must express himself - this is his credo, and when a woman begins to do this, she takes away his masculinity from a man. Yes, there should be a little masculine in a woman, but only a little. A man needs to provide for someone. A man, when he bears responsibility and provides for someone, he realizes himself. At the same time, a woman needs to learn to accept this. And understand that we are not initially equal by nature,” says Pavel Rakov.

The training leader reminds women that if they do not give love to their men, they will look for another “outlet.”

If you give a man love, you will become a source of energy for him. Why does he go to the side? He either seeks energy or asserts himself. This means you either don’t give him recognition or energy. But, as a rule, both the first and the second. Recognition and real feminine energy. Whether you forgive him or not depends on your rating. And the higher your rating, the less you will forgive low-status men. If your rating with a man is the same, you will forgive him once. Well, if his rating is higher than yours, then most likely you will forgive him two or three times. If his rating is very high relative to yours, most likely you will forgive him throughout your life. Therefore, you must constantly work to increase your rating: physical, intellectual, spiritual, then you will have to forgive less often. But you also need to forgive a man correctly, because many women pamper and even corrupt men with their forgiveness. It is important that once you decide to forgive, you must accept. And many women develop anger instead of kindness and their spiritual rating in the eyes of a man falls. And even if a man cheated on you, you should not be angry with him, you should rise above him and then you will look up to him. We must understand that men all make mistakes and only learn from their mistakes. Moreover, a man becomes a man only through his mistakes. His life must punish him several times in order for him to become a man. He must suffer through his own problem and you must not take any part in it. Otherwise he will run away from you. This is called an associative series. If you are around when he feels bad, he will associate it with you and then do bad things to you, because bad for him will always be equal to you. Therefore, when he feels bad or has messed up, run to your girlfriend, to the theater, for a massage. So that you are not at home and you are busy. Then, when he suffers, he himself will remember you and find you,” says Pavel Rakov.

Women - they are women everywhere - both in Aktau and throughout the world. They want love and female happiness. You are so gentle, sensual and you must understand that you have power over a man. I would like to wish that you finally take responsibility for your own relationships in the family. I recently conducted research in my in social networks and asked the girls who got divorced to write why this happened. I received 750 comments and spent five hours reading them. And almost all the women said that men were to blame for the divorce, except for a few that could be counted on one hand. But in fact, the truth is exactly in the middle. And you bear 50% responsibility for the relationship with the man. Therefore, I would like to wish all the women of Aktau mutual love and understanding. And remember that we are different, but we are made for each other. I’ve been married for 21 years and I know exactly what I’m telling you,” Pavel Rakov noted in conclusion.

Photo by Olga Yaroslavskaya

Happy woman can only happen when there is a beloved man nearby who reciprocates. To find such a person among the many candidates is a real miracle. But even if it happens, and your life begins to play with new colors, at some point, most often the most unexpected, the fairy tale ends and your loved one leaves.

It would seem that everything was fine: you loved and gave yourself completely, devoted all your time to your relationship, forgot about male friends and too annoying girlfriends - all so that your beloved man was happy and close. And he took it and left. Common situation? Do not despair. With our help, you can analyze the mistakes you made and understand how to keep a man.

Perhaps, by putting all this into practice, you will be able to revive your previous relationship or not screw up the next one.

Very interest Ask questions that women ask themselves after every failed relationship. Many options can be considered: from simple boredom to the need to care for a sick grandmother. It all depends on your imagination. But in fact, everything is not so complicated.

A well-known presenter and trainer who studies how to win and keep the man of your dreams, Pavel Rakov, identifies the following reasons:

After analyzing all these reasons, you will probably be able to find the one that made your man leave. Don't want this to happen again? Then you should take into account the advice that Pavel Rakov gives on how to keep the man you love.

To prevent a man from wanting to leave you, it is enough to follow some advice, says relationship specialist Pavel Rakov. It is about them that he talks about in his trainings dedicated to correct behavior a woman who wants to get married successfully and be happy. Neither a well-paid job nor two higher educations will help you achieve this. What should a woman who is thinking about how to keep her beloved man do?

1. You need to learn to be different. According to the unforgettable Coco Chanel, a woman can become irreplaceable only when she constantly changes. Remember we talked about boredom? Try to dispel it as often as possible. Good, modern life provides a lot of opportunities for this. Changing your image, hobbies, changes in behavior - all these are effective tools when the question arises: “How to keep a man?”
2. Learn to accept a man with all his strengths and weaknesses. Your lover after marriage or cohabitation changed? Don't get your hopes up. Most likely, he has always been like this. Simply strong love or your desire to get married quickly allowed you to turn a blind eye to all this. But the first feelings and emotions dulled a little, and the “grinding in” stage began. During this period, try not to try to change a man, but to change your attitude towards who he is.
3. Become a reliable partner. As practice shows, life is full of surprises. And a man will never leave a woman who will become a reliable support for him, both in joy and in sorrow. Pavel Rakov believes that if a man feels that he can rely on you in difficult times, this will be the best argument for creating closer and longer-lasting relationships.
4. Always treat yourself with love. If you do not feel love for yourself, then how can you demand this from another person? And how can you show that you love him if you still haven’t learned to love yourself? In addition, a woman without self-respect is unlikely to arouse the admiration of a man.
5. Don't be afraid of quarrels. Pavel Rakov considers the belief that ideal relationships are those in which peace and tranquility are always present to be erroneous. In fact, you can get energy from quarrels and conflicts, which will later be spent on development. It is only important to learn how to sort things out correctly. To do this, one should not generalize, but discuss only a specific case. If you switch to mutual accusations, then your living together It's unlikely to work out.
6. Don't become his friend. After only a year, your violent emotions and feelings will subside slightly, and you will want to become for a man best friend. This should not be done, as Pavel Rakov claims. This harmless and natural desire can become a source of problems in your relationship. In the future, the time spent together will exhaust common topics of conversation and lead to the understanding that you have nothing to talk about. And sex in general can cause disgust in a man, as if he were doing it with his sister or with another relative.
7. Don't forget about sex. If you want your life together to be happy, then you must not forget about the basic needs. Remember not only about food or sleep, but also about sex. Add something new to it and surprise your beloved man.
8. Have conversations. A man needs them no less than a woman. However, Pavel Rakov warns: do not be too intrusive. There is no need to immediately pester him with questions after he has crossed the threshold. Wait until he undresses, eats, and only then start a conversation.
9. Find the perfect balance of give and take. The desire to give more than you take will eventually turn you into a victim. Such a sacrifice will put a yoke on your man’s neck, which will only increase over the years. And when it becomes completely unbearable, he will prefer to leave. Do you want to know how to keep a man? Learn not only to give, but also to take.

How to maintain his interest?

In addition to the advice that Pavel Rakov gives, you can also resort to some tricks to maintain a man’s interest in you.

However, remember that in any business it is important to be able to find a middle ground, so as not to cross the boundaries beyond which there is no turning back.

Approach our advice wisely and with imagination. But don't overdo it. So, how to fall in love with and keep a man without him losing interest in you?

At the beginning of your relationship, try to constantly keep the man in suspense. He needs to understand how valuable and scarce you are. To do this, show him that you can be both available and so busy that it’s not easy for you to find time for him. If you saw each other every day, then try to “marinate” him for a week. By the weekend, he will miss you so much that he will simply beg to meet you. And after a long separation, his feelings will be even more vivid and stormy, which don’t forget to take advantage of.

Does your fan think he's your only one? Prove to him that this is not so. Let him see that your life is full of men who are interested in you. And they also want you to make time for them. The existence of worthy rivals will support the conqueror's instinct in him and will become a sweet pill for his pride. After all, this is direct proof that you are priceless.

Constantly expand your social circle and discover new talents and hobbies. Such development and self-improvement will affect your self-esteem and his attitude towards you. Well, how can you leave such a smart, intelligent woman, and just a treasure, and go away?

Many girls dream of getting married successfully and for love. However, in the pursuit of personal happiness, some violate fundamental things that can put an end to relationships and kill the hope of creating a strong family.

One of the most famous presenters psychological trainings Pavel Rakov spoke about the most common mistakes that representatives make fair half humanity in love affairs.

“Look for your own husband”: Pavel Rakov’s advice on how to find love

Passive waiting. Many girls dream of men literally reading their thoughts and doing what they want. But in fact, it is the lady who needs to be able to explain and create the initiative. This is very closely intertwined with the second error - reluctance to give. Do you dream of a generous man? This means you need to be kind and grateful. But that’s what girls think: first let him give me something, and then I will become merciful. After all, it is this feminine quality of the soul that is the driver for masculine actions. Next to such a girl, a man wants to be generous.

Replacement of femininity with sexuality. Many have the opinion that femininity is a slight promiscuity. No, it includes mercy, trust, sensuality. A sexual shell, of course, is needed, but this applies more to flirting.

"Classic Wife Mistakes". This is very common among those in long-term relationships and among wives. All “classic” spouses break up with their husbands because they do not behave like lovers - which means flirting, receiving gifts, and then having intense sex. And of course, 100% freedom - don’t call and don’t ask where you are, when you’ll arrive, don’t set conditions, don’t get hysterical and don’t get offended. For example, a man disappeared for a week, and then appears and says as if nothing had happened: “How are you? What are you doing” - “Waiting for you!” And this answer is captivating. Naturally, I would like to immediately warn that the girl needs to learn to defend her own boundaries. And one more important point - the couple must have mutual obligations. You do something and on this basis someone else does something. This is not trade, not bribery, although, roughly speaking, we are all in the so-called market of relations.

Excessive concern. All men approach this point differently. The more successful your chosen one is, the less you need to take care of him, and the closer he is to a mama's boy, the more.

Lack of interests. Many girls, when starting a relationship, completely dissolve in a man and forget about all their hobbies. A man will become impudent and aggressive if he is passionate about his own affairs, and you faithfully wait for him and sacrifice your interests. He must understand that you feel good with yourself, you will always find something to do. You are a highly liquid girl who has her own business, and this is not only manicure-pedicure-hairstyles, but, for example, floristry, yoga, dancing, fitness, swimming pool and so on. You have a queue of things to do. And if he left, and you immediately took up your time, he is drawn to you. It's like the tumbler principle.

Jealousy. But this point has two varieties: destructive and constructive. You can’t forbid jealousy - it either exists or it doesn’t, but over the course of life it can either disappear or appear. It arises, first of all, from low self-esteem and destroys relationships - you leave me, I will become unhappy. This is a kind of manifestation of love as dependence on the object of love. But in the hands of a successful person, jealousy can be a stimulus for growth. For example, the more a man is jealous of a woman, the more he takes care of his body and mental development, he will start earning more, caring for a girl, making her life better and, accordingly, his own.

"All at once". All people have a different pace of life. How more successful person, the stronger his habit of achieving everything quickly - here and now. The question is how to use it. There must be a rhythm so as not to overfeed, but not to drive away. The date should not be long. And the girl should come out first at the peak of emotions. It often happens that everything is fine, the lady begins to open up, but the man moves to another stage and is already bored. The younger the guy, the more often you need to meet, because the next day he may already forget about you. For example, if young man 20 years old, he cannot be left for more than two days, because he will begin to change. I'm not saying that's all, but that's often what happens. If 30 years old - no more than a week; 40 – two weeks; 50 – three weeks, 60 – a month.

Involving friends. Friends should be in your circle. But it is important to clearly understand that the family is a fortress, where entry is strictly based on passes, even from the mother-in-law. Your couple has its own rules of the game, communication style, and unique behavior. Often girlfriends carry their worldview like an infovirus and can destroy everything by imposing their own life experiences. Friends should not be in second or third place, but somewhere at the end of the top ten.

Lack of compliments, motivation and support. There is such a perverted understanding that men love with their eyes, and women with their ears, but this is not entirely true. A male leader also likes to hear pleasant words. For him, this is the realization that the girl trusts him and admires him. This is how he receives love. For him, the language of love is recognition. How more successful man, the more recognition he needs. Many people reach the top just for this reason. And girls are used to receiving compliments, but they can say it themselves good words and they don’t know how to inspire. But the main function of women is to inspire; a man can get everything else cheaply, easily and from other people. If a lady learns to give compliments, there will be no price for her. She will make her interlocutor better in the process of communication. Such people enter our lives forever.

Why do men cheat?

Because they are looking for a way to increase their own testosterone in the body. This happens intuitively for a man, in the struggle for his own successful existence.

As a result, a man’s testosterone decreases, after which he goes to the left?

1. Poor nutrition.

More than 90% of wives feed their men as if on purpose so that they turn into a fat pig. For example, if a wife fried meat and put potatoes and bread, 100% her man will go for a walk. And don't say I didn't warn you. Our thoughts and actions depend, among other things, on nutrition.

2. Anger.

If in a family a man is subjected to pressure from his wife, restriction of freedom, and rude attacks, then stress begins to accumulate in him. To get rid of stress hormones, he needs to increase his testosterone. Such sprees are the easiest way.

3. Boredom.

Thirst for intense emotions This mainly happens to men with stable jobs. And, as a rule, it is rare among entrepreneurs. You understand that many businessmen take on more responsibility and are subject to various emotional shocks. That's why they walk less.

4. Wrong lifestyle.

There are certainly many factors involved. Let’s say if a man goes to work when it’s still dark, and returns when it’s already dark, and all the time indoors, his internal biological clock begins to malfunction, and in order to save himself, he intuitively looks for biochemical shocks in order to remain a man , and not office plankton.

5. Transitional age.

As a rule, this is 37-40 years old. At this moment, the man asks himself the questions “What has he achieved? Who is he really?”, and his light is no longer the same as before. The more he is drawn to rest, the environment, stress, poor nutrition take their toll... Therefore, he has to prove to himself that he is still a real male. Such evidence is especially needed by men who have not achieved the social success they dreamed of.

6. Psychological problems.

Childhood injuries are possible here single-parent family. The son does not respect his father or the mother played the role of a tyrant in the family. There are childhood grievances against women or if he was always an outsider in childhood and adolescence.

7. The woman made a mistake on fidelity.

If a woman demonstrates her promiscuity, independence and makes a man jealous. Naturally, he seems to be trying to cuckold her in order to preserve his inner self-esteem.

8. There is no one to talk to.

Intellectual inequality. Those. it is the gap between the mental development of two people.

9. Lack of self-confidence.

If a girl has lost confidence in herself, her feminine irresistibility, sexuality and uniqueness. Definitely, the man will go to the left.

10. Sexual dissatisfaction.

The most common reason in most couples. If the wife does not know how to have sex, after intimacy with her the man wants to sleep, and at the same time sex becomes faster and shorter - this sure sign sexual disharmony.

Pavel Aleksandrovich Rakov is a TV presenter, writer, author and presenter of popular psychological trainings and webinars.

http://pavelrakov.com

He cheated on her with a young work colleague, and then returned home looking like a rain-soaked dog. “I’m sorry, honey, the devil has taken possession of me, I won’t look at any woman again.” She didn't forgive. She hid her resentment deeply and, for the sake of her children, turned a blind eye to the betrayal. And a few months later I accidentally found a fresh love correspondence in his phone...

According to statistics, 56% of men cheat on their wives, 70% think about cheating.
This suggests that the problem of male infidelity affects every second family in one way or another.

• What should a woman who has been cheated on do?
• How not to lose dignity and faith in men?
• How to make sure that betrayal does not happen again?

What to do?

If you love me, forgive me...
Nowadays, the messages that we give at women’s trainings are misinterpreted, that in case of betrayal, it is enough to receive an expensive gift from your husband, forget everything and move on happily.We want to convey to you the main thing: you must forgive your husband. And punish.

Forgive so that resentment does not cloud your mind, so that you can go through life with a light heart, build new relationships or calmly continue old ones. If a woman is able to forgive betrayal, then in her soul she is humble and noble. Highly spiritual women are not abandoned or cheated on. They are given attention and expensive gifts. And if she leaves a man, he remembers her all his life.

Punish him so that this story doesn’t happen again on his part. To be imprinted on his heart like a palm in wet cement.

Choose the method of punishment yourself. For example, ask for a gift that costs more than he currently has money: an expensive fur coat, a car or an apartment. Everything you have long wanted and dreamed of. You can learn even more types of compensation for suffering at our women's trainings.
Now you understand why the man from the story at the beginning started again love story and betrayed our heroine? Because she did not forgive him or punish him. But he didn’t draw any conclusions.

Forgiven, punished. What's next?

And then you have a choice: stay together or break up. It all depends solely on your desire. Do you want to continue being together? Be. Do you want to end your relationship? Rip it. Just forgive him with all your heart. He doesn't need it, you need it! To new man, seeing your high spirituality, did not even dare to look at the other.

Whatever you choose is your right. The main thing you have already done. Now take the man off the podium and love yourself. Exercise and start eating right. Take care of yourself, pamper yourself beautiful clothes and expensive perfume. If necessary, go to church, light a candle for the health of those who once offended you. Set your boundaries: Be firm about how men can and cannot treat you.

Become interesting and valuable to yourself. Learn to walk through life with a queen's smile, causing mental applause around you. This often makes a man worry. His fear of losing such a unique woman awakens. And he starts trying, and stops messing up!

Watch Pavel Rakov's video