How to survive a breakup. It was spring How to get over a breakup with a loved one easier

I am 24, I can boast that for my age I have a good career, financial status and, as it seems to me, a quite reasonable position in life. But out of all the many men that were always around me, for some reason I could not find the only one...

And then he appeared on the horizon... it was spring... Needless to say, everything was according to the scenario of the best bestsellers women's novels. He is 31, gentle, smart, caring. It's like we merged with each other! There was no doubt for a minute that this was my soulmate, it was him! Although it is worth admitting that, being a very reasonable and cautious person, I did not fall in love right away, the feelings came consciously, over time, at first it was simply surprisingly good and easy for me to be with him. Because from my own experience I know that “being thrown headlong into the abyss of passion” is not always good, and most importantly, as a rule, it never ends successfully... But, over time, I still gave up.

Moreover, as I understand now, looking back at my relationship, I fell in love at will, he didn’t have to try too hard, because... at that time I was alone for a long time and, as it seemed to me, I was ready for serious relationship, I was waiting for them.

Each of us has had a period when you feel so happy that the realization of your own happiness makes you feel sick. Yes, this is exactly how it all started for us. Beautiful. Touching. Promising...

After 2 months of cloudless relationships, confessions, walks under the moon, something went wrong. At first there were some omissions (on my part), I tried to hush up, hide discontent, momentary irritation. As I understand now, the prerequisites for the quarrel were coming, and coming one after another even then, but we somehow strangely did not notice them. Or were they pretending?

Despite the fact that after a month of dating, he confessed his love to me and asked me to marry him, we spoke quite openly a couple of times about the fact that relationships were not easy for him. I tried to calmly weigh everything and find out the reason. But how hard it was for us! All the conversations boiled down to the following: “You know, I kind of want a family and that very seriousness, but it’s difficult for me to switch to serious things overnight... I can’t part with my usual way of life.” For me, at that moment, hearing this was, at least, strange. Even now I don’t fully understand everything. I have always believed and will continue to believe that if you love a person, you love with all your heart, then issues of lifestyle and your own selfishness should fade into the background. But then I tried not to rush things, not to strain him and just live, enjoy communication, love....

But after another 2 months, everything became very difficult. And we both understood this. He sharply began to cut back on our communication, we met less often, talked more often on the phone, he began to move away, spend a lot of time with friends... and at some moments, I almost felt with my skin that I was straining him, like a heavy burden that he I took it upon myself. We tried to talk. He brushed it off, said that he loved me, but everything became too complicated for him, although I understood this without words.

I understood that he had become a hostage to his own feelings and promises, and perhaps this is the very thing that weighs on him...

Needless to say, it was very difficult to sit and watch everything fall apart? I felt like I was suffocating from helplessness in front of the situation. But everything, like any given program, has its logical conclusion - the finale. And he overtook us too, after a month of silence, misunderstanding and mutual attraction... Immediately 2-3 days before parting, we had a conversation where he stated that the matter was in him, and that he did not understand what was happening to us . He said that he was unlikely to meet anyone better than me and that I was a treasure trove for any man. He admitted that he never loved anyone the way he loved me and was sure that he would always love me alone.

Then there were another 3 long days of simple everyday communication, and then he disappeared. From that day to this day, he plunged me into complete silence and ignorance, without any explanations, tears, hysterics and other things, we simply stopped calling each other.

Then it seemed that life was over, everything collapsed overnight, a terrible feeling of emptiness and ignorance... Of course, I had a favorite job, family, friends... but all this is not the same, compared to the feeling of emptiness and bitterness that I experienced.

After 4 days of ignorance and mutual silence, I finally decided to clarify the situation by sending an SMS with a direct question: “Did I understand correctly that this is the end?” But I never received an answer! Oh God, it was even worse... again silence and ignorance, and most importantly, my mind refused to believe that this was happening to me. At such moments, the notorious logic disappears and emotions treacherously overwhelm! After living in a neurotic state for another 2 weeks, I decided to call, fool! He picked up the phone and we nicely asked how each of us was doing... and after that there was nothing! Realizing that I was smoothly leading to a conversation, he also smoothly referred to being busy, said that he would call back, and... again silence for half a month. All this time I did not live, but existed. I tried to fight myself, analyzing the situation again and again. I tried to answer the questions that I asked myself.

Did he love me? Was he sincere? But what actually caused the breakup? Here is the round dance of questions crowding in my head. But what makes me think that he has answers to my questions? Apparently, he simply decided to get away from the difficulties that frightened him, because... if he had the answers, he would have fought with himself like a grown man and tried to answer me...

Finally tired of questions and understatement, I decided that enough time had passed and I should make one last attempt at conversation... for myself, not for him. I needed to calm down. But imagine my surprise when he didn’t pick up the phone! Everything became clear in my head at once. Everything instantly fell apart... It was the end, the end of everything. I realized that everything ended a long time ago, only I still continued to run in circles, by inertia. It took me 2.5 long months of endless self-torture and nervous breakdowns to understand that HE had made up his mind a long time ago (even though he behaves in such an unmanly manner). All this time I was simply knocking on a closed door!

Now, when everything was very simply sorted out for me, I decided: I will move on with my life! Of course, it would be a lie to say that I stopped loving him. No, I still love him, very much! But I don’t see any other way out except to forbid myself to think about him and the situation as a whole. Finally, logic prevails! Lord, do not let me doubt myself and give me the strength to live on without him!

Now, having experienced the worst, I noticed that the further I move away from the moment of our last meeting, the less often tender and touching moments of our joint existence emerge in my memory, and over time the feeling of abandonment and resentment dulls. I am increasingly convinced that the most valuable thing is my own experience, no matter how hard and painful it may be.

Why does each of us consider our breakup story to be the most, most out of the ordinary, tragic? This is probably all the wounded feelings saying at once. It was the same for me. But now, from my own experience, I understand that you can survive ANYTHING. Life is beautiful and unpredictable, and since such experiences and obstacles are sent to us, then I’m sure all this is not without reason. I believe: everything that is done is for the better!

I stubbornly remember only all the good things. Consequently, from everything that happened, I take away not only a sad experience (which will be impossible not to take into account in the future) but also a positive one! I also realized that it is possible and necessary to love and maintain this most wonderful feeling for a person, even after the relationship has sunk into oblivion.

What helped me survive the breakup was not conversations with psychologists, not reading certain types of literature, and not endless self-torture. Love, a lot of work on myself, and also a trip to the temple helped me. Arriving at the church, I found myself at 2 weddings at the same time. Both couples were very beautiful, as was the ceremony itself. I stood there almost until the end, and then stood near the icons for about an hour. Tears flowed down my cheeks, it was impossible to stop them. Then something changed in my mind. Leaving the church, I realized that, alas, there are situations that are beyond our control and in which the only consolation and light for us is humility.

GOD, GIVE ME THE REASON AND PEACE OF MIND TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND THE WISDOM TO DISTINGUISH ONE FROM THE OTHER!!!

Good luck and love to everyone!

The past year was significant for me... there was a lot of good in it, there was a lot of sad and dramatic things, but the most important thing was that I rediscovered myself! I realized that I am worth something in this life, I discovered new facets and talents in myself and this is great. The year was rich in events of all kinds... I’ll probably only note that at the end of the year I changed my job, and the changes were truly dramatic. And also, it seems that I finally got over the parting with my loved one... at some point I realized that the whole situation had lost its colorfulness and relevance for me... and I was left with only memories... sad, but mine... And already It seems that nothing related to my ex-lover can knock me out of the saddle. I made a very important discovery - true love does not die! Love is a feeling that can and should be kept, nurtured and cherished even after parting. The whole question is to find an application, i.e. the form of this love, in something else...

I realized that, having gone through this, through suffering, tears and pain, I still gained a certain kind of positive moment for myself - I now have a completely clear idea of “what is good and what is bad” in a relationship...

And, of course, I cannot help but note my arrival at the temple. I am happy that this year I discovered the grace and incomparable peace of mind that I find when I come to church.

Parting with a loved one is the strongest emotional test for everyone. Especially if the relationship was long and hopes were placed on it. Perhaps you were planning a future together with this person and were strongly attached psychologically. And at one moment everything collapsed. How to survive this difficult period of life? How to get back on your feet after such a blow and want life again? How long does it take to learn to believe again? opposite sex, and be able to build new healthy relationships? Let's try to figure everything out in order.

Step 1. Acceptance and awareness of what happened

Most often, people break up because one of the couple made such a decision. In other cases, separation is not justified. No living conditions, temporary separation or other reasons can separate two loving people if they really love.

If one person in a couple decides to separate, both people worry. But the one who is abandoned experiences more emotional shock. A person who decided to break up slowly walked towards this, day after day realizing the correctness of his decision. And that person who was presented with a fact, like a tub cold water doused. He feels pain, misunderstanding, anger, guilt, resentment, love.

If you have been abandoned, try to understand and accept it. If you love your partner even a little, leave him the right to make this decision. Don't cling to the endless hope of getting him back. Of course, perhaps after a while you will change and meet again. Perhaps, having changed, you will be able to build new full-fledged relationships. But now, there is no turning back. Don't humiliate yourself with requests and pleas to come back. Maintain your self-esteem. If this person does not want to be with you, if he did not understand and did not discern your soul, why do you need him? Let him go. If this happens, it means that higher powers are saving you for a more worthy person.

Accept what happened and find the strength to move on. Let your partner's decision turn out to be his biggest mistake. And it is in your power to gather strength and step forward along your life path. With your head held high.

Step 2. How not to engage in self-criticism

Most people, after parting with a loved one, begin to torment themselves with thoughts: “It’s all my fault, if I hadn’t done this, he wouldn’t have left me,” “No one will love me again,” “I will never experience such love again,” “ I won’t get married and have children, I won’t have a family or a loved one, no one needs me.” All these thoughts are very much exaggerated and there is not even a hundredth of truth in them.

Usually such obsessive thoughts are born in young heads, who are 14-17 years old. Young people are subject to youthful maximalism, and it seems to them that this relationship is the main event in their lives. Believe me, there will be more than one such unfinished story in your life. And after a series of failures, when you learn to appreciate the main thing, you will meet the person of your life.

Can't believe it? Look at yourself in the mirror. You certainly have a beautiful figure, a pretty face, clear skin, beautiful hair, kind soul. Or maybe you cook deliciously or play the violin? Well, don’t you really have merits for which you could be appreciated? Take a sober look at yourself. There is something to love you for. And let members of the opposite sex line up to deserve your attention. Rest assured, you will find your happiness, and you just need to get through the current moment.

Step 3. Let go of the situation and forgive the person

Anger, aggression and resentment destroy a person. If you engage in self-criticism, it will not lead to anything good. Bad emotions make people sick and grow old, do you need it?

Forgive your ex-partner. Even if all his past actions were terrible, even if there were betrayals, deceptions and drunkenness on his part - let him go. If everything was so bad, thank fate for taking you away from this person and allowing you to live life to the fullest. Mentally thank the person for all the good things that happened between you, forgive him and let him go in peace.

It happens that many women, delving into the reasons for what happened, consider only themselves to blame. He cheated because I wasn't kind and sexy enough to him, he cheated because he didn't want to bother me, he drank because he needed to relax after a hard day at work. Take a sober look at things. Why are you justifying him?! Remember how you felt when he stumbled into your home drunk. Remember how you felt when you found out he was with another woman. Do you really want to repeat these feelings?! In no case! Don't blame yourself. A decent guy will love his girlfriend, even if she is shaggy in home clothes. True union of souls occurs on an emotional level. And if you didn’t have such a connection, you don’t need to scold yourself. Thank the higher powers for giving you another chance at happiness.

Step 4. Distract yourself

This is the most difficult step, which must be accomplished, at least through force. Give yourself a few days to “grieve.” If this is not done, emotions will simply spill out at one point. Give yourself a few days to come to your senses, cry, scream. Do whatever you want these days. However, when the days of “grieving” pass, try to pull yourself together and take your mind off the current situation.

Work, study. Depending on your main field of activity, try to immerse yourself in study or work. Set yourself a goal - to fully support yourself; if you have children, to get them on their feet, buy a car or an apartment. Get excited about this dream and put everything into making it happen. Intensive work or study will distract you from unpleasant thoughts and help you forget.
Friends. With the advent of relationships, many people lose touch with their friends, family members, and loved ones. Perhaps it's time to return to warm relations? Meet friends again, go shopping and to the movies with your family, spend time younger brothers and sisters. Realize that there are many people in the world who still love and appreciate you.
Sport. Everyone knows that physical exercise able to get rid of unnecessary thoughts. Go in for sports - it will not only distract you from suffering, but also tighten your figure. Intense exercise allows the body to produce hormones of joy and satisfaction. If it is not possible to go to sports clubs or fitness, just run, walk. Just don’t let obsessive thoughts overcome you. Take headphones with invigorating music for a walk or jog - it will lift your spirits. And execution strength exercises in the gym will help you literally throw out all your resentment and bitterness with physical strength.
Hobbies. Think about what you didn't have time for during your relationship. Perhaps you have long wanted to read a book, start drawing or swimming, or learn to drive a car. If your ex-partner did not support you in your endeavors, support yourself when there are no longer restrictions in the form of a displeased look or prohibition.
Look for the positives.“Every cloud has a silver lining,” says the famous proverb. If you are left without a partner, this does not mean that you are left alone. Perhaps it's just freedom? Look for the positives in all events in your life. Remember what you couldn't do when you had a loved one? Perhaps he did not approve of your late meetings with your friends or forbade you to be in male companies? Live freely, visit a male striptease with your friends, flirt with men. Feel again that you are desired, charming and beautiful.
Wedge with wedge. Of course, you shouldn’t plunge into a new relationship on the first day after breaking up. But flirting and light infatuation will certainly benefit you. Learn to look at men again, flirt, play, live!

These simple tips will help you take your mind off things a little. And try to fill your time space as much as possible so that you don’t have time for thoughts, drooling, snot and tears. Learn languages, improve your body, travel. Not a moment of peace!

Step 5. Don't obsess over it.

This is a very important step that prevents many from overcoming this grief and leaves people in limbo. Throw away or give away any items or gifts that remind you of your ex. If you feel sorry for throwing away, for example, gold jewelry, sell it and use the proceeds to buy something you need, for example, a punching bag! Without a doubt, you will have fun pounding her!

As hard as it may be, delete all the tearful songs that remind you of “him.” At least for a while, stop watching pitiful melodramas about love - you will certainly draw parallels. You shouldn’t keep shared photographs, you shouldn’t visit those places that were considered “yours.” Turn over this page of your life and start living again!

Life is a zebra. An endless series of good and bad life moments. If a breakup happened to you, then it was necessary. This means that life is ready to present you with an even more valuable and expensive gift. They say that if happiness is great, it means it comes in small steps. Wait a little, it will come to you very soon. The main thing is not to be sad and move on with your life!

Video: how to get over a breakup

If separation has become inevitable and both partners have decided to take this step, then most likely the question will arise: “How to continue to live and what to do?” Separation is a concept familiar to everyone. Family psychologists say that a person subconsciously views it as a loss. At the same time, experiencing this loss, a person goes through certain stages of separation.

The first is denial of reality

The ex-lover cannot accept and believe that they have parted with him, and that this separation is final and irreparable. He is still making plans and firmly believes that the breakup is just a stupid mistake and that sooner or later everything will be the same again. He thinks that his significant other will call and say that everything will be fine and they will be together again. The first stage can last from three to five weeks to one and a half years.

The second is anger at a loved one.

The stages of experiencing separation are not complete without anger, because the realization that a loved one has betrayed and abandoned cannot but carry this negative feeling. Indignation gradually turns into aggression, and the ex-partner is accused of not wanting to maintain the relationship. Angry manifestations are purely individual, so some people skip the second stage and immediately move on to the third.

Third - bargaining and hope for the best

Trying to resume a former relationship, a person begins to bargain with himself or a former partner. For example, while going through the stages, a man sets himself certain deadlines (intervals) during which he will have a chance to make peace and renew his relationship with his partner. By creating such a time frame, he tries to cope with separation and get used to a new state - loneliness.

Fourth - depression and apathy

Awareness of one’s helplessness, and with it depression, comes when a person realizes that denying separation is pointless and nothing can be fixed. Negative thoughts gradually lead to despair, depression, apathy, insomnia, and sadness. All these conditions are a completely natural reaction of the body to stress. They can be especially acute in the fourth and second stages of separation in women.

Fifth - life from scratch

Life goes on, gradually a person forgets old grievances, meets new people, and stops living in the past. A second wind opens, and with it new plans, strength and hopes for a bright future appear.

Family psychologists say that the process of experiencing separation can last from three months to three years, it all depends on the nervous system of a particular person.

Factors and reasons

The stages of accepting a breakup depend on many reasons and factors. Perhaps the hardest thing here is nostalgia: at any moment, no matter how happy a person is, he can again plunge into memories. And while some experience these nostalgic moments simply and with a smile, others are once again enveloped in despair, anxiety, sadness, regret and even anger.

Experiencing separation from a loved one is very difficult. Parting is unbearable because it makes changes to an already familiar, established way of life. A lot also depends on who initiated the separation: if it was suggested by the ex-partner, then a feeling of inferiority and humiliation of one’s own dignity is added. The thoughts that a loved one has neglected and betrayed you are thrown out of your usual rut in life.

The most important thing is all 5 stages of separation, try not to linger in any of them for more than two to four weeks. It is very important to put an end to relationships, stop thinking about them, and start a new happy life.

The sooner a person lets go of his loved one, stops calling, writing, seeing him, the faster and less painful the separation stage will pass. You should not be afraid of a new life and new relationships, trying on them the sad patterns of the past: by letting go, sooner or later you will find the much-desired relief and spiritual freedom.

If you can’t get out of depression, psychologists advise doing an analysis of the relationship, and it is important to remember not only negative, but also positive moments, as well as what led to the separation. It is very important to draw conclusions and prevent mistakes from being repeated in the future.

The former partner’s reluctance to maintain friendly relations indicates a strong resentment that does not allow him to behave differently. In this case, it is worth thinking about what was wrong in the relationship.

with a man

The stages of separation in women are characterized by more pronounced emotionality and length. There are cases where representatives of the fairer sex were in a depressed state after separation for more than ten years.

Psychologists advise girls in a particularly difficult situation to put on the mask of a successful lady, get used to this image and try to experience as many positive emotions as possible, being strong and independent.

By acting on this principle and, as it were, living through a difficult life period for another person, you can not only restore your peace of mind, but also to find a new partner who can heal all mental wounds.

Another important factor in happiness is praise and admiration for yourself. It’s no secret that it’s quite difficult to love yourself again while experiencing separation. Self-love is the point without which the fifth stage cannot pass.

Forgiveness and acceptance

Very important point at the second stage of separation in men, it is forgiveness of the former lover and the realization that she also has the right to personal happiness and life with another person. During this period, you should avoid negative memories, discussions with friends, and especially calls and messages with unpleasant text and reproach.

In order to survive this difficult stage of life, you need to mentally let go of your ex-partner. Don't humiliate yourself and don't try to get him back. After all, even if he agrees to resume communication, he will most likely do it out of pity.

The longer the love union, the harder it is to survive the separation and go through all the stages of separation. In this case, psychology offers a lot of training that can help solve the problem and not withdraw into oneself. For example, separation is a chance to fulfill an old dream, an opportunity to change jobs, move, start new life. With a breakup, no matter how sad it may sound, more time appears that can be spent visiting museums, fairs, cinemas, theaters, and enrolling in various sections and master classes. The main thing during this period is not to sit at home and not give in to despair.

The longer, the worse

Getting over a breakup after a long-term relationship is always more difficult than breaking up a fleeting romance. In such a situation, psychologists advise not to despair and look at the situation from a different angle. Separation is a chance to start life again clean slate, to accomplish everything that was simply impossible to decide on before. Failure in your personal life is to achieve heights in your career and become a true professional. This is a time of travel and fulfillment of desires. The opportunity to fulfill a childhood dream, take up dancing, learn to cook beautiful soap or collect airplane models.

When experiencing a breakup with a loved one, the main thing is not to become discouraged and not allow obsessive thoughts about loneliness. After all, communication with family, friends and colleagues cannot make up for the warmth, understanding and security that existed before. No matter how interesting a person may be with his interlocutor, in his soul he understands that there will no longer be such pleasure as when communicating with a loved one.

Breakup with the woman you love

Men experience breakups more acutely than women. Yes, in Everyday life The strong half of humanity is distinguished by endurance, willpower and strength of character. But when it comes to breaking up a relationship, especially if it happens suddenly, without reason and on the initiative of a woman, emotions become very acute. It is especially difficult for men who are emotionally dependent on their significant other to survive separation. After all, addiction, according to psychologists, does not appear from love for your other half, but from self-hatred and the desire to fill the emptiness inside with compliments and pleasant words.

Typically, men are stingy with emotions and prefer to keep everything to themselves, which is why, when the adrenaline in the blood is off the charts and rage is trying to get out, it is likely that the stages after a breakup in men will be accompanied by:

drinking alcohol in an attempt to numb the pain;
playing sports, sometimes to the point of complete exhaustion of the body;
promiscuity (a person asserts himself at the expense of others);
traveling by car or motorcycle at high speed.

Family psychologists argue that the stronger sex reacts more sharply to the negativity that occurs in relationships, and this is due to the fact that the male psyche in such a situation is more susceptible than the female.

Self love

The stages for men and women are approximately the same. During this difficult period, the main thing is to love and learn to respect yourself again, because how we treat ourselves is how others treat us.

Having loved and accepted himself, a person will be able to move on and meet someone with whom he will share his feelings.

Only after time can one understand that the break was necessary and the new relationship is much stronger and more joyful than the previous one.

In order to go through all the stages of separation as painlessly as possible, psychologists recommend:

enjoy every moment and rush to fill every second of your life with meaning, interesting events and new people;
Separation is something that every person goes through, so sometimes you just have to gain strength and be patient;
stop looking for shortcomings in yourself and believing that someone is better and more worthy than you;
Do not write, call or stalk your ex-lover under any circumstances;
delete from social networks and phone book data of your ex, do not follow his/her life and do not communicate with mutual friends;
don’t be alone, visit as many interesting places as possible;
sign up for a fitness class, a swimming pool or a sports club;
learn something new;
make interesting acquaintances, do not refuse dates;
devote as much time as possible to interesting and important things;
change your look, buy new clothes, perfumes, cosmetics, accessories.

The above tips are not only very simple and practical, but also effective.

You can also find on numerous forums interesting tips about how to survive the stages of separation.

To solve this problem, users are advised to adopt the following techniques:

If the separation was initiated by your ex, do everything to make him regret leaving you.
If the relationship is going downhill, break up with your other half first.
Behave as confidently as possible when meeting with mutual friends; they should not know that separation is bothering you.
Stop feeling like a victim.
Do charity work.
Learn to paint or sculpt with clay.
Go through all the stages of separation as quickly as possible.
Find out the truth about your relationship from the outside, perhaps in the future it will help you build a happy union.
Change your surroundings, start traveling.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. This advice especially applies to the stronger sex, because it is known that the stages of separation are much more difficult for men than for women.
Draw conclusions and do not repeat your mistakes in the future.

It is important to remember that men and women have very different views on relationships. And therefore, only that union can develop successfully in which both partners pursue the same goal (for example, starting a family) and are ready to listen to each other at any moment and find a solution to the problem together.

You need to understand that very rare relationships last your entire life!
Sooner or later, you may have some kind of discord or breakup, and you will separate.
There must be an understanding that in this world, in principle, there is nothing so super stable that it would never leave or collapse.

Understanding this 1 piece of advice from a psychologist on how to get over a breakup with a loved one will greatly enhance your knowledge.

2. Find your favorite activity that you want to do and be passionate about completely and with great passion.

Regarding your life in general, finding something you want to do, want to live and be passionate about - it greatly supports you emotionally and from all sides!
Having it, you will not be so jarred and panicked by some kind of loss, even if you broke up with your loved one.
Your favorite hobby, activity, your own path, the energy and passion invested in it greatly recharges you, gives you a purpose in life, gives you a feeling of pleasure and enjoyment from life.
Thanks to them, you forget about the gray everyday life, completely penetrate into the process, forgetting everyday trifles and interruptions. You no longer worry about what to do if you get dumped or how to get over it.
Having broken off the relationship, you can now fully immerse yourself in your favorite thing and fully abide and grow with it further.
For example, these could be your projects, business ideas, events, your creativity, financial plans, hobbies and favorite sports. Who is good at what.

Always remember about your favorite hobby and passion, put it in first place now, and then you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

3. Realize that relationships, in any case, cannot be a mission and goal in life.

Social programming suggests that supposedly relationships- the most important component in life. That is, people make building relationships the main component of life. This is a very common thing that can be observed now.
She's so Hollywood and from the movies or from some hidden childhood dreams. It occurs in both men and women. And if you do not get rid of this illusion, you will still need advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with your loved one.
There is another wrong belief people have. People come to their soulmate as if under the bosom of a tree from work or school with the conviction “but here I will feel good.”
And if this happens in your head, then, as a rule, it does not live up to your expectations.
Sooner or later the illusions will collapse. To some extent, people can create this illusion for each other, then it all just falls apart.

Relationships are definitely important.

In them we can realize ourselves, let another person realize themselves, establish emotional contact with a partner, make our life and his life easier.

But in general they cannot be a mission.

Relationships in any case cannot be a mission in life!

Illusions of girls

On the part of girls, this thing is present in their heads more often. And therefore, they more often need help and various advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with the man they love.

Girls elevate relationships to a higher rank because they have such a biological factor as family and children.

Your problem is that you needed to distract yourself from tightly clinging to relationships and making them a goal in life.

This will only make things worse for you, because sooner or later your illusions will begin to shatter, and you will again think about what to do when your loved one has left you.

4. Don’t let yourself slide into an emotional hole after a breakup.

It is very important when such gaps occur and critical moments are not to let yourself slide into an emotional hole. Some people become depressed. You can learn about ways to get rid of depression. They can last not one day, but even a week or two. This can really undermine you.
Emotionally, the problem may be completely trivial. But, for example, a man can fall so emotionally into this gap that he has a desire to go to the mountains, become a monk and do nothing else in this life, or go headlong into business, forgetting about women altogether.
Although in reality it’s not all that serious. Anything can happen. Don’t beat yourself up, don’t make mountains out of molehills, and know everything about how to survive a breakup with a girl after long relationship or many years of marriage.

5. Solve the psychological problem first: don’t go to extremes and run to look for a new partner

After a breakup, you may get the feeling that everything needs to be resolved at once, right now.

Problems need to be resolved as they arise.

You don't need to decide everything at once.

First, find harmony with yourself and solve the problem within

If you are unstable emotional condition, depression, then deal with it first.

Some people go to extremes after a breakup and quickly run to look for a new partner.

And this will supposedly be a solution to the problem. This will supposedly close questions about how to survive the pain of parting with a loved one.

Is this a solution?

What mistakes do people make?

People simply cover up their mental wound with a band-aid, looking for a replacement instead of dealing with themselves.

This swing from one extreme to another does not end well.

Accept the state you are in now, see it and tell yourself: “Yes, now I am not yet completely in harmony with myself after the breakup. Well, it’s okay, I’ll solve this issue first, and then we’ll see.”

Remember this and no longer need advice from a psychologist on how to survive a separation from your husband.

6. What Your Brain Can Do to You: The Broken Record Analogy

All your memories of past loves when everything was good, blooming and smelling - it was just an appearance.
If that balance were preserved, then this would really be so. And this is an illusory appearance. This is already like a broken record, which is also broken.
How is your brain playing tricks on you? When you had a breakup and there were a lot of mistakes that you don’t even really want to remember, your brain throws this broken record at you.
You put this broken record in your head, where the smooth melody no longer plays, but an incomprehensible grinding sound, a pitiful semblance of a melody and only unpleasant sounds.
This record doesn't need to be repaired anymore.!
You just need to find what you really need!
There's no need to even try to come back. It's not worth it.
Approach the situation soberly, and you will know everything about how to start living after breaking up with your loved one.

7. Allow yourself to leave forever: there is nothing left to decide, no need to cling.

Let yourself go forever.

Understand that there is nothing and no one to resolve.

Some of you messed up and it is important to understand that this is normal.

No matter how painful it may be, give yourself the opportunity to leave forever.

Just like your partner gives himself this opportunity.

Every girl and every guy gives himself this opportunity.

Understanding this will put an end to your worries about thinking about how to survive a breakup with the people you love.

8. Make a choice to be cool and not needy, remove expectations.

A person who is not in need is the one who does not cling to other people, tends to give more than to receive and never expects anything from this life! Strive to be one.
A person who is not in need does not think about it what you will have in the future (even if there is a 99% guarantee, you do not tell others). You can say: “Yes, I have such plans...”. You're going to do it, but you're not living it.
You take what you have at the moment., but you never expect anything to happen in your future - good or bad. It's useless.
Those things that you can cling to in life can be so ephemeral and destructible.
Your reality should not be based on something external!

A person who is not in need does not need both things and people equally! The paradigm is that they are with them, but there is no fear of loss at all!

A person who is not needy never asks questions about how to continue living after a breakup.

A strong man is only glad that weak people They themselves leave his life.

It’s harder for a woman to live like this, but it’s possible. No need to cling to people.

Women have a natural need for a man who will protect her, take care of her, they cling to men. This is their problem!

On our website you can also read about how to get rid of attachment and love addiction.

9. In the next six months or a year, completely change your perception of the relationship.

After your breakup, don’t immediately cling to a new person and don’t try to make him yours for a very long time.
This should not be confused with not communicating or getting to know anyone at all. No, you are still communicating and getting close to new people, enjoying the attraction between you.
But there should not be this desire to make a person your property for some long time.
You must remove the time frame into which you will begin to unknowingly drive a person.
Live like this for at least the next six months after the breakup. Then, after six months, based on your inner feelings, you can again return to a long-term relationship with one girl (man).

A subtle point that needs to be implemented

Replace the desire to make a person your property with the desire to make him happy.

The best thing you can do for your partner is to let him live his life to the fullest, and you will be there with him whenever he and you want.

You still truly love your partner, but you don't try to keep him in any way.

You must live your own life and give your partner complete freedom of choice.

Implement this perception and no longer worry about how to get over a breakup with your lover or your secret crush.

The difference between healthy and unhealthy neediness

There shouldn't be any border and understanding that the person is yours.
And then you can always go further in terms of developing your spirituality, your level of happiness and harmony.
Yes, you may have a certain percentage of neediness in a new relationship, but this healthy neediness is when you just want to see a person(no matter how you spend your time). You just want to be together.

10. Ask yourself: “Are your feelings and the image of your ex-partner real, or is this your subjective perception?”

Ask yourself questions:

Is it real that your ex-partner gives you some feelings, or is it your subjective perception that paints them that way, making him special?
If a guy’s perception of his ex-girlfriend as “special”, “giving everyone love” and “increasing well-being” was real, then why don’t all guys perceive her that way?
Why don't any of the other people on the planet who are currently around his ex-girlfriend feel better about it as a guy?

Answer

The way a guy perceives ex-girlfriend so cool is his personal subjective perception of the girl.

No one else perceives her like that except him.

All other people see the same girl, the same appearance, her same face, but their well-being does not improve in any way!

And it is very important to realize this in order to close concerns about how easier it is to survive a separation from a loved one.

You yourself draw an addition to the image of your ex, it in no way comes from him himself

The guy is simply attached to those old emotions, tactile sensations and past pleasures that they gave each other. His perception paints her as something special, as if she has a halo over her head.
The same can be said about former men, for which women continue to pine for no response. Your remaining love after a breakup is only your personal subjective appearance.
You yourself and your perception of feelings draw such an addition to the former person. This addition itself in no way comes from your ex-partner.
This image that your perception paints for you does not exist in reality. Remember this and close all your questions about how to survive the pain of breaking up with married man or the one with whom sooner or later you would have to part.

11. Your affection is for the feelings and sensations you previously experienced with your partner, not for the person himself.

Understand that you are attached to the feeling, not to the person himself.

This feeling is depicted by your personal subjective perception.

Understand this and it will become much easier for you.

Ask yourself:

Why don't you feel this way about yourself?
Why does it only occur in relation to other people?

The answer is that you just don't love yourself.

People don’t love themselves and, as a result, need outside help; they ask a psychologist for advice on how to survive a breakup with a husband, boyfriend or female.

12. Really love yourself

When you truly fall in love with yourself, your total love will be much stronger than your feelings for your ex.

Your self-love will be the strongest and strongest. No feelings can absorb and bind you.

And then you will forget about attachment to feelings, you will give more to this world.

And then people will begin to reach out to you.

Now you know everything from psychology on the topic of how to survive a breakup with a loved one, and you don’t need any forums.

If you integrate these understandings into your life, then thoughts like “I wish I could move on quickly after a painful breakup” will no longer appear in your head.

You will remove a lot of pain and suffering from the relationship and begin to look at things more objectively.

It's your life, make the right choice!

Breaking up a relationship is stressful for both the initiator of the breakup and his partner. It is psychologically much harder for an abandoned person, because separation is not always expected for him. Instead of falling into deep depression, in this case it is better to learn from the situation and try to start living again. Don’t blame yourself for what happened and constantly remember your lost love. To quickly forget about the breakup, you can use the advice and recommendations of psychologists.

Important! Today, taking care of yourself and having an attractive appearance at any age is very simple. How? Read the story carefully Marina Kozlova Read →

According to psychologists' studies, the initiator of a breakup leaves one third of negative emotions for himself. Even if the separation is expected, the second partner still receives psychological trauma. This is especially true for women. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship lasted and what the status of the initiator of the breakup was - husband, beloved man, first boyfriend, wife or girlfriend. Anyone after a breakup will wonder: why do I need this?

Any pain must be endured.

Advice from psychologists will help you survive a breakup with your loved one:

You shouldn’t keep everything to yourself, you need to survive the situation. As with an illness, in this case you can relieve the symptoms, but there is no quick cure. You need to try to distract yourself from sad thoughts. Meet with friends, treat yourself to your favorite dishes, listen to music. In order to accept what happened, cope with emotions and come to terms with the fact that the couple broke up, you need to feel all the pain, and then over time it will become easier.
You need to firmly put an end to the relationship and remove all reminders and “connecting threads”: erase SMS messages, unfollow each other on social networks, put away your partner’s gifts, his things, joint photos. You shouldn't keep the past in the present.
In the first time after a breakup, it is better not to communicate at all. If this is not possible, then try to keep dialogue to a minimum. In about a month, “emotional immunity” is developed.
If you need to throw out your pain, you can turn to a professional psychologist. For many, it will be easier to tell a loved one or family member about the breakup - your mother, friend. It’s worth going out in public, organizing an evening for your dearest people, whom you rarely saw during a whirlwind romance or over many years of marriage.
It is more pleasant to experience your pain, loss and separation with your head held high, impeccable hairstyle, manicure and makeup. This is a kind of “armor” from all adversities and best recipe from any negativity.
When one source of joy disappears, you should switch to something else, new and interesting. Learn to bake a pie using a new recipe, start studying foreign language, go on a long-awaited vacation, help mom with renovations. Do small acts of kindness that will improve your mood. Reconsider plans for the future - after all, they used to be joint. Vacations, meetings with friends, new experiences, a change of profession will be the beginning of a new life.

How to break up with a guy

Common misconceptions when breaking up

It would seem that the relationship is over and the end has been put. But many begin to look within themselves for the reasons for what happened. A person is visited by negative thoughts, and a feeling of guilt appears.