Family is the main value of any person. All its members are firmly connected with each other by multiple obligations and promises, all this makes the family not only a source of satisfaction different needs, but also a kind of voice of conscience, which must be listened to in any situation. This unit of society is even more important for children, because it is here that all the main facets of a growing personality are formed and honed. Types of family upbringing play a key role in this process. Depending on them, physical, emotional, intellectual and other aspects of the child’s development are built and filled. Today we will look at the types of family education and their characteristics, and also discuss mistakes that can lead to fatal consequences.

Family structure and description from the point of view of psychology

Modern psychologists and teachers attach great importance to raising a child in the family. This topic worried the minds of specialists back in ancient times, and today a fairly extensive database has accumulated that allows us to classify the types of family relationships and family education. However, first of all, a psychologist or psychiatrist working with a child analyzes the family. Already based on its results, it is possible to work to identify the types of family education in a particular unit of society, as well as issue a number of recommendations.

The most detailed analysis scheme belongs to the psychiatrist Lichko. It is used by many specialists, as it gives the most complete picture of family types and family parenting styles. So, Lichko proposes to analyze according to the following characteristics:

• Family structure. Here it is necessary to take into account such factors as a full-fledged family, an incomplete family, as well as options with a stepfather or stepmother.
• Functional features. This characteristic includes many nuances. For example, how harmonious the family is. Indeed, if disharmony is identified, there will be a lack of respect for the interests and dissatisfaction of all members of this unit of society, leading to multiple problems. On this point, specialists always work as deeply as possible.
• Parent partnership.
• Level of conflict and miscalculation of divorce risks.
• Assessing the emotional connection between family members.

By adding up the indicators for all of the above points into a single picture, an experienced specialist will be able to determine the type of family and family upbringing. Moreover, it is worth keeping in mind that today psychologists and teachers use different classifications, based on the works of certain authors. Most modern experts refer to the typology created by Diana Baumrind in the mid-twentieth century. We'll talk about it a little later.

Family classification

Diagnosis of the type of family upbringing is impossible without determining the type of family in which the child grows up. Modern science distinguishes three types:

• traditional family;
• child-centric;
• matrimonial.

In this typology, a traditional family implies the formation of a clear vertical of power. Children are taught respect for the older generation and compliance with demands. In such a family, the child quickly learns to fit into the proposed conditions and clearly understands his place in the existing structure. However, this deprives the maturing individual of flexibility and initiative, which subsequently has a negative impact on building their own family relationships.

A child-centric family is focused on the happiness of their child. Parents do everything so that their beloved child experiences only positive emotions. Interaction in the family is carried out from the bottom up, that is, based on the desires, moods and needs of the child. Typically, such an attitude significantly increases the self-esteem of a little person, but deprives him of the ability to contact other people in society. It is very difficult for such children to go through the adaptation period at school; they constantly conflict with peers and teachers, and also perceive the world in black colors.

The foundation of a married family is trust. Here, instead of a vertical, a horizontal interaction is built, where the interests of all family members are always equally taken into account. Moreover, with each passing stage of growing up, the child receives more rights. In such an environment, children grow up harmoniously developed, self-confident, independent and emotionally stable. However, despite high adaptability, a child from a married family does not adapt well to conditions that require unquestioning obedience. He will always feel uncomfortable fitting into the vertical of power, which can significantly slow down his career growth in adulthood and independent life.

Classification of types of family education

An American by birth, Diana Baumrind devoted her entire life to family psychology. She managed to observe a large number of different families and was able to identify three styles and types of family education. By this formulation she understood a set of methods, relationships and means of influence that parents use in daily communication with their children.

According to Baumrind's observations, the following styles can be distinguished:

• authoritarian;
• authoritative;
• conniving.

Each of the listed types of family upbringing leaves a specific and clearly readable imprint on the child’s personality, which affects his entire future life.

Authoritarian style

From birth, parents make all decisions for their child. They insist on unquestioning obedience and control every step of their child. The child’s independence is constantly limited, the reasons for certain requirements are never explained to him, and the slightest violation of the established rules is severely punished by moral pressure, verbal reprimand and even physical force. In adolescence, this leads to frequent and severe conflict situations.

Most children raised in an authoritarian style do not have their own internal mechanism for controlling their actions. They act only by measuring their misdeeds against the punishment that may follow their actions. If at some point punishment does not occur, then this child can turn into an antisocial and even dangerous person.

Typically, this type of family education of a child leads to the formation of a dependent or aggressive personality.

Authoritative type of parenting

It is also often called democratic, because it is considered the most correct of all from the point of view of psychology. In this case, parents enjoy great authority over their children, but they use power only in the most extreme cases. All decisions in the family are made together with the child, and he develops responsibility commensurate with his age.

With this style of parenting, warm and trusting relationship, in which there is always a place good advice. A child raised in such an environment, regardless of gender, will emerge adult life harmonious personality.

Permissive style

The influence of types of family upbringing on the formation of personality is difficult to overestimate, therefore any excess in one direction or another has a negative impact on the educational process and the child himself. For example, with a permissive style, parents practically do not supervise their child. It knows no refusals, prohibitions or any restrictions. Such children completely ignore the requests and needs of their parents, and do not experience an emotional attachment to them, since they subconsciously perceive permissiveness as indifference.

During adolescence, very serious problems can arise in such a family. Children in need of attention and warmth may become involved with bad company or start taking drugs. At the same time, they experience difficulties communicating with peers and other adults who refuse to indulge their whims. In the future, such children have difficulty finding a life partner and cannot build strong family relationships.

Other types of family education and their characteristics

As it turned out, three parenting styles were not enough to cover all the nuances and types of families. Therefore, a typology subsequently emerged that complemented the scientific works of Diana Baumrind:

• chaotic style;
• guardian

The first type of family education is characterized by the absence of a specific style of parental behavior as such. One day adults act authoritarian, and the next they suddenly become liberal. This causes big problems in the formation of a child’s personality, because he always internally strives for stability and needs clear guidelines. This affects teenagers especially hard; they begin to rebel, experiencing anxiety and uncertainty. In some cases, a chaotic parenting style can provoke teenage aggression and uncontrollability.

The caring type forces parents to constantly be in contact with their child. They are aware of all the events in his life and instantly solve any problem that arises. However, this often leads to children overestimating their importance while feeling helpless and unadapted to life. This provokes the onset of an internal psychological conflict, which can result in serious complexes and problems.

Typology of James Michael Baldwin

It is worth noting that many practicing psychologists often used their own typologies of parenting styles in their work. For example, D.M. Baldwin singled out only two styles, however, without excluding or refuting the work of his colleagues. The psychologist described the following types of education:

• democratic;
• controlling.

The first type involves a very close connection between parents and children at all levels. The child is gently guided by adults and can always count on their support. At the same time, parents always include their child in all family affairs; he is a full-fledged member of the family, bearing his share of responsibility and having the right to meet his own needs.

The controlling type is characterized by clear restrictions on the child’s behavior, the reasons for which are always explained to him in detail. On this basis, conflicts do not arise between parents and children, because all prohibitions are introduced on a permanent basis and are understandable. Interestingly, understanding the essence of prohibitions supports mutual understanding between all family members.

Wrong parenting styles

The typology presented in the previous sections of our article does not exclude certain mistakes and excesses in raising a child. But now we will list the types of improper family upbringing that negatively affect the formation of a child’s character:

• rejection;
• hypersocializing type;
• egocentric type.

A non-accepting parenting style may combine the various styles listed at the beginning of this article. After all, first of all, parents do not accept certain character traits of their child. This may concern character traits, mental abilities, or the ability to express one's emotions. A certain kind of rejection is accompanied by strict control, which imposes a certain behavior scenario on the child. It is presented as the only true and possible one. Lack of control with such an erroneous parenting style is also detrimental to the child’s psyche. After all, he does not feel the support of his parents, is aware of their rejection, but does not see a ready-made plan of action.

The hypersocializing type of upbringing is associated with parents’ constant concern for their child. They are worried about his health emotional state, social status or, for example, grades at school. At the same time, excessive demands are always placed on the child, regardless of his real capabilities.

The egocentric type of education creates an idol in the family. All adults and even other children, if there are any, must exist for the sake of one single child. Everyone's attention is always focused on his person, while the interests of other family members are not taken into account when making important decisions and in everyday affairs.

Classification of violations

It is not always possible for parents in a family to adhere to a certain type of upbringing throughout the child’s life. They often make mistakes that come under the close attention of psychologists and are clearly classified. The types of family education disorders can be summarized in the following list:

• binding;
• rejection;
• delegation.

Bonding is characterized by regulated and stereotypical communication that develops between parents and children. Adults comment rather harshly on all the child’s actions, which deprives them of initiative. As a result, they completely refuse to make decisions, become infantile and socially maladapted. This significantly slows down their emotional development.

Rejection causes a child to give up his wants, needs, and overall character. Relations with his parents convince him of the inconsistency of all his actions and their wrongness. In the case of young children, this can lead to autism.

When delegating, parents, consciously or not, transfer their own ambitions and dashed hopes to their children. The child's victories, which are not related to parental ambitions, are completely ignored, and he turns into a puppet. Psychologists say that such a violation in upbringing can affect even an adult and already formed personality. Such young people always live based on the approval or censure of their parents. This connection is almost impossible to break.

Of course, it is very difficult to raise a child without making mistakes and without making annoying mistakes. Every parent dreams of becoming the best for their children, so they are ready to do everything possible to achieve recognition. As psychologists advise, you should not be afraid of mistakes, the main thing is to have time to correct them in time.

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"Types of family education"

1. Introduction

2. Styles and types of family education

3. Conclusion

4. List of used literature

1. INTRODUCTION

Relevance of the work. Many works have been devoted to reflections on the family and family relationships, issues of structure, functions, social and state roles of the family, as one of the oldest forms of human community, since the times of Plato and Aristotle.

The family plays the main role in the formation of moral principles and life principles of the child.

The family creates personality or destroys it; it has the power of the family to strengthen or undermine the mental health of its members. The family encourages some personal drives while preventing others, satisfies or suppresses personal needs. The family structures the possibilities for achieving security, pleasure and self-realization. It indicates the boundaries of identification and contributes to the emergence of an individual’s image of his “I”.

How the relationships in the family are built, what values ​​and interests are brought to the fore among its older representatives, determines how children will grow up. The family climate affects the moral climate and health of the entire society. The child reacts very sensitively to the behavior of adults and quickly learns the lessons learned in the process of family upbringing. It is almost impossible to re-educate a child from a problematic family. The child has learned certain rules, and society will pay for such gaps in upbringing. The family prepares the child for life, is his first and deepest source of social ideals, and lays the foundations of civic behavior.

Parents - the first educators - have the strongest influence on children. Also J.-J. Rousseau argued that each subsequent educator has less influence on the child than the previous one. Parents are prior to everyone else; kindergarten teacher, teacher primary classes and subject teachers. They are given an advantage by nature in raising children. Providing family education, its content and organizational aspects are an eternal and very responsible task for humanity.

Deep contacts with parents create a stable state of life in children, a feeling of confidence and reliability. And it brings a joyful feeling of satisfaction to parents.

IN healthy families parents and children are connected by natural everyday contacts. This is such close communication between them, as a result of which spiritual unity arises, coordination of basic life aspirations and actions. The natural basis of such relationships is made up of family ties, feelings of motherhood and fatherhood, which are manifested in parental love and caring affection of children and parents.

Features of family education were studied by A.I. Zakharov, A.S. Spivakovskaya, A.Ya. Varga, E.G. Eidemiller, J. Gippenreiter, M. Buyanov, 3. Matejcek, G. Homentauskas, A. Fromm, R. Snyder and others.

A.S. made a huge contribution to the study of family relationships. Makarenko, who developed critical issues family education. In “The Book for Parents,” Makarenko shows that the family is the primary collective, where everyone is a full member with their own functions and responsibilities, including the child.

A.E. Lichko, studying the problems of intra-family relations, identified dysfunctional situations in the family (overprotection, neglect, a situation that creates an “idol in the family”, a situation that creates “cinderellas” in the family).

In general, we can say that the problems of family education are studied by many scientists who cover this issue from different aspects.

2. Styles and types of family education

Each family objectively develops a certain, not always conscious, system of education. This refers to an understanding of the goals of education, methods of education, and taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to a child. Four tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and four types of family relationships corresponding to them, which are the prerequisite and result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, “non-interference” and cooperation.

Diktat in the family is manifested in the systematic suppression by parents of initiative and self-esteem in children. Of course, parents can and should make demands on their child based on the goals of education, moral standards, and specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence are faced with the resistance of a child who responds to pressure, coercion, and threats with hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if resistance turns out to be broken, along with it there is a breakdown of many personality qualities: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and one’s capabilities, all this is a guarantee of unsuccessful personality formation.

Family care is a system of relationships in which parents, through their work, ensure that all the child’s needs are met, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon himself. The question of active personality formation fades into the background. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for the reality beyond the threshold of their home. Such excessive care for a child, excessive control over his entire life, based on close emotional contact, is called overprotection. It leads to passivity, lack of independence, and difficulties in communication. There is also the opposite concept - hypoprotection, which implies a combination of an indifferent parental attitude with a complete lack of control. Children can do whatever they want. As a result, as they grow up, they become selfish, cynical people who are unable to respect anyone, do not deserve respect themselves, but at the same time still demand fulfillment of all their whims.

System interpersonal relationships in a family, based on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of “non-interference.” It is assumed that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus drawn. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in the family presupposes the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives joint activities, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child’s selfish individualism is overcome. A family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality and becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

There are 3 styles of family education - authoritarian, democratic and permissive.

In an authoritarian style, the desire of the parent is the law for the child. Such parents suppress their children. They demand unquestioning obedience from the child and do not consider it necessary to explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all areas of the child’s life, and they do not always do it correctly. Children in such families usually withdraw and their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some children go into conflict, but more often children growing up in such a family adapt to the style of family relationships and become unsure of themselves and less independent.

A democratic style of family relationships is the most optimal for education. Democratic parents value both independence and discipline in their child’s behavior. They themselves provide him with the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without infringing on rights, they simultaneously require the fulfillment of duties; they respect his opinion and consult with him. Control based on warm feelings and reasonable care usually does not irritate children too much and they often listen to explanations of why one thing should not be done and another should be done. The formation of personality under such circumstances occurs without special experiences and conflicts.

With a permissive style, parents pay almost no attention to their children, do not limit them in anything, and do not prohibit anything. Children from such families often fall under bad influence while growing up and in the future can raise a hand against their parents; they have almost no values.

There are four types of family education.

Hypersocial education, or “correct parents”

The hypersocial type of upbringing in the family does not cause bewilderment among others; on the contrary, it is supported and approved in every possible way. Neighbors, teachers, and relatives will admire a well-mannered child: he will always say hello and never forget to say goodbye, give him a chair and readily read a poem, will never bother you by shouting or running around, and white socks, put on in the morning, will remain the same until the evening. Only a few, having assessed everything with the experienced eye of a professional or listened to their own feelings, will think: “Something is wrong here, he is too “correct”, as if not a child at all, but a little “old man.”

The child was made this way by his parents, driven by “good intentions” and knowledge gleaned from numerous books. Even before the birth of the child, a “plan” for his development was prepared, in which the parents clearly defined the main “milestones”: “swimming before walking”, nursery from one and a half years old, clubs, sections that are more prestigious, a gymnasium with foreign languages ​​and preferably external studies , institute... The plan may be different, depending on what falls into the zone of the parents’ life values ​​- sports, business, politics, a healthy lifestyle.

Many parents do this, but few are obsessed with getting things done. From the very first days, a child’s life is subject to strict rules. The regime and discipline are strictly observed, and much attention is paid to instilling norms of behavior. Parenting methods are not very diverse: control, encouragement, punishment, but within this framework, parents can be very inventive. Just look at the grades for obedience, behavior charts, points, money, gifts and their deprivation, the summation of offenses and the demand for public repentance. All this applies not to an out-of-control teenager, but to a small child who is not psychologically ready to be “correct.” The child is deprived of the right to choose, and his own inclinations and desires are not taken into account. Very soon the child begins to understand that in order to be loved, one must be obedient. Feelings of anger, resentment, and fear fall into the category of prohibited feelings. And you can only rejoice within the limits of what is permitted, not too loudly and adhering to the norms of behavior. Love becomes a bargaining chip: if you eat porridge, you love it, if you don’t eat it, you don’t love it, and so on in everything.

Kindergarten attracts hypersocial parents by the presence of the same rules and disciplinary norms. The institution is chosen carefully, preference is given to one where there are many additional developmental activities and children have almost no time to play. The same pattern is repeated when the child reaches school.

The consequences of hypersocial upbringing do not always end tragically. But people who grew up in such families often experience problems in building relationships and communication. Their categorical nature and the presence of strong principles, acceptable in a business setting, do not allow them to build warm family relationships.

An adult man turned to a psychologist for help because his wife had left him. His speech was full of words “must”, “should”, “necessary”, “obliged” and looked more like a list of slogans or a set of rules than the reflection of a person who had a misfortune. He brought the strict rules learned from childhood without changes to his family and sincerely believed that rules like “a child should go to bed at 9 o’clock” or “a wife must wash the dishes immediately after eating” cannot be questioned. Sometimes the desire for obedience and humility leads to the fact that an adult continues to look for “parents” - in the family, at work, among friends, giving preference to principled and authoritarian people. At the same time, he can complain about life and even try to change something, but instead of one tyrant boss, he will choose another, no better.

The reason for the hypersocial type of upbringing, in addition to the ancestral family, may be an individual tendency to rationalize and such character traits as determination, vanity, perseverance, demandingness and rejection of feelings, dependence on the opinions of others.

Self-centered parenting, or everything for the child

Can there be too much parental love? Probably not, but its excessive manifestations while simultaneously ignoring the interests of others are the essence of an egocentric type of education. The child is perceived by parents as a super value, the meaning of life, an idol to which the entire way of life of the family is subordinated. In a family, a child has no concept of regime or discipline; the word “cannot” is uttered extremely rarely, and even then so uncertainly that it costs the child nothing to turn it into “possible.” Sometimes parents make attempts to introduce some restrictions or even punish the child, but very soon a feeling of guilt makes them regret what they have done: “Well, he is still small and does not understand that it is not good to take without permission and spoil other people’s things, to cause inconvenience to those around him.” screaming, running around, whims.” Those around him - both children and adults, faced with such a king, for some reason refuse to play the role of subjects, and what causes delight at home is perceived in best case scenario indifferent. Any attempts by someone from the outside - relatives, acquaintances, teachers - to make it clear that such upbringing is wrong are met with bewilderment: “After all, we love our child and want him to have a happy childhood!” They are sincere in their desires, they really feel good; They took on the role of parents sacrificing everything for the sake of the child voluntarily and are happy to fulfill it, no matter what madness their child comes up with.

A five year old girl who dreamed of celebrating New Year, she didn’t want to wait for the allotted time, no matter how much she was persuaded, and grandpa had to go get the Christmas tree in November, while mom and dad took out decorations and hung garlands.

Another inventor’s favorite game was to “hide” all the parents in numerous closets and then look for them. The family had fun with this game every evening, and the boy had no idea that his grandmother had just come from work and his mother had a headache.

In such a family, the child will definitely be identified with some kind of “talent” and will develop it with all their might. This will take a lot of time and money. And, perhaps, parents will deny themselves the most basic things, easily buying for the child everything that they consider necessary for his development.

An egocentric type of upbringing is difficult to imagine in a large family. These are mainly families in which one child grows up, surrounded by a large number of adults. Often such an attitude towards a child is introduced by a grandmother, when the appearance of a grandson or granddaughter gives her life new meaning.

Stress and tragedy often occur in the lives of people adored in childhood. The situation that others cope with more quickly may cause depression or a nervous breakdown in that person. Children's illusions that everyone loves you turn into bewilderment and disappointment. Lack of adaptation to life can be expressed in an absolute inability to take care of oneself, not to mention those around you. When such people have children, they can repeat the parental scenario in their upbringing or, on the contrary, they will be indifferent, indifferent, capricious if they perceive the baby as a rival. The only opportunity to learn to live harmoniously with others is to learn elementary lessons like “know how to share,” “think about your neighbor,” “rejoice at the fact that you have brought joy to another.” It is better that they are mastered in childhood, so that undivided parental love does not turn into pain.

Anxious and suspicious education, or to love means to be afraid

Nothing torments a parent's soul more than fear for their child. A similar condition often occurs in parents whose children go to kindergarten for the first time, in new school, go to a camp or to the country, go to the hospital, or just go away for a stay. This is a natural anxiety caused by the situation, worries about the child, and a violation of the usual way of life. Almost all parents experience this, but over time, the anxiety passes, fear for the child disappears or occurs rarely. Life is getting back into its groove. But it also happens differently. Fear for a child is born along with his birth, and sometimes even earlier. Fear and love merge together, anxious thoughts constantly overcome, even when there is no threat to the life, health and well-being of the baby. They do not take their eyes off the child, even when he has grown up and can do without it. Common illnesses in such families cause panic. Very often, such mothers turn to specialists with the question: “Is this normal, is everything okay with him?”

A five-year-old child was examined at a gastrocenter for poor appetite, according to his mother, who calculated the daily number of calories her son ate and the ratio of proteins, fats and carbohydrates. The boy looked tall, active and quite healthy, although his mother’s anxiety affected his mental state.

Parents who perceive the world around them as hostile and full of difficulties strive to prepare their child for the “hardships of life.” They begin to teach him something early and thoroughly prepare him for entering school. Sometimes, in anticipation of upcoming difficulties, they do not notice that they themselves are harming the child right now.

The reason for the anxious type of upbringing may be the ancestral family in which the girl was raised in a similar way (more often anxiety is transmitted through the female line). In this case, the anxious mother simply transfers into her family the methods of education, views, and behavior that she learned from childhood. It is likely that her fears are not only related to the child. She, for example, may be afraid of her boss, natural disasters, thieves, contagious diseases... The basis is the fear of death, which originated in childhood and was not neutralized by an optimistic solution.

The described behavior options include suspiciousness and suspiciousness. Having no reason to do so, the woman does not let her child go outside, due to the fact that a maniac might steal him. It is especially difficult for a child if the same anxious grandmother lives under the same roof with the family.

Another reason is a family tragedy, death loved one, accident. Once faced with severe pain, a person will try with all his might to avoid something like this, often realizing the unreasonableness of his behavior, but not being able to change it.

It seems impossible to imagine a more anxious mother in relation to her child than Natalya. She doesn't take her eyes off her daughter, they're everywhere together. Six-year-old Christina does not go to kindergarten. Several times a week, her mother takes her to various clubs, but at the same time she does not go anywhere, waiting for her daughter at the door or asking the teachers’ permission to attend the lesson. During the walk, Christina is not allowed a lot. The list of prohibitions includes swings, slides, bicycles and various games involving running, climbing, and jumping. Usually the girl digs in the sandbox with the kids or sits with her mother on the bench. Mom dresses her daughter very warmly: tights and a beret are worn even in warm, sunny weather. And Christina is often taken to the clinic. And the whole point is that many years ago a child was hospitalized, and she was saved from peritonitis for several weeks. Everything turned out okay, the girl doesn’t even remember this incident, but it had a very hard effect on her mother, and time has not erased the experience from her memory.

Where does the line between care and reasonable insurance end and reinsurance based on fears and suspiciousness begin? After all, tragic incidents do happen to children, and many parents blame themselves for being too carefree about everything. But, as practice shows, children under the care of anxious parents no less often, and perhaps even more often than their peers, become victims of accidents. This is due to the fact that excessive parental care makes them very sensitive to any influence. The child’s mother’s attitudes towards life begin to be accepted very early as truth: since the mother is afraid for him, it means that something is really going to happen. He also has his own fears: vampires, scary dreams, adult guys - everything is like other children, but they will be difficult and will not disappear with age, but will take on a new form.

In behavior, such a child shows timidity and suspicion, and is reluctant to make contact with new people. Fears crowd out the curiosity and openness inherent in children. As an extreme option - a neurotic state that turns into neurosis. Obsessive movements or thoughts, sleep disturbances or rituals that have appeared in the child’s behavior are a sure sign that you need to analyze everything that is happening and consult a psychologist.

But it also happens differently. The child very early begins to protest against his parents’ attempts to protect him from something and becomes stubbornly fearless. This option exhausts anxious parents even more, and parenting methods change: instead of guardianship, strict control appears, a strict system of prohibitions is introduced, followed by punishment, and a war of “who will win” begins.

Options for the anxious type of upbringing in their extreme manifestations are described here. This does not happen often, but a tendency towards such an attitude towards a child and, accordingly, behavior can be observed in many families.

Parenting without love

Not loving your child is unnatural. Any society, regardless of moral principles, religion, or culture, condemns “cuckoo” mothers and fathers who do not recognize their children. But abandoned, unloved children still exist, and variants of parental rejection, which is what we will be talking about, can occur in a different, less pronounced form.

A child who is a source of disappointment and irritation for his parents even looks different from other children. Not finding manifestations of love from loved ones, he will strenuously try to receive them from other adults: an ingratiating look, a desire to please, to please, to take an adult’s hand, to climb into someone’s lap. However, it happens differently. A baby, who has not known affection and tenderness since birth, completely rejects anything like this from adults. His attitude towards the world is hostile, he is aggressive, withdrawn, indifferent. Everything described refers to extreme variants of manifestation of rejection. It can be observed in socially disadvantaged families from parents who do not read books like this and do not think about education at all.

Meanwhile, rejection also occurs in ordinary, apparently prosperous families. The reasons are varied: one of the spouses is against having a child or the family is on the verge of divorce, financial difficulties, pregnancy was not planned... The baby was born, and he is no longer loved. Disappointment in the child may occur later. For example, the birth of a girl when everyone was expecting a boy, a physical defect, an “ugliness” of a child, a capricious, neurotic child.

Sometimes temporary rejection is replaced by acceptance and even adoration. Parents also change, “mature”, and become wiser. Random early pregnancy, a difficult birth with complications for the mother can inhibit parental feelings.

But it also happens differently. Outwardly caring, “decent” parents devote both time and effort to the child, but it’s just the methods of upbringing that cause bewilderment. Constant control, all kinds of punishments - from physical to more severe moral ones, after which forgiveness may come, but there is never repentance on the part of the parents. It seems to them that there is no other way with this child. Irritation and annoyance are caused by his behavior, appearance, actions, habits, character traits. The child is called “unlucky”, “armless”, “weeper”, “stupid”. Parents are trying to remake the child, to fit him to their standard, which they consider correct.

TO possible reasons Parents' rejection can be attributed to the tragedy of their own childhood. Not everyone who grew up in orphanages or children from disadvantaged families become such parents, but often they are the ones who encounter rejection. If they did not receive the parental love that a child needs so much in childhood, or if they received it in a perverted form, growing up, they are simply not able to show and experience this feeling towards their own children.

Rejection in the family may be directed at one of the children, the one who, according to the parents, is inferior in comparison with his brother or sister. Fortunately, rejection is rarely global. The father does not love the child, but the mother adores and feels sorry for him, or the child will be given warmth by a teacher, a neighbor, or a distant relative.

The consequences of such upbringing always affect the character, attitude to life, and behavior of the child, and subsequently of the adult. Various kinds of neurotic manifestations and neuroses are an indicator that they are trying to remake the child, “breaking” his nature and depriving him of love. Unconscious, but very strong attitudes towards life that are formed in childhood do not allow later to create a full-fledged family: “Love is pain,” “I am not worthy of love,” “The world is hostile to me.” The severity of the consequences depends on the degree of rejection and individual characteristics baby

Thus, in the process of educating a person, the main goal is the formation of a comprehensively and harmoniously developed person, capable of independent life and activity in modern conditions.

3. Conclusion

The role of the family in society is not comparable in its strength to any other social institutions, since it is in the family that a person’s personality is formed and developed. The family acts as the first educational institution, with which a person feels a connection throughout his life.

It is in the family that the foundations of a person’s morality are laid, norms of behavior are formed, and the child’s inner world and his individual qualities are revealed.

A person acquires value for society only when he becomes an individual, and its formation requires targeted, systematic influence. It is the family, with its constant and natural influence, that is called upon to shape the character traits, beliefs, views, and worldview of the child. Therefore, highlighting the educational function of the family as the main one has social meaning.

The purpose of family education is to promote the development of a person distinguished by his wisdom, independence, artistic productivity and love. It is necessary to remember that you cannot make a child a human being, but you can only facilitate this and not interfere, so that he develops a human being within himself.

The main and fundamental rule that must be taken into account when raising a child is consistency in the diversified development of the child’s personality and democracy in relations with him.

4. List of used literature

1. Azarov Yu.P. “Family Pedagogy”, M.: ed. "Political Literature", 1987.

2. Zagvyazinsky V.I. “Personal-social approach to education” // magazine “Pedagogy” - No. 3, 2006.

3. Zakharova L.Ya. “Child in line for affection”, M., 1999.

4. Kovalev S.V. “Psychology of family relations”, M.: ed. "Pedagogy", 1987

5. Pershina L.A. " Age-related psychology", M.: ed. "Academic Project", 2005

6. Titarenko V.Ya. “Family and personality formation”, M.: ed. "Thought", 1987

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Studying Russian traditions family education. Formation of the first holistic view of the world, laying the foundation of the human personality. Analysis of traditions and modern practices of family education. Family as an environment for personality formation.

Emotional side parental relationship largely determines well-being mental development child and the realization of the educational potential of parenthood as a social institution.

The inconsistency and inconsistency of the family education system has an extremely unfavorable effect on the development of the child. The inconsistency of upbringing at an early age leads to the formation of anxious ambivalent attachment, and in adolescence - to the formation of such character traits as stubbornness, opposition to authority, and negativism.

A.V. Petrovsky defines the following types of family relationships and, accordingly, tactical lines in education: dictate, guardianship, peaceful coexistence based on non-interference, cooperation. IN AND. Garbuzov notes several styles of improper education: rejection, oversocialization, anxious-suspicious, egocentric. Other authors have identified the following negative aspects of upbringing: traditionalism of family relationships, emotional blackmail and forebodings, immodesty of parents, distant parents, lack of affection within the family; They also define the following types of inappropriate behavior of parents: hyperprotection, hypoprotection, increased moral responsibility, emotional rejection, cruel treatment, education in the cult of illness, contradictory education. (3)

The work of A. Ya. Varga (1986) describes three types of parental relationships that are unfavorable for the child: symbiotic, authoritarian and emotionally rejecting. In the study of E. T. Sokolova, a type of parent-child relationship is identified as cooperation, in which the child’s needs are taken into account and he is given the right to “autonomy.”

V.N. Ilyina reveals the following types of education.

1. Hypersocial upbringing or “correct” parents. The hypersocial type of upbringing in the family does not cause bewilderment among others; on the contrary, it is approved and supported. From the very first days, a child’s life is subject to strict rules. Methods of education are not too diverse: control, encouragement, punishment. The child is deprived of the right to choose, and his own desires are not taken into account. Very soon the child begins to understand that in order to be loved, one must be obedient. The kindergarten attracts parents by having the same rules and disciplinary norms. People who grew up in such families often experience problems in building relationships and communication. Their categorical nature and strong principles do not allow them to build warm family relationships.

The reason for the hypersocial type of upbringing, in addition to the ancestral family, may be an individual tendency to rationalize and such character qualities as determination, vanity, perseverance, exactingness and rejection of feelings as a hindrance that interferes with business, dependence on the opinions of others. It’s hard for children whose parents are “in sight” and the child must “conform.” Similar diligence in upbringing can be observed in young parents who, at any cost, want to achieve the approval of others. Over time, they may calm down and reconsider their views on parenting.

2. Egocentric education, or everything for the child. The child is perceived by parents as a super value, the meaning of life, an idol to which the entire way of life of the family is subordinated. Boundless adoration, permissiveness and indulgence to any whims of your beloved child. In the lives of people adored in childhood, extreme stress and tragedy often occur. The situation that others cope with more quickly may cause depression or a nervous breakdown in that person. Children's illusions that everyone loves you turn into bewilderment and disappointment. Lack of adaptation to life can be expressed in an absolute inability to take care of oneself, not to mention others. When such people have children, they can repeat the parental scenario in raising children or, on the contrary, they will be indifferent, indifferent, capricious if they perceive the baby as a rival. The only way to live harmoniously with others is to learn basic lessons like “know how to share,” “be happy that you have brought joy to others.” It is better if they are mastered in childhood, so that undivided parental love does not later turn into pain.

Anxious and suspicious education, or to love means to be afraid. Fear for a child is born along with his birth, and sometimes even earlier. Fear and love merge together, anxious thoughts constantly overcome, even when there is no threat to the life, health and well-being of the baby. Parents who perceive the world around them as hostile and full of difficulties strive to prepare their child for the “hardships of life.” Sometimes, in anticipation of upcoming difficulties, they do not notice how they themselves are harming the child right now. The cause of an anxious type of upbringing may be the ancestral family; or a family tragedy, death of a loved one, accident; a family where the only, long-awaited, sickly child is growing up. The child begins to accept his mother’s guidelines for life very early as truth: since his mother is afraid for him, it means that something is really going to happen. He has his own fears. In behavior, such a child shows timidity, is reluctant to make contact with new people, has, as a rule, one or two friends and does not strive to get acquainted or communicate. Another option: the child very early begins to protest against his parents’ attempts to protect him from something and becomes stubbornly fearless. This exhausts anxious parents and parenting methods change: instead of guardianship, strict control appears, a strict system of prohibitions is introduced, followed by punishment.

3. Parenting without love. A child who is a source of disappointment for his parents even looks different from other children. Not finding manifestations of love from loved ones, he will strenuously try to receive them from other adults. It happens differently. A baby, who has not known affection and tenderness since birth, completely rejects anything like this from adults. His attitude towards the world is hostile, he is aggressive, withdrawn, indifferent. Parental rejection occurs both in socially disadvantaged families and in ordinary, apparently prosperous families. Sometimes temporary rejection is replaced by acceptance and even adoration. Outwardly caring parents devote time and effort to their child, but use harsh parenting methods. Constant control, all kinds of punishments - from physical to more severe - moral, followed by encouragement, but there is never repentance on the part of the parents. It seems to them that there is no other way with this child. Irritation and annoyance are caused by his behavior, appearance, actions, character traits. Parents are trying to remake the child, to fit him to the standard that they consider correct. Possible reasons for parental rejection include the tragedies of their own childhood. The consequences of such upbringing always affect the character, attitude to life, and behavior of the child, and subsequently of the adult. Various kinds of neurotic manifestations and neuroses are an indicator that they are trying to remake the child, breaking his nature and depriving him of love. Unconscious, but very strong attitudes towards life that are formed in childhood do not allow later to create a full-fledged family.

Very popular in Western psychology are the theoretical models developed by D. Baumrind (1967), as well as R. A. Bell (1969).

D. Baumrind proposed a classification of parental behavior styles, including 3 types: 1) authoritative; 2) authoritarian; 3) permissive style; R.A. Bell developed a dynamic two-factor model of parental attitude, where one of the factors reflects the emotional attitude towards the child: “acceptance-rejection”, and the other reflects the parent’s behavior style: “autonomy-control”. Each parental position is determined by the severity of various factors and their interconnectedness. Psychologists observe a certain correspondence between certain types of upbringing and types of destructive deviant behavior (Ts. P. Korolenko, 1990, R. V. Ovcharova, 2003).

Hypoprotection (hypoprotection) is characterized by the lack of necessary care for the child (“hands do not reach the child”). In this type of relationship, the child is practically left to his own devices, feeling abandoned.

Dominant hyperprotection involves surrounding a child with excessive, intrusive care, completely blocking his independence and initiative. Hyperprotection can manifest itself in the form of parental dominance over the child, manifested in ignoring his real needs and strict control over the child’s behavior. This type of relationship is called dominant hyperprotection. One of the options for hyperprotection is pandering hyperprotection, which manifests itself in the parents’ desire to satisfy all the needs and whims of the child, assigning him the role of a family idol.

Emotional rejection manifests itself in rejection of the child in all its manifestations. Rejection can manifest itself openly and covertly - in the form of mockery, irony, ridicule.

Harsh relationships can manifest themselves overtly, in the form of beatings, or covertly, in the form of emotional hostility and coldness. Increased moral responsibility is found in the demands from the child to demonstrate high moral qualities with hope for his special future. Parents who adhere to this type of upbringing entrust the child with care and guardianship over other family members.

Not proper upbringing can be considered as a factor that increases the child’s potential characterological disorders. Accentuation of character is traditionally understood as excessive expression of individual character traits and their combinations, representing extreme variants of the norm. Accented characters are characterized by increased vulnerability to certain psycho-traumatic influences. The relationship between types of upbringing and the type of character accentuation being formed can be presented as follows.

Hyperprotection and its main characteristics

Complete neglect or lack of control and care. In conditions of material support, there is no attention to the child’s needs; he is left to his own devices in spiritual life. Formal control, possible emotional rejection. With this style of education, an unstable or conformist type is formed. It is possible to form other types, in addition to sensitive and psychasthenic accentuation.

Dominant hyperprotection

Excessive guardianship, petty control. It suppresses independence and deprives you of the opportunity to learn from your own experience. Does not create responsibility and sense of duty. Strengthens the reaction of emancipation, disobedience. A hyperthymic-unstable type, psychasthenic accentuation, sensitive, astheno-neurotic, can be formed.

Pandering Overprotection

Excessive patronage, admiration, including imaginary talents. Cultivated egoism. Hysterical accentuation is formed.

Emotional rejection

The child is burdened, his needs are ignored. Parents consider the child a burden and show general dissatisfaction with him. Hidden emotional rejection, when parents do not admit such an attitude towards the child, compensating for it with increased attention to the child’s behavior and petty control. Has the most detrimental effect on a child's development. With hysterical accentuation - reactions of the opposition. With schizoid - withdrawal into oneself. With sensitive, labile, astheno-neurotic accentuations, it contributes to the development of corresponding psychopathies.

Tough Relationships

Often combined with extreme rejection of the child. They can manifest themselves openly when they “take it out” on a child using violence. This style of education is most detrimental for the epileptoid and conformist type.

Increased moral responsibility

The child is required to have honesty and decency that is not appropriate for his age, and is given responsibility for the well-being of loved ones. The role of “head of the family” is forcibly assigned. Hyperthymic and epileptoid inclinations are formed and develop into leadership and the desire to dominate. In psychasthenic and sensitive types, the development of phobic neuroses is possible.

Over the past decades, specialists in the field of family psychology have identified various types of child-adult relationship types. For example, in the work of A. Ya. Varga, three types of parental relationships that are unfavorable for a child are described: symbiotic, authoritarian, and emotionally rejecting. The emotionally rejecting type is characterized by the researcher as the tendency of the parent to attribute sickness, weakness, and personal failure to the child. This type is called by the author “upbringing with an attitude towards the child as a little loser.”

In a study by E. T. Sokolova, the main styles of parent-child relationships were identified based on an analysis of the interaction between mother and child when jointly solving problems:

Cooperation;

Pseudo-collaboration;

Insulation;

Rivalry.

Cooperation presupposes a type of relationship in which the child’s needs are taken into account and he is given the right to “autonomy.” Help is provided in difficult situations that require the participation of an adult. Options for solving a particular problem situation that has arisen in the family are discussed with the child, and his opinion is taken into account.

Pseudo-cooperation can be carried out in different ways, such as adult dominance, child dominance. Pseudo-collaboration is characterized by formal interaction accompanied by overt flattery. Pseudo-joint decisions are achieved through the hasty consent of one of the partners, who is afraid of the possible aggression of the other.

In isolation, there is a complete absence of cooperation and unification of efforts, each other’s initiatives are rejected and ignored, the participants in the interaction do not hear or feel each other.

For the competitive style of character, competition when defending one’s own initiative and suppressing the partner’s initiative.

The author emphasizes that only with cooperation, when both the adult’s and the child’s proposals are accepted when developing a joint decision, is there no ignoring of the partner. Therefore, this type of interaction encourages the child to creative activity, forms a readiness for mutual acceptance, gives a feeling of psychological safety.

According to V.I. Garbuzov, there are three pathogenic types of education:

Type A. Rejection (emotional rejection)

The essence of this type of education is excessive demands, strict regulation and control. The child is not accepted as he is, they begin to remake him. This is done with the help of either very strict control, or lack of control, complete connivance. Rejection forms a neurotic conflict in the child. The parents themselves exhibit neurasthenia. It is dictated: “Become what I did not become.” Fathers very often blame others. The mother has very high tension, she strives to occupy a high position in society. Such parents do not like the “child” in their child; he irritates them with his “childishness”.

Type B. Hypersocializing education

It arises on the basis of alarming suspicion regarding the health, social status of the child and other family members. As a result, fears and phobias may form social plan, there may be obsessions. A conflict arises between what is desired and what should be. Parents ascribe to the child what he should want. As a result, he develops fear of his parents. Parents strive to suppress the manifestation of the natural foundations of temperament. With this type of upbringing, choleric children become pedantic, and sanguine and phlegmatic children become anxious, and melancholic children become insensitive.

Type B. Egocentric education

It is observed in families where the child is in the position of an idol. The child is given the idea that he has self-sufficient value for others. As a result, the child has many complaints against the family and the world as a whole. Such upbringing can provoke a hysterical type of personality accentuation.

The English psychotherapist D. Bowlby, who studied the characteristics of children who grew up without parental care, identified the following types of pathogenic upbringing.

One or both parents do not satisfy the child’s needs for love and care or completely reject him.

A child is a means to resolve marital conflicts.

The threat to “stop loving” the child and the threat to “leave” the family are used as disciplinary measures.

The child is instilled with the idea that he will be the cause of possible illnesses, divorces or deaths of family members.

There is no person around the child who can understand his experiences, who can replace the absent or “bad” parent.

The works of D. Baumrind were of fundamental importance for identifying types of family education. The criteria for such identification are the nature of the emotional attitude towards the child and the type of parental control. The classification of parenting styles included four styles: authoritative, authoritarian, liberal, differentiated.

Authoritative style characterized by warm emotional acceptance of the child and a high level of control with recognition and encouragement of the development of his autonomy. Authoritative parents implement a democratic style of communication and are ready to change the system of requirements and rules, taking into account the growing competence of their children. The authoritarian style is characterized by rejection or a low level of emotional acceptance of the child and a high level of control. The communication style of authoritarian parents is command-directive, like a dictate; the system of demands, prohibitions and rules is rigid and unchanging. Features of the liberal parenting style are warm emotional acceptance of the child and a low level of control in the form of permissiveness and forgiveness. With this style of parenting, there are practically no requirements and rules, and the level of leadership is insufficient.

Indifferent style is determined by the low involvement of parents in the upbringing process, emotional coldness and distance towards the child, a low level of control in the form of ignoring the interests and needs of the child, and lack of protection. The personal qualities of the child depend on the style of family upbringing; these parameters are: the relationship of hostility-goodwill of the child to the world, resistance, social negativism - cooperation; dominance in communication – compliance, readiness to compromise; dominance – submission and dependence; purposefulness - impulsiveness, field behavior; focus on achievement, high level of aspirations – refusal of achievements, low level of aspirations; independence, autonomy - dependence (emotional, behavioral, value).

Authoritarian parents adhere to the traditional canon in their upbringing: authority, parental power, unconditional obedience of children. Typically low level verbal communication, widespread use of punishment (by both father and mother), rigidity, and cruelty of prohibitions and demands. In authoritarian families, the formation of dependence, inability to lead, lack of initiative, passivity, field behavior, low degree of social and communicative competence, low level of social responsibility with a moral orientation towards external authority and power are consolidated. Boys often demonstrate aggressiveness and a low level of volitional and voluntary regulation.

Authoritative parents have extensive life experience and are responsible for raising a child. Show readiness to understand and take into account the opinions of children. Communication with children is built on the basis of democratic principles, autonomy and independence of children is encouraged. Physical punishment and verbal aggression are practically not used, and the main method of influencing the child is logical regulation and justification. Obedience is not declared and is not a real value of education. There are high levels of expectations, requirements and standards, while children are encouraged to become independent. The result of authoritative parenting is the formation in the child of high self-esteem and self-acceptance, focus, will, self-control, self-regulation, and readiness to comply with social rules and standards. A risk factor for authoritative parenting may be high achievement motivation that exceeds the child’s real capabilities. In an unfavorable case, this leads to an increased risk of neuroticism, with boys being more vulnerable than girls, since the level of demands and expectations towards them is higher. Children of authoritative parents are characterized by a high degree of responsibility, competence, friendliness, good adaptability, and self-confidence.

Liberal parents deliberately put themselves on the same level as children. The child is given complete freedom: he must come to everything on his own, based on his own experience. There are no rules, prohibitions, or regulation of behavior. There is no real help and support from parents. The level of expectations regarding the child’s achievements in the family is not declared. Infantility, high anxiety, lack of dependence, fear of real activity and achievements are formed. There is either avoidance of responsibility or impulsiveness.

An indifferent style of parenting, demonstrating ignorance and neglect of the child, has a particularly adverse effect on the child's development, provoking a wide range of disorders from delinquent behavior, impulsivity and aggression to dependence, self-doubt, anxiety and fears.

It is important to note that the style of parenting in itself does not uniquely determine the formation of certain personal characteristics. An important role is played by the experiences of the child himself, the characteristics of his temperament, and the correspondence of the type of family upbringing to the individual qualities of the child. The older he is, the more the influence of the type of family upbringing is determined by his own activity and personal position.

An integrative characteristic of the educational system is the type of family education. The classification criteria for types of family upbringing and typology are presented in the works of many authors.

Education is a very easy matter, education is a happy business, no work in its ease, in its exceptionally valuable, tangible, real satisfaction can be compared with the work of education.

A. S. Makarenko

In the modern practice of family education, three styles (types) of relationships are quite clearly distinguished: authoritarian, democratic and permissive.

Authoritarian The style of parents in relations with children is characterized by severity, exactingness, and peremptoryness. Threats, prodding, coercion - these are the main means of this style. In children it causes feeling of fear,

Insecurity. Psychologists say that this leads to internal resistance, which manifests itself externally in rudeness, deceit, and hypocrisy. Parental demands cause either protest and aggressiveness, or ordinary apathy and passivity.

In the authoritarian type of parent-child relationship A.S. Makarenko distinguished two types, which he called the authority of suppression and the authority of distance and swagger. "Authority of Suppression" he considered it the most terrible and wild species. Cruelty and terror are the main features of this attitude of parents (usually fathers) towards children. Always keeping children at bay is like that main principle despotic relations. This method of education inevitably produces weak-willed, cowardly, lazy, downtrodden, “slush”, embittered, vindictive and, quite often, selfish children.

"The authority of distance and swagger" manifests itself in the fact that parents, either “for educational purposes” or due to current circumstances, try to stay away from their children - “so that they obey better.” Contact with children for such parents is extremely rare: they entrusted upbringing to their grandparents. Parents do not want to lose their parental prestige, but they get the opposite. The child’s alienation begins, and with it comes disobedience and difficulty in educating.

Liberal (permissive) The style presupposes all-forgivingness and tolerance in relations with children. Its source is excessive parental love. Children grow up undisciplined and irresponsible. Permissive type of attitude A.S. Makarenko calls "the authority of love." Its essence lies in indulging the child, in the pursuit of child affection by showing excessive affection and permissiveness. In their desire to win a child, parents do not notice that they are raising an egoist, a hypocritical, calculating person who knows how to adapt to people. It's social dangerous way relationships with children. Teachers who show such forgiveness towards a child, A.S. Makarenko called them “pedagogical beasts” who carry out the most stupid, most immoral type of relationship.

Democratic style is characterized by flexibility. Parents, motivating their actions and demands, listen to the opinions of their children, respect their position, and develop independent judgment. As a result, children understand their parents better and grow

reasonably obedient, proactive, with a developed sense of self-esteem. Children see in their parents an example of citizenship, hard work, honesty and the desire to make them what they are.

Thus, knowledge of typical relationships in families and
parenting styles helps the teacher better,
understand faster and more correctly which family he is dealing with.
Each type of negative relationship has its own
ways to overcome them._______________________________

A reasonable collection system is not only legal, but also necessary. It helps to develop a strong human character, fosters a sense of responsibility, trains the will, human dignity, and the ability to resist temptations and overcome them.

A. S. Makarenko

Contents of education in the family determined by the general goal of a democratic society. The family is obliged to form a physically and mentally healthy, moral, intellectually developed personality, ready for the upcoming work, social and family life. The components of the content of family education are well-known areas: physical, moral, intellectual, aesthetic, labor. They are complemented by economic, environmental, political, and sexual education of the younger generations.

Physical education children come to the fore today. No one doubts anymore that the priority of health cannot be replaced by any other. Physical education in the family is based on healthy way life and includes the correct organization of the daily routine, playing sports, hardening the body, etc.

Intellectual education involves the interested participation of parents in enriching children with knowledge, creating the need for their acquisition and constant updating. Development cognitive interests, abilities, inclinations and inclinations are placed at the center of parental care.

Moral education in the family is the core of the relationships that shape the personality. Here, the education of enduring moral values ​​- love and respect, kindness and decency, honesty, justice, conscience, dignity, duty - comes to the fore. All other moral qualities are formed in the family: reasonable needs, discipline, responsibility, independence, frugality. It does not matter at all what foundations of moral values ​​parents and children rely on - Christian morality, general ethical teachings or the moral code of the builder of communism. It is important that they are kind, humane, and constructive.

Aesthetic education in the family it is intended to develop the talents and gifts of children or, at a minimum, to give them an idea of ​​the beauty that exists in life. This is especially important, since previous aesthetic guidelines are being questioned, many false values ​​have appeared, confusing both children and parents, destroying their inner world, the harmony inherent in nature.

Labor education children lays the foundation for their future righteous life. A person who is not accustomed to work has one path - the search for an “easy” life. It usually ends badly. If parents want to see their child on this path, they can afford the luxury of removing themselves from labor education.

What parent would not be flattered by the words: “Your children are very neat”, “Your children are so well-mannered”, “Your children amazingly combine loyalty and self-esteem”! Which of them would not want his children to prefer sports rather than cigarettes? ballroom dance, and not alcohol, intense self-education, and not wasting time!

But for this, both parents and teachers need to work long and hard in the field of education. For parents, family education is a process of conscious formation of the physical and spiritual qualities of children. Every father and every mother should understand well what they want to raise in their child. This determines deliberate the nature of family education, the requirement for a reasonable and balanced approach to solving educational problems. The educational work of parents in the family is, first of all, self-education. Only when starting to educate, many parents begin to understand how insufficiently educated they themselves are. Everyone needs to start with themselves, learn to be a teacher.

Education methods children in the family are the ways (methods) by which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out. They do not differ from the general methods of education discussed above, but have their own specifics:

The impact on the child is individual, based on specific
actions and adapted to the individual;

The choice of methods depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents:
understanding the purpose of education, parental role, ideas
about values, style of relationships in the family, etc.

Therefore, methods of family education bear a vivid imprint of the personality of the parents and are inseparable from them. How many parents, so many varieties of methods.

All parents use general methods family education: persuasion (explanation, suggestion, advice); personal example; encouragement (praise, gifts, interesting prospects for children), punishment (deprivation of pleasures, refusal of friendship, corporal punishment). In some families, on the advice of teachers, they create and use educational situations.

Diverse facilities solving educational problems in the family. Among these means are the word, folklore, parental authority, labor, teaching, nature, home life, national customs, traditions, public opinion, spiritual and moral climate of the family, press, radio, television, daily routine, literature, museums and exhibitions, games and toys, demonstrations, physical education, sports, holidays, symbols, attributes, relics, etc. d.

Selection and Application methods of parental education are based on a number of general conditions.

1. Parents’ knowledge of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what assignments they carry out, what difficulties they experience, what kind of relationships they have with classmates and teachers, adults, children, what they value most in people, etc. Simple , it would seem information, but 41% of parents do not know what books their children read; 48% - what films they watch; 67% - what kind of music they like; more than half of parents cannot say anything about their children’s hobbies. Only 10% of students answered that their families know where they go, who they meet, and who their friends are. According to sociological research (1997), 86% of young offenders behind bars responded that their parents did not control their late returns home.

3. If parents prefer joint activities
ties, then usually prevail practical methods. Intensive
communication during joint work, watching TV shows,
gives moves, walks good results: children are more frank
this helps parents understand them better. No joint figure
there is no reason or opportunity for communication.

4. The pedagogical culture of parents has a decisive influence
influence on the choice of methods, means, forms of education. Spotted
It has long been said that in families of teachers and educated people, children are all
where are they better educated? Therefore, to teach pedagogy, master
to share the secrets of educational influence - did not grow up at all
cat, but a practical necessity. "Pedagogical knowledge
parents are especially important during the period when the father and mother are
are the only educators of their child... In
grow from 2 to 6 years, mental development, spiritual life of children in
depends decisively on... elementary pedagogical
culture of mother and father, which is expressed in wise understanding
research on the most complex mental movements of the developing human
ka,” wrote V.A. Sukhomlinsky.

Typical mistake in many families where children are pedagogically neglected, the parents’ desire is to re-educate them as quickly as possible, in one fell swoop. No less typical is the mistake when the only child of the parents seizes a privileged position in the family. Everything is allowed to him, his every desire is immediately fulfilled. Grandparents, and sometimes mothers and fathers, justify this attitude towards the child by saying that “they have had a lot of difficulties and hardships, so at least let the child live for his own pleasure.” And an egoist, a tyrant, a darling grows up in the family. When this is noticed, it becomes obvious that the strictest measures must be taken. But any alteration is a much more difficult matter than proper education with early years, since in the process of drastic re-education and taking strict measures, the nervous system is injured. It is in these cases that there is a real opportunity to turn a child into a neurasthenic.

Another mistake made by parents is strict, to the point of cruelty, authority over children with early age. In childhood, a child experiences all types of punishment. For the slightest prank he is beaten, for thoughtlessness he is punished.

Parents who try in every possible way to avoid working with their children are no longer making a mistake: what they are doing is called in other words. The approach is primitive: brush it off, and sometimes pay off your children. Children are given complete freedom, which they, of course, do not yet know how to use. Child neglect, it turns out, is not always a consequence of parents being busy. This is the lack of necessary supervision over them.

To summarize, let us remember that there are no special methods of family education. General methods are used: persuasion (explanation, suggestion, advice); personal | example; encouragement (praise, gifts, an interesting prospect for children), punishment (deprivation of pleasures, refusal of friendship, corporal punishment). In family education, methods acquire a personal orientation.

Let's discuss professional secret

It is known that every nation has its own way of education. What suits a Frenchman or a German is not always useful for an Udmurt or Kalmyk. Each nation has its own very effective rules of education, developed by folk pedagogy. Gather information about child-rearing traditions in your region. Study the literature on folk pedagogy in your region. Prepare an essay on this topic and present it at a seminar class.

What methods of folk pedagogy have long been used in your region?

How is deviant behavior of children corrected?

What methods should be resumed and taken to school today?

Pedagogical support for families

The school is obliged to provide assistance to parents and parents with the nutrition of their children.

School charter

Primary school plays a leading role in organizing family education for children of primary school age in the microdistrict. For successful coordination of educational

influence it should have on the humanistic positions of pedagogical education.

Coordination of the activities of the school, family and community in raising children is carried out in the following organizational forms (Fig. 22):

Forms of communication between school and family I

Parent meetings

The family is the first link where socio-historical and emotional experience is transmitted to a future member of society. Here the child learns relationships between people, his views on various objects and life phenomena are formed. Relationships with parents are of basic importance; what she will become depends on the style of education adopted in the family.

Each “cell of society” creates its own unique conditions with strictly distributed family roles. Conventionally, all types can be divided into three options:

1. Traditional, based on authoritarian relations.
2. Child-centric, where the child is the center of the universe, with adults revolving around.
3. Proclaiming cooperation, where parents are endowed with authority, and the main value for them is attention and empathy for each other and children.

Good fathers and mothers have good children

A small human being needs parental love, which provides him with life and security. As you grow older, it becomes not only a source of well-being, but also performs a support function and affects emotional and mental health.

Attention

It is important for a child to feel cared for. Sometimes he even forgives shouting and beatings, but the lack of warmth and detachment is difficult to forgive. Children from such families more often than others end up in bad company and join the ranks of drug addicts and alcoholics. Correct mental formation occurs only on the basis of love. Moral behavior and balance of character are born from deep psychological contact.

Parents should be interested in everything, even the naive problems of the child, they need to observe all the changes in his consciousness. Manifestations of such contact are variable, depend on age, individuality and do not arise by themselves. Relationships need to be actively built.

Studying specialized literature, consultations with psychologists, knowledge of methods and methods of education are necessary, but not enough. Mutual understanding and contact are established if the elders are sincere, only in this way will the child feel affection and care. Each family builds its own system of interaction, individual conditions that influence the development of the child’s personality.

Family parenting styles

Among the basic ones, there are several styles, the classification of which is based on the level of emotional acceptance of their offspring by parents and the degree of their control over him.

Democratic, authoritative style

Parents in the family are leaders because they have authority. Warm emotional relationships develop between elders and younger ones, and clear control is established over children. The main concern is the education of an original personality. There are no raised voices, no physical punishment, the teachers’ actions are logical, consistent, and responsible. Family members try to come to an agreement among themselves.

Parents acting in this vein:

• treat the child actively and kindly;
• adequately evaluate his victories and failures, know about his possibilities;
• deeply understand the goals and motives of actions;
• suggest the future path of development of the child.

The advantage for children brought up in this style is:

Authoritarian style

Adults believe that they are always right. They are not interested in the personal opinion of the younger ones. The child is completely controlled and suppressed by force, everything is decided for him, without his participation. Children in such a family do not have personal space, their initiative is suppressed, no one seeks a compromise in the event of a conflict, prohibitions and intimidation prevail. In case of failure, severe punishment follows; only high achievements are required from the successor of the family.

The disadvantages of this style appear already in adolescence. Parental authority falls, the number of conflicts increases, and the strictest means of influence lose their power. The character of children raised by such a family can develop in two directions:

1. The individual does not have a clear position in life or self-esteem. Desires and aspirations are absent, decisions are irresponsible.
2. Signs of despotic behavior appear: a cynical attitude towards other people, hatred and rudeness towards family members, aggressiveness.

Indifferent style

A characteristic feature of the relationship is the lack of warmth; the child is neglected, which very soon affects his mental state. In an indifferent family, children grow up withdrawn, distrustful, they behave aloofly towards their friends, and they have an increased threshold of anxiety. Teenagers are irresponsible, impulsive, and often end up in antisocial groups.

Personality formation can develop correctly if the child finds himself in a favorable environment outside the family. He has the opportunity to develop his creative abilities, become strong and active.

Liberal or permissive style

All restrictions are removed from the beloved child. Parental non-interference in upbringing and the granting of complete “freedom” lead to the development in the individual of:

1. Complete indifference, inability to build close relationships, spiritual callousness, inability to care about anyone.
2. The young man “loses his shores” from permissiveness, does not keep his word, lies. Rudeness, thievery and promiscuity are not considered defective qualities.

note

The formation of a child’s personality is influenced not so much by the wrong parenting style. Any typology represents a generalized idea of ​​what values ​​families preach and what relationships within them may be like. The basis of interaction with children is the level of authority of adults. True authority begins to be built bit by bit from the moment when the child “lies across the bench.” Contact does not arise by itself; it needs to be built.

Negative types of family education

Parental care is ineffective for many reasons:

• due to psychological illiteracy of adults;
• lack of flexibility;
• the presence of personal problems that transfer to communication with the child;
• transferring to younger family members the peculiarities of communication between father and mother;
• emotional coldness of teachers.

Read more: Problems of raising a family

Destructive types of family education, the causes of which lie primarily in adults, have a number of classifications. Among them, the most typical ones are identified, which negatively affect the formation of a child’s personality.

1. Child idol. Complete delight of numerous relatives, indulgence of every desire. Even the pranks of those around you are touching. A child in such a family turns into an egoist, capricious, self-willed, and only ready to consume.
2. Cinderella-type education demonstrates to the child that he is bad, unnecessary and flawed. He tries his best to be like the parental ideal, but he is still punished for any reason.
3. Presentation of increased moral demands. A child beyond his age is burdened with worries about younger or older children, forced to read and write almost from the cradle, to teach foreign languages, play music. The disadvantage of such upbringing is that excessive stress will lead to the development of early neuroses.
4. "Hedgehog Mittens." Parents harshly impose their opinions, dictate and order, and take their anger out on the child. The demand for unquestioning obedience is fraught; from a child who does not know affection, an unresponsive person will grow up, prone to demonstrative protests.
5. Overprotection and hypoprotection equally harmful and have a bad effect on the psyche. Excessive attention or complete neglect leads to the development of an inferior personality; children join the ranks of losers.
6. Privilege due to illness. If the child is truly sick or his physical weaknesses are exaggerated, parents constantly worrying about him do their child a disservice. Children in such families grow up with well-learned rights, but know nothing about their responsibilities, and become opportunistic sissies or sycophants.
7. Controversial parenting. This is typical for a large family, where grandparents adhere to their methods, and father and mother “pull” in the other direction. Parenting styles are unstable, children are forced into conflicting roles, they find it difficult to adapt to change, and over time they exhibit neurotic reactions.

note

The sources of a child’s stress, as a rule, are not external. There are many types of improper upbringing; it is parents who most often create neurotics out of their children. Loving and attentive parents will always notice the child’s mental discomfort without resorting to the help of specialists.

Why you can't assault

1. The child is weaker. The child's self-esteem suffers. Even if he begins to obey, it will not add to his happiness.
2. The little person begins to be afraid of everything and stops trusting adults. Who else to trust if not your parents?
3. Those raised this way easily fall into bad company. Not finding love from the family, they feel more comfortable with the “kind” guys who share a cigarette and then a “wheel.”
4. Self-doubt leads to subsequent overcompensation. Trying to achieve something, someone who was beaten in childhood will go “over the corpses.”

• Children need warmth. Don’t be afraid to show warm feelings, talk more often, be interested in the opinion of your interlocutor.
• Distribute family responsibilities. Junior members should have their own assignments.
• It is necessary that the instructions you give look like a proposal, and not a dry order. Any communication must be confidential and emotional.
• The system of prohibitions and punishments is discussed and understood in advance. Any censure is not directed at the individual. A child is never bad. He did wrong, the adult explains why it is wrong.
• A teenager has the right to choose friends and clothes; parents do not interfere in telephone conversations and the choice of music to listen to.
• Forget about old sins, always talk about your current state, explain why you are upset, do not put pressure, do not physically humiliate.
• Love your child, do not hesitate to show this feeling, be sincere, try to take initiative.

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Tables with style characteristics

Permissive style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Parents (R.) unconsciously demonstrate a cold attitude towards the child, indifferent to his needs and experiences. R. do not set any restrictions for children; they are exclusively interested in their own problems. R. are convinced that if their child is dressed, shod and fed, then their parental duty is fulfilled. Main method education - carrot and stick, and immediately after punishment can be followed by encouragement - “as long as you don’t yell.” R. often demonstrate a two-faced attitude towards others. In public, R. shows boundless love and trust for their child, emphasizing his merits and justifying his pranks. Such R. like to repeat: “So what, I was like that myself and grew up a good man" Key words of the permissive style: “Do as you please!”

(D.) left to their own devices. Alone they are forced to deal with their little problems. Not cared for in childhood, they feel lonely. D. rely only on themselves, showing distrust of others, and have many secrets. Often D. are two-faced, like their parents, they demonstrate servility, flattery, fawning, they like to lie, sneak and brag. Such children do not have their own opinions, do not know how to make friends, sympathize, or empathize, because they were not taught this. There are no prohibitions or moral standards for them. The learning process for D. is not important, what is important is the end result - a mark that they sometimes try to cry out, defend, and challenge. D. are lazy, do not like work, either mental or physical. They make promises but don’t keep them; they are undemanding to themselves but demanding of others. They always have someone to blame. Self-confidence in older age borders on rudeness. The behavior of D., to whom R. is indifferent, is problematic, which gives rise to constant conflict situations.

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Unlike R., who adhere to a permissive style, liberal-minded R. deliberately put themselves on the same level as the child, giving him complete freedom. There are no rules of behavior, prohibitions, or real help that a little man so needs in the big world. R. mistakenly believe that such upbringing creates independence, responsibility, and contributes to the accumulation of experience. R. do not set goals for education and development, leaving everything to chance. The level of control is low, but the relationship is warm. R. completely trust the child, communicate easily with him and forgive pranks. The choice of a liberal style may be due to the weakness of R.'s temperament, their natural inability to demand, lead, and organize. They either do not know how or do not want to raise a child and, moreover, absolve themselves of responsibility for the result. Key phrase: “Do what you think is right.”

D. liberal parents are also left to their own devices. When they make mistakes, they are forced to analyze and correct them themselves. As adults, out of habit, they will try to do everything alone. D. is likely to develop emotional detachment, anxiety, isolation and distrust of others. Is D. capable of such freedom? The formation of personality in this case largely depends on the environment outside the family. There is a danger of D.'s involvement in asocial groups, since R. are not able to control their actions. Most often, in liberal families, either irresponsible and insecure D. grow up, or, conversely, uncontrollable and impulsive. At best, D. of liberal parents still become strong, creative, active people.

Authoritarian style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Parents who choose an authoritarian style demonstrate a high level of control and cold relationships. R. have clear ideas about what their child should be like and achieve the goal by any means. R. are categorical in their demands, uncompromising, any initiative or independence of the child is suppressed in every possible way. R. dictate the rules of behavior, they themselves determine the wardrobe, social circle, and daily routine. Methods of punishment and a commanding tone are actively used. R. like to justify themselves by saying that “I was also punished, but I grew up to be a good person,” “The egg doesn’t teach the chicken!” At the same time, R. strive to give their child all the best: clothes, food, education. Everything except love, understanding and affection. Key words of the authoritarian style: “Do as I want!”

D. experience a lack of parental affection and support. They are well aware of all their shortcomings, but are not confident in themselves and their strengths. D. often has a feeling of his own insignificance, a feeling that his parents do not care about them. A personality with a weak self is formed, incapable of contact with the outside world. The results of an overly demanding upbringing: either passivity or aggressiveness. Some children flee, withdrawing into themselves, while others struggle desperately, releasing thorns. Lack of closeness with parents causes hostility and suspicion towards others. Often D. of authoritarian parents run away from home or commit suicide, finding no other way out. Discovering the tyrant in yourself in time and not ruining the child’s life is the primary task of authoritarian parents.

Democratic style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Warm relationships and high control are the optimal conditions for upbringing, according to psychologists. Democratic parents talk with their children, encourage initiative, and listen to their opinions. They coordinate the child's activities and set rules taking into account his needs and interests. R. recognize D.'s right to freedom, but demand discipline, which forms D.'s correct social behavior. R. are always ready to help, nevertheless cultivating independence and responsibility. R. and D. cooperate, act on equal terms, authority, however, remains with the adult. The democratic style can be called the “golden mean”. Key words: “I want to help you. I am listening to you. I understand you".

The democratic style forms a harmonious type of personality, which is, as we remember, the main goal of modern education. D. grow up to be independent, proactive, reasonable, and self-confident people. These may not be ideal children, but they listen to comments and try to control their behavior. D. often become excellent students and leaders in the team. By raising children in a collaborative manner, parents also invest in their future. Such D. will cause a minimum of trouble, and as adults, they will be a support for the family.

Lapshina E.A., Duda I.V. Characteristics of family education styles // Universum: Psychology and education: electronic. scientific magazine 2017. No. 9(39).