The child grows quickly, surprising his parents with his new behavior. Until recently, he smiled sweetly at the whole world and people, but now he is ready to cry, be capricious and get into a fight. If parents are unprepared for the fact that their baby will begin to develop negative qualities, then they find themselves at a dead end: “Where does the child appear from? How to deal with aggression? When parents witness that children display aggression with all its inherent signs and causes, the question arises of treating children for this quality.

Aggression in children

Childhood years are initial stage, when kids begin to copy their parents and friends, trying new behavior patterns. Aggression in children is a unique pattern of behavior that is reinforced for many years if they achieve their goals. For example, if a child wanted to get someone else’s toy and he managed to do this by showing aggression, then he will have an association: aggression is good, it helps to achieve what he wants.

All children try aggressive behavior as a pattern of behavior. However, subsequently, aggressiveness in some children becomes a character quality that they constantly display, while in others it becomes only a reaction to the cruelty of the world around them. Typically, aggression in children is a form of expressing their indignation at factors that arise in the world around them. A child can either express his emotions verbally or at the level of actions (cry, fight, etc.).

In almost every team there is an aggressive child. He will bully, get into fights, call names, kick and provoke other children in other ways. The first signs of aggression in children appear in infancy, when the child is weaned. It is during the period when the child does not feel protected and needed that he begins to worry.

The aggression of many children is an attempt to attract the attention of parents who pay little attention or ignore them altogether. “Nobody needs me,” and the child begins to try various behavioral models that will help him attract attention. Cruelty and disobedience often help him in this. He notices that his parents begin to communicate with him, twitch, and worry. Once such behavior helps, it begins to be reinforced for life.

Cause of aggression in children

Like any person, children have their own unique reasons for aggression. One child may be bothered by “cold parents”, while the other may be worried about the inability to have the toys they want. There are enough reasons for aggression in a child to highlight a whole list of them:

1. Somatic diseases, disruption of the functioning of parts of the brain.
2. Conflictual relationships with parents who do not pay attention, are not interested in the child, and do not spend time with him.
3. Copying the behavior patterns of parents who themselves are aggressive both at home and in society.
4. Parents' indifference to what is happening in the child's life.
5. Emotional attachment to one parent, where the second acts as an object of aggression.
6. Low self-esteem, the child’s inability to manage his own experiences.
7. Inconsistency of parents in education, different approaches.
8. Insufficient development of intelligence.
9. Lack of skills to establish relationships with people.
10. Copying the behavior of characters from computer games or watching violence from TV screens.
11. Parental cruelty towards a child.

Here we can recall cases of jealousy that arise in families where the baby is not the only child. When parents love another child more, praise him more, pay attention to him, then this causes indignation. A child who feels unwanted often becomes aggressive. His targets of aggression are animals, other children, sisters, brothers and even parents.

The nature of the punishment that parents use when the child has done something wrong also becomes important. Aggression provokes aggression: if a child is beaten, humiliated, criticized, then he himself begins to become like that. Leniency or severity as methods of punishment always lead to the development of aggressiveness.

Where does a child's aggression come from?

The website for psychotherapeutic assistance notes that children’s aggression has many causes. There can be family problems, lack of what you want, experimentation of your behavior, deprivation of something valuable, as well as somatic disorders. Children always copy the behavior of their parents. Often adults need to look at how they behave in the presence of children in order to understand where the child's aggression comes from.

The first manifestations of aggression may be bites, which are committed by a 2-year-old child. This is a way to show your strength, establish your power, show who is in charge. Sometimes a child simply looks at the reaction of the world around him by displaying this or that behavior. If the mother shows aggression, then the baby simply copies her.

At the age of 3, aggression manifests itself due to the desire to have a beautiful toy. The children begin to push, spit, break toys, and become hysterical. The parents' desire to force the child to calm down is unsuccessful. Next time the baby will simply increase his aggression.

4-year-old children become calmer, but their aggressiveness begins to manifest themselves in games where they need to defend their point of view. A child at this age does not accept the opinions of others, does not tolerate invasion of his territory, does not know how to sympathize and understand the desires of others.

At the age of 5, boys begin to try their hand at displaying physical aggression, and girls – at verbal aggression. The boys begin to fight, and the girls give nicknames and ridicule.

It is at the age of 6-7 that children learn to control their emotions a little. This does not manifest itself in a wise approach to business, but simply in hiding one’s feelings. Being aggressive, they can take revenge, tease, fight. This is facilitated by feelings of abandonment, lack of love and an antisocial environment.

Signs of aggression in children

Only a child can feel his emotions. He is not always able to recognize them and understand the reasons. This is why parents notice too late that something is wrong with their child. Typically, signs of aggression in children are the actions they perform:

• They call names.
• They take away the toys.
• They beat their peers.
• They are taking revenge.
• They don't admit their mistakes.
• They refuse to follow the rules.
• They are angry.
• They spit.
• They pinch.
• They swing at others.
• They use offensive words.
• They are hysterical, often for show.

If parents use the method of suppression in raising a child, then the child simply begins to hide his feelings. However, they don’t go anywhere.

The child's frustration and helplessness forces him to look for any ways to cope with the problem. If parents do not understand the child’s feelings, then their measures only aggravate the child’s behavior. This further depresses the child who did not want what the parents did. When there is a lack of sincerity and caring on the part of the parents, then the child begins to lash out at them or other children.

It all starts with the child trying hysterical forms of aggression: protest, screaming, crying, etc. When toys are beaten and broken, the child thus throws out his indignation.

After this period, there comes a time when the child begins to try his verbal skills. Here words are used that he heard from his parents, from TV or from other children. A “verbal fight”, where only the child should win, is a common way of displaying aggression.

The older the baby, the more he begins to combine physical strength and verbal attacks. The method that he is most successful in achieving his goal, he uses and improves.

Treatment of aggression in children

You shouldn't hope that various methods for the treatment of aggression in children will completely eliminate this quality. It should be understood that the cruelty of the world will always evoke aggressive emotions in any healthy person. When a person is forced to defend himself, then aggression becomes useful. “Turning the other cheek” when you are humiliated or beaten becomes the path to a hospital bed.

Thus, when treating aggression in children, remember that you are helping the child cope with his internal problems, and not with eliminating his emotion. Your task is to preserve aggression as an emotion, but eliminate it as a character trait. In this case, parents take an active part. If their parenting measures make the situation even worse, then the treatments used by psychologists become more complex and lengthy.

You should not hope that the child will become kinder with age. If you miss the moment of emergence of aggression, this can lead to the formation of this phenomenon as a character quality.

The most effective way to eliminate aggression is to correct the problem that makes the child angry. If the baby is just being capricious, then you should not react to his hysterics. If we are talking about a lack of attention, love, general leisure, then you should change your relationship with the child. Until the cause of aggression is eliminated, it will not disappear on its own. Any attempts to persuade a child to no longer be angry will only lead to the fact that he will simply learn to hide his own feelings, but the aggression will not disappear anywhere.

At the moment when a child shows aggression, you should understand the factors that cause it. What triggers trigger the aggressiveness mechanism? Often parents, by their actions, cause anger and indignation in the child. Changing the behavior of parents entails changes in the actions of the child.

How to deal with aggression?

Often the cause of aggression in children is poor relationships with parents. Thus, aggression can be dealt with only by correcting the behavior of both parents and children. Here are exercises that the child can do alone or with his parents. Good exercise become role-playing games, where the child and parents change places. The baby has the opportunity to show how his parents behave towards him. Also here, scenes are played out when a child behaves badly, and parents learn to communicate with him correctly.

It would be a good idea for parents to study the literature or consult with a family psychologist, where they can get information about how to properly respond to a child’s aggression, how to raise him and what ways to pacify his anger.

The behavior of the parents themselves, not only towards the child, but also towards other people, becomes important. If they themselves show aggression, then it becomes clear why their child is aggressive.

Both parents should have similar approaches to raising children. They must be consistent and unified. When one parent allows everything and the other forbids everything, this allows the child to love one and hate the other. Parents must think through the measures and principles of their upbringing so that the child understands what is normal and correct.

Methods also used here:

• Pillow beating.
• Switching attention to another activity.
• A drawing of one’s own aggression that can be torn apart.
• Parents' exclusion of intimidation, offensive words at the time of a child's aggression, and blackmail.
• Maintaining a nutritious diet.
• Sport.
• Doing relaxation exercises.

Parents should spend more leisure time with their children and take an interest in their thoughts and experiences. It also helps to exclude aggressive computer games from entertainment and watch violent programs and films. If the parents are divorced, then the child should not feel this. His communication should take place calmly with both his mother and father.

Bottom line

Aggression cannot be completely eliminated from a person’s life, but it can be learned to understand and control. It's good when aggression is a reaction, not a quality of character. The result of upbringing, when parents are engaged in eliminating aggressiveness in their children, is independence and a strong personality.

The prognosis in the absence of parental attempts to help the child control his rage may be disappointing. Firstly, when a child reaches adolescence, he may find bad friends. Everyone gets them. Only children who can control their aggression soon leave the “bad companies” themselves.

Secondly, the child will be confused. He does not know how to understand his experiences, assess the situation, or control his actions. The result of such behavior can be prison or death. Either the child, when he grows up, will become a criminal, or will find himself in a situation where he will be maimed or killed by other aggressive people.

The boundaries of what is permitted are erased for a person who does not learn to manage his emotions. This is often seen in criminals. As a result of the lack of education to eliminate aggression, the emotion becomes consolidated and formed into a quality of character. As you know, no one likes evil people. Only equally aggressive people can surround someone who is angry at the world. Is this the future that parents want for their child?

Aggressive child often . He is either afraid to be left alone, or understands that he cannot interest anyone or make anyone fall in love with him. All people desire to be accepted. This is what a child wants, who simply does not yet understand that aggression only pushes people away from him even more. If parents do not reach out to a child who is angry, then he may wonder what else he can do to get his parents to love him again.

Aggression is most often part of the normal growth and development of normal children and it often appears in young children and preschoolers. Babies do not yet know how to speak and express their dissatisfaction or their desires, so aggression is the only way to express them.

Even if a child’s aggressive actions are “normal” to a certain extent, it is still necessary to react to attacks of aggression and try to stop them. An aggressive act in an 18-month-old child will not have the same meaning as in a 4-year-old child. Interventions to prevent aggression will also vary, but are necessary to demonstrate to the child that his actions are unacceptable and that there are other ways to express his emotions, and to prevent these episodes of aggression from happening again.

To control their aggression, children need active support from their parents. Effective measures taken in connection with aggressive behavior in children early age have a positive impact on their subsequent social development and adaptation.

Many parents, trying to eradicate any hint of the existence of aggression in their child, most often deal with superficial symptoms and ignore the root of the problem. As a result, the situation worsens even more.

Causes of childhood aggression

Often aggression is a consequence of frustration when one or another need of the child is not satisfied. A child who experiences hunger, lack of sleep, poor health, feels less loved, less desired, perhaps rejected by his parents/peers - may become aggressive, which will result in an attempt to cause physical or mental harm to himself or others.

It is quite clear to many parents what “conditions suitable for the upbringing and development of a child” are: the child must be fed on time, clothed, shod, provided with clubs/teachers, etc. Such a concept as “lack of parental love and care” is puzzling.

Meanwhile, many children experience a lack of love in the family due to the parent’s inattention to the wishes of the child himself, as well as due to numerous quarrels between parents, divorce, illness or death of one of the parents, and due to physical and/or psychological abuse.

The child, in pursuit of parental love, uses physical force against younger and weaker brothers and sisters, or puts psychological pressure on them in order to assert themselves. Later, he will learn to apply the new skills he has acquired among his peers.

How does childhood aggression manifest itself at different ages?

The founders of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, Melanie Klein and others wrote that aggression is an innate instinct. An example of this can be seen when children, out of excess of love, begin to beat their mother. It is important to stop this behavior and explain it with the words “Mom is hurt.”

Over time, in the process of upbringing, the child learns to cope with internal aggression using psychological defense mechanisms, such as sublimation, expressing his aggression on paper, or projection, transferring internal aggression to others and perceiving them as aggressive people, etc. Or it can transform aggression into constructive activity.

So, in an attempt to avoid aggression, your child suddenly begins to actively clean the house, selflessly learn a new piece of music. musical instrument, play sports, etc.

IN early childhood manifestation aggressive behavior considered normal, but with age it becomes unacceptable. The child must learn to express his feelings in words, and young aggressors become professionals in the epistolary genre. Physical aggression smoothly transforms into psychological attacks. Already from the age of 10, a frequent form of aggression in schools towards a child is boycott.

Types of childhood aggression

There is an open manifestation of aggression - when your child expresses his protest with screams or fists. Children and adolescents who do not know how to openly conflict and express their disagreement and dissatisfaction, conflict in a hidden form and often their aggression leads to self-destruction.

An example of such hidden aggression in younger age, there may be problematic behavior with peers: a desire to subjugate another, inability to come to a common decision, reluctance to study, do homework, encopresis (fecal incontinence), casual phrases about unwillingness to live, abdominal/head pain (although tests carried out in the clinic show that the child is healthy).

In adolescence, hidden aggression manifests itself in the fact that a guy or girl finds it difficult to build healthy relationships with peers, experiences bouts of jealousy, and is unable to respect the desires and decisions of another person.

Trying to cope with internal tension, a teenager may begin to use not entirely healthy methods of coping in an attempt to “forget.” Alcohol, drugs, early sex life, cuts on body parts, anorexia. Disappointment, resentment and dissatisfaction not spoken out loud can lead to the development of depression.

Does a certain parenting style influence children's aggression?

Over the course of many years of working as a family psychotherapist, I noticed that parents, through their upbringing, shape not only the behavior and worldview of their children, but also program their future.

I remember a joke:

In Dr. Freud's office.
- Doctor, my son is just some kind of sadist: he kicks animals, frameskicks the elderly, tears off the wings of butterflies and laughs!
- How old is he? - 4 years.
- In that case, there’s nothing to worry about, it will pass soon,
and he will grow up to be a kind and polite person.
- Doctor, you calmed me down, thank you very much.
- You're welcome, Frau Hitler...

Used in different families different styles education. Some parents set too strict boundaries, they do not know how to communicate with the child, and the goal of education is complete control and obedience. Trying to be a good boy or a good girl at home, the child is forced to express all his dissatisfaction in the kindergarten or at school, often in an aggressive form.

There are parents, on the contrary, who are overly sensitive to their children, often listen to them, are afraid of offending the child’s feelings, so as not to injure them, God forbid.

Over time, it becomes increasingly difficult for such parents to set boundaries in their upbringing and limit their child. The inability of such parents to build boundaries and permissiveness lead to the child feeling stronger than his own parents, that he can do anything, and begins to show aggression towards his parent/brothers/sisters and towards peers.

In families with two or more children, parents can probably remember that having given birth to a younger one, they do not always have the strength and time to care for the older one. But, if parents systematically ignore and do not notice the older child, then he begins to feel “transparent” (children’s statement). And in order not to experience this heavy internal tension, the child’s behavior becomes impulsive, aggressive, with frequent mood swings. Thus, according to the children, “THEY ARE SEEN.”

The correct parenting strategy is that parents openly show love with words, gestures, affection, are interested in the lives of their children, are sensitive, notice if something happens to the child and try to console him. These parents control their children, but also know how to trust. A child who grows up in a family with healthy communication will use aggression only for self-defense. He will be able to express any dissatisfaction in an open form, in words.

Aggression towards parents: reasons and what to do?

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon in our society. More and more often I deal with families where a child insults and beats his parents. This causes enormous suffering for both the parent and the child, who feels like a monster. In this case, the parent needs to learn to set boundaries in education.

Don't wait for the situation to escalate; stop unwanted behavior immediately. How do you know when exactly to stop unwanted behavior? Believe me, you will feel it yourself. As soon as the child’s behavior causes you discomfort, you as a parent are obliged to stop it with the words: “This is unpleasant for me” or “I do not intend to continue the conversation in this form,” etc.

Respect yourself and by doing this you will teach your child to be sensitive to the needs of other people and to respect their personal space. A child who has been taught to respect his family members will definitely treat people around him and outside the family with respect.

Aggression towards peers: causes and what to do?

There may be several reasons for aggression towards peers. The child may lack parental attention, or the parent has a clear preference for his brother/sister, or the child is simply spoiled and unlearned to respect others, and may be going through a difficult period in his life, in the event of illness, death, or divorce of his parents. In each individual case, a different approach is applied.

A family therapist, observing the dynamics of family relationships, is able to diagnose the problem and find an appropriate solution.

Differences in aggressiveness between boys and girls

We talked about how aggression is an innate instinct in both boys and girls. The manifestation of aggressive behavior, of course, differs between boys and girls, depending on the accepted norms in society. If a conflict between boys that turns into a fight is perceived as normal, then a fight between girls can cause serious bewilderment among both peers and the older generation.

In the process of evolution, girls learned to use not physical, but verbal aggression, including intrigue and manipulation. Very rarely are boys the organizers of a boycott; usually this is the prerogative of girls.

Does childhood aggression go away with age?

No, childhood aggression in no way goes away with age, so it is important to learn to accept aggression rather than fight it. Over the years, many people learn to listen to themselves, their body, to be aware of their aggression, to accept it, realizing that this is a transitory feeling. By expressing our pain/dissatisfaction/disappointment out loud, we learn to cope with this feeling.

An adult who does not know how to properly conflict and express his disagreement will subconsciously express his internal aggression towards his husband/wife through increased jealousy and/or an affair. This person is not able to respect the wishes of another person and will actively impose his opinion and his will.

At work, this can be expressed in intrigue, manipulation of others, or abuse of power.

How to correct a child's aggression? What should parents of an aggressive child do?

First of all, it is important to understand whether the child’s aggressive behavior is normal or pathological. Mothers come to me who are unable to accept their son’s aggressive behavior, whereas at a young age, up to 6 years old, it is absolutely normal. While it is difficult for a child to express himself verbally, he expresses this through behavior.

Learn to talk to your child. Explain that when he is angry, he can throw out his aggression on an inanimate object (pillow, mattress).

Enroll your child in sports section, for healthy expression of aggression. It is advisable that the child choose it himself.

Hug your child more often, show your love and care. Teach your child to talk: about his joy, about his pain, about his experiences. A child who receives psychological support from his parents is able to verbally express his feelings. He won't have to express aggression in other ways.

Often, parents notice what they think is aggressive behavior in a child aged 5–6 years. It can manifest itself in different ways, for example, in excessive touchiness, a tendency to quarrel with adults and children, and intemperance. The task of the parent of such a child is to understand the reason for his aggressiveness and reduce such behavior to nothing.

However, first of all, you need to understand what the concept of “child aggression” is? How is it different from ordinary anger, which every person experiences from time to time? How to recognize aggressive behavior in children? BrainApps will answer these and many other questions.

What is aggressiveness?

The word "aggression" is of Latin origin and literally means "attack." Aggression in children is not uncommon, but adults are also susceptible to similar behavior. Its main problem is an acute contradiction to the norms established in society. Aggressive behavior causes psychological discomfort in others and often causes physical, moral and material damage. The aggressiveness of children is something that cannot be tolerated, because the behavior of young children can be controlled, but growing up, an aggressive child turns into an aggressive adult and poses a threat to others.

How can you tell if your child is aggressive?

• He often behaves unrestrainedly, does not know how or does not want to control himself. In some cases, an aggressive child tries to control his emotions, but nothing works.
• Likes to spoil things, gets pleasure when he breaks or destroys something, for example, toys.
• Constantly gets into arguments with peers and adults, swears.
• Refuses to comply with requests and instructions, knows the rules, but does not want to adhere to them.
• Commits acts out of spite, deliberately trying to provoke a negative reaction in the people around him: irritation, anger.
• He does not know how to admit mistakes and offenses; he makes excuses until the last moment or shifts the blame onto others.
• The child remembers insults for a long time and always seeks revenge. There is excessive envy.

Please note that children, especially those aged 5-6 years, have bouts of disobedience. Anger caused by a serious reason, such as resentment or unfair punishment, is an absolutely normal reaction. You should only sound the alarm if you have been regularly noticing at least 4 of the listed signs in your children’s behavior for more than six months.

Reasons why aggression occurs in young children:

Aggression in young children can be caused by problems in the family.

Most causes of abnormal behavior small child you need to look in his environment. The environment in which children grow and develop is of great importance in the development of personality. Children form their own behavior based on the behavior of loved ones, that is, parents and relatives.

A common reason why children behave aggressively is a tense environment at home. It is not necessary to show aggression towards children; it is enough for parents to often quarrel among themselves. If a child sees aggression from his parents, is present during altercations, or hears screams, this cannot but affect his emotional state.

Quite a few 5-6 year old children form their own behavior patterns by looking at their parents. If mom or dad exhibits aggressive behavior outside the home, for example, in a store or clinic, this can cause children to become aggressive.

Aggression in children caused by socio-biological reasons

As we have already said, aggression in children aged 5 years old appears due to the environment in which he grows up, so aggressive behavior can be caused by misunderstandings. What do parents talk about among themselves when they think that the child does not hear or does not understand? What views on life do they hold and how are they voiced? Let's say mom or dad express disdain or hostility towards people who earn little money.

In such families, young children are aggressive towards, for example, peers who have shabby clothes or old, cheap toys. For the same reason, children 5 years old can show aggression, for example, towards the cleaning lady in kindergarten or on the street.

Aggressive behavior in children as a consequence of lack of attention.

When a small child shows aggression, the reason for this behavior may be a banal attraction of attention. If parents do not spend enough time with their child and are indifferent to his achievements and successes, this often becomes the cause of deep resentment in children and, as a result, aggression.

The less attention a child receives, the more likely it is that he will begin to show signs of aggression. There is a fairly clear connection between lack of attention and lack of education. Perhaps the child was simply not explained how to behave with adults and peers? A 5-6 year old child does not yet understand how to behave in society if his parents do not help him, he chooses a model of behavior intuitively and does not always do it correctly.

It is very important that parenting for children aged 5 is consistent and unified. Parents should have the same views on education. When mom and dad cannot agree on the upbringing and behavior of children, everyone pulls the blanket over themselves, and as a result, the children get confused. Ultimately, this results in a lack of education and aggression in children.

Another common reason for aggressive behavior in children in the family is the presence of a favorite among their parents. For example, my mother is constantly strict, forces her to follow the rules, help her around the house, and often scolds her. Dad, on the contrary, behaves kindly with the child, gives gifts, and allows a lot. Children aged 5–6 years are already able to choose a favorite among their parents. If parents suddenly start to quarrel, the child will most likely show aggression towards the less beloved parent, defending the favorite.

Aggression in children caused by personal reasons

Sometimes an aggressive child shows signs of an unstable, unstable psycho-emotional state. There can be quite a few reasons.

In some cases, the reason for such aggressive behavior is the presence of fears. The child is tormented by a feeling of anxiety, tormented by fears and nightmares. The aggressiveness of children in this case is just a defensive reaction.

If parents have not instilled in the child a sense of self-respect, a child under 6-7 years of age may express dissatisfaction with himself and his own behavior through aggression. Such children perceive failures acutely, cannot come to terms with them, and often do not like themselves. Such an aggressive child experiences negative emotions towards himself, and at the same time towards the world around him.

The reason for aggression at 5-6 years old may be a banal feeling of guilt. The kid has unfairly offended or hit someone, he is ashamed, but for some reason he cannot admit his mistake. As a rule, this is excessive pride and an inability to admit one’s mistakes. By the way, parents should teach this skill to the child. Often the aggressiveness of such children is even directed towards children towards whom they feel guilty.

Aggression in children caused by physical health problems.

The causes of aggression do not always lie in the psychological state of the child or his environment. Aggression and aggressiveness are often associated with somatic diseases, for example, with disorders of the brain. They can be caused by severe head injuries, infections, and intoxication.

Remember, if aggressive behavior began to appear after a traumatic brain injury, for example, after a concussion, the cause of aggression may be precisely this injury.

Sometimes the cause of aggressive behavior in children 5–6 years old is heredity. Often, the parents of a 5-6 year old child who shows aggression abused alcohol, narcotic and psychotropic substances before conception.

Could the cause of children's aggressiveness lie in their passion for video games?

Scientists have been arguing for quite some time about whether the cause of aggressive behavior can be a passion for violent computer games. In fact, games themselves rarely cause aggression. Involvement in games with a lot of violence and cruelty is more likely a consequence of aggressive behavior. Of course, such games affect the human brain, making him less compassionate, but this is not enough to turn a peaceful, obedient child into an aggressive one.

How to deal with a 5-7 year old child who is showing aggression?

If you notice aggression in the behavior of a child under the age of 6–7 years, and then were able to identify the reason for this behavior, you need to learn how to behave correctly. Child psychologists and teachers have developed a whole list of recommendations on how to behave correctly with an aggressive child. These rules will not only prevent children’s behavior from getting worse, but also correct it.

1. Don’t react to minor aggression from children.

If children show aggression, but you understand that it is harmless and caused by objective reasons, it is most reasonable to behave as follows:

• pretend not to notice the aggressive behavior;
• show that you understand children's feelings, say the phrase: “I understand that you are unpleasant and offended”;
• try to switch the child’s attention to an object far from the object of aggression, offer to do something else, play.

The aggression of children, and adults, can accumulate, so sometimes you just need to listen carefully to what the child wants to convey to you. In addition, do not forget that a child aged 5–6 years critically needs the attention of an adult, which means ignoring is a powerful and effective method behavior correction.

2. Assess your child's behavior, not his personality.

Stay calm and speak in a firm, friendly voice. It is important for you to show your child that you are not against him, but against his aggressive behavior. Do not emphasize that similar behavior has already been repeated. Use the following phrases:

• “I don’t like you talking to me like that” - you show your feelings;
• "Do you want to hurt me?" – you show what aggressive behavior leads to;
• “You are behaving aggressively” is a statement of incorrect behavior;
• “You are not behaving according to the rules” is a reminder that aggressive behavior leads to violation of the rules.

After attacks of aggressive behavior, you need to talk to children. Your task is to show that aggression harms the child himself most of all. Be sure to discuss behavior and aggression, try to imagine with your child how it would be better to act in such a situation.

3. Keep your own negative emotions under control

Aggressive behavior in children is unpleasant. Children's aggression can manifest itself in screams, tears, swearing, and it would seem that the natural reaction of an adult to disrespectful treatment is retaliatory aggression. Just don’t forget that you are an adult who is able to control your own emotions.

If a child at 5-7 years old shows aggression, try to remain calm and friendly. Your goal is harmony in the family, a calm, obedient child, and this is not possible without establishing partnerships between children or parents. Therefore, do not raise your voice, do not shout, control your own gestures. Clenching your jaw, clenched fists, and a frown are signs of aggression that should be avoided when interacting with children. In addition, avoid making value judgments about the personality of the child and his friends, do not try to lecture, and of course, do not use physical force.

4. Take care of your child's reputation

Aggression in children often leads to moments when it is difficult for children to admit that they are wrong. It may seem that a child of 5 years old is small and does not yet understand anything, but this is a sufficient age to feel the desire to maintain a reputation. Even if the child is wrong, try not to condemn him publicly, and do not show others your negative attitude. Public shaming is not very effective and will most likely lead to even more aggressive behavior.

Also, learn to make concessions. When you have found out the reason for aggressive behavior, offer your child a compromise way out of the situation; when raising children 5–6 years old, this is the best option. In this case, the child does not feel the need to completely obey, he obeys “in his own way,” which will more likely help resolve the conflict.

5. Choose the kind of behavior that you expect from your children.

You should always remember that when children 5 years old show aggression, you must overcome yourself and, no matter what you feel, show a non-aggressive behavior pattern. When children display aggressive behavior, pause, do not argue, and do not interrupt. Remember that sometimes children need some alone time in moments of aggression to calm down. Give your child this time. And most importantly, express calm with your gestures, facial expressions, and voice.

We have already said that children tend to adopt the behavior of their parents. Friendliness and non-aggression are inherent in children by nature, so they quickly adopt a non-aggressive model of behavior from their parents.

If you adhere to the listed rules, sooner or later it will help overcome aggressive behavior in children. You, however, can speed up the process and help a 5-6 year old child get rid of aggression more quickly. For example, children's aggression is eliminated in some cases physical activity. Send your child to a sports section so that he can burn off excess energy. If you notice the beginnings of aggressive behavior in children, ask them to talk about their feelings, offer to draw emotions or model them out of plasticine. This will somewhat distract the child from anger and, perhaps, reveal some talent in him.

Thus, to summarize, we can say: the most important thing when signs of aggression appear in children is to remain calm, to be an understanding parent who seeks compromises.

The aggressive behavior of a five-year-old child is expressed in the fact that he begins to break, destroy objects that come his way, and offends those around him, who often have nothing to do with his offenses. Parents usually cannot find an explanation for such actions of their children. There is always a reason that provokes a child to aggressive behavior. And finding out is the joint task of parents, teachers and psychologists.

An aggressive child at 5 years old may be hysterical or manipulative

If there is such a bully kid in the team, then the well-being of the children's group is jeopardized.

Aggressive behavior of five-year-old children is expressed in the fact that they lose control, argue with elders, and behave rudely and ruthlessly with peers. Such a child will never admit to his mistakes; he will definitely justify himself and shift the blame onto other children.

Traits such as vindictiveness, envy, wariness and suspicion are characteristic of children prone to aggression.

Definition of aggressiveness in children preschool age

If you observe the behavior of five-year-old bullies, you will notice the following signs:

• the child constantly tries to bully, push or call other children;
• he likes to break or destroy things;
• he constantly tries to provoke others, angers teachers, parents or peers in order to receive reciprocal aggression;
• he deliberately does not fulfill the demands of adults, for example, does not go to wash his hands, does not tidy up toys, in order to be scolded. Moreover, having received a remark, he may burst into tears so that they begin to feel sorry for him. This is how an aggressive child can “release” internal tension and anxiety.

Aggressive children often start fights

The reasons for a child’s aggressive behavior at this age can be the family situation, temperament, socio-biological reasons, the age component, and even “personal” circumstances. Each child must be dealt with individually. But it is still possible to systematize the reasons.

Discord in the family is one of the serious reasons that causes anger in a 5-year-old child. Frequent quarrels and family disputes provoke the child’s anger. He projects family relationships onto the environment.

Parental quarrels are the cause of aggressiveness

Indifference on the part of relatives is another reason for a child’s aggressive behavior. In an atmosphere of indifference, the emotional connection between the child and parents does not develop. At the age of five, children really need this connection.

Lack of respect for the child. As a result, the baby is not confident in himself, begins to develop complexes and assert himself.

As a rule, all these feelings are expressed in the manifestation of anger towards others and oneself.

Excessive control or lack thereof also leads to aggression.

Family reasons for aggression

Personal reasons that cause aggression lie in the instability and instability of the child’s psycho-emotional state. The most common are the following:

Certain situations can trigger children's aggression. For example, a child is overtired, he is overwhelmed by impressions of what he saw or heard, he simply did not sleep well. All this can result in an outburst of anger.

Problems with learning can cause outbursts of aggression

Sometimes certain foods can cause aggression. For example, the level of cholesterol in the blood may decrease, as a result of which aggressiveness will increase (this is an officially proven fact by science).

Or, for example, due to excessive consumption of chocolate, a child may experience outbursts of anger.

Environmental conditions can also cause children to become angry. Loud noise, vibrations, stuffiness, or being in a small space can irritate your child.

The amount of chocolate and aggression in children are interconnected

It has been noticed that children who permanently live in areas of busy highways, near the railway, are much more irritable than those who live in residential areas.

The type of temperament also influences the manifestation of aggression. There is one nuance here - temperament cannot be corrected. But, knowing the signs of each type of temperament, you can correct the child’s behavior.

A melancholic child tends to experience stress from participating in competitions and from various innovations. These conditions make them feel angry, but they express their emotions passively.

There is an opinion that the Internet and computer games contribute to aggression

In phlegmatic people, aggression is also expressed, one might even say calmly. The balance of the nervous system allows owners of this type of temperament to control themselves. External manifestations of rage are very rare in such children.

Sanguine people tend to be peaceful and are not inclined to show aggression towards other children. A sanguine child is aggressive only when he has exhausted all possibilities for peaceful resolution of issues.

But choleric people are prone to fits of rage from childhood. A child of this psychotype is characterized by extreme imbalance, nervousness and hot temper. More often than not, they take actions first and then think about their actions.

At the age of five, boys show signs of aggression much more often than their peers. It is at this age that children begin to differentiate by gender. The social stereotype that a boy should be stronger, and therefore more militant, than a girl plays an important role.

Reasons for different types of aggressiveness

Causes social plan in this age category also matter. Children at the age of 5 are observant; they assimilate the value systems that are accepted in their environment.

So, a child from a family where people are treated depending on their status and social status, may be aggressive towards the cleaning lady, but will be restrained towards the teacher. If there is a cult of material wealth in the family, then a child at the age of 5 will take these values ​​for granted and will direct his aggression towards those who earn little, towards those children who do not have expensive toys.

Violence against a child can cause aggression

Forms and purposes of aggression in five-year-old children

Aggression in children aged five can be expressed both physically and verbally. Moreover, aggressive behavior can have either a mental or emotional basis. What is the reason for the aggressiveness of five-year-old children? What do they want to achieve with their bellicose behavior?

And the goals for children can be the following:

• expressing your anger and hostility;
• an attempt to show one's superiority;
• intimidate others;
• achieve what you want in any way;
• an attempt to overcome any fears.

Aggression against other children is the most common manifestation

Modern psychologists distinguish between 2 options for the manifestation of aggression in children of this age:

1. This is impulsive aggression, which is committed in a hysterical state, it manifests itself spontaneously and is accompanied by very high emotional stress.
2. Predatory aggression, which, most often, is planned as a way to get what you want. For example, by deliberately breaking a toy, a child throws an aggressive tantrum in order to be bought another one.

Moreover, psychologists note that children who are more developed at 5 years old choose the tactics of aggression according to the second option. Whereas, less developed children are more prone to impulsive aggression.

The behavior of children from 4 to 6 years old is characterized by the manifestation of anger towards peers. During this period, children begin to realize that they are part of society, so they have contradictions and grievances, both real and far-fetched. It is these feelings that make the child attack others.

What are the consequences of aggressive behavior?

If a five-year-old bully constantly tries to “bully” his peers, is aggressive towards adults, treats animals with malice, is very sensitive and touchy, then this behavior must be treated with increased attention. All of these symptoms taken together may indicate a predisposition to violent acts.

Parents should closely monitor their child and, if attacks of anger recur periodically, then they should seek help from specialist psychologists. This behavior is truly a problem that needs to be addressed.

Fights in kindergarten - consequences of aggressiveness

What factors can increase the aggressive behavior of a five-year-old child?

Teachers, psychologists and parents should be very careful if

• the child has experienced any violence;
• he observed violence in the family or among others;
• saw violence on television;
• there are people in the family who use alcohol or drugs;
• if the family is at the stage of ending the marriage;
• in a family where there is only a mother, the parents do not have jobs and are not well off;
• Firearms are stored in the house.

Parents must teach their child to be patient and be able to manage emotions. The family should limit their baby from the negative effects of the environment. But it is impossible to isolate the baby. Therefore, you need to talk to the baby and teach him to cope with negative emotions.

Hours of watching TV leads to outbursts of uncontrolled aggression

• The risk of increasing the level of aggression in children aged 5 years arises if mutual understanding with peers is disrupted in a particular child, and the child begins to feel isolated. The result is increased aggressiveness. Parents and teachers should help the child get rid of this, try to set the child up positively and change his behavior.
• There is another factor that stimulates aggressive behavior - shortcomings in upbringing. It happens that parents simply encourage the child to become embittered towards the world around him.
• Depression that occurs in children is also a stimulus for anger.
• Of course, deviations are also a factor that stimulates aggression. mental development. These are various conditions bordering on schizophrenia and paranoia.
• Autistic and mentally retarded children are also susceptible to aggressive attacks. The behavior of such children can be aggressive due to disappointment, resentment, and inability to cope with emotions.
• Destructive disorders can also stimulate aggressive behavior.

In order to cope with the aggressive behavior of a 5-year-old child, you need to find out the cause and stimulating factors of anger.

Parents of those children who are prone to aggression must learn to manage the behavior of their children. Positive contact should be established with the child, and parents should praise him for good behavior.

about the danger of punishment

At 5 years old, a child should not be physically punished. Such punishment will not stop an aggressive child; on the contrary, the problem will worsen. If children who are prone to aggression are punished, they begin to misbehave more often, but hide their actions.

In this case, the child’s psyche may be shaken, and he will develop a desire for violence. Children with such behavior are classified as high-risk groups. As adults, these children are at risk of developing mental illness.

Psychologists believe that a common problem among parents is children’s quarrels with their sisters and brothers. If a child behaves this way towards his family, then with unfamiliar children, he may simply become uncontrollable.

The task of parents is to teach a 5-year-old child the basics of social behavior and emotion management skills.

One of the options is martial arts classes, where the child learns not only the basics of self-defense, but also learns correct behavior.

Teachers and parents should make it clear to children that all issues can be resolved peacefully, learn to assess the situation and control their emotions.

How to reduce a child's aggressiveness through play activities

“Toy in the fist”: Give the child the task of closing his eyes. Let him take a toy or candy in his hand. Then the baby should firmly grasp this object in his fist. After a few seconds, you need to ask to open the handle. The surprise that the child sees in the palm of his hand will be a pleasant surprise.

“Bag of anger”: You need to have a “bag of anger” at home. The child will “put” his aggressive emotions into this bag. If you take an ordinary ball, but instead of air, fill it with grain or sand, then a container will appear where negative aspects are hidden. This pouch is used to avoid aggression.

“Tuh-tibi-duh.” If the child begins to get angry, then you need to invite him to walk around the room, saying the phrase: “Tuh-tibi-doh.”

Words should be pronounced very actively, with anger. As soon as the baby starts to laugh, you need to stop saying these words.

When you see that the child’s behavior is becoming aggressive, he is irritated, then invite him to draw his feelings or mold them from plasticine or salt dough. While working, ask your child about what he is doing and what feelings he is experiencing. These actions distract from an aggressive mood.

Together with your child, make a small pillow “for anger.” As soon as the child begins to get irritated, ask him not to be nervous, but simply beat the pillow with his hands. The hysteria will gradually fade away.

Playing sports is a way to relieve aggressiveness

Make it clear that fighting and attacking others is not a solution to problems. If he is aggressive and angry, then no one will be friends with him.

So, at 5 years old a child can behave aggressively. Factors that provoke aggression are very difficult to avoid. But parents, with the help of teachers and psychologists, must do everything to ensure that the child is irritated as little as possible.

Children's aggression is not unreasonable. It is imperative to find out why the child’s behavior manifests itself in anger.

Perhaps the reasons are in the family, maybe he himself is prone to such manifestations of anger due to his temperament, or perhaps he is not comfortable in a team.

In any case, parents and teachers must find the reasons for this behavior of a 5-year-old child and help him get rid of excessive aggression.

Source:
Aggressive behavior of a child aged 5 years
aggressive behavior of a 5 year old child
http://detki.guru/psihologiya-rebenka/agressivnoe-povedenie-5-let.html

Sometimes the parents of a child who has started going to school or is just about to enter first grade are faced with the problem of attacks of aggression in their child. How to behave during this age crisis and what to do if he does not obey his parents and teachers?

Aggression in children is a negative reaction to various actions or comments of others. If a child is not brought up correctly, this reaction can develop from a temporary one into a permanent one and become a trait of his character.

The sources of a child’s aggressive behavior can be somatic or brain diseases, as well as improper upbringing. Another reason for this behavior may be the age crisis.

At this time, children begin to recognize themselves as students, and this is a new role for them. This contributes to the emergence of a new psychological quality in the child - self-esteem.

Watch a video about the causes of crisis in children aged seven and methods for overcoming it:

From now on this is no longer little baby, but a real adult who strives to become independent. At 6-7 years old, children lose their natural childishness, so they deliberately begin to make faces and behave unreasonably. The reason for this is that children begin to separate the inner “I” from external behavior. They are aware that their behavior can cause reactions from others. Unnatural behavior shows that this is just a child’s experiment, although because of such experiences of the baby, the parents are very worried and worried. Besides, It becomes difficult to put the child to bed or send him to wash, an unusual reaction appears:

• neglect of requests;
• thinking about why to do this;
• negation;
• contradictions and bickering.

During this period, children demonstrably violate parental prohibitions. They criticize any rules that they did not set themselves, and strive to take the position of adults. The existing principles are understood by the child as a childish image that needs to be overcome.

There are times when children begin to make various sounds: croaking, mooing, chirping, and the like. This could just be a continuation of their experiments, but this time with sounds and words. If your child does not have speech problems, then there is no reason to worry. If there are any defects or stuttering, you should consult a doctor.

• Express approval of your child’s independent actions, allow him to be autonomous;
• Try to become an adviser, not a prohibitor. Support in difficult moments;
• Talk to your child about adult topics;
• Find out his thoughts on an issue of interest, listen to him, this is much better than criticism;
• Let the child express his opinion, and if he is wrong, then gently correct him;
• Allow yourself to recognize his views and express agreement - nothing threatens your authority, and your offspring’s self-esteem will be strengthened;
• Let your child know that he is valued by you, respected and understood that if he makes a mistake, you will always be there and provide help;
• Show your child the possibility of achieving the goal. Praise him for his success;
• Try to give answers to all the child’s questions. Even if the questions are repeated, repeat the answer patiently.

Actions that show him that there are other opportunities to attract attention and show strength will help reduce a child’s unstimulated aggression. To look like an adult, you don’t need to assert yourself at the expense of those who are weaker, or use bad words when irritated. The following methods for emotional release are recommended:

1. Tear into pieces paper that you always need to have with you;
2. Shout loudly in a special place;
3. Play sports, run and jump;
4. Knocking out rugs and pillows will be useful;
5. Practice hitting the punching bag;
6. Playing with water helps a lot (contemplation of water and its inhabitants in aquariums, fishing, throwing stones into a pond, etc.)

During attacks of aggression in a child, parents need to be calm and restrained. You need to try to understand how your child feels. The most important thing is to love and understand your baby, give him more attention and time.

Unconditional love - The best way fight against aggression. Moms and dads know their children very well and are able to prevent unexpected outbursts of anger. Physical aggression is easier to curb than verbal aggression. At the moment of a surge of emotions, when the child pouts his lips, squints his eyes, or otherwise demonstrates his dissatisfaction, you need to try to redirect his attention to another object, activity, or simply hold him. If the aggression could not be stopped in time, it is necessary to convince the child that this should not be done, it is very bad.

Among other things, at the age of 7 years, children begin to pay attention to their appearance and clothes. They strive to look like adults. For the first time, the child critically evaluates his behavior. During this period, shyness can very easily develop; the child is not always able to adequately evaluate the opinions of others. An incorrect assessment of what is happening can frighten a child and make him afraid of attracting attention. It may be difficult to establish contacts. But sometimes children are just naturally shy.

A shy child is more susceptible; often those around him are unable to understand him. Moms and dads are advised to emphasize more often good qualities their children. Thus, his self-confidence needs to be nurtured. Under no circumstances should you be angry with your child for his shyness. He may feel somehow flawed, different from the others. This may have a bad effect on the development of his character. As an adult, a person will remember his childhood resentment. A child will not become brave and decisive from constant reproaches, but he is able to withdraw from it.

Here are three easy ways to help your child:

1. Report how people behave.
2. Show how people feel.
3. Don't be negative.

I hope I have explained the essence clearly; if additional explanations are needed, I am ready to answer your questions.

You can find out Dr. Komarovsky’s opinion about the actions of parents by watching the following video.

Source:
Aggression in a 7-year-old child: advice from a psychologist
Everyone knows about the age crisis of 7 years, but not everyone knows how to behave correctly during this period. What to do if he doesn’t listen? Has a 7 year old child developed aggression? You urgently need advice from a psychologist! We will be happy to share information with you about this problem.
http://www.o-krohe.ru/psihologiya/agressiya-u-rebenka-7-let/

Aggression in a child: preventing it from becoming a habit

Aggression in a child: preventing it from becoming a habit

First of all, it must be said that aggression And aggressiveness- these are different concepts. Aggression is, in other words, an active form of expressing the emotion of anger; it is a quick reaction to some kind of “irritant” that is negative for the child, which can manifest itself in causing damage to a person or object. Aggressiveness is behavior that has become habitual, one might even say, a personality quality.

Usually a child starts to fight in a situation where he cannot get his way, then different children achieve this different ways: someone whines, someone throws hysterics, someone, sulking, withdraws, this is how they “punish” adults. And someone tries to defend their desires with their fists.

Until one year of age, the child mainly studies the world. In the second year of life, the child's activity increases. Now he is becoming more interested in people. As a rule, the child already begins to walk, and opportunities for research abilities increase. And therefore aggression manifests itself precisely in the sphere of learning communication and mastering the basic rules of behavior.
The manifestation of a child’s aggression at this age is associated with the inconsistency of parents. Teaching the rules of behavior “depending on the mood” or connivance, permission to do whatever you want, leads to the fact that the child does not form the basic “don’ts”, and therefore he reacts violently when they “suddenly” appear.
The “self-education” of parents helps a lot with this problem: follow only two rules yourself:

1. There should be few of these “don’ts” (no more than five main ones, from the category of things that are dangerous to the life and health of the baby)
2. These “don’ts” must always be followed, regardless of the parents’ mood.

But what to do with the rest of the “cannots”? – Replace them with “maybe.” For example, a child enthusiastically tears book pages, enjoying the sound and his “ability to transform objects” - give him an old newspaper and say that THIS IS POSSIBLE to tear.
To achieve the correct response to the word “impossible”, you need a little: patience, agreement between adults (so that it doesn’t happen: what dad prohibits, mom allows). As the child grows up, the “don’ts” are replaced by others, and this will happen less painfully.

At three or four years old, the phenomenon of “transfer” arises, the essence of which is that the child at this age does not dare to openly pour out his anger on his mother and father (primarily because they are adults and enjoy real authority) and suffers anger and aggressiveness to another, much more harmless object.
Children who, growing up, do not learn to suppress their aggressiveness and communicate with others through oral speech, often turn into real brawlers. With the help of fights, children can get the things they want, but this will make them outcasts in the children's company and other children will be afraid of them. To speed up the “growing up aggression” moment (and help protect other children!), you can use tips to help your child break aggressive habits.