What to do if one of the spouses has a short temper, or, in other words, is angry? How to get along with such a spouse, understand whether anger is justified or not, overcome fear and anxiety in the family, what line of behavior to choose, tell the rector of the shchmch temple. Antipas priest Dimitry Roshchin and clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences Evgenia Zotkina.
- Why does anger arise in a person? Why are some people more susceptible to this than others? Is it about upbringing or chemical processes in the body?
Evgenia Zotkina: First, let's figure out what anger is from a psychological point of view. This is something emotional condition, which implies aggressiveness, bitterness. Anger is especially strong when a person is in a state of passion. Such a reaction can occur in a person if, in the process of activity or communication, events that occur do not coincide with expectations. There is a negative reaction to the inability to get pleasure, frustration, and aggression becomes a reaction to it.
There is open aggression and hidden aggression. In everyday life, people use open forms of aggression, such as anger.
Aggressive people are people, as a rule, with wounded vanity, ambition, who believe that they are underestimated, they were not given something, and they deserve more and better.
There are also hidden forms of aggression:
- defensive-active,
- defensive-passive.
If a child is the idol of the whole family, then he grows up to be a little tyrant. He is used to having his desires always satisfied, and if he receives a refusal, he gets angry and throws a fit - this is an active position.
If a child has been suppressed by parents or society, he cannot throw out his aggression outside and accumulates it inside. Such a person, when he grows up, gives off a vague, inarticulate, unspoken and very painful feeling. Often such a person begins to remember some sad stories, accidents, and there is a sense of negativity in the conversation.
In general, the modern environment and culture are very aggressive, and not only in our country, but throughout the world. Residents of big cities constantly experience frustration; many lack a calm, joyful perception of the world. Now there is a global aestheticization of evil; in our time, evil is the norm.
After all, why are films about cops, bandits, and murders popular? People have a need to watch all these horrors. And when a person cannot correctly regulate his need for aggression, this means that his personality structure is disturbed. Fear is a provocateur of reactions of aggression and anger.
There is a loss of attachment, a feeling of being squeezed out of this world - and anger becomes a kind of deformed defensive reaction, which also manifests itself in sympathy for the aggressors. Many people admire Stalin, Hitler, Pinochet. Worship of aggressors is identification with the aggressor. A person cannot resist some events in life, change some things to some extent due to social upbringing; a person gets used to his own social helplessness and believes that nothing depends on him.
— What should a husband or wife do if the other half often gets angry?
Evgenia Zotkina: In men, aggression is instrumental, it is used to achieve a goal.
In women, aggression is expressive: she feels bad and starts screaming.
And if one screams and the other endures, then the second partner is a silent accomplice in such a relationship.
Sometimes it happens that spouses will yell at each other in the morning, and in the evening they come home as if nothing had happened - no one is offended, they no longer remember what happened in the morning. If this happens and no one really takes offense at each other, then it’s not scary.
If the dishes in the house don’t break, but the wife constantly mumbles and comments displeasedly about how her husband scattered his things, how he eats, how he sleeps, etc., this is hidden aggression. If a person feels good with his spouse, then they are unlikely to spoil each other’s mood for such insignificant reasons - such couples intuitively protect each other. Constant dissatisfaction with a partner destroys relationships much more than any single emotional shots or outbursts of anger.
A person understands very well where and how he can behave, where he can throw out his anger and where not. If the wife reacts to her husband’s aggressive attacks as unacceptable, and the husband values his wife, he will try not to do this again. A person, in fact, can control a lot. An outburst of anger can be extinguished, or it can be inflated. For example, at work a person cannot show his aggression, but at home he wants to and yells, and you are already a hero. We must always remember that a person behaves the way he is allowed to behave.
Dimitri: First we need to talk about where this passion comes from. Anger is always born of pride. Just as pride is full of lies, so anger is full of lies. (The exception is “righteous anger”). Every passion must be opposed by its opposite virtue.
Since a family is a single whole, if one half of the family is sick with some kind of illness, in this case anger, then the other half must show meekness in a special way, because meekness is the opposite of anger. And thus win, because the fight is for the common good. This, however, applies to any family illness - if one part is sick, the other must fight to maintain health in this particular aspect, because we save each other.
But meekness can be shown for the time being. It all depends on the extent to which a person is willing to endure, on the current situation in the family. If a person is constantly being beaten and is no longer able to endure it, then he should temporarily avoid life together and see what effect it has. If a path to reconciliation is found, go back. And if this condition does not go away, then you need to further decide what to do about it, whether it is possible to stay in the family.
— If a person is aware of his aggression and suffers from it, what can be recommended to him?
Evgenia Zotkina: Stress and anger are very well relieved by physical activity. Anything: walk up and down the stairs, do squats, do some physical work - and it will become easier.
In general, a healthy person is able to control his emotions. Of course, when a person is angry, deep inner work is happening inside him, it is difficult, and it is easier to shout or break something. But it is important to ask yourself a question in time: how much is the person in front of me really to blame for my rage? If a person learns to correctly analyze his emotions, it will be easier for him to cope with them.
Father Dimitri: The main task of a person who is angry is not to let his anger out. Let it rage within him, but a person must literally grit his teeth, bite his tongue and do everything possible to prevent this passion from rising. If he learns to catch these states, then with this exercise he will be able to lower this anger deeper and deeper until it ceases to be born at all. But it's very difficult. You need to be attentive to yourself, make it your task to fight this passion. If a person takes care of himself in one thing, it is absolutely certain that he will take care of himself in everything else.
— If children show signs of temper, how to deal with it?
Evgenia Zotkina: Children become hot-tempered due to a strong information field that overstimulates the child’s psyche. The child’s psyche cannot cope with the incoming barrage of information, while the parents themselves are restless and anxious, and anxiety creates in the child a feeling of an unsafe environment.
There is a crisis in the family and a huge gap between generations. Parents have no time for their children: they get tired at work, come home nervous, and since children are now very active, overexcited, emotional, with increased motor skills, they quickly master gadgets and shooters. The child begins to play murder and understands that all issues can be resolved with the help of force. Children love more the one who plays with them, and since they spend most of their time on the computer, they lose touch with their parents. Dad and mom cease to be role models and authorities; they are replaced by the fruits of mass culture.
To prevent such a situation in the family, parents should devote as much time as possible to their children, talk with them, and answer questions. A child should feel that his home is his fortress, and that no matter what he does, he will always be accepted and supported there. This is the most important thing parents can give their child.
Father Dimitri: Using your power, prohibit the child from entering an aggressive state, stop him, explain that this is wrong - stop all attempts. Isolate, put in a corner - in general, bring to life in accordance with the degree to which anger manifests itself. It seems to me that children who get angry easily have learned this from adults. There may be some exceptions, but, as a rule, the child finds everything within the family. Therefore, you need to look at yourself first.
Discussion
Anger is quite natural. The question is how to control it. You need to show self-control. Love is the key to happiness, but love is not just emotions or feelings. This is a principle of behavior, an inner core that can withstand any difficulties in order to save the family.
Of course, I won’t read it, there’s a clear blizzard there for sure, but I can give advice - beat it. Outbursts of rage are a manifestation of promiscuity. At work, in the presence of superiors, everyone can control themselves. Everyone who is not in a mental hospital, of course.
I don’t understand the screaming, breaking dishes, fighting with a rolling pin at all.
For what?
if there is love, then there should be no desire to fight, and if there is no love, then is it worth living with such a person?
We also disagree about enduring anger inside ourselves with clenched teeth!
Another question is how to pour it out)
Comment on the article "Anger: how to get along with aggressive husband or wife"
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Our life is full of small and big stresses. When they accumulate, an emotional outburst occurs - this is comparable to an overflowing glass of water. When we ourselves show aggression, we jeopardize relationships with other people, careers, etc. Therefore, you need to learn to recognize the feeling of aggression, be able to understand its cause and fight it. If you have patience and wisdom, you can successfully learn to “quench the flames of anger” within yourself. Let's take note of 8 ways to curb your rage.
Step aside
Sometimes The best way stop feeling angry - physically move away from the source of irritation. For example, you are standing in line. And you feel that your neighbors with their behavior or conversations make you almost want to hit them! Move away, get out of the queue, out of the building - it’s better to Fresh air. This will give you the opportunity to calm down.
Change the angle of view
We often experience irritation while communicating with other people. When an opponent does not accept our point of view, stands his ground and all arguments are over, we feel angry. In reality, we just feel weak and it makes us angry. Look at the problem through the eyes of another person. Forget your arguments. This will help you understand why the conversation is confrontational. And, perhaps, instead of an explosion of aggression.
Take a breath
Sometimes we can’t just deal with anger in a jiffy. But we can take advantage of the pause. To do this, you need to take several slow deep breaths. The exhalation should be longer than the inhalation. First, the collarbone should “exhale”, then the shoulders, rib cage, and at the end - the stomach. Say to yourself the words “I am calm”, “I am relaxed”. Another calming method is counting from 100 to 1.
Speak openly
We all like to leave unpleasant conversations for later. Do not do that. Method of the heroine of the immortal novel “Gone with the Wind” Scarlett O'Hara- think about it tomorrow - doesn't always work. Speak when necessary. And don't be shy about your feelings. You can talk about them openly - this is the right way reduce rage.
A purely male decision
Watching a football match is wonderful. Psychologists know: when a person allows himself to scream enough, he becomes calmer. This is the most natural outlet for accumulated anger.
Take dumbbells
Scientists have proven that physical exercise able to soften an angry mood. Anger and aggression are associated with low levels of serotonin, the hormone of joy. And any exercise stress increases the levels of these calming chemicals in our brain.
Change minus to plus
Turn your anger into positive energy! In the end, this emotion is given to us by nature for a reason. Rage gives physical strength. When you feel that the level of aggression has reached a critical level, iron a stack of laundry, paint the fence at the dacha, go through the shelves with old things.
Ask for help
In our country it is not customary to consult a psychologist. But in vain. This is as normal as going to the dentist or therapist. A specialist will help you identify the causes of anger - during individual or group sessions. By the way, group exercises are very effective in this case.
Psychological AikidoFights happen not only in the ring. The tree does not control the hurricane. It simply coexists with him. We also do not control a typhoon, volcano or other element. We simply experience them. We must treat the events that will overtake us in exactly the same way. It is an illusion that we can prevent bad events or speed up good ones. They occur according to their own laws. To manage in the Aikido style means not to quarrel and compete, but to cooperate. But if the other side resists, then the Aikido style involves redistributing someone else’s energy.
General essence of psychological aikido
1. Do not resist other people’s aggression, but extinguish it.
2. Maintain restraint and goodwill from beginning to end.
3. Remember that the desire to understand does not mean acceptance. You want to understand him - that’s all!
4. You admit that your partner has every right to his own opinion and assessment of the situation. These are just weeds in his head. And this is not a reason to hate him.
5. Remember that a partner’s cry, resentment, anger, anger is his cry of pain, his SOS, his weakness, in the end. So why would he also hit him in the head with a stone, with his attacks and accusations?
6. You control in such a way that the control itself is not visible.
Psychological Aikido is like balancing before evil aggression like balancing a person on a ball.
“By yielding, you pass the test,” they say in the East.
Give in to reduce resistance. Don't fight, for you inevitably become what you fight against. Too much force backfires.
Learn to be a leader in order to lead others.
Ask yourself where and when you are at odds, and where and when you enter into a dance with problems, employees, partners. Aikido is a whole philosophy. What is important in it is not techniques and techniques, but attitudes and attitudes. Try to evaluate your mood not to butt, but to dance, and you will already climb the step to success.
TECHNIQUES OF PSYCHOLOGICAL Aikido
(as a type of counteraction during attacks and conflicts)
1) “STEAM” (let your opponent let off steam).
2) “RECORD” (calmly demand yours, like a broken record).
3) “STROKES” (psychological strokes: smile, calm tone, emphasizing the importance of a person, compliments, etc.).
4) “SUICIDE” (“Do I look like a suicide? If I had such intentions, I would harm myself first of all”).
5) “REFLECTION” (“From the outside it all looks as if an angry teacher is scolding a guilty student; I don’t really like the role of a student”).
6) “DISTRACT” (ask questions on another topic, less dangerous).
7) “ECHO” (repeat (calmly) the words of your partner, as if agreeing with him).
8) “FIRE ON YOURSELF” (accepting apologies for some reason).
Only the saints and the dead are sinless, and you are alive. Everyone has the right to make mistakes.
Equanimity Pills
Fuck you! You can't get me!
The neighbor punched, albeit accidentally, a hole in the wall, flooded the ceiling, brought down the fence, etc.
Feel unhappy or “Well, I’ll do that bastard now!” Trite! It’s much more original to take equanimity pills.
RECIPES
Self-hypnosis formulas (as tablets)
“Brakes” (I mentally press on the brakes of an imaginary car, thereby stopping my accelerated emotions).
Compared to what is this so scary? World revolution, global warming or betrayal of your wife (husband)?
Weakness into strength. Clever man even on the edge of the abyss he feels the scent of new opportunities. (“What (besides ceiling repairs) could you ask from a neighbor: a car, renovations in your own apartment, or a bottle of vodka?”)
Iron the shirtfront. (“How talented I am! I can control myself even in such a situation! What good training!»)
"Taxes". (“For all that I have (list), I have to pay some kind of tax to Fate. This little nuisance is my tax. How generous Fate is to me, I could have taken more!”)
It is useful to ask yourself the question: “Am I ready to commit suicide because of this? If not, then this microdeath is of no use to me. Anger or self-pity do not add to your life.
If you can laugh at your troubles, you will always have something to laugh about. But optimists live a long time.
What if you have done something wrong and are attacked?
It is best to consider this problem in the real situation presented in the picture. The one who screams is in a state of passion. This means that his consciousness is turned off. It's funny to talk to a person with a disconnected consciousness. Shouting back is like hitting him over the head with an oar. The aggressor is already drowning from anger, so it is not humane to help him drown. You need to freeze and let him let off steam. Let it boil over. Silence and a clear sense of being are the source of all effective action. It's better not to listen to what he spews. It screams his pain.
The problem is different, how to restrain yourself? Mentally praise yourself: “How talented I am! I can be calm even with such a fury!” Simple silence, i.e. a pause, acts on the aggressor as cold water to the fire.
A number of other methods of influencing a raging aggressor. “I understand that you are angry, dear. Should I leave now? I’ll come back later and we’ll discuss everything calmly.”
If the aggressor's attack is truly violent, act with lightning speed, immediately leaving the battlefield with the words: “I will talk to you later.” And leave!
Sometimes the best way to calm your partner down is to lower your tone of voice. This will make you listen. The decibel level will also decrease.
Acknowledge her right to be angry: “It’s obvious that you’re beside yourself. I would feel the same way if I were you.”
After such social and diplomatic negotiations, your wife would swallow her tongue in surprise. And that’s what you need.
Three Golden Rules for Calming a Screamer
First " Golden Rule» - “Let me let off some steam.” Treat loudmouths like a boiling kettle. And wait quietly, let it boil over. You don’t rush to remove the lid from a boiling kettle with your bare hands, do you?
The second "Golden Rule" - "Express your feelings." Tell him that you don't like the scapegoat role he has given you. And you are ready to deal with him on the merits, as diplomats deal with him, not terrorists.
The third "Golden Rule" - "Diplomatic Negotiations". Ask what he wants, or offer some kind of solution yourself. “Instead of cursing the darkness, it is better to look for a candle” (Georgian proverb).
You can play with screamers like a cat and a mouse
2. Use a pause and hold it for as long as possible.
3. Tune the screamer as one would tune a tuning fork. With your calm appearance you will make him calm down too.
4. You can ask a distracting question. For example: “When will we be paid?”
5. Nod to him in agreement. This will surprise and reassure him.
6. You can do something unexpected, for example, look to the side as if you saw something amazing. He will also shift his attention.
7. And in general, if they shout at you, be not a victim, but a trainer and pacify the screamer by controlling his behavior.
Never do:
Don't answer screams.
Do not make excuses.
ABSTAINING FROM REACTING TO AGGRESSION.1. Ignoring aggression: - not noticing aggression; - give your partner time to calm down.
2. “Inclusion” of pleasant ideas: - imagine yourself in a pleasant environment - in the garden, on the beach, on a swing, under the shower; - think about best minutes conducted with this partner IMAGINARY INFLUENCES ON THE “AGGRESSOR”.
1. Mental neutralization of the aggressor: - mentally “turn on” a neutralizer like: “This is not my trolleybus,” “quarrel with your mother-in-law,” etc.; - apply the formula for self-soothing: “today I don’t pay attention to trifles”, “I have more serious problems”, - mentally introduce the aggressive partner into a comical situation (how he would look in a state of aggression naked or in a zoo cage, or in a hat with a tassel on the head).
2. Mental punishment for aggression: - pretend that you have a pain in your heart, a headache, or a headache; - “After talking with you, I won’t sleep all night”; - “Now I’m upset all day.” - 3. Mental revenge on the “aggressor”: - you think to yourself: I hope you fall through the hatch; - you wish to yourself: my tears will flow to you, God will punish you, - you notice to yourself, “look how your neck is inflated, it’s about to burst,” “you’ll sleep poorly.” SMOOTHING PARTNER'S AGGRESSION.
1. Friendly participation: - “I understand you”; - “You have such a responsible position, you have to be nervous”; - “You are having a very difficult day today, and, understandably, your nerves are getting the better of you”; - “I also can’t stand such things”; “And I am outraged by such antics.”
2. Step towards reconciliation or “paws up”: - sincere repentance. “I am guilty and deserve the reproach”; - emphasize the importance and authority of the partner who committed the aggression; - reducing the communicative distance" touch the partner, come closer, look straight into the eyes; - offer to sit (if the partner is a subordinate), ask permission to sit (if the partner is a manager); - emphasize the commonality of interests in the issue that caused a strong reaction from the partner; - suggest share responsibility for resolving the issue; - invite you to think about what common enemies will say about your relationship with your partner.
3. Reducing the significance of the reason for aggression: - “If you look into it, then the case is trivial”; - "I've had worse."; - “If you look at the issue from the other side, it turns out that it is not worth the worries (nerves, quarrels)”; - “Life is not about worrying about such things.”
4. Appeal to health as a value. - “Don’t tear your heart out”;
- “Let’s take care of our health”; - “This is not the case to waste your health on it.” FIXING YOUR PARTNER'S ATTENTION ON HIS AGGRESSION.
1. Soft fixation of attention: - “I’m just as nervous today (upturned, harsh)”; - “Today for some reason everyone is nervous (the weather is working, the general situation)”; - “compliment with reproach”: “Sharpness does not suit you”; “You are an intelligent person”; “We are educated people”; - facial expressions of some surprise (raise an eyebrow; hide your eyes widely but cheerfully); - a call to maintain a friendly tone; - "Did not understand you..."; “Sorry, I didn’t hear...”
2. Rigid fixation of attention: - “You are getting too excited”; - “Are you in trouble?”; - “If I were you... (I would refrain from being harsh, I would think about the consequences)”; - “You are setting a bad example for your subordinates (those around you)”; - a point-blank look - condemning, frankly surprised; - “You disappoint me in yourself (as an assistant, deputy, leader and partner).
3. Suppression of aggression: - order, requirement to behave properly; - threat of punishment; - demand to stop being rude; - please leave the premises. INTELLIGENT RESPONSE TO AGGRESSION.
1. Maintaining an intellectually loaded pause: - understand the reason, the motive of the partner’s aggression in order to determine the response; - time the partner’s aggression in order to wait for it to end (in some cases, you can tell your partner: “You lost your composure for... minutes and... seconds”); - put on a mask of impenetrability: I’ll see how he behaves next, what else he’ll do; - mental forecast of the partner’s behavior: now he will probably... (will begin to bulge his eyes, remember the past, begin to walk around the room, etc.); - projection of the actions of the “aggressor” onto oneself (recognition of oneself: as groovy as I am, as unrestrained, stupid; this state is familiar to me).
2. Switching the attention of an aggressive partner (psychological trip): - transferring the conversation to another topic; - an anecdote for the occasion; - “And you know, I just thought...”; - laughter aside - laugh as if out of the blue, tell a routine joke, and then apologize and ask to continue the conversation; - ask your partner for permission to do something (sit down, drink water, make a phone call, take a notebook, etc.); - an absurd phrase thrown as if by chance.
This in itself is unpleasant, not only for those around them who are suddenly plunged into negativity, but also for the aggressors themselves. In fact, among the latter there are not so many clinical scoundrels who derive pleasure from splashing out violent emotions on other people or objects. Normal people are also capable of such outbursts, but they then experience remorse, try to make amends for their guilt and at least try to control themselves. Aggression is especially destructive in men; the reasons may turn out to be so far-fetched and strange that the presence of a problem becomes obvious to all participants in the situation.
Types and types of male aggression
It is worth immediately noting that negative emotions splashing out are not exclusively a male prerogative. Women are just as capable of being aggressors; they do not monitor their actions and words. The paradox is that male aggression is partly considered socially acceptable. Of course, extreme manifestations are condemned, but at the same time there are many justifications for such a phenomenon as aggression in men. The reasons can be very diverse - from competition to health conditions.
There are two main types of aggression that are easily defined even by non-specialists:
- verbal, when negativity is expressed in shouting or openly negative language;
- physical, when there are beatings, destruction, attempted murder.
With auto-aggression, negativity is directed at oneself and manifests itself in all sorts of destructive actions. The motto of this type of aggression is: “Let it be worse for me.”
Psychologists classify what we are considering into several types according to the following criteria: method of manifestation, direction, causes, degrees of expression. Self-diagnosis in this case is practically impossible, since in most cases the aggressor seeks self-justification, does not see and does not want to see the problem, and successfully shifts the blame to others.
Verbal aggression
The external manifestations of this type of aggression are quite expressive. This can be a furious scream, curses and curses. They are often supplemented by gestural expression - a man can make offensive or threatening gestures, shake his fist, or swing his arms. In the animal world, males actively use this particular type of aggression: whoever growls loudest declares himself as the owner of the territory; outright fights come about much less often.
However, verbal aggression in men, the reasons for which may lie in both mental health, and in the pressure of society, is not so harmless. It destroys the psyche of those who are forced to live nearby. Children get used to an abnormal pattern of communication and absorb the pattern of their father’s behavior as the norm.
Physical aggression
An extreme form of aggressive behavior, when a person moves from shouting and threats to active physical actions. Now this is not just a threatening fist swing, but a blow. A man is capable of causing serious injuries even to those closest to him, breaking or breaking personal belongings. Man behaves like Godzilla, and destruction becomes his main goal. It can be either a short explosion, literally just one blow, or a long-term nightmare, which is why aggression in men is considered the most dangerous. The reasons given are varied - from “she provoked me” to “I’m a man, I can’t be made angry.”
When wondering how permissible this is, it is best to take the Criminal Code as a guide. It says in black and white that infliction of bodily harm of varying degrees of severity, attempted murder and intentional causing Damage to personal property are all crimes.
Features of unmotivated male aggression
We can conditionally divide manifestations of rage into motivated and unmotivated. It is possible to understand and partially justify aggression shown in a state of passion. This is often called "righteous anger." If someone offends this man’s loved ones, encroaches on their life and health, then an aggressive response is at least understandable.
The problem is such attacks of aggression in men, the causes of which cannot be calculated at first glance. What came over him? Just been normal person, and suddenly they changed it! This is roughly what witnesses to sudden unmotivated rage that erupts in any form, verbal or physical, respond to. In fact, any action has a reason, explanation or motive, they just don’t always lie on the surface.
Reasons or excuses?
Where is the line between reasons and justifications? An example is the phenomenon of aggression between men and women. The reasons are often the most common attempts to justify oneself, to shift the blame onto the victim: “Why did she stay late after work? She’s probably cheating, she needs to be shown a place!”, “I didn’t have time to serve dinner, I need to teach a lesson” or “Allows herself to show dissatisfaction, provokes aggression."
Behind such behavior there can be either personal hatred towards a particular person or banal misogyny. If a man seriously considers women to be second-class citizens, then is it surprising that he receives malicious attacks against them?
However, outbursts of aggression may not occur because the man is simply an evil type. In addition to far-fetched excuses, there are also those based on serious factors that can be identified and eliminated.
Hormonal background
A significant proportion of aggressive manifestations are due to hormonal imbalance. Our emotions are largely determined by the ratio of the main hormones; a deficiency or excess can lead not only to violent outbursts, but also to severe depression, a pathological absence of emotions and severe psychiatric problems.
Testosterone is traditionally considered a hormone not only of sexual desire, but also of aggression. Those who are especially harsh are often referred to as “testosterone males.” Chronic deficiency leads to increased dissatisfaction and makes a person predisposed to negative manifestations. Outbursts of aggression in men, the causes of which lie precisely in hormonal imbalance, must be treated. To do this, tests are taken to measure hormone levels, and the disease that led to the disorders is identified. Symptomatic treatment in this case brings only partial relief and cannot be considered complete.
Middle age crisis
If such cases have not been observed before, then sudden aggression in a 35-year-old man can most often be associated with the age of maximalism being left behind, and the man begins to weigh whether all the decisions made were really correct, whether it was a mistake. Literally everything comes into question: is this the right family, is this the right woman, is this the right direction in one’s career? Or maybe it was worth going to another institute and then marrying someone else, or not marrying at all?
Doubts and hesitations acute sensation missed opportunities - all this weakens the nervous system, reduces the level of tolerance and sociability. It begins to seem that there is still time to change everything in one jerk. Everyone around seems to have conspired and does not understand this emotional impulse. Well, they can be put in their place by force, since they do not understand good. Fortunately, the midlife crisis passes sooner or later. The main thing is to remember that periods of despondency are normal, but this is not a reason to ruin your life.
Retirement depression
Second round age crisis catches up with men after retirement. Women most often endure this period easier - a significant part of everyday worries remains with them. But men who are accustomed to their profession as a central part of their life’s plot begin to feel unnecessary and abandoned. Life stopped, the respect of others turned off along with receiving a pension certificate.
Aggression in men over 50 years of age is closely related to attempts to shift responsibility for a failed life onto others. At the same time, objectively, the man who suddenly caught the demon in the rib is all right, but there is a certain dissatisfaction. At the same time, all sorts of health problems, overwork, lack of sleep can be added - all these factors aggravate the situation. Aggressive attacks begin to seem like a natural reaction to everything that happens.
Psychiatry or psychology?
Who should I go to for help - a psychologist or straight to a psychiatrist? Many men are afraid of their aggressive impulses, fearing, not without reason, that they will do something irreparable. And it is very good that they are able to relatively soberly assess their actions and seek help from professionals. Who deals with such a phenomenon as aggression in men? The causes and treatment are in the department of the psychiatrist exactly until he confirms that according to his profile the patient does not have any problems. This is exactly what it consists of the right approach to treatment from such a specialist: you can safely make an appointment without fear that you will be labeled “crazy.” A psychiatrist is first and foremost a doctor, and he first checks whether any completely physical factors: hormones, old injuries, sleep disturbances. A psychiatrist can recommend a good psychologist if the patient does not have problems that require medication.
The first step to solving the problem
In many ways, the strategy for solving a problem depends on who exactly makes the decision. Aggression in a man... What should a woman do who is next to him, lives in the same house with him, and is raising children together? Yes, of course, you can fight, convince, help, but if the situation develops in such a way that you have to constantly endure assault and risk losing your life, it is better to save yourself and save the children.
The best first step for a man is to admit there is a problem. It’s worth being honest with yourself: aggression is a problem that needs to be dealt with first of all by the aggressor himself, and not by his victims.
Possible consequences of aggression and comprehensive work on oneself
We have to admit that in places of deprivation of liberty there are often prisoners who have precisely this vice - unreasonable aggression in men. Reasons require elimination, but excuses have no force or weight. It is worth pulling yourself together, but not relying only on self-control. If outbursts of rage are repeated, then the reason may lie in a hormonal imbalance. This may be overwork, depressive symptoms, as well as social pressure, an unbearable rhythm of life, age-related changes, some chronic diseases. Seeing a doctor is the right step to help you cope with destructive behavior. Separate reasons from excuses, this will help outline the initial plan of action, and soon life will sparkle with new colors.
