Consultations for parents on issues family education, social, mental development of the child.

BASIC RULES OF FAMILY EDUCATION.

Dear Parents!
The kindergarten offers you cooperation in raising your child. We, the kindergarten and teachers, are also interested in your child becoming a full-fledged person, a cultural, highly moral, creatively active and socially mature person. We work for this, giving children our souls and hearts, our experience and knowledge. In order for your cooperation to be fruitful, we recommend that you adhere to the following basic rules of family education in raising your child.

1. The family is a material and spiritual unit for raising children, for marital happiness and joy.
The basis, the core of the family is marital love, mutual care and respect. The child should be a member of the family, but not its center. When a child becomes the center of the family and parents sacrifice themselves to him, he grows up to be an egoist with high self-esteem, he believes that “everything should be for him.” For such reckless love for himself, he often repays with evil - disdain for his parents, family, and people. No less harmful, of course, is an indifferent, especially disdainful, attitude towards a child; avoid extremes of love for a child.

2. The main law of the family: everyone takes care of each family member, and each family member, to the best of his ability, takes care of the whole family. Your child must firmly grasp this law.

3. Raising a child in a family is a worthy, continuous acquisition by him of useful, valuable life experience in the process of family life. The main means of raising a child is the example of parents, their behavior, their activities, the child’s interested participation in the life of the family, in its worries and joys, this is work and conscientious fulfillment of your instructions. The word is an auxiliary device. The child must do certain housework that becomes increasingly more difficult as he grows older, for himself and for the whole family.

4. The development of a child is the development of his independence. Therefore, do not patronize him, do not do for him what he can and should do himself. Help him acquire skills and abilities, let him learn to do everything you can do. It’s not scary if he does something wrong: the experience of mistakes and failures is useful to him. Explain to him his mistakes, discuss them with him, but do not punish him for them. Give him the opportunity to try himself various matters to determine your abilities, interests and inclinations.

5. The basis of a child’s behavior is his habits. Make sure that he develops good habits and does not develop bad ones. Teach him to distinguish between good and evil. Explain the harm of promiscuity, materialism, lies. Teach him to love his home, his family, kind people, his land. The most important habit for him should be maintaining a daily routine. Develop a reasonable daily routine with him and strictly monitor its implementation.

6. Contradictions in the demands of parents are very harmful for raising a child. Agree them with each other. Even more harmful are the contradictions between your demands and the demands kindergarten, schools, teachers. If you do not agree with our requirements or they are not clear to you, come to us and we will discuss the problems together.

7. It is very important to create a calm, friendly climate in the family, when no one yells at anyone, when even mistakes are discussed without abuse and hysteria. The mental development of a child and the formation of his personality largely depend on the style of family education. The normal style is democratic, when children are given a certain independence, when they are treated with warmth and their personality is respected. Of course, some monitoring of the child's behavior and learning is necessary in order to help them in difficult situations. But it is more important to promote in every possible way the development of self-control, introspection and self-regulation of his activities and behavior. Do not insult the child with your suspicions, trust him. Your trust, based on knowledge, will instill personal responsibility in him. Do not punish a child for telling the truth if he admitted his mistakes himself.

8. Teach your child to take care of the younger and older ones in the family. Let the boy give in to the girl, this is where the education of future fathers and mothers begins, the preparation of a happy marriage.

9. Monitor your child’s health. Teach him to take care of his own health and physical development. Remember that the child experiences age-related crises in one form or another.

10. A family is a home, and like any home, it can deteriorate over time and need repair and renovation. Remember to check from time to time to see if your family home needs any updating or renovation.
We wish you success in the difficult and noble task of raising your child as a family, may he bring you joy and happiness!

TYPES OF FAMILY EDUCATION

The family plays the main role in the formation of moral principles and life principles of the child.

Parents - the first educators - have the strongest influence on children. Also J.-J. Rousseau argued that each subsequent educator has less influence on the child than the previous one. Parents are prior to everyone else; kindergarten teacher, teacher primary classes and subject teachers. They are given an advantage by nature in raising children. Providing family education, its content and organizational aspects are an eternal and very responsible task for humanity.

Type of family upbringing as an integrative characteristic of parental

value orientations, attitudes, emotional attitude towards the child, level of parental competence - is a significant factor in the formation of the “I” in childhood, determines the development of the child, his position in relation to the world.

Hypersocial education, or “correct parents.”

The hypersocial type of upbringing in the family does not cause bewilderment among others; on the contrary, it is supported and approved in every possible way. Neighbors, teachers, and relatives will admire a well-mannered child: he will always say hello and never forget to say goodbye, give him a chair and readily read a poem, will never bother you by shouting or running around, and white socks, put on in the morning, will remain the same until the evening. Only a few, having assessed everything with the experienced eye of a professional or listened to their own feelings, will think: “Something is wrong here, he is too “correct”, as if not a child at all, but a little “old man.”

The child was made this way by his parents, driven by “good intentions” and knowledge gleaned from numerous books. Even before the birth of the child, a “plan” for his development was prepared, in which the parents clearly defined the main “milestones”: “swimming before walking”, nursery from one and a half years old, clubs, sections that are more prestigious, a gymnasium with foreign languages ​​and preferably external studies , institute... The plan may be different, depending on what falls into the zone of the parents’ life values ​​- sports, business, politics, a healthy lifestyle.

Many parents do this, but few are obsessed

fulfillment of the plan. From the very first days, a child’s life is subject to strict rules. The regime and discipline are strictly observed, and much attention is paid to instilling norms of behavior. Parenting methods are not very diverse: control, encouragement, punishment, but within this framework, parents can be very inventive. Just look at the grades for obedience, behavior charts, points, money, gifts and their deprivation, the summation of offenses and the demand for public repentance. All this applies not to a teenager who has gotten out of hand, but to a still small child who is not psychologically ready to be “correct.” The child is deprived of the right to choose, and his own inclinations and desires are not taken into account. Very soon the child begins to understand that in order to be loved, one must be obedient. The category of prohibited includes

feelings of anger, resentment, fear. Yes, and you can only rejoice within the limits of what is permitted, not too loudly and adhering to the norms of behavior. Love becomes a bargaining chip: if you eat porridge, you love it, if you don’t eat it, you don’t love it, and so on in everything.

Kindergarten attracts hyper-social parents by having the same rules and disciplinary norms. The institution is chosen carefully, preference is given to one where there are many additional developmental activities and children have almost no time to play. The same pattern is repeated when the child reaches school.

The consequences of hypersocial upbringing do not always end tragically. But people who grew up in such families often experience problems in building relationships and communication. Their categorical nature and the presence of strong principles, acceptable in a business setting, do not allow them to build warm family relationships.

Self-centered parenting, or everything for the child.

Can there be too much parental love? Probably not, but its excessive manifestations while simultaneously ignoring the interests of others is the essence of an egocentric type of education. The child is perceived by parents as a super value, the meaning of life, an idol to which the entire way of life of the family is subordinated. In a family, a child has no concept of regime or discipline; the word “cannot” is uttered extremely rarely, and even then so uncertainly that it costs the child nothing to turn it into “possible.” Sometimes parents make attempts to introduce some restrictions or even punish the child, but very soon a feeling of guilt makes them regret what they have done: “Well, he is still small and does not understand that it is not good to take and spoil other people’s things without permission, to cause inconvenience to those around him.” screaming, running around, whims.” Those around him - both children and adults, faced with such a king, for some reason refuse to play the role of subjects, and what causes delight at home is perceived in best case scenario indifferent. Any attempts by someone from the outside - relatives, acquaintances, teachers - to make it clear that such upbringing is wrong are met with bewilderment: “After all, we love our child and want him to have a happy childhood!” They are sincere in their desires, they really feel good; They took on the role of parents sacrificing everything for the sake of the child voluntarily and are happy to fulfill it, no matter what madness their child comes up with.

In such a family, the child will definitely be identified with some kind of “talent” and will develop it with all their might. This will take a lot of time and money. And, perhaps, parents will deny themselves the most basic things, easily buying for the child everything that they consider necessary for his development.

An egocentric type of education is difficult to imagine in a large family. These are mainly families in which one child grows up, surrounded by a large

number of adults. Often such an attitude towards a child is introduced by a grandmother, when the appearance of a grandson or granddaughter gives her life new meaning.

Stress and tragedy often occur in the lives of people adored in childhood. The situation that others cope with more quickly may cause depression or a nervous breakdown in that person. Children's illusions that everyone loves you turn into bewilderment and disappointment. Lack of adaptation to life can be expressed in an absolute inability to take care of oneself, not to mention those around you. When such people have children, they can repeat the parental scenario in their upbringing or, on the contrary, they will be indifferent, indifferent, capricious if they perceive the baby as a rival. The only opportunity to learn to live harmoniously with others is to learn basic lessons like

“know how to share”, “think about your neighbor”, “rejoice in what you have given to another

joy". It is better that they are mastered in childhood, so that undivided

parental love did not turn into pain.

Anxious and suspicious education, or to love means to be afraid.

Nothing torments a parent's soul more than fear for their child. A similar condition often occurs in parents whose children go to kindergarten for the first time, in new school, go to a camp or to the country, go to the hospital, or just go away for a visit. This is a natural anxiety caused by the situation, worries about the child, and a violation of the usual way of life. Almost all parents experience this, but over time, the anxiety passes, fear for the child disappears or occurs rarely. Life is getting back into its groove. But it also happens differently. Fear for a child is born along with his birth, and sometimes even earlier. Fear and love merge together

anxious thoughts constantly overcome, even when there is no threat to the life, health and well-being of the baby. They don’t take their eyes off the child, even when he grows up and can do without it. Common illnesses in such families cause panic. Very often, such mothers turn to specialists with the question: “Is this normal, is everything okay with him?”

Parents who perceive the world, as hostile and full of difficulties, strive to prepare their child for the “hardships of life.” They begin to teach him something early and thoroughly prepare him for entering school. Sometimes, in anticipation of upcoming difficulties, they do not notice that they themselves are harming the child right now.

The described behavior options include suspiciousness and suspiciousness. Having no reason to do so, the woman does not let her child go outside, due to the fact that a maniac might steal him. It is especially difficult for a child if an equally anxious grandmother lives under the same roof with the family.

Where does the line between care and reasonable insurance end and begin?

reinsurance based on fears and suspiciousness? After all, tragic incidents do happen to children, and many parents blame themselves for being too carefree about everything. But, as practice shows, children under the care of anxious parents no less often, and perhaps even more often than their peers, become victims of accidents. This is due to the fact that excessive parental care makes them very sensitive to any influence. The child’s mother’s attitudes towards life begin to be accepted very early as truth: since the mother is afraid for him, it means that something is really going to happen. He also has his own fears: vampires, scary dreams, adult guys - everything is like others

children, but they will be difficult and will not disappear with age, but will take on a new form.

In behavior, such a child shows timidity and suspicion, and is reluctant to make contact with new people. Fears crowd out the curiosity and openness inherent in children. As an extreme option, there is a neurotic state that turns into neurosis. Obsessive movements or thoughts, sleep disturbances or rituals that have appeared in the child’s behavior - sure sign that you need to analyze everything that is happening and contact a psychologist.

But it also happens differently. The child very early begins to protest against his parents’ attempts to protect him from something and becomes stubbornly fearless. This option exhausts anxious parents even more, and parenting methods change: instead of guardianship, strict control appears, a strict system of prohibitions is introduced, followed by punishment, and a war of “who will win” begins.

Parenting without love

Not loving your child is unnatural. Any society, regardless of moral principles, religion, or culture, condemns “cuckoo” mothers and fathers who do not recognize their children. But abandoned, unloved children still exist, and variants of parental rejection, which is what we will be talking about, can occur in a different, less pronounced form.

A child who is a source of disappointment to his parents and

irritation, even looks different from other children. Not finding manifestations of love from loved ones, he will strenuously try to receive them from other adults: an ingratiating look, a desire to please, to please, to take an adult’s hand, to climb into his lap. However, it happens differently. A baby, who has not known affection and tenderness since birth, completely rejects anything like this from adults. His attitude towards the world is hostile, he is aggressive, withdrawn, indifferent. Everything described refers to extreme

variants of manifestation of rejection. It can be observed socially

dysfunctional families from parents who do not read books like this and do not think about education at all.

Meanwhile, rejection also occurs in ordinary, apparently prosperous families. The reasons are varied: one of the spouses is against having a child or the family is on the verge of divorce, financial difficulties, pregnancy was not planned... The baby was born, and he is no longer loved. Disappointment in the child may occur later. For example, the birth of a girl when everyone was expecting a boy, a physical defect, an “ugliness” of a child, a capricious, neurotic child.

Sometimes temporary rejection is replaced by acceptance and even adoration. Parents also change, “ripe,” and become wiser. Random early pregnancy, a difficult birth with complications for the mother can inhibit parental feelings.

But it also happens differently. Outwardly caring, “decent” parents devote both time and effort to the child, but it’s just their upbringing methods that are not up to the task. Constant control, all kinds of punishments - from physical to more severe moral ones, after which forgiveness may come, but there is never repentance on the part of the parents. It seems to them that there is no other way with this child. Irritation and annoyance are caused by his behavior, appearance, actions, habits, character traits. The child is called “unlucky”, “armless”, “weeper”, “stupid”.

Parents are trying to remake the child, to fit him to their standard, which they consider correct.

Rejection in the family may be directed at one of the children, the one who, according to the parents, is inferior in comparison with his brother or sister. Fortunately, rejection is rarely global. The father does not love the child, but the mother adores and feels sorry for him, or the child will be given warmth by a teacher, a neighbor, or a distant relative.

The consequences of such upbringing always affect the character, attitude to life, and behavior of the child, and subsequently of the adult. Various kinds of neurotic manifestations and neuroses are an indicator that they are trying to remake the child, “breaking” his nature and depriving him of love. Unconscious, but very strong attitudes towards life that are formed in childhood do not allow later to create a full-fledged family: “Love is pain,” “I am not worthy of love,” “The world is hostile to me.” The severity of the consequences depends on the degree of rejection and individual characteristics child.

The family creates personality or destroys it; it has the power of the family to strengthen or undermine the mental health of its members. The family encourages some personal drives while preventing others, satisfies or suppresses personal needs. The family structures opportunities for achieving security, pleasure and self-realization. It indicates the boundaries of identification and contributes to the emergence of an individual’s image of his “I”. The family prepares the child for life, is his first and deepest source of social ideals, and lays the foundations of civic behavior.

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Working with parents is one of the important activities of employees of preschool educational organizations. Known different shapes such work: speaking at parent meetings, conducting thematic seminars and round tables, individual counseling, designing information stands, holding joint parent-child events, etc. All of them require careful preparation and significant time investment. The materials presented in this article can be directly used in the practical work of a teacher, as well as in the educational process of training students in the specialty “Preschool Education”.

The topic “Characteristics of family education styles” is hotly discussed in the pedagogical literature. But, unfortunately, parents do not always think about how to educate and what impact their actions have on the development of the child. Let's think about it. After all, many Negative consequences family education can be prevented by knowing the main characteristics of parental behavior styles.

Family is a small group based on marriage and consanguinity, whose members are united by living together and running a household, emotional connection and mutual responsibilities to each other.

A social institution, that is, a stable form of relationships between people, within which the main part of people’s daily lives is carried out: sexual relations, childbirth and primary socialization of children, a significant part of household care, educational and medical services.

Family education styles are the most characteristic ways in which parents relate to a child, using certain means and methods of pedagogical influence, which are expressed in a unique manner of verbal communication and interaction.

Each historical era is characterized by its own parenting styles. It depends on what type of personality society is interested in. Many scientists have paid great attention to the issue of studying parenting styles in different historical eras. Among them are J.A. Komensky, I.G. Pestalozzi, J.J. Rousseau and others.

The style of family education should be understood as the most characteristic ways in which parents relate to their children.

Child development begins in the family. And here two types of influencing factors can be distinguished: the environment and the influence of parents. Perceiving the world around him, the child learns what is good and what is bad, what line of behavior to choose in a given situation, how to react to certain events. Parents must help the child learn all this, promote the development of will, the ability to make the right choice, even if it is difficult, and adhere to moral positions in any circumstances.

The choice of family education style is influenced by:

• Types of parental temperaments, their compatibility.
• Traditions of families in which the parents themselves were raised.
• Scientific and pedagogical literature that parents read.
• Level of education of parents.

The main way parents influence is their example; young children always perceive their parents as a standard, copy their actions, accept the views of their parents, trusting them limitlessly. An equally important role in the formation of a child’s personality is played by the parents’ attitude towards him.

Many works by psychologists devoted to child-parent relationships are based on the typology of family education styles proposed by D. Baumrind more than 30 years ago, which substantively described three main styles: authoritarian, authoritative, democratic and permissive.

• Conniving style (synonyms in other sources: indifferent, indifferent, guardianship, indifference);
• Liberal (non-intervention; in some sources, the liberal style is equated with the laissez-faire);
• Authoritarian (autocratic, dictatorship, dominance);
• Authoritative (democratic, harmonious style, cooperation).

Let's present the characteristics of each style in the form of a table, where the first column will describe the actions of parents, and the second - the behavior of children as a result of using the style.

Permissive style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Parents (R.) unconsciously demonstrate a cold attitude towards the child, indifferent to his needs and experiences. R. do not set any restrictions for children; they are exclusively interested in their own problems. R. are convinced that if their child is dressed, shod and fed, then their parental duty is fulfilled. Main method education - carrot and stick, and immediately after punishment can be followed by encouragement - “as long as you don’t yell.” R. often demonstrate a two-faced attitude towards others. In public, R. shows boundless love and trust for their child, emphasizing his merits and justifying his pranks. They develop the child only because they want to get the maximum benefit from it. Such R. like to repeat: So what, I was like that myself and grew up a good man. Permissive style keywords: Do as you please!

(D.) left to their own devices. Alone they are forced to deal with their little problems. Not cared for in childhood, they feel lonely. D. rely only on themselves, showing distrust of others, and have many secrets. Often D. are two-faced, like their parents, they demonstrate servility, flattery, fawning, they like to lie, sneak and brag. Such children do not have their own opinions, do not know how to make friends, sympathize, or empathize, because they were not taught this. There are no prohibitions or moral standards for them. The learning process for D. is not important, what is important is the end result - a mark that they sometimes try to cry out, defend, and challenge. D. are lazy, do not like work, either mental or physical. They make promises but don’t keep them; they are undemanding to themselves but demanding of others. They always have someone to blame. Self-confidence in older age borders on rudeness. The behavior of D. indifferent R. is problematic, which gives rise to constant conflict situations.

Liberal style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

In contrast to the permissive style, liberal parents (R.) deliberately put themselves on the same level as the child, giving him complete freedom. There are no rules of behavior, prohibitions, or real help that a little man needs in a big world. R. mistakenly believe that such upbringing creates independence, responsibility, and contributes to the accumulation of experience. R. do not set goals for education and development, leaving everything to chance. The level of control is low, but the relationship is warm. R. completely trust the child, communicate easily with him and forgive pranks. The choice of a liberal style may be due to the weakness of R.'s temperament, their natural inability to demand, lead, and organize. They either do not know how or do not want to raise a child and, moreover, absolve themselves of responsibility for the result. Key phrase: Do what you think is necessary.

D. liberal parents are also left to their own devices. When they make mistakes, they are forced to analyze and correct them themselves. As adults, out of habit, they will try to do everything alone. D. is likely to develop emotional detachment, anxiety, isolation and distrust of others. Is D. capable of such freedom? The formation of personality in this case largely depends on the environment outside the family. There is a danger of D.'s involvement in asocial groups, since R. are unable to control their actions. Most often, in liberal families either irresponsible and insecure D. grow up, or, on the contrary, uncontrollable and impulsive. At best, D. of liberal parents still become strong, creative, active people.

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Parents with an authoritarian style demonstrate a high level of control and cold relationships. R. have clear ideas about what their child should be like and achieve the goal by any means. R. are categorical in their demands, uncompromising, any initiative or independence of the child is suppressed in every possible way. R. dictate the rules of behavior, they themselves determine the wardrobe, social circle, and daily routine. Methods of punishment and a commanding tone are actively used. R. like to justify themselves by saying that “I was also punished, but I grew up to be a good person,” “The egg doesn’t teach the chicken!” At the same time, R. strive to give their child all the best: clothes, food, education. Everything except love, understanding and affection. Authoritarian style keywords: Do as I want!

D. experience a lack of parental affection and support. They are well aware of all their shortcomings, but are not confident in themselves and their strengths. D. often has a feeling of his own insignificance, a feeling that his parents do not care about him. A personality with a weak self is formed, incapable of contact with the outside world. The results of an overly demanding upbringing: either passivity or aggressiveness. Some children flee, withdrawing into themselves, while others struggle desperately, releasing thorns. Lack of closeness with parents causes hostility and suspicion towards others. Often D. of authoritarian parents run away from home or commit suicide, finding no other way out. Discovering the tyrant in yourself in time and not ruining the child’s life is the primary task of authoritarian parents.

Democratic style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Warm relationships and high control are the optimal conditions for upbringing, according to psychologists. Democratic parents talk with their children, encourage initiative, and listen to their opinions. They coordinate the child's activities and set rules taking into account his needs and interests. R. recognize D.'s right to freedom, but demand discipline, which forms D.'s correct social behavior. R. are always ready to help, nevertheless cultivating independence and responsibility. R. and D. cooperate, act on equal terms, authority, however, remains with the adult. The democratic style can be called the “golden mean”. Key words: I want to help you, I listen to you, I understand you.

The democratic style forms a harmonious type of personality, which is, as we remember, the main goal of modern education. D. grow up to be independent, proactive, reasonable, and self-confident people. These may not be ideal children, but they listen to comments and try to control their behavior. D. often become excellent students and leaders in the team. By raising children in a collaborative manner, parents also invest in their future. Such D. will cause a minimum of trouble, and as adults, they will be a support for the family.

Probably, after familiarizing yourself with the characteristics of the styles, you have a question: “How can this be? We don’t use any of these styles in our family!” or “In our family, all styles have a place!” or “Our family has an individual parenting style!” And you'll be right. Family parenting styles are not always applied by parents in their pure form. For example, in some families, cooperation can sometimes border on indifference, dictate on non-interference, depending on the situation.

Parenting styles are used unconsciously by parents, but they cannot but exist. Lack of education is also a style. Family parenting styles are not always applied by parents in their pure form. For example, in some families, cooperation can sometimes border on indifference, dictate on non-interference, depending on the situation.

Chaotic alternation of styles and inconsistent actions of parents indicate chaotic upbringing. Conversely, parents can overdo it with care, and then cooperation develops into overprotection. In some sources you can find descriptions of the judicious and competitive styles, but again, they can be considered as variants of the main 4 styles.

D. Baumrind identifies three types of children, whose character corresponds to parenting styles:

1. Authoritative parents are proactive, sociable children.
2. Authoritarian parents make irritable, conflict-prone children.
3. Indulgent parents make impulsive, aggressive children.

So how should you raise children? The use of the democratic style alone is not always effective, although in terms of personal development it is certainly the best.

The choice of family education style primarily depends on the personality of the children and parents, on family traditions and moral principles. The upbringing conditions of the parents themselves leave a huge imprint.

In a preschool educational institution, much attention is paid to the pedagogical education of parents, including on the problem of parent-child relationships.

Forms of work of a preschool organization with parents on issues of family education:

• Conducting general (group, individual) meetings;
• Pedagogical conversations with parents;
• Round table with parents;
• Thematic consultations;
• Conferences with parents;
• Joint leisure activities;
• Disputes;
• Open classes with children in a preschool for parents;
• Organization of “corners for parents”;
• Family visit;
• Window dressing (photomontages);
• Open days;
• Parent Universities;
• Working with the group's parent asset.

There is an opinion that any, even the most delicate, upbringing deforms the child. The whole question is how much.

Of course, a person cannot survive outside of society - we need to pass on our ideals, knowledge and experience to children, teach them to live in this world, and cope with external difficulties on their own. But it is extremely difficult for a person who has not yet figured out his problems to maintain a balance in his upbringing.

As a result, the problems of our parents (for which they are not to blame) are reflected on us, this leaves an imprint on the upbringing of our children, and they already add their unresolved issues to this baggage and send them further down the chain. Paradoxically, this most often happens with the best intentions: because “it will be better for you,” “I know what I’m saying,” and “don’t repeat my mistakes.” But the fact is that the child simply needs to be given the opportunity to make his own mistakes and leave room for free will.

Popular wisdom says: “If your plans are for a year, sow rye; if for decades, plant trees; if for centuries, raise children.” We hope that the questions raised during our consultation helped you determine your attitude to the problem of choosing a family upbringing style.

Literature.

1. Agavelyan M.G., Danilova E.Yu. Interaction between preschool teachers and families - M. Sfera, 2009
2. Evdokimova E.S. Pedagogical support for families in raising a preschooler - M. Sfera, 2008
3. Pastukhova I.O. Creation of a unified space for child development. Interaction between preschool educational institutions and families - M. Sfera, 2007

1. Basic issues of family counseling.
2. Features of counseling when working with a married couple.
3. Specifics of counseling parents on raising children.

Many typologies of marital problems have been developed both in domestic and foreign psychology. Most typology authors use the term “conflict”, understanding it quite broadly.

The given list of problems that are the most common reasons for seeking advice is based on the author’s own work experience. Among them are:

I. Various kinds of conflicts, mutual dissatisfaction associated with the distribution of marital roles and responsibilities.

II. Conflicts, problems, discontent between spouses associated with differences in views on family life and interpersonal relationships.

III. Sexual problems, dissatisfaction of one spouse with the other in this area, their mutual inability to establish normal sexual relationships.

IV. Difficulties and conflicts in the relationship of a married couple with the parents of one or both spouses.

V. Illness (mental or physical) of one of the spouses, problems and difficulties caused by the need for the family to adapt to the disease, a negative attitude towards oneself and those around the patient or family members.

VI. Problems of power and influence in marital relationships.

VII. Lack of warmth in the relationship between spouses, lack of intimacy and trust, communication problems. Features of counseling when working with a married couple. Before moving on to a description of reception strategies, it is necessary to dwell on one more question - who and how turns to consultation about their family problems. Based on the list of reasons (reasons) for requests, it can be assumed that there are at least two options for coming to the consultation: both spouses together or one of them with complaints about himself or his partner. The most common arrival option is the latter. This may be partly explained by the peculiarities of our culture, in which psychological knowledge is not popular enough and seeking advice is considered almost a crime.

Let us dwell in more detail on some of the advantages of working with two spouses, as well as on certain difficulties associated with this option for clients to come to consultation.

1. First of all, a conversation with two, rather than with one, spouse is more diagnostic and allows you to immediately see the problems and difficulties that clients complain about. Thus, the peculiarities of their interaction in consultation reveal much of what is difficult for them to talk about, and allow them to clearly highlight what determines the nature of the relationship and what is difficult for the spouses themselves to define more clearly.

2. Working with both partners allows, during the consultation, to directly appeal to the patterns of their relationships, which are manifested in the peculiarities of the interaction of the spouses in the consultation. Addressing what is happening “here and now” can be more convincing and effective than analyzing what is happening outside the consultant’s office.

3. The presence of both clients makes it possible to successfully use a number of special techniques and techniques, such as family sculpture, concluding a contract, etc., which contribute to more successful and effective conduct of marital therapy, the use of which in the presence of only one client or is generally impossible , or very difficult.

4. The arrival of both spouses for consultation often means they are more seriously motivated to work and assume that the work will be longer and more in-depth. In addition, when working with both partners simultaneously, it is possible, if necessary, to maintain the work motivation of one of them “at the expense” of the other.

5. Couples counseling is often more effective. After all, if both spouses are serious about rebuilding their relationship and strive to implement in their life together everything that is discussed and noted during receptions, then changes in the relationship occur much faster and, in principle, can be more significant and stable than when working with one from spouses. In the latter case, in order to wait for any changes, the spouse often needs to be patient and demonstrate better patterns of behavior for a long time without any reciprocity before the other feels and somehow reacts to it.

But, in addition to these and some other advantages, working with both spouses also has a number of additional difficulties and disadvantages. Let us briefly list them.

1. First of all, conducting a meeting in which two clients participate, rather than one, is usually more difficult, especially in the early stages of the counseling process, since the presence of the second member of the couple somehow affects the course of the conversation. Spouses can interrupt each other, enter into negotiations and bicker, trying to explain or prove something primarily to each other, and not to the consultant, act in a coalition against the consultant, etc. Although the opposite reaction is possible, when the presence of a partner causes the husband or wife to become taciturn, each of them may expect that something important will be said to the other. In both cases, the consultant is required to have special skills and abilities in order to reorient the spouses to work together, organize and direct the counseling process.

2. Work with two spouses, although more effective, is most often of a less deep, superficial nature. In this case, serious personal problems underlying certain marital disagreements are less often addressed. The results, although convincing at first glance, are less likely to fully satisfy the clients’ requests, especially if there is something more personal behind the family problems.

3. Working with both spouses is in some ways more vulnerable. The reluctance of one of them to move on, the characterological characteristics of one of the partners, which prevent more in-depth work, can seriously interfere with counseling. It is easier to work with one spouse than with two; it is easier to adapt to one, choosing the pace of work that best suits the client.

Starting a conversation. As already noted, the beginning of work, regardless of who comes to the consultation and for what reason, is structured quite similarly. The consultant’s main task at this stage is to establish contact with the client(s) and understand what exactly brought them to the appointment. Although already at the beginning of the conversation, with the participation of both spouses in this process, certain difficulties may arise.

The most important material for advisory work with spouses, as in the case of other requests, are specific facts: what, when, who did or did not do, what specific requests were fulfilled or not fulfilled, etc. Spouses who justify themselves or accuse each other need to show that the consultant is not interested in the objective truth, but in everyone’s subjective perception of the events taking place in the family. A particularly difficult situation for a consultant can be when one of the spouses, from the very beginning of the conversation, tries in every possible way to expose and humiliate the other, denying his ability to experience or respond to family problems. In this case, the consultant, trying not to lose contact with any of the partners, must equalize the rights of the spouses, show that looking for someone to blame or turning to a psychologist as an arbitrator can in no way contribute to solving intrafamily problems. Only when the spouses recognize that both are equally responsible for the problems and each would like to understand what and how he/she can do to improve the family situation, joint counseling of the spouses can be successful.

As we noted above, a special requirement for working with a couple is greater structuring of the reception process. Therefore, first, each of the spouses presents their version of why and why they came to the consultant (it is very important that at least some version is proposed by each of them, and references to the fact that “he brought me, let him tell” should not be accepted in any case), after which the consultant should summarize, offering his own, more generalized idea of ​​​​what problems concern each of the partners. For a more complete understanding of the situation, it is useful for a psychologist to have the following information: how, when and why conflicts began or escalated, in what situations they most often arise, who is the more active instigator, what each spouse resents or dislikes about the other.

If the spouses agree to work longer, then, having received comprehensive information on these and other issues, the consultant should not delay the initial appointment. Even if it will be somewhat shorter than all the subsequent ones, in this case it should be completed with a very clear statement of the tasks and goals of counseling, that is, with what each of the spouses would like to achieve as a result. It’s not scary if these partners’ expectations are diametrically opposed. But in such a situation, as, indeed, in any other, it is advisable to warn the spouses so that the reception itself and everything that was said at it is not discussed by them outside the doors of the consultant’s office. Important and, in a sense, decisive for further work are homework assignments that the spouses can be asked to complete before the next meeting. The specific content of homework varies and is determined primarily by the problems of the spouses, but it is the presence of the task that most effectively includes clients in the work and provides a consultant good material for conversation during the reception. So, already at the first meeting, you can invite the spouses to start diaries in order to keep notes on one or two of the following topics (homework with a large number of topics is unlikely to be completed):

1. What irritated your spouse during the week (or during any other period of time determined during the appointment).

2. What conflict situations arose during the week.

3. What unpleasant things were said during a certain period of time between the spouses for observation.

Homework can be different; their main goal at the first stage of counseling is to clarify and detail the situation in the family.

If at the previous meeting it was given homework, then after a few welcoming words aimed at making sure that nothing extraordinary happened to the spouses during the week and is subject to immediate discussion, the work should begin with this. If both spouses have completed the task, then each is simply invited to read aloud the entries in their diary. If one of them, for some reason, did not cope with the task, then, naturally, only one reads the diary, but the second one, the one who “at fault,” should also be given the floor. Various options are possible, but the easiest way is to ask him to complete the task, remembering what happened during the week. At the same time, “disobedience” should in no case be ignored: the reasons should be discussed in detail. Such an act can be either a certain form of resistance towards counseling and the consultant, or a protest against the partner. Usually this hides information that is very important for the psychologist and did not appear during the first meeting. Of course, the “offender” must be forgiven, but it is important that the consultant takes advantage of the situation to motivate him to constructive work.

The possibilities for discussing homework are unusually wide. Thus, the reaction of the spouses to what the partner is telling is of interest, and the consultant can strengthen this reaction by inviting everyone to comment on the partner’s list. The use of homework seems especially productive because on their basis you can build many different conversation options, thus choosing what, on the one hand, is suitable for a given couple, and on the other hand, helps not to get scattered and not get lost in a sea of ​​information and adhere to a certain thematic core during the reception.

Another option for working with homework is based on using all the diary entries of the spouses. It is more convenient to use it when the same constantly repeating pattern of behavior, reaction or resentment can be traced in the records of both or one of the partners. In this case, it is better to use not one specific conflict situation as the subject of discussion, but a pattern of response or behavior. Particular attention should be paid to the complementarity and complementarity of the partners’ positions, since it is difficult to imagine that the regular grievances and displeasure experienced by one would not in any way affect the behavior and mood of the other, regardless of whether he/she is aware of it or not. A comprehensive analysis of such a pattern also involves a discussion of what, how and why each spouse does, what he/she expects and wants to achieve from the other, and what he/she actually receives. Based on a repeating pattern of behavior, you can analyze the marital relationship as a whole, identifying in what other situations, acting according to the same stereotype, the spouses are offended and do not understand each other. Such a debriefing, if it can be done, is extremely useful, but it can drag on and take up the entire second meeting. Based on it, you can offer the spouses the following homework: behave differently in these situations, trying to implement new ways of behavior.

The use of records of spouses allows not only to identify and discuss specific conflict situations, but also to lead to vast layers of relationships that serve as a zone of constant disagreement. Such a conflict zone can be either what was initially called by the spouses as a reason for coming to the consultation, or something else, perhaps previously hidden from them and revealed only as a result of the analysis of weekly conflict situations.

Counseling on child-parent relationships.

It is often easier for a parent to turn to a professional consultant, citing difficulties with raising children, rather than asking for help in solving their difficult “adult” problems. Any practicing psychologist knows that parents’ complaints about problems associated with raising children have their peaks and gaps. Parents of the child early age Consultations are rare; a surge in requests during preschool age occurs between the ages of three and five to six years. The peak of parental needs for qualified specialist help is associated with education in primary school, then a decline follows, and again there is an increase in the number of consultations regarding problems with raising teenagers. The requests of parents in need of specialist advice have several main directions: first, problems associated with raising children; second - problems caused by difficulties in the development and education of children; third, parents’ interest in their children’s abilities; to the characteristics of adolescence. A large group of problems is caused by the need for the family to make decisions about the future prospects for the child’s development, about his professional self-determination; fourth - personal problems of children and adolescents, interpersonal interaction in the family and immediate environment. All these areas of parental requests are closely related to the gender and age characteristics of children and have their own specifics, which are determined by the gender and age of the child.

The identified family dysfunctions can be classified as follows:

1. Deficiencies (disadvantages): material resources (physical capabilities), personal or personal-social, knowledge and experience.

2. Deformations (distortions) of interpersonal interactions in the family, interactions between the family and the social environment.

3. Discrepancies: between the social claims of the family and its social role, between the expectations of the family and other people or social groups, uncertainty or inconsistency of social roles in the family.

Deficiencies may be associated with physical disabilities (lack of material resources) or with a delay in intellectual or personal development (personal or personal-social disadvantage) of family members, which determine its behavior. However, much more often the cause of family social problems is a lack of knowledge and experience.

TO deformations intrafamily interactions of dysfunctional families include the violation of its hierarchical structure and the fulfillment of roles by family members that are unusual for them. Deformations of interaction with the social environment are characteristic of families with damaged or lost social activity.

Discrepancies provide a conflict situation, hidden and open conflicts in families (in case of uncertainty or inconsistency of family social roles) or between families and the social environment in case of inadequacy of social claims or mismatch of expectations. Therefore, in the presence of conflicts or their threat, discrepancies should be sought and qualified, and vice versa, if there are discrepancies, then the social rehabilitation of families will be associated with the elimination or resolution of the conflict situation or the conflict itself, when it has developed.

Working with parents group forms of psychological and pedagogical support for parents are used; individual psychological counseling; group psychological trainings.

Topic 13 Behavioral counseling

1. Goals of counseling
2. Techniques and methods of counseling

Krumboltz noted that the goals of behavioral counseling: a) should be formulated so that they can be stated differently when working with different clients; b) must be compatible with the consultant’s values, although they do not necessarily have to fully correspond to them; c) should be such that the degree of their achievement could be judged by external manifestations. Krumboltz further suggested that there are three types of goals (although sometimes these types of goals are interrelated) that correspond to the criteria he proposed and for which the consultant is responsible for achieving. These types of goals are: changing inappropriate behavior, such as increasing socially assertive responses; learning to make decisions, such as making a list of possible courses of action; preventing problems, such as helping young men and women choose suitable marriage partners. Counseling goals are not always scientifically determined; Behaviorists recognize that many factors influence the choice of goals by clients and the choice of methods by consultants. There is a risk of overgeneralization, which behavioral consultants who emphasize specific individual goals with each client may find inappropriate. In this regard, we will attempt to formulate the main goals of counseling, using the work of the five behavioral theorists discussed in the previous chapter. These are the following goals:

· elimination of deficits in behavioral repertoires;

· strengthening adaptive behavior;

· weakening or eliminating inappropriate behavior; eliminating debilitating anxiety reactions; developing the ability to relax; development of the ability to assert oneself; development of effective social skills; achieving adequate sexual functioning; development of the ability to self-regulate. The listed goals are intended for individuals. Of all the behaviorist theorists, Skinner focuses most heavily on the need for people in groups to design environments in which people can behave in more reinforcing ways. Therefore, the goals of behavioral counseling can be classified into groups. In this case, the main goal will be to develop the group's ability to self-regulate, both through the formation of consequences in the environment and through cognitive self-regulation. Behavioral counseling invariably begins with a behavioral assessment or, as otherwise defined, a functional analysis of clients' problem areas. One of the main purposes of such an assessment is to define treatment goals in behavioral terms so that goals formulated in this way can guide the selection of counseling methods. Therefore, behavioral assessment in the initial stages of counseling has two focuses: first, clarifying the client's problem areas and, second, determining the most appropriate methods that the counselor can use. Adequate behavioral assessments allow counselors to identify the stimuli that precede the responses they need to address, whereas inadequate behavioral assessments may result in counselors resorting to inappropriate techniques and applying them to incorrectly defined problems. After the first sessions, behavioral assessment can be used to help both evaluate the effectiveness of treatment and decide what to do next - continue, stop, or change treatment (Galassi and Perot, 1992; Kazdin, 1993, 1994). When clients make statements such as: “I feel very depressed these days,” “I don’t seem to have many friends,” or “I get very stressed at work,” behavioral consultants attempt an analysis based on on the SRP assessment (S - stimulus of the situational past, P - reaction variables, P - consequences, or outcome variables).

The purpose of PSA analysis is to find the key variables that control customer behavior. These variables may be masked: for example, aggression at work may reflect bad behavior. marital relations. In behavioral analysis, one should strive for a high degree of specificity. For example, when analyzing a reaction, you should collect the necessary information and find out what is the duration and strength of this reaction, what is the frequency of its occurrence. Behavioral assessments can be made either within or outside of the counseling interview. In addition, the client's self-assessment is important, which can be considered as a complement to the consultant's assessment.

Although the behavioral assessment interview is typically characterized by a high degree of focus and control on the part of the consultant, the consultant's empathy is of great importance. This is due to the fact that empathy helps to establish relationships between the consultant and the client and facilitates self-disclosure of clients; In addition, the presence of empathy is a guarantee that the consultant will listen carefully to the client. On initial stage the consultant must collect basic information, find out the age, gender, marital and professional status of the clients; In addition, the counselor should allow clients to describe their concerns in their own words and briefly explain the goals of the initial behavioral assessment. At this stage, counselors may also note that most behaviors are learned, but some behaviors are innate. The counselor may continue to interview the client, and certain questions asked may be considered part of the SBR analysis of the client's complaints. Behavior consultants rarely ask questions that begin with the word “why,” such as “Why do you get angry when she snaps?” Wilson states, “Questions that begin with the words “how,” “when,” “where,” and “what” are more effective in identifying personal and situational variables that are relevant to the client’s problems and help to reconstruct those problems in present tense” (Wilson, 1989, p. 258). Behavioral consultants differ in the extent to which they collect detailed data (regarding the origin of the client's current complaints); It should be noted that knowing the details can be important to obtain an accurate picture. Wolpe (1982), for example, collects historical material related to customer complaints, their family life, educational level, professional and sexual development. Wolpe also explores his clients' current social relationships. There are potential pitfalls for counselors focused on questioning—clients may feel threatened, and clients may block discussion of topics that their counselors are not focusing on. Also, for the purpose of initial assessment, consultants observe the verbal and nonverbal behavior of clients. Socially awkward people may show at least some of their problems during interviews. Consultants can explore emerging problem areas during the assessment. They pay attention to the personal qualities of clients and ways to either solve problems or avoid them. In addition, counselors assess the motivational factors that motivate clients to change and any influences in their environment that may inhibit or facilitate change, and counselors can assess clients' hopes and beliefs in the possibility of change. Counselors also typically try to find out what clients find reinforcing (such as attention or praise), since knowing this can help counselors motivate clients to change their behavior. Additional Sources of Data Required for Assessment There are many additional sources of data needed for assessment . Some of these sources may be consulted by behavioral counselors to better define treatment goals and to gather information that may be needed to evaluate the progress and outcome of counseling. Let's consider additional sources of data needed for the assessment. Medical information A medical examination is necessary if there is a suspicion that the problem has physiological roots or is in any way related to medicine. In such cases, behavioral assessments will not be sufficiently objective until sufficient medical information is collected; Moreover, in the future, consultants can contact doctors. Reports on previous psychological treatment Consultants can receive a large number of useful information about client complaints and the results of various therapeutic strategies from any available reports of previous psychological or psychiatric treatment. Counselors may continue to see psychologists or psychiatrists. Self-report questionnaires Clients may be asked to complete specific self-report questionnaires. Counselors can focus on observable behavior, the client's actions, the client's emotions, and the client's perception of the client's environment. The most commonly used questionnaires ask clients to describe situations that cause them anxiety. One such questionnaire is the Fear Inventory proposed by Wolpe (1982). Clients are asked to rate how anxious they would feel in each of the 87 situations listed in the questionnaire (here are some examples of such situations: “Dealing with people in authority”, “Talking with angry people”, “Darkness”, “Flying in airplane"). A scale with five gradations is used for assessment - from “not at all” to “very”. A questionnaire that focuses on self-reports of clients performing various behaviors is the Assertiveness Inventory, compiled by Alberti and Emmons (Albert!, Emmons, 1990). Here is a sample of the questions contained in this questionnaire: “Do you speak up or protest when someone takes your place in line?” The Pleasant Events Questionnaire, proposed by McPhill and Lewinsohn (Lewinsohn et al., 1986), focuses on activities, events, and experiences that clients find pleasant. Such a questionnaire is useful in identifying actual and potential reinforcers that can be used in treatment. Client Self-Observation Clients are asked to collect basic data by observing their own behavior. To do this, you can invite clients to fill out tables in a special diary every day, and then analyze the entries made. Table Figure 10.1 is a fragment of such a behavioral diary. Clients can keep diaries for a week or for a longer period of time (if necessary), and relevant information can be obtained from the diaries. In these diaries, assessments are made when additional information about certain behaviors is required. Sharpe and Lewis (1976) provide examples of monitoring tables designed using a stimulus-response-consequence-what-I-would-like-to-do format (a wide range of behaviors are analyzed). Direct Observation in Natural SettingsSometimes behavior consultants may take clients to a public place to observe how clients behave in real life. Thus, going to pubs or restaurants with clients who find it difficult to drink or eat with strangers may be helpful. Counselors observe clients and discuss their behavior and emotions as they occur or shortly thereafter. However, it should be noted that clients may behave differently in the presence of consultants. Indirect observation in a natural setting Another form of observation in a natural setting is also used - consultants collect information from people significant to clients who interact with clients in their Everyday life. The consultant may ask, for example, teachers or parents if he works with children, or spouses if he works with married people. Counselors should attempt to determine the extent to which the reported behavior reflects the behavior of their clients in specific situations. It should be borne in mind that in the story, real behavior may be presented in a distorted form due to the biased attitude of the observer. Let us emphasize once again - if clients know that they are being watched, they may behave unnaturally. However, it is not ethically permissible to observe and report on clients to a third party without interference if the client does not know about the observation or does not consent to it. Sometimes indirect observations in natural settings are possible using behavioral monitoring codes and counting frequency of occurrence. various types behavior. Direct observation in a simulated settingRole play is a form of direct observation in a simulated setting. Clients can be asked to act out, along with counselors, specific pieces of behavior they typically exhibit. You can also invite clients to play some other roles in this situation. Such ideas can help schoolchildren and students who have difficulty talking with their parents, or marriage partners who cannot communicate well with each other. Another form of observation, either by consultants or others, is to observe the behavior of clients in a group using one-way mirrors. Levinson and his colleagues proposed using a special questionnaire to assess customer behavior, which focuses on the actions and reactions of each group member. Such questionnaires can quantify aspects of social experience, calculate the “total sum of behavior,” examine positive and negative reactions, and determine the range of interactions (Lewinsohn et al., 1970). Behavioral Assessment Research How do behavior consultants make assessments in practice? Svoy and McDonald reviewed the assessment procedures used by American management therapists. They found that the following ten procedures are the most popular: 1) interview with the client (89%); 2) analysis of data obtained by the client during self-observation (51%); 3) interviews with other people significant to the client (49%); 4) direct observation of the client (40%); 5) obtaining information from other specialists (34%); 6) organization of role-playing games (34%); 7) analysis of client reports about their behavior (27%); 8) conducting demographic questionnaires (20%); 9) processing of personal questionnaires (20%); 10) thematic testing (19%) (Swan, MacDonald, 1978). The counselor's choice of assessment procedures depends on what stage of treatment the client is in. How some behavior counselors conduct assessments in practice can be judged by the following conclusion by Kazdin, based on an analysis of data obtained from a number of studies: “Unfortunately , it should be noted that impartiality has not yet been achieved in decision-making in general and, more specifically, in decision-making in clinical work... Systematic collection of information in the context of treatment does not exclude bias” (Kazdin, 1993, p . 13). Like other consultants, behavioral consultants often mix subjective and objective elements. However, Kazdin (1993) argues that systematic collection of information improves the effectiveness of treatment more than random assessment of progress. Defining Goals Behavioral analysis should be carried out so that treatment goals can be determined. After conducting such an analysis, the consultant determines what the essence of the problems is, how they arise and what contributes to their consolidation. These conclusions are presented in the form of hypotheses that should be tested during the counseling process. The end result of behavior analysis is a precise determination of which variables need modification, be it the situational background, components of the problem behavior itself, and/or sequential reinforcers. Often the main one The goal or goals of treatment are called the target behavior (Kazdin, 1994).However, as noted earlier in the discussion of goals, many behavior counselors define goals not only based on observable behavior, but also on the need for anxiety reduction. Once goals are determined, counselors usually decide how to formulate them so that counselors and clients can evaluate changes in clients' behavior (Cormier & Cormier, 1991). Clearly defining goals makes it easier for counselors to select the most appropriate methods to achieve those goals. Typically, counselors finalize counseling goals with clients and strive to to cooperate with them in using different treatment strategies. Clients typically have multiple problem areas; You can, of course, solve several problems at the same time, but sometimes it is necessary to act in accordance with a certain order of priorities. The counselor needs to determine the extent to which problem behavior is interfering with the client's ability to lead a satisfying life. In most cases, the client and consultant come to an agreement when discussing procedures and treatment goals. When disagreements arise, in most cases additional discussion is sufficient to resolve the problem. If disagreements persist, referral to another consultant may be necessary. Behavioral assessment and monitoring are necessary throughout the course of treatment, not just at the beginning. One of the functions of monitoring is to determine whether

Consultation for parents

senior preschool age on the topic of:

The influence of family upbringing on child development

Prepared by: teacher Petrova E. V.

INFLUENCE OF FAMILY EDUCATION ON CHILD DEVELOPMENT

Today, the family acts as the most important factor in personal development. Here a child is born, here he receives initial knowledge about the world and his first life experience.

A special feature of family education is the fact that the family is a social group of different ages: it has representatives of two, three, and sometimes four generations. And this means different value orientations, different criteria for assessing life phenomena, different ideals, points of view, beliefs, which allows the creation of certain traditions.

Family education organically merges with all the life activities of a growing person. In the family, the child is involved in vitally important activities, goes through all its stages: from elementary attempts (to pick up a spoon, drive a nail) to the most complex socially and personally significant forms of behavior.

Family education also has a wide temporal range of impact: it continues throughout a person’s life, occurring at any time of the day, at any time of the year.

Family climate is the life of parents, their relationships, the spirit of the family. Children's rudeness, callousness, indifference, and lack of discipline are, as a rule, the result of a negative system of relationships in the family and its way of life. This is the attitude of father to mother, parents to children or to others outside the family.

It's no secret: life today is hard and harsh. There are more and more tense and difficult situations that give rise to trouble, rudeness, drunkenness, and nervousness. Against this background, we increasingly have to deal with incorrect, ugly upbringing. In many families, warmth and cordiality disappear, and the lack of communication between parents and children increases. Research conducted in city schools showed that only 29% of children spend free time with parents, 12% of fathers and mothers regularly look at diaries. The lack of communication between parents and children does not serve as the basis for the success of schoolchildren in educational activities; the number of “difficult-to-educate” people is increasing.

And, nevertheless, the family is the main factor in the development and education of the individual. The child must be raised by parents, and all social institutions can only help them in providing conditions for the child’s self-development, helping him to recognize his individual inclinations, inclinations and realize them in an acceptable form that is useful for himself and society.

A child’s individuality is initially formed in the family. Educational work educational institutions cannot be built without taking this factor into account. Only the creation of a unified educational environment can guarantee high achievement of planned results.

As the child develops, the style of upbringing in the family becomes increasingly important for the formation of an active life position. The influence of improper upbringing on the type of resolution of life difficulties in adulthood was analyzed. The dependence of the formation of an inadequate style of resolving conflict situations on various types of distortions in upbringing and their influence on the formation of a behavior strategy that contributes to the development of various (depending on the style of upbringing) psychogenic diseases is shown.

Variants of an adult’s attitude towards a child can be conditionally divided into three large groups: authoritarian attitude, overprotection and emotional coldness and indifference to the fate of the child.

An authoritarian parenting style can contribute to a decrease in interest in the outside world and the formation of lack of initiative. At the same time, in play, including individual play, the child’s current motives must be realized, and their frustration increases emotional tension. When such a child participates in games with peers, the influence of this parenting style can be reflected in the inability to take on a role and the inadequacy of its performance. Such inability can lead to the fact that he will not be accepted into the game, and this, in turn, contributes to the growth of internal tension in communication with peers. According to L.I. Bozovic, this can lead to the development of personality traits such as timidity and self-doubt, or, conversely, aggressiveness and negativism. Both options do not contribute to the construction of adequate behavioral patterns. This, ultimately, further increases emotional stress; the child begins to feel that the situation is out of control, and given the current style of parenting and the attitude of significant others towards him, such a resolution of the situation that could eliminate emotional stress and a feeling of helplessness is impossible.

Another option for frustrating the leading motives and suppressing the child’s independence in the family is overprotection. This type of education contributes to the development of lack of independence, difficulty in making decisions, inability to find a way to resolve a previously unknown situation and, in critical cases, passivity and avoidance of decisions. life problem.

At the behavioral level, this can manifest itself not only in the inability to get involved in the game and adequately fulfill the assigned role, but also in the fact that the child will limit his contacts with peers and strive as much as possible to communicate within the family circle, where all his needs are met on demand. One can assume an initial frustration with the need to communicate with peers, where one has to independently defend one’s interests and solve problems that arise. In this situation, the child will obviously experience a feeling of uncertainty and helplessness, and due to the frustration of the self-actualization motive, natural with this style of education, adequate inclusion in leading activities does not occur, which further enhances the feeling of helplessness.

In families characterized by emotional coldness and indifference to the child, the opposite picture will obviously be observed: when the need to communicate with adults is frustrated, communication with peers initially turns out to be intact. However, in such families, distortion of relationships leads to an inadequate understanding of the adult world and the value system in this world. Considering the fact that the role of an adult is one of the most desirable roles in the game, this can lead to inadequate performance of such roles, which, in turn, will not contribute to the choice of these children for such roles. And this can lead to the development of emotional tension and, accordingly, disruption of communication with peers. However, in this case, the formation of local helplessness, associated specifically with the performance of “adult” roles, is most likely, since at this age the sphere of activity is already quite wide, where substitution behavior is possible, it becomes possible to attribute the causes of one’s failures externally or internally, etc. A pronounced orientation at this age in one’s assessments to the opinion of an adult in the case under consideration can contribute to the development of local helplessness into global one.

Asya Kuzmina
Consulting parents on issues of child upbringing and development “Home Toy Library”

This consultation can be used in the form of a conversation between a psychologist and parents, handouts during a parent meeting, and material for creating visual information for parents in a group.

Consulting goals:

To attract the attention of parents to children's play as an activity that, in a family environment, most fully satisfies the child's needs for cognitive and emotional communication with adults and peers;

To give parents knowledge about the importance of play in the development of a child;

Offer options for games with different tasks.

"Dear parents! If you are interested in answers to questions such as:

Is playing useful for a child or is it a waste of time?

Should parents play with their children?

How can a game help in crisis and conflict situations?

Then in this booklet you will find the answers child psychologist to these questions, as well as a description interesting games, which your children will enjoy playing with!

A game for children is not only “fun”, but the fastest and most effective method learn to interact with other people. That is why we, adults, should also treat children's games with respect.

But in an effort to speed up the “process of transformation” of a child into an adult, many parents cannot stand “when a child wastes time playing.” They feel that the child must “develop” in order to achieve a goal that an adult considers worthy (for example, reading, playing an instrument, or playing chess). You can also add that best friend for a modern child, starting from preschool age, it is a TV or a computer.

But children love it when adults are happy to take part in the game, because then they feel that they are being taken seriously. Psychologists and educators know that childhood has its own internal meaning and is not simply “preparation for adulthood,” and play has its own internal value and is important regardless of whether or not it coincides with what is considered important in the adult world.

Therefore, in no case do you regret the time you can spend communicating and playing with your child! You will receive many important impressions from such communication. After all, any time spent together brings parents and children closer together. Therefore, playing together with a child serves as an excellent prevention of his possible disadaptation in society, various kinds of conflicts, and therefore is an excellent foundation and guarantee of your trusting relationship with him:

During the game, each family member gets to know himself and gets to know each other. The knowledge gained in this way about the child or the child about the parents will help everyone find a common language in crisis and conflict situations.

In addition, it is never too late for parents themselves to plunge into the world of children's impressions. Remember yourself at that age: what worried and worried, what made you happy, what you wanted. These memories will allow you not only to create a lot of interesting and exciting joint games, but also to better understand your child.

Remember that any child is very happy about the minutes given to him by his parents in the game. The game is never “useless”! The more minutes a child spends playing in the company of people close to him, the more mutual understanding, common interests, and love there will be between them in the future.

But sometimes all parents experience periods when they lack inspiration and strength to play with their own child. Usually during such periods it seems that the imagination has dried up, and everything that you did earlier is no longer interesting to the child. Therefore, we offer game options that will help you... start playing excitingly with your child!

1. Children like different things role-playing games:“Shop”, “Beauty salon”, “Cafe”, etc. By acting out any plot, children, in fact, master the social roles of adults, modeling them in game situation. In real life, a child cannot yet be a cook, a builder, or a teacher, but in a role-playing game he can even become a spaceship pilot!

The goal of parents is to enrich the plots of games. For example, if a child starts playing “Beauty Salon,” go with him to the hairdresser, watch the hairdressers at work, and prepare the attributes for the game together with the child (jars, combs, hairpins, an apron for the “master,” a mirror, etc.).

Remember that the life of adults is of interest to children not only for its external side. They are also attracted to the inner world of people, the relationships between them, their attitude to work and to surrounding objects. Children imitate adults: their manner of communicating with others, their actions. And they transfer all this into games, thus consolidating the accumulated experience of behavior and forms of relationships. Therefore, when playing with your child, please watch for an even, calm, friendly tone, speech culture, polite behavior. Adults often underestimate the importance of the ability to behave correctly in relation to other people. But with a well-educated, cultured, polite person It's always nice to chat!

2. Word games They are also interesting for children and are based on the words and actions of the players. In such games, children learn to use previously acquired knowledge in new circumstances. While playing, children independently solve various mental problems: describe objects, highlighting their characteristic features; guess from the description; find signs of similarities and differences; group objects according to various properties, characteristics, etc. Using word games In children, the thinking process is more active; the child overcomes the difficulties of mental work easily, without noticing that he is being “taught.”

For example:

Game "Words"(“Tasty words”, “Polite words”, “Yellow words”, “Round words”)

Parent: Let's remember delicious words and treat each other.

Take turns naming words (edible foods, dishes) and “put” them on your palm.

The last player in the game to name the word wins.

You can also play “sweet”, “yellow” (yellow colored objects), “round” (round shaped objects), “polite”, “winter” words.

Game "Imagine"

Parent: Let's come up with a fairy tale (or fascinating story) about...an old saucepan (green apple, spoon, winter boots, etc.)

If your child needs hints, ask him leading questions (when did the story happen? what happened? what happened next? what other characters might be in this story). Don't be afraid to fantasize, feel like a child, and then your story will be funny and exciting! It is possible to arrange your favorite story in the form of a “book”: write the text, and the child can draw pictures.

3. Outdoor games satisfy the growing child’s need for movement and contribute to the accumulation of diverse motor experience. The child’s activity, joyful experiences - all this has a beneficial effect on well-being and mood, creating a positive background for the general physical development. These games also form the ability to act together, foster honesty and discipline, learn to take into account the opinions of their partners, and fairly resolve conflicts that arise.

For example:

Game "Sparrows and Crows". Participants are explained two movements on command, for example, when they say “sparrows” they need to raise right hand, and with the word “crows” - spread your arms to the sides. After this, the driver says one of the words: “sparrows” or “crows.” The driver is cunning in order to confuse the players and pronounces the last syllable as unexpectedly as possible.

Game "hot and cold". The essence of the game is that the driver must find the item according to the clues. In order to make the game more exciting, you can introduce a limit on the search time.

At first, the object is hidden so that the driver does not see (the driver is asked to leave the room for a while or turn away). Next, the driver begins to walk around the room, and the other players unanimously tell him how close he is to the subject of his search, but they do this not directly, but with the help of allegorical phrases:

Cold! (Completely frozen! Winter! Frost-frost) - means that the search is being conducted in the wrong direction and the driver is very far from the subject;

Warmer! - the direction is correct and the driver is moving in the right direction;

Hot! - the driver approached the object;

Very hot! (It’s hot! There’s a fire! You’re burning) - the object is somewhere very close, you just need to stretch out your hand.

This game can be played without words, for example, when clapping your hands, and the closer the driver is to the object, the more frequent the clapping becomes.

4. Leisure games(fun games, entertainment games) always create an atmosphere of joy and bring children and adults closer together. They not only develop trusting, partnerships, form interaction skills with adults and children, but also relieve emotional stress, create good mood all day!

For example:

Game "funny faces". To play you will need a mirror. Sit with your child in front of the mirror and make a variety of different faces for him, expressing joy, surprise, sadness or surprise. Ask your child to repeat after you. You can also ask your child to make faces at you that will make you laugh together.

Don't forget about "pillow fights". To play, you only need two soft, light pillows and inspiration. There are no rules or restrictions in this game - just fool around with your baby.

Game "Who am I?" Take a piece of paper and draw a head on top (any head: human, animal, bird). Fold the sheet so that what you drew is not visible - only the tip of the neck, and give the drawing to the child. Child. draws the upper part of the body, “hides” the drawing again and hands it over to you to finish drawing the limbs. Now unfold the entire picture and see what kind of creature is depicted on them.

You can draw in more than 3 stages. For example: head; shoulders and upper arms; lower arms, waist and upper legs; lower legs and feet. Also, this game can be played not only by two people, provided that each player has a piece of paper that will be passed around.

Game "Cinderella". The number of participants in this game is not limited. Rather, on the contrary, the more players, the more fun and better the game goes. But all participants must wear shoes. First, the driver is selected. After this, everyone takes off one shoe (shoe, sneaker) and puts them in a common pile. The driver turns away from the pile, and the other player (or all players in turn) take shoes out of the pile and ask the driver who to give them to. This process is usually accompanied by general fun and jokes. But this is just the beginning. After this, the distributed shoes are put on and everyone has even more fun, watching how the players, wearing someone else’s shoes (and even different ones on both feet), are looking for their shoes!

Thus, play is the most important means of their education and development, as well as the implementation of an individual approach to each child as an individual. Games between parents and children can be truly exciting! Use your imagination, remove distracting objects (gadgets), and create a comfortable area in the nursery for joint games. If you have your own "secrets" play education"then please share them with other parents and educators!"